by Carol Oates
He doesn’t know. Why didn’t Lofi tell Sebastian about the meeting with Lilith? If his reaction wasn’t to that, what else could it be?
“What am I missing here?” Candra asked suspiciously. Apparently, she wasn’t the only one with secrets.
Sebastian beamed a megawatt smile, igniting the longing inside her again. “I made a promise, and I intend to keep it. I promised you a date.”
Candra’s eyes widened when it dawned on her what he meant. “I’m not sure,” she started hesitantly. She didn’t want to hurt Sebastian’s feelings—she’d been doing enough of that lately already. However, a date now didn’t make sense at all.
“Now is the perfect time.” Sebastian’s expression shifted to serious in less than a heartbeat. The tip of his tongue swept across his bottom lip before he continued. “I don’t want to waste a minute when we don’t know what’s going to happen next. I’ve spent far too much of my life passing time. I don’t want to just pass time anymore. Not with you.”
He clearly meant his romantic declaration. The gesture probably would have bowled her over, except she did have some idea of what was coming next. Guilt chipped away at her conscience because she’d walked in the door not intending to tell him everything she knew.
“Sebastian—”
He placed a finger over her lips, muffling the end of his name. Sadness fizzed like acid inside her, eating away at her. Perhaps she was always destined to give up everything. Lilith’s words taunted her: “The Arch made you and molded you so that the most powerful of his children would protect you…”
It hadn’t registered at the time Lilith had said it, maybe because Candra had been too distracted by everything else Lilith said. Now that she thought about it, she couldn’t help wondering what that indicated about her relationship with Sebastian, and the others for that matter. Did it mean the Watchers around her loved her because some genetic glitch inspired them to?
“I’m not taking no for an answer.” Sebastian smiled again, a sexy, uneven smile full of swagger and confidence. One Candra was sure he had used on many women successfully.
Her will caved like a sandcastle in the rain, and a smile almost as wide as his crept across her face.
“Well, now that’s sorted, we can get the girlie bits out of the way,” Lofi chipped in. She wasn’t quite able to hide the impatience in her tone. Again, Sebastian didn’t notice, or possibly misinterpreted it for excitement to get their evening underway. Of course, there was always the possibility Candra was more attuned to it because she knew Lofi would be eager to talk.
Sebastian picked Candra’s discarded bag up and handed it to her.
“You can get the key bowl while you’re at it there, stud,” Lofi instructed.
Sebastian rolled his eyes and scooped up the bowl and keys from the floor. “I will pick you up in a couple of hours.”
Candra frowned and looked down at her Saint Francis uniform. “Don’t I need to change?”
“Sorted.” Lofi chuckled. “Sebastian discovered his inner fashionista and has everything arranged.”
“Shut up,” he muttered in response. A barely visible flush brightened his cheeks. He shrugged. “You said you were uncomfortable in the townhouse. I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable tonight. Don’t worry, I didn’t pick out anything. I used one of those in-store shoppers.”
“Oh.” She really wished she could come up with something to say. It was kind of weird to have someone buy her clothes for that reason, but on the other hand, it was sweet and very un-Sebastian-like of him. She couldn’t decide if she liked the idea of it or not, not when her underlying guilt flared up again. They hadn’t been on a first date, and she was already lying. Okay, it was more of an omission of truth. Somehow, she felt as if the elephant in the room was preparing to stampede.
Candra waited until Sebastian left and they were safely ensconced in Lofi’s bedroom before she asked the question on the tip of her tongue since Lofi had cut off her apology. “Enquiring minds want to know, what was that about?”
“I didn’t tell him,” Lofi replied nonchalantly, tossing three long dress bags onto her white comforter.
“Where does he think I was?”
“Trying to break into her office. I thought it best not to stray too far from the truth.”
In contrast to Sebastian’s room, Lofi’s room looked lived-in and feminine. Square with the same large sash windows and paneled walls, except that flowing soft-white drapes accentuated the ones in here. Her sumptuous bed was a huge carved mahogany monster with masses of fluffed up pillows. A matching dressing table with a decorative oval mirror and an assortment of perfumes bottles and make-up sat against the wall. Fitted closets overtook the length of the room opposite the end of the bed. The paneled doors blended perfectly with the other walls. Candra wouldn’t have noticed them at all if a couple of the doors weren’t slightly ajar, revealing rail after rail of clothing. Unlike Sebastian’s bare floor, plush white carpets covered Lofi’s floors.
“I guessed you didn’t tell him,” Candra said. “I don’t get why not.”
Lofi’s brow creased. She flicked her hair over her shoulder and bent over to unzip the first of the bags. “I don’t know why.”
“What?”
“You heard me. I don’t know why. I came back here, and he was…” Lofi leaned back. She peered up at the ceiling as if she might find the answers written there. “He was happy.” She looked at Candra, her eyes still tighter and her expression grievous in a way Candra always thought seemed alien on her. “Desperate in a kind of sad-puppy-dog-yelping-for-attention way, but happy. Do you know what it’s like to watch someone you love break their own heart over and over?”
Candra slumped down onto the bed, sinking into the luxurious white covering with her hands in her lap. “This is a disaster.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask.” Lofi began twisting her long hair into a knot at the back of her head.
Candra opened her mouth, ready to spill her guts. Besides having second thoughts about keeping Lilith’s proposal to herself, it was incredibly hard to lie to Lofi. Before now, she would have worried everything she said would go back to Sebastian, but apparently, Lofi was capable of keeping a confidence.
“How long does Ivy have?” It wasn’t what she intended to say at all, but the question just came out. Candra couldn’t shake the feeling that Ivy’s soul was disintegrating inside Lilith. Her eyes had given it away. Feeding on humans seemed a last resort for her, and Candra was grateful for that small mercy. A knot snapped in her stomach—Ivy had gotten caught up in this because of her.
Lofi chewed on her lip and hummed some unintelligible words Candra couldn’t make out but suspected were not words she would normally use in company. She pushed the bags aside and sat beside Candra.
“Okay, this is how it works from what I know. Lilith was the first of her kind.”
“Sebastian told me that much. She’s a demon.”
Lofi blinked at the use of the word. “She’s more than that. She’s a parasite sucking the soul’s strength until there is nothing left, and then she moves on to another. Her darkness corrupts anything she consumes.”
Candra sucked in a breath. “Can she release those souls?”
“There are stories, but how can we know what’s true and what isn’t?”
“What kind of stories?”
“That she has the ability to take a healthy human soul and replace it with something else.”
“With what?” Candra asked, appalled at the idea—instant demon army.
Lofi sucked the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth. “I don’t know. Look, to us, Lilith is the equivalent of the Loch Ness Monster. She’s an urban legend. She couldn’t be the big bad because she has no way into heaven.”
“She claims she does. She claims she can send the Watchers back.”
Lofi gave a determined shake of her head and took Candra’s hand. “Bull.”
Candra blinked at the force behind Lofi’s venom.
“Lilith is a liar. Don’t trust her.”
“How long?”
“A couple of weeks…maybe. I have no idea how she crawled out, but she can’t be the big bad. The only way we know of that can open the gates was destroyed long ago when we were trapped here.”
“Oh?” Candra prompted, needing more. A cold sweat broke out across her back.
“The Creation Blade. Besides the Arch obviously, it’s the only thing that can break the seals. It was said angels couldn’t use it, and we feared it because even the smallest wound from the blade couldn’t be healed and would eventually prove fatal.”
“Who destroyed it?” Instant blind panic drained the blood from her brain. She couldn’t think straight. So, not some decrepit old dagger. Lilith possessed a key to the gates of heaven and hell. If she didn’t act as a vessel, Acheron would be like an all-you-can-eat buffet with Lilith spitting out minions left and right. It would be a bloodbath, a massacre of the human race. All those souls destroyed.
She swallowed thickly, thinking of it, a war between angels and demons. If she did give herself over, how could she be sure Lilith wouldn’t destroy the Watchers anyway? That was the second time Lilith had tried to deceive her into giving herself over.
Lofi narrowed her eyes and shifted to face Candra front on, still gripping her hand. Candra squirmed under the concentrated scrutiny and watched the golden specks in Lofi’s eyes flicker and catch the light, as if dancing.
“What did Lilith tell you?”
Candra jerked her hand away and pushed herself from the bed. Pins and needles prickled under her skin, like tiny fingers prodding her from the inside and testing her will, endlessly searching for a way out. Restlessly, she moved across the room to the dressing table and picked up a comb. Candra tossed it hand to hand while she tried to come up with a plausible lie. The truth was out of the question now. They were wrong. Lilith was the threat after all and worse than any of them could have foreseen. And she was right: the only question was how much Candra would lose.
Think, she ordered herself. If she was the weapon that could avert this, she would have to figure out pretty damn quickly what kind of weapon. She’d have to keep the status quo until then, let Lilith think she was considering her proposal and keep Sebastian and Draven from figuring out Lilith’s plan.
“What else do you know about her? How did she get past my guards?”
“We think she may be able to hide herself, make it so she can’t be seen.”
“What?” Candra panicked. “She could be anywhere.”
“Calm down.” Lofi held her hands up in front of her. “What did she say to you?”
Candra took a breath, forcing herself to relax. “She apologized for breaking into my room and told me she wants to be left alone. She said she’d heard we had bigger fish to fry and her being here should be the least of my worries.” She struggled to keep her voice even and her heartbeat in check, but Candra rationalized it. She planned to convey the entire conversation later, and this was nothing more than a delay for the greater good. “She’s got a point. Lilith is really the least of our worries.”
“But Ivy—” Lofi shot to her feet.
Candra slammed the comb down. “Ivy is one soul,” Candra snapped. “One soul versus who knows how many if we allow Lilith to distract the Watchers from whatever else we should be waiting for. Lilith is nothing more than an ill-timed nuisance. Anyway, you are the one who didn’t tell Sebastian.”
Lofi eyed her warily, very obviously skeptical. Candra shifted foot to foot and clenched her fist behind her back. Somehow, the fist turned into crossed fingers. A child again, telling lies and hoping the small protective gesture would spare her the consequences.
“I’m going to regret this.” Lofi sighed.
Chapter Twelve
EVENING HAD QUICKLY TURNED into Sebastian’s favorite time of the day and the only time he relaxed completely. Candra’s fingers absently twirled the short hair on his leg, just above his ankle where her hand pushed up under his jeans. She sat up at the head of his bed with her book resting on her bent knees and a pen lightly tapping against her bottom lip. He lay on his side with his legs crossed and propped up on one elbow. Her touch tickled, sending warmth through his entire body, and the insistent tapping kept his attention firmly on her mouth. He had never felt so safe and yet so exposed at the same time.
After his conversation with Ambriel, he knew he had to give more. Ambriel would never accept anything less than full commitment to the girl she thought of as her daughter, and Candra deserved nothing less. He’d exhausted the volumes in his own library, including a number he had shipped from his homes in England and Italy, and then he’d redirected his efforts to the books and scrolls in Draven’s library, searching for some clue. Nothing in their history compared to Candra. Her abilities remained a mystery.
The first date had been a success, especially when he’d surprised her with the dress bags containing a selection of jeans and sweaters. It had impressed her that he’d noticed she preferred comfort to dressing up. The venue had been another inspired choice. Sebastian had taken her to a restaurant in the city. They’d closed the roof garden for the winter. He’d arranged for heaters and twinkling lights to be strung up overhead, substituting for the stars she loved hidden behind blankets of clouds and smog.
Sebastian wasn’t the least bit surprised when she’d become emotional and even shed tears…but she’d smiled too. She smiled more and more often as the days passed, even though he appreciated the weight of her loss.
She believed she was doing better and coping, but on some nights, Candra’s nightmares became so bad, her body convulsed and twisted. He often found himself holding her down against her thrashes as tears poured over her cheeks. Some mornings, she woke in his arms, and it was just like the first morning after Ivy’s death when he saw those brief seconds of peace in her eyes before the world came crashing in like a tide on a stormy day.
He perceived her grief as relentless and unyielding. It created a barrier between them he had yet to break through. Occasionally, it was almost transparent enough for him to catch a glimpse of the girl she had been when he’d found her first: feisty and full of life, determined and selfless.
Ambriel reluctantly agreed to him staying at the townhouse again. He intended to stay nearby regardless, but having Ambriel’s blessing made the logistics easier. She’d taken some convincing that he was trying to change.
Candra’s lip twitched at the corner, and her eyelashes fluttered when she attempted to glance at him without being obvious. His grin widened. In all his existence, he’d never imagined he could be so happy with the world ready to collapse around him.
“You’re doing it again,” she scolded, biting down on her lip to keep from smiling too. Blood rushed to below the thin layer of skin, making them flush a dark pink.
“What exactly?” Sebastian asked innocently.
He saw a flash of brown below her thick eyelashes, although she didn’t lift her eyes. “I need to get this done, and you are not conducive to study.”
“Do you want help?”
“It would be great if you could. I think I would possibly be the only student turning in a paper with genuine source material.” She paused and sighed before she closed the book and tossed it aside. It landed on the wooden floor with a hollow-sounding thump. “Remind me again why I’m doing this? Nothing about what they’re teaching us is what really happened, and learning a messed-up version of history won’t benefit any of us now.”
Candra crawled up the bed, shoved him over onto his back, and lay down on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, reminding himself, as always, that he didn’t have to feel guilty. She picked me, he told himself and chased away those insecurities that constantly haunted him. Despite what Ambriel had said that day in the park, Candra didn’t have to be with him—she had a choice, and she chose to be with him. She chose it every single day.
“You want a normal life, remember?”
“Maybe
normal is overrated. Look where normal got all of you. What if all I’m doing is building myself up to a huge disappointment?”
Sebastian placed his index finger under her chin and forced her eyes up to meet his. He was glad to know there was no defeat there. Nevertheless, he could see the pale purple shadows of sleepless nights and nightmares evident below her eyes.
“This isn’t over. Nothing will take me away from you. I promise.”
Candra ducked her head toward his neck too quickly for him to read her expression and kissed the pulse point just below his ear. She didn’t need to say it out loud for Sebastian to hazard a guess at her thoughts: she didn’t believe him.
Right from the moment they’d realized their feeling for each other and had known they wanted to be together, they’d fought against fate or destiny. Even without any other consideration, without Lilith showing up or Draven holding onto his desire to be with Candra, they both knew she was aging as a human. The unspoken question still lingered like a bad smell in the room. Something would win out and eventually separate them.
Candra’s hand trailed up Sebastian’s side, raising a line of goose bumps. He shivered. Such a human reaction, he observed and wondered when he had begun to be more human than angel? Had it always been that way and he simply hadn’t noticed? Candra’s lips grazed over his ear, and her warm breath caressed his skin. His heart pounded, and the question knocked around inside his skull…the one Ambriel had asked him: What was he prepared to give up for her? They both knew what she meant, but it wasn’t that simple.
Candra’s hands roamed over his body, shooting intense fiery tingles across his skin. “Since you are distracting me anyway, I hope you are planning to make it worth my while.”
In a flash, he reversed their position, pressing her into the bed with the weight of his body, and kissed her. Her hands ghosted down his back and slipped innocently between their crushed bodies, dragging upward over his hipbones. Candra squirmed below him and looped her ankle around his calf as he worked up to backing off.
His guy card was well and truly revoked at this point. Caring about someone too much was never a situation Sebastian had contemplated finding himself in. Yet here he was, impossibly turned on and madly in love, but holding out like a virgin before prom. Honestly, he’d had no idea before about the magnitude of not having sex. Every nerve inside him was ten times more attuned to the slightest movement of her body. His ears picked out even the tiniest hitch in her breath. Kissing her was like two clouds crashing before a thunderstorm. Everything she did utterly fascinated him, from the way she scooped hair behind her ear to the muscles in her throat working when she swallowed. Candra’s passion was a raging hurricane, and he longed to dance in the rain. Touching her was a sublime torment, one he subjected himself to of his own accord, albeit fleetingly, over and over. He didn’t regret being with her, but Sebastian had known sex without love for far too long. The idea of getting this wrong and falling off a ledge into an abyss, where the tentative control he still clung onto was lost, terrified him.