by Sarah Dosher
“Yes. I was here to take pictures for journalism, but decided to stay and enjoy the weather.”
“So you’re a student here? I go to Rocky High. We don’t play until tomorrow, but we play you guys.”
“You play baseball?”
“Yeah, I’ll be the starting pitcher tomorrow. Your team played really well today. Looks like we might be in for some tough competition,” he said with a wink that made my stomach flutter
“Well, maybe that will make for some exciting pictures.”
He laughed. “Yeah, wasn’t a very exciting game except when number five slid in at home. Did you get a picture of that one?”
“I sure did. I don’t think it’s my best shot ever, but it’s definitely worth showing.” I beamed with pride, in spite of myself.
There were a few moments of complete, but comfortable silence. I didn’t know anything about Ian, yet I still felt more relaxed with him than the majority of people I’d known for most of my life. He gestured to the blanket, silently asking my permission to sit next to me. I felt a genuine smile spread across my face and I nodded.
“So, Lily from Kolby, I assume you have a last name?” Although he probably should have been, he didn’t seem at all nervous asking me personal information, and I was shocked to find it didn’t bother me to answer him.
“Grace. Lily Grace.”
“Grace? Was Easton Grace your brother?” Of course I should have guessed an athlete from a nearby town would remember my brother.
“Yeah, he was. Did you know Easton?”
“Not really. My older brother played against Easton and Dean in high school, that’s how I know Dean. I remember the whole school would always talk about how well the two of them played together, almost like they were brothers and not just friends.”
“Best friends,” I added.
“Yeah, best friends. But even best friends don’t usually know how to read each other’s minds like they always did. The two of them really were something special to watch when they played together.”
“I know, they really were,” I said sadly.
“I’m sorry. There’s probably something else you’d rather talk about. I just feel like I’m talking to a legend’s sister and got a little carried away.” He gave me a small smile.
“No, it’s fine. I miss him more and more every day, but it’s nice to talk about him with someone.”
Ian stayed with me through the next baseball game. We sat side by side, neither of us actually watching the game. We were more interested in talking about the random things in life. It felt good to have such a casual conversation with someone who didn’t know anything about me or my father. The games for the day were ending and I saw everyone leaving the stands.
“Ian, are you coming?” I heard a girl’s voice ask from outside the baseball field. I turned to see a group all dressed in Rocky High shirts.
Ian walked toward the fence and motioned for one of the guys in the group to walk to the side. They spoke softly, but I heard him say he wasn’t leaving yet and asked the guy to drive everyone else back. Ian walked back toward me and started to fold the blanket we’d been sitting on.
“So I was hoping you weren’t ready to get rid of me just yet. It’s barely after six and I thought we might find some kind of trouble to get into.” He winked. I was starting to like when he winked at me.
I heard one of the girls in the group from Rocky protesting that Ian wasn’t leaving with them. She turned and said something I couldn’t hear to Ian before stomping off down the road. I assumed she was upset that Ian was sticking around to talk to another girl, which made me want to roll my eyes.
“If you need to go, I completely understand. I don’t want your friends getting upset with you.”
Ian shook his head. “Don’t worry about Jessica and her dramatics, none of us do. She gets mad any time she doesn’t get her way.” He shook his head dismissively. “So, is there anything fun to do around here?”
I laughed loudly. “Um, no. There is actually not a single thing in Kolby to do that’s fun.”
“Oh so it’s pretty much like Rocky then?”
I shook my head. “No, actually I think there are a ton more things to do in Rocky than here. Can’t you feel yourself getting old and bored just being in this town?” We both laughed.
“I think I like Kolby so far. Nice people, great conversation, and I could stare at the scenery all day.” He titled his head toward me and I felt my cheeks flush with heat.
He reached down and placed his hand on the small of my back to lead me to the front gates. I started to pull away from his touch. It wasn’t that I didn’t like it, but I felt like I was doing something wrong allowing him touch me.
I decided in that moment to allow it to happen and to open my mind to the possibility that being with someone besides Dean, possibly someone like Ian, was where I was meant to be. I promised myself that I wouldn’t think about Dean while I was with Ian. I would try and see who I was with someone new; maybe I’d be a whole new Lily. A Lily I might like better than the current version.
When we reached the front gate, I led him to my car so I could put the blanket back in my trunk.
“This is your car? You’re kidding right?” Ian gushed. All guys gushed over cars like mine. I just laughed.
“Well, technically, it’s Dean’s grandmother’s car-” I stopped my explanation, realizing I’d already broken my promise not to think about him. “It was her husband’s many, many years ago. She doesn’t like driving it; too many memories I think, so she let me indefinitely borrow it when I turned sixteen. It is a pretty cool car though, right?”
“My dad has a ’68 Mustang that he’s been trying to restore for years. He would flip if he saw how good of shape this Impala was in.” He ran his hand down the side of the car. I had to suppress a laugh. My poor car got felt up by any man that came close to her. Ian looked at me when he heard me trying not to laugh and smiled.
“Go ahead, you can feel her up all you want. I think she actually enjoys it,” I teased him.
“Oh no, this is not a she. Don’t you let him hear you say that.” I couldn’t control it any longer. I burst out laughing and Ian joined in.
I was parked close to the elementary school playground. “I have an idea. When was the last time you pushed a girl on a swing?”
He cocked his head to the side. “I’d have to say at least seven years. So I think I need some practice.” He grabbed my hand, interlacing our fingers, and led me to the swing that was farthest away from the road.
After several rounds of trying to push each other off of the swings, we finally sat side by side. I was twisting and turning like I always enjoyed doing as a kid. Although I was trying not to think about Dean, being here only made my heart ache for him. This was exactly the type of thing we’d enjoy doing together and that realization weighed heavily on my heart.
“So tell me, Lily, why don’t you have a boyfriend that’s here with you right now instead of me?” he asked bluntly, but with kindness in his voice.
I gave him a sad smile. “I don’t really know. Life’s been different since my mom and brother were killed in that tornado. I think I’ve just stop expecting anything with me to be normal.”
“I didn’t realize your mom died too. Wow, I’m really sorry.” I could see the sincerity in his eyes, and it was the first time in years that I was happy to feel another person’s sympathy for me.
“Thanks. It’s just me and my father now, and that relationship has never been a good one, so I spend a lot of time alone. I’m just waiting for graduation so I can start over.”
“Did you have anyone else to help after they died?” The look on his face was more sincere then I’d seen from anyone in a long time.
“Dean’s grandmother, Violet, helped me a lot. At the time I didn’t really appreciate her, but now I know I wouldn’t have survived without her. We weren’t really that close before the tornado, but that changed almost immediately after.”
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�That was really great of her to help take care of you, especially since you were so young.” He ran his fingers through his hair and I wondered what it would feel like if those were my fingers. “So I guess you and Dean have stayed close all these years?” I sensed there was more behind his question, that he was trying to figure out exactly what type of a relationship I had with Dean.
“No, actually we didn’t. He left for college right after they died and I didn’t see him again until he came back in January to do his student teaching at the high school.”
“Wow, that really surprises me. He and Easton were so close. A true best friend should look out for a little sister especially after what happened, not just leave. Kind of sounds like he turned out to be a shitty friend.” I didn’t like his comment and instantly felt myself getting defensive.
“I guess you could look at it that way, but you don’t know Dean. He has his reasons for what he does. It’s not his fault.” I couldn’t believe what I was saying. Ian was completely right, but I guess deep down I had forgiven Dean and knew he had his reasons, even if I’d never understand them.
“But you two are close now?”
“Kind of, I guess. Well, really, it’s complicated.” I shook my head at him, hoping he would drop this line of questions.
“I see. So are these complications why you don’t have a boyfriend?”
I would probably regret what I was about to say, but Ian seemed like one of the nice guys and he didn’t deserve my lies. “Maybe, I’m not really sure. There’s lots of unfinished business between us, I’ll admit that.”
His eyes searched mine for answers. “So I guess that means the two of you have some sort of future together?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I really don’t know what’s in store for us. We’re both pretty lost right now. If I told you I saw no future with him, I’d be lying.”
My words hung heavily in the air between us. He didn’t push me for the true meaning behind them, that my heart still belonged to Dean. Then again, I wasn’t sure if Ian understood, or if he had read into it whatever he wanted. But either way, my words were out there and they seemed to make us both uncomfortable.
“Well, I’d better head home soon, it’s starting to get cold,” I finally said.
“Yeah, I knew you were gonna say that before long.” He gave me a small smile. “Lily, I know we didn’t do much today besides talk, but I really had a great time getting to know you. Maybe you’ll give me the chance to know you better another time?”
I wasn’t sure what to say. Yeah, I liked Ian. He seemed to be nice and caring, but I didn’t really know him and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get to know him further. I felt my heart holding me back, not wanting to open up.
“You don’t have to answer me right now. I’ll be in town every afternoon for this baseball tournament until the end of the week. If you decide your answer is yes, then I’ll see you at some point this week.” I nodded and he smiled.
His smile made my stomach do flips.
I’d been locked in that room with Lily's note haunting me for days. I’d barely moved from the bed; the pillow still smelled like coconuts. I kept running through our time together the last few months and then our night together, trying to figure out where things went wrong. I was staring at the hotel ceiling, begging for it to provide me with an answer.
Truthfully, I could play this blame game all I wanted and I’d still end up where I was…the person to blame. I knew exactly when things took a turn for the worse. I’d made a conscious decision to cut her off emotionally and I had obviously succeeded. I didn’t blame her for being pissed, I blamed myself for turning my back on her again.
I was shaken from my thoughts by my phone buzzing. I jumped from the bed and ran across the room to where my phone was. I hoped it might be Lily - it wasn’t. It was just Adley letting me know there hadn’t been any changes with Grandma Violet. It was the same text I got from her every single day. I hadn’t been back to the hospital since that first day. Adley thought if I visited that my voice might help bring Grandma Violet around. I did not feel the same way, but I knew I needed to see her before it was too late.
