And Dante’s wasn’t gentle with her, or playful, as he had been in the swimming pool. His kiss was the kiss of a man on the edge. She might have secrets but he had a whole world of hurt and bitter confusion inside him. Deep in his emotional core Dante Baracca, the hero of so many, was still trying to make sense of what he could have done to make his father hate him.
She knew the answer. He’d done nothing wrong. Dante thought no one knew, but people talked, and as a child she’d heard how he’d saved his mother from his father’s violence, which had been the noblest, bravest thing a son could do. Dante had surpassed his father in every way, and that was his only fault. He’d had rebuilt his life as well as the family ranch where so many people came to explore new possibilities. She ached for him and cried for him, and for everything they’d lost.
He tasted salt on her lips and knew without doubt that for all her complex, stