by L. C. Giroux
"Oh, oui, it is better if you undo the button."
"Like hell!" It was more shock than anything else. He just hadn't expected her to be so, free with his body. Of course that shock was nothing compared to what she did next.
"Agh, I am getting lines. Je déteste tan lines." and with that she pulled the string and tossed her bikini top on the bench near her. She then crossed to the other bench and lay on her back. Allyn was fairly certain his mouth was hanging open but couldn't be sure since the only nerves that seemed connected to his brain were attached to his cock. My God, she looked like a goddess waiting to be worshiped.
"Marie," his voice barely sounded human, "I don't think this is a good idea." She sat up and looked around. They had rounded Provincetown and were heading into open ocean.
"Allain, don't be silly. There is no one 'ere but us. You forget I am French, I 'ave been doing this since I was a bébé. It is not a big deal." She was right of course. The beaches where she lived were covered with half naked women. They just weren't women he wanted with a desperation bordering on insanity. They didn't have tawny skin with dusty rose nipples that had tensed in the cool breeze. He wanted to fill his hands with them, warm them with his kisses and then tease them to hard points with his tongue.
"I have to go look at the sails." he bit off. He needed air, an absurd thought when he was standing on the deck of a boat in the middle of the water. He moved to the prow of the boat and stood there pulling great gulps of air in to his lungs. The wind in his face calmed his brain and frazzled nerves. Dammit, if only he could become Smith right now. Then he would have been able to do all the things her body called to him to do. What was his fear of approaching her as Allyn? Did he think she wouldn't want him? Today had put the lie to that. She wanted him enough to make an attempt at seduction. He felt her walk up behind him as if all his senses were tuned to her particular frequency.
"Allain, I don't understand." Hell, he didn't either. He turned to speak to her when the boat caught a swell. Being used to sailing, he adjusted his stance and rolled through it. Marie was unaccustomed to the ocean and lost her balance. She grabbed for one of the lines and missed. She was going to go over the side. In that millisecond Allyn realized his worst fear. He would lose her like everyone else he had loved in his life. Without thought he reached out and hauled her back from the edge, pinning her against the hull of the cabin with his body.
"I've got you. You're okay. I've got you." He said over the pounding in his chest. A second later he realized she was crying. "Ne pleure pas, my sweet. Don't cry." He cupped her face in his hands and kissed the tears away. He skimmed his thumbs over her cheeks and looked into her eyes. She looked up at him with such tenderness he was lost. He glanced down to see her breasts pressed against his chest and bent his head to take her lips. He only wanted to soothe her fears but almost having lost her he couldn't stop himself from taking more.
Her heart galloped in her chest. She was falling and then she wasn't. Trapped against his chest, safe in his arms she let herself breakdown. Then he held her so tenderly like she was the most precious thing in the world to him. Finally he kissed her, gentle melting kisses where her tears clung to her then he stopped and looked into her eyes. He was always saving her even when she had been a girl. He would always keep her safe. She softened in his arms and then he claimed her lips. It was as if they were breathing as one. She had heard of kisses like dancing but this was stunning. Their tongues exploring, teasing, it was as if she had never had been kissed so perfectly.
His arms tightened around her and his lips left hers to to travel her cheeks to her jaw and then to her neck. This kiss was the opposite of soothing this was meant to incite passion and she was on fire. She buried her face in his strong shoulder. Finally, her Allain, the man she had loved her whole life was in her arms and she would never let him go. She felt his hand caress her side. Her fingers twirled in his hair. He was gently using his teeth on her neck and her collarbone. Time seemed to slow as he lifted and started again on the other side. She moaned at his teasing touch. His thumb swept the underside of her breast and her breath caught. He dipped his head lower and she felt the pull on her nipple.
"Oh!" the sensation so strong she couldn't help but quake in response. Suddenly she felt cold, he had pulled away.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't... Just go below."
"Allain? What..."