After a quick shower and food, I made my way to Grandma Violet's hospital room. The ache in the pit of my stomach was just as intense as the first time I stepped foot in this place. I could feel my anxiety rising the closer I got to her room. I focused on breathing in and out while placing one foot in front of the other, but my feet felt heavier with each step I took.
I slowly pushed open the heavy door. I scanned the room to see if I was lucky enough to be here alone, but all I saw was a hand just before it hit my face.
“You asshole! How could you be so cold? Especially right now!” Adley yelled into my face. “You need to grow a backbone and stop punishing yourself and Lily.” The door closed just in time for her to slam me into it. Man, who knew such a little girl could be so strong. I heard a smothered laugh come from across the room and saw Derek smiling from ear to ear.
“So I guess you talked to Lily?” I asked as I rubbed my cheek that I was sure had to be bright red.
“Hmm, you think? You bet your ass I talked to her. You better be glad she isn’t here right now because she’s even more pissed at you than I am. There’d probably be a Dean sized hole in that door if she was here. Come to think of it, that’s a good idea. I’m sure Lily would appreciate that,” Adley said as she started to come toward me again. I held my hands up to stop her, but planted my feet firmly just in case.
“Okay, okay. I get the picture, no need for violence. I know I was wrong, trust me. You can’t hurt me anymore than I already am.”
Adley stopped and glared at me. “I don’t believe you, but Violet would be mad if I ruined a perfectly good door.” She turned to look at Grandma Violet and shook her head. “I’m gonna go get some air since you’re here now. Call me the second anything changes.”
After Adley finally made her way out of the room, I apprehensively made my way to my grandmother’s side. I brushed her white hair off her forehead and lightly kissed her frail skin. Her face, that had given me so much strength over the years, now looked tired and fragile.
“Adley’s been waiting for you to show back up so she could kick your ass. Since it took you so long, I really thought there’d be more of a show. I’m disappointed,” Derek groaned. I reached across the bed and slapped him on the side of his head, making myself instantly feel better.
“So they don’t know anything new?” I asked him, refusing to further acknowledge his comment. He shook his head. “Has her doctor been back?”
“The nurse said he came this morning before we got here, but he didn’t have anything new to tell us. She said he’d probably be back this evening, depending on how Violet does today.”
The time was ticking away on the clock above her bed. I hadn’t been here longer than ten minutes and I already wanted to rip the clock off the wall and smash it on the ground. The wait was excruciating. Just waiting, for good or bad, not knowing which one it would be. Time passed slowly…
“Dude, seriously. You gotta settle down and stop the knee bouncing. I know you’re nervous, but you’re about to drive me insane.” Derek kicked my leg to stop my movement.
“Sorry, I didn’t even know I was doing it. I can’t stand just sitting here with nothing happening.” I paused to take a deep breath. “I know that nothing happening is good and bad. I can’t decide if I want something to happen or not. If it does, what if it’s bad? But if nothing happens, then she’ll be stuck like this forever.”
“I know what you mean, even though you sound kinda crazy when you say it all fast like that.” He gave me his widest grin and slapped me on the back of the head; I rolled my eyes at him. “But Adley feels pretty much the same way. I think her anger after talking to Lily actually helped take her mind off of it.” He shrugged his shoulders. “So you know you royally screwed up, right? I mean, seriously. What the hell were you thinking?”
I put my head in my hands.
“I wasn’t thinking, that’s the problem. I was following my shitty instincts again. I know she deserves better, but when something happens my first thought is always to just leave. Run away as fast as I can. I’m sure you know my track record, so you know my running shoes are pretty worn.”
“Then stop running. I don’t think your problem is that hard to solve, man. Stop running and be who you know she deserves.”
“Since when are you a love expert?” I questioned.
“I’m not. You just seem to think your problems are hard to solve and they aren’t. If you’d stop feeling sorry for yourself and take a step back, you’d realize that too.”
This little twit was starting to piss me off. “What makes you think you know anything about me or my problems?”
“All I know is that you need to get your shit together before she decides you aren’t worth the trouble. I think she’s pretty close to figuring that out anyway and there is always another guy who can-” He stopped talking and shook his head. “Never mind.”
What the hell was he talking about? “No! Not never mind. What are you trying to hint at?”
“I’m just trying to say that if you aren’t willing to treat her right, I think there are other guys out there that would. From what I understand she’s already got one guy after her, so you’ve got competition. That’s all I’m saying.”
“It’s only been a few days. How can I already have competition?”
“Some guys are always in the right place at the right time and you can’t expect Lily to not draw attention. From what I’ve heard, you’re safe for right now, but you might want to show her that she isn’t waiting around for nothing or she might change her mind.” He shrugged his shoulders and I could tell this wasn’t the most comfortable conversation he’d ever tried to have with me.
Even though I knew he was right, I couldn’t sit in this room with a teenager and have him attempt to enlighten me about my love life…or lack thereof. I stood to storm out of the room and Derek laughed. I glared at him which only made him laugh more.