by Sarah Dosher
“I’m actually glad to hear that. But just so you know, I was prepared to put up a fight,” I said, choking out a nervous laugh.
“Not necessary. I was actually looking for you to let you know I won’t need a ride home after school. I need to go to town and see about getting my tires fixed.”
“We can go together and see about your tires. You’re not alone anymore, Lily. Please let me help you, even if it’s only with things like fixing your car.” I smiled and she returned the gesture.
Seeing Dean with Ms. Bartlett was not easy. In fact, I’m pretty sure my heart actually exploded for a few seconds. After I stormed out of the school, I was prepared to jump in my car and completely forget about Dean and the memories I had of her in his arms that would forever be seared into my brain. Then I remembered my car wasn’t here because it had two flat tires. That train of thought quickly turned into a what the hell are you doing? moment, just about the time Dean smacked into me.
I was astonished. My mind could not process what was happening. Dean actually followed me when I stormed out of the building. Dean Haven chased after me. The thing that my mind has trouble comprehending is that Dean doesn’t chase, Dean is the one that always runs. Running in the face of conflict, or any other emotion, is second nature to him and until today I’d never seen him react in any other way. This was the first sign that Dean had changed. This was a sign that I knew I could trust because it was pure instinct on his part.
It had been coming for a while now. I’d felt small tingles of it since the day I turned eighteen, but I wasn’t quite sure what it was. I had lived in the same small dark reality for so long that I thought I had forgotten what other emotions actually felt like. The feeling that had been bubbling under the surface for so long was simply, hope. The moment Dean crashed into me outside the school, he completely opened the flood gates. I could feel my defenses crumbling little by little every time I so much as thought about him. My heart was finally speaking loud enough that my head could hear it.
I decided it was time to stop, listen, and see where this hope would take me.
When school finally came to an end, I stood by my locker waiting for Adley and Dean. After ten minutes passed without either of them showing up I decided to walk to the parking lot, hoping I hadn’t been stood up. There was barely a vehicle in sight, which wasn’t surprising for a Friday afternoon, but I saw several in the teacher’s parking lot, including Dean’s.
“Hey, Lil, I’m hitching a ride with a hottie that doesn’t live under my roof!” Adley shouted, hanging out of the passenger’s side window of Derek Brantley’s oversized truck. “Friday night and no work means at least attempting to have a good time.” She blew me a kiss as they sped out of the parking lot.
I heard Dean laughing from the teacher’s parking lot and turned to see him waving me over. I walked to his truck and got in the passenger side door he was holding open for me. That was when the butterflies hit me. Until then I hadn’t realized how nervous I was about being alone with Dean. This person I’d known almost my entire life set my emotions on edge more than anyone I’d ever met. I didn’t trust myself around him and what I felt for him scared me. He had a power over me that I couldn’t explain and he’d already changed my mind about things I thought I had control over.
“Well, without Adley it looks like it’s just us today, after all. I hope that’s okay?” Dean said, shaking me from my inner panic.
“Oh yeah, sure, why wouldn’t it be? I never...I, yeah...um, it’s fine,” I stuttered. What was wrong with me? I had lost it.
Dean gave me a sideways glance. “Are you okay? If it makes you uncomfortable, I can just take you home - or to Grandma Violet's - and I'll get your tires fixed.”
I shook my head. “No, it's okay. I'm sorry. Let's get going so we get there before they close.”
He nodded, giving me a look that told me he was still unsure, but he finally drove away from the school. We only had a couple miles until we got to the tire shop and then we would be around other people and hopefully my nerves would calm down. Dean kept looking at me and smiling. I think he was trying to make me feel more at ease, but all he had accomplished was to make me even more nervous.
“Would you please stop looking at me? I'm fine, really,” I told him with as calm a smile as I could produce plastered on my face.
“I'm sorry. I'm just afraid you are going to disappear on me any second.” He shrugged and gave me a sad smile.
I laughed. “Hmm. Out of the two of us, I'm not the one that tends to up and vanish.”
He whipped his head around and looked completely astonished at my statement, but he finally laughed. “Yeah, I guess you're right. I don't need you to try and repay the favor though, so I'll have to keep a close eye on you - just in case.”
“Oh is that so? And you're just hoping I'm okay with you keeping such a close eye on me?”
He laughed and shook his head. “Honestly, Sunflower, I don't really care if you like it or not. I just know you better get used to it.”
Although I should have probably disliked what he said, his words had me feeling more at peace, protected. “Well maybe I can live with it, we’ll just have to wait and see.” Dean smiled and placed his hand on the seat just close enough to brush the side of mine.
I could see the tire shop at the end of the street when I spotted my father’s truck coming toward us. I immediately started to panic. I turned to look at Dean and his eyes were as wide as mine. I laid down in the seat trying to hide, but that didn’t stop my heart from pounding and my ears from ringing. Dean quickly turned at the closest intersection and I knew we couldn’t have passed my father yet.
“Okay, you can sit up now,” Dean said calmly as he eyes watched the rearview mirror.
“Do you think he saw me?” I asked before sitting up.
“No, he was still over a block away and my windows are tinted dark enough that there’s no way he saw you.” Dean’s words slowed my racing heart as I finally sat up and cautiously looked around.
He made one last turn and we pulled up to the tire shop. I saw the Impala sitting to the side of the shop with the two flat tires already fixed.
“I called this morning and had them tow the car here to replace the tires,” Dean said, answering my unspoken question.
“You didn’t have to do that, Dean. I could’ve taken care of it.”
“I know, but I wanted to show you that you’re not alone and you have people that care about you and want to help you.” He wrapped his hands around mine and brought them to his chest.
I could feel the tears welling as my throat tightened and I knew if I kept looking into his eyes I would cry. I turned to look in the direction of my car, but couldn’t see anything through the tears. “Thank you, Dean. I really don’t know what else to say. I appreciate your help and the gesture behind it.” I hoped he couldn’t hear the catch in my voice as the tears streaked down my cheeks.
“Don’t cry, come here,” he said, pulling me across the bench seat of his truck. He placed my head on his chest and hugged me tight. I rested my hands on his sides and could feel the muscles under his shirt as he began to rub his hand up and down my back, doing his best to console me. He smelled so good; nothing artificial, just Dean. The feel of his body pressed against mine quickly replaced my crying with different desires. I pulled back to look at him and instantly felt the connection I knew I’d been missing for too long. His arms were home for me and that was exactly where I belonged.
The past four years of hurt quickly faded.
We jumped apart as someone banged on the hood of the truck. I turned to see Joe Bob, the owner of the tire shop, smiling at us and shaking his head. Dean laughed, but quickly tried to cover it when I punched him in the arm. He shrugged his shoulders and all I could do was shake my head. Dean was the first to get out of the truck and I slowly followed him.
“Hey Dean, it’s good to see you,” Joe Bob said, giving Dean a sideways hug.
“You too, Joe Bob, but
I would’ve liked seeing you even more about ten minutes from now,” Dean said as he winked at me.
Joe Bob laughed loudly. “Yeah, some things never change and I’m glad to see that’s the case with you two. But you’ve been gone long enough, I figured you deserved a little pay back. I can’t pass up that kind of opportunity when you hand it to me so easily.”
“Yeah, and this conversation isn’t embarrassing at all, in case either of you were wondering,” I said, interrupting them.
“You know, Lily, I didn’t mean to interrupt your good time. That’s just what happens when you hang out with someone like Dean.” Dean reached out and punched Joe Bob in the shoulder and in retaliation Joe Bob grabbed Dean in a headlock. I shook my head at their manly behavior and headed toward the Impala.
“So, Lily, you should know that you didn’t just have two flat tires. Your tires had been slashed. They were probably the biggest slashes I’ve ever seen. I thought about reporting it to the police, but since it’s you I thought I’d wait,” Joe Bob said as gently as he could.
“Yeah, I know. Don’t worry about the police, okay? It’s already been taken care of,” I mumbled, turning my back to Dean.
“Well, by the looks of you right now, I’m sorry it was taken care of that way,” Joe Bob said as he handed me the keys I’d left in the Impala the night before.
“So how much do we owe you for the tow and the new tires?” Dean asked.
“Nothing, it’s all been paid for. That Violet’s always had great insurance.” He reached to shake Dean’s hand. “Dean, don’t be a stranger while you’re in town. Good to see you as always, Lily. If you ever need anything, please feel free to come to me,” he said with a reassuring nod.
When Joe Bob had disappeared behind the large garage doors, Dean turned to me. “You knew your tires had been slashed? Why didn’t you say anything?” Dean reached out to take my hands, but I pulled them back before he could.
I folded my arms across my chest and leaned against the car. “I really didn’t want to talk about it. Confessing all the horrible things my own father has done to me isn’t how I like to spend my time. It’s bad enough the entire town seems to know all about it.”
Dean moved to stand in front of me and tried to put his hands on my arm, but I stopped him. “Please don’t, Dean. Not right now.”
“Why? Things were fine a few minutes ago. Or did I read that wrong?”
“No, you read everything right. But it’s different out here in the open. I’m afraid my father will see or someone else will see and tell him.” I could feel my cheeks turning red from the horror of admitting it out loud.
Dean smiled and shook his head. “Well we can fix that problem. Your car or my truck?”
I looked at him, completely confused by the turn in conversation. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and he was smiling.
“Do you want to take your car or my truck? Being under the watchful eye of Kolby is a problem we can easily solve and then I get to be closer to you. So, what’s it gonna be?”
“I don’t know. Would it look too suspicious for my car to be left sitting here?”
“Since your car has been here most of the day, I’d say leave it here a while longer. Just in case he’s already seen your car and then it’s gone, but my truck is in its place.”
“Wow, you’re really sneaky, you know that?” I poked him in the ribs with my elbow. He grabbed my arm to stop my assault.
“You have to be when you grow up under Grandma Violet’s roof. Now let’s get out of here.” We headed toward his truck, stopping so he could tell Joe Bob that my car would be there a little longer. Joe Bob just laughed and shook his head before disappearing underneath a car.
When we reached the truck, Dean led me to the driver’s side. He opened his door and motioned for me to get in. I stopped and looked at him, not knowing what to do. I knew he wanted me to sit in the middle seat of his truck next to him, the seat that gave the world a small peek into the exact status of our relationship. I knew this wasn’t really a point we’d reached in our relationship, but maybe it was a sign of things to come.
“I thought maybe we’d just cut through the angst and pick up where we left off earlier,” he said, showing complete confidence in his decision.
In that moment I couldn’t come up with a good enough reason not to at least try and open myself to him. Of course I’d been hurt by him before, but I didn’t have much left to lose and I could think of a lot of things I had to gain. Dean didn’t rush me; he allowed me time to make my own decision. I didn’t know if my heart or my head would win out, but I knew by not following my heart I could be risking my last chance at a happiness I’d always wanted.
When I offered Lily the middle seat in my truck, I wasn’t sure she’d take it. I’d hoped she would jump in and practically sit on my lap, but I knew that was a long shot. It took her a few minutes to decide while I stood waiting. I swear I could see the gears turning in her head as she thought through every possible pro and con. I’m not sure I actually meant for her final decision to carry so much weight or to be so important. I didn’t realize it could possibly be a turning point for us, but when I saw the look on her face as she weighed her options, I knew that’s exactly what it turned out to be.
She made the right decision. She was sitting so close I could feel the heat coming off her body and I could smell her coconut scent. Without wasting any time, I reached out and put my hand on her leg. I felt her slightly jump at the contact and then she let out a small giggle. She turned to look at me and we both smiled. I was trying my best to keep the hardness in my pants under control, but I could already feel it swelling. The feel of her body touching mine was overloading my defenses. I had to think of something else before my lack of self-control put a stop to this new beginning before it even started.
“Any thoughts on where you want to go? Or can I surprise you?” I asked, trying to distract myself and draw the blood from my southern regions back to my brain.
“Um, I guess you can surprise me. I don’t really get out of the house much, so I don’t have any ideas that don’t include me behind a camera.”
My mind immediately went to the fun things we could do with a camera and I shook my head, trying to knock those ideas loose so I could focus. “Okay, well lucky for you I’ve got it covered,” I finally managed to reply.
I turned around to drive to the grocery store. Lily gave me a questioning look as we pulled into the parking lot, but I just shook my head and told her to sit tight and trust me. I grabbed enough items for a quick dinner, while also purchasing roughly my weight in chocolate for Lily’s sweet tooth. I planned for us to spend a long time together at the only place it may have been safe for us to be alone. It just happened to be the same place that held a special spot in both our hearts.
This time I didn’t park on the dirt road, or in the grouping of trees. I pulled my truck right up to the overgrown trail that led to Sunflower Beach. We gathered the bags from the grocery store and I grabbed an old worn out blanket from behind the seat. Now that we were here I felt like she might think it was a stupid idea, but it was a little too late to turn back now.
“This was a great idea. It’s a perfect day to come here. This is exactly what I would’ve chosen.” A huge smile lit up her face. We laid the blanket in a spot that was close to the water, but still in the sun to help us stay warm.
“I’m glad you feel that way because I was starting to think it was a stupid idea,” I laughed.
“Oh no, it’s perfect. Honestly there is nowhere I’d rather be or anyone I’d rather be with right now.” She ducked her head slightly at her admission.
“I feel the exact same way,” I moved toward her and was surprised when she met me in the middle as she reached for me, too. We stood perfectly still, holding each other. She was probably just enjoying the fresh air while I struggled with my hormones and our closeness.
I pulled back to look at her and we seemed to be thinking the same thing. We both moved
our heads forward, slightly tilting in opposite directions until our lips touched. The kiss started slow and timid, but my desires quickly took over. One of my hands moved to the back of her head while the other was on the small of her back and I pulled her so close that I thought our bodies might fuse, but I was determined to remove any distance between us.
She placed her hands on my chest, fisting my shirt as she pulled me even closer. Our hunger increased until our kisses turned almost frantic and we were both breathing heavily. I broke from her lips and moved to kiss from her jaw down to her neck, trying to give us both a chance to steady our breathing. As I swirled my tongue on her neck, she released a pleasurable sigh that almost made me lose control. I heard a small growl come from the back of my throat as I quickly moved back to her lips.
I was lost, lost in Lily.
The past four years had disappeared and been replaced with our need for each other. Her motions matched my own, pushing the kiss further and further. I felt her grip tighten on my chest as her tongue moved swiftly in my mouth, matching me stroke for stroke. She released a strangled moan as she ripped her mouth away from mine. She moved her hand to her lip, lightly pressing on the cut caused by her father.
“I’m so sorry, Lily. I forgot about your lip.” She looked into my eyes and smiled.
“No, don’t be sorry, I’m fine. Just…um, wow! Where’d that come from?” she asked, keeping her body pressed against mine.
“I’m not really sure, but I’m glad it showed up,” I replied, trying to catch my breath. I moved my hands to her face, placing one last kiss on her forehead, then the cut on her lip. “Maybe we should slow down a little. I got a bunch of different things to eat. Are you hungry?”
“No, not really hungry for food right now,” she said, giving me a devilish smile.
I groaned. “You can’t say things like that to me. Trust me, I’d love nothing more than to keep this up for the rest of the afternoon and tonight and tomorrow and probably longer. But I don’t want you to think that’s why I brought you here. I mean, I was kinda hoping there would be some of it happening, but simply being alone with you was the main goal.” I moved to sit on the blanket.