"Please, just go below so I know you're safe." He was panting but he looked as if his heart were tearing. "For God's sake Marie, please put some clothes on." If he hadn't looked so tortured she would have laughed. Instead she fought back her tears and ran to the cabin. Now that she was out of his arms she was shaking with cold. Once in the cabin she pulled open bags trying to find her clothes, finding his instead she pulled out a black cashmere sweater and gray sweatpants dragging them on over her shorts she let them hang over her feet. The cabin was small as if it was built for only one person to inhabit. Everywhere she looked it was perfectly Allain, beautiful, refined, masculine, sensual. She curled up in the bunk and wrapped his sweater more tightly around her. Lost in his scent she drifted off to sleep.
"Marie, wake up." Allain jostled her shoulder.
"Hmmf."
"I've decided we're not going to go all the way to Nantucket. I've found a dock that can take us and a hotel. We'll just get burgers or something..."
"Can't we just stay on the boat?" She rubbed her eyes.
"No, there is only one bed." That was her point. This man was beyond difficult.
"Fine, where are we?" She didn't know why she even asked. It wasn't as if the name of the town would mean anything to her. He looked at her like she had lost her mind.
"Harwich Port."
"I think you picked it because you will make fun of me when I 'ave to say it." He gave her a shy smile but finally a smile none the less.
"Peut être." he bent and placed a kiss on the top of her head. She reached to pull the sweater off and he stopped her. "No, leave it on," a flush stained his cheeks and neck, "it has gotten colder and I suspect you did not bring anything warm did you?"
"Pourquoi? It is Summer and we are sailing."
"Yes, but this is the Atlantic, not the Mediterranean, it demands hardier stuff. While I bring the boat in get together what we'll need for the night. There shouldn't be too much." Then he left. At least he was talking to her even if it was about mundane things.
They got to the inn soon she was showered and changed. It turned out that the inn had a restaurant so they could do better than just burgers. Allain had changed also, with his hair still damp and his glasses he looked like an naughty school boy. The thought made her smile she was tired of all this confusion. Was it that he thought her too young for him? Was it the family connection? They shared no blood relation. She smiled at the memory of her mother explaining that while Allain may not be interested in her, she wasn't 'committing a sin' as Gabrielle had accused. He had lost so many people close to him, even Violet almost. Was it just that he was afraid he'd lose someone else? It couldn't be that simple? Could it? He startled her out of her thoughts.
"I used to have a sweater just like that. Navy blue V neck with cables like that. I lost it on a trip to Switzerland."
"Non, you didn't lose it. You stopped to bring Violet back to school that trip" She smiled and went back to eating her mussels.
"Yes, I did I... La Reine? Is that my sweater from what, ten years ago?"
"I kept it under my pillow for years. It made going off to university much less scary. For the longest time it still smelled of your cologne but eventually Maman found it and insisted I wash it. You are not 'aving it back now! Actually, if you want it..." She lifted the hem of the sweater and watched him turn scarlet. "Maybe later, non?" she gave him a teasing smile and watched the flush move down his neck.
"I think you should keep it. I don't even know if it would fit me now." She agreed, in those years he had filled out, gotten broader. The sweater would be too small for him now.
Dinner had been fine, chit chat and decent wine but they had never talked about how he had kissed her or more importantly to her, why he had stopped. She had no idea how to bring it up either. He was a grown man and she a grown woman. Merde! none of this should be difficult. She was restless and had been pacing for an hour. The sound of the television annoyed her so she had shut it off ages ago. The pacing had at least helped her work through a plan. When she got home she was going to enlist Violet's help. If she told her everything, Monsieur Smith, all of it and how much she loved Allain, Violet would have to help, non? She didn't know what to do otherwise. She finally changed into a T-shirt and went to bed. They were going home tomorrow and she would start then.
As she was about to drift off, she felt the bed dip.
"Who..."
"Its just me. I'm sorry I thought you'd be asleep." Allain's voice sounded ragged. "I keep thinking about this afternoon, about almost losing you." Here she was frustrated because he didn't continue kissing her and he had been afraid of her dying. For a moment she chastised herself for being a fool. "I just need to hold you for a minute and then I'll go back to my room. He slid in to bed behind her and cradled her back against his chest. He was bare chested and wearing the sweat pants she had worn earlier. He wrapped his strong arms around her like the night in the hotel when he played Smith. She couldn't stop herself from rubbing her cheek against the smooth skin on the inside of his arm. The warmth of his body suffused hers, loosening all the tension she had from the day. She needed to tell him everything, how much she loved him, that she knew who Smith was, enough games.
She rolled over and was stunned, his face didn't look any different except for the tracks of tears and the tears still in his eyes. Her heart clenched, this was not the time to confront him. He didn't need her body right now but he did need her love. "Allain," she whispered, "mon amour, you could never lose me." She pulled him to her heart and wrapped herself around him. After a few minutes, he tried to get up to leave.
"I should let you sleep."
"Non, I will sleep better with you here. Stay." She reached over and kissed his cheek.
"I..."
"Stay. I want you 'ere with me. Please." He settled back against her with his ear over her heart. She stroked his hair and back till she felt him relax deeply and then sleep. Finally she allowed herself to sleep too.
Marie felt Allain's body tense and then he began mumbling incoherently. He was dreaming and it didn't seem happy. She didn't know what to do, she had heard you shouldn't wake someone in the middle of a dream but she didn't know why. She tried to relax her body, hoping that would relax his. Instead as their bodies eased apart he screamed in terror. She clutched at him as he came awake. He was disoriented and frantic.
"Tu es en sécurité. I'm 'ere, you're safe." She stroked his face as his eyes searched her wildly. Finally, he collapsed, panting into her shoulder. She ran her hands down his back till she felt some of the tension leave him. Then she whispered in his ear.
"Was just a dream." She felt him shudder and pull in a deep breath.
"No, I shouldn't be here. I should go."
"No! Allain, I do not want you alone right now. If you don't want to touch me... if that is what set the dream off, I will sleep over here." She patted the bed next to her. His need for simple human contact was so obvious to her but he resisted. "Please I will feel better if you are 'ere, with me. I want you to stay." He looked at her as if he hadn't ever really seen her before but she could see the love shining in his eyes. If only she could convince him to let it out from behind his mask.
"I'll stay. It might be better if you slept over there." She slid out from under him and moved over.
"Comme ça?"
"Yes, like that." He bent and gave her a kiss on the forehead like she had been the one that had woken terrified from a dream. She held his hand as he fell back to sleep. Later in the night he came burrowing next to her, like when she would take une sieste with her little nieces and nephews. She cocooned him in her arms. She was sure her aunt had been a good step-mother to him but she had been his nanny when he was younger. Had he ever napped curled up with another. He was like a small boy and a powerful man trapped together, neither understanding the others needs.
Marie woke up shivering, without even opening her eyes she groped for Allain's warm body. Her hands found nothing but tangled sheets. Merde! He had done it again. She sat up and pulled the covers around her. Even after the dream he had slept fitfully and she had startled at his every twitch waiting for him to scream again. What was so important that he needed to leave bed already. She wanted to tell him all the things she couldn't last night, and then make love till they both slept deep dreamless sleep. When she got her hands on him... The connecting door to his room creaked open.
"Oh, you're awake."
"Oui, and in my bed by myself as usual." He looked at her strangely. "Allain, did I just dream that you were 'ere last night." Now he looked at his feet. Merde, even his feet were handsome. He had already showered and dressed but his glasses weren't on yet.
"No, I shouldn't have done that." She wanted to scream in frustration. She knew he loved her. Why couldn't he just say so. "I got us some breakfast. We can eat and then sail over to Nantucket..."
"Non! I want to go 'ome. I am done with this, I, I thought this was going to be different mais, non, rein ne change. I am done. Take me 'ome. Now." She knew she was no doubt living up to her hated nickname but she couldn't care less. She jumped out of bed and stalked to the table. She picked up a piece of toast and took a sip of coffee. Ack, it was like water.
"I'm going to shower and then pack. I will be ready to go in trente minutes." Allyn just blinked at her. "Allyn if you will not take me then I will see to it myself. I am going 'ome with or without you." She walked out of his room and into the shower. When she finally got under the water she sagged against the tile. Peut être, love was not enough.
Allyn had expected the morning to be difficult. He never should have gone to her last night but once he did he'd been powerless to leave. Waking up with her in his arms had been heavenly. He'd had to force himself not to laugh at her little coos and sighs as she slept this morning. He, no doubt, kept her up all night with his bad dreams and tossing and turning.
He also didn't want her to think that just because they had shared a bed he was presuming anything so he had gotten up and taken the coldest damn shower of his life and ordered breakfast. When his dream came flooding back to him his gut clenched and he had realized that this would never work. If he loved her she would desert him too, not on purpose maybe but eventually, everyone did. He'd have his work, his cars and the boat to spend his days with. Except that any of them were more enjoyable with her there. Maybe he could convince her to move to the West coast so he wouldn't see her everyday? That was absurd, so he could find excuses to go there, as it was he already made more trips to France than was strictly necessary just so he could stop and see her.
Exactly thirty minutes after she had stormed out, she was back and packed as she said she'd be. He should just talk to her when they were on board. He could explain that he loved her but he couldn't have her. Love like that was for other people. She would just tell him he was being stupid, hell, he probably was.
When they walked outside the weather was kicking up. There were dark clouds on the horizon and a cold front had moved in overnight dropping the temperature a good twenty degrees. Being out on the ocean in a storm wasn't a huge deal. The boat was big enough to handle even a decent size storm. Next to him, Marie shivered. His old sweater wasn't going to be enough once it started raining. He took off his wind breaker and put it around her shoulders.
"Did you bring any kind of jacket?" She barely looked at him.
"Non." When he looked down he saw her legs were covered in goose bumps."
"I don't suppose you brought any jeans or even just long pants with you?"
"Non, I'm sorry Allain." He wasn't sure if she was apologizing for not packing warm enough or her
outburst this morning. Either way he really couldn't blame her. He put his arm around her shoulders. They walked to the boat in silence. They had just cleared the mouth of the harbor when the first raindrops fell. Allyn wasn't worried, rain wasn't the issue. Wind along with lightening were the problems but he was fairly sure they could get around the end of the Cape and into the bay area before the worst of it hit. If they didn't they could just batten the hatch and ride it out. It wouldn't be pleasant but they would be safe enough. Unfortunately, he had only stowed one rain jacket on board so he sent Marie below to get out of the damp. Of course she fought him tooth and nail so they ended up in a compromise where she sat out of the rain but close enough to talk to him.
The waters around Provincetown could be treacherous under good conditions but with the storm blowing in Allyn decided that it would be better to push further out to sea to avoid the hazards, even if it meant more time. Two hours later Allyn was exhausted from trying to hold course. The wind was swirling which meant he had to constantly keep moving to work with the sails. He had seen a couple of distant lightening flashes but they were well away from where the boat was. He could tell Marie was getting more afraid as the storm worsened but it was harder and harder to talk to her over the wind and the rain. Finally he decided it was time to take the sails down and release the sea anchor so they wouldn't drift.
By the time he made it into the cabin, the storm had turned the sky almost black. Marie threw her arms around him as soon as he got down the ladder.
"Allain! I'm afraid." She was visibly shaking. If she hadn't been so scared he would have laughed. The woman in his arms was a far cry from the imperious creature she had been earlier this morning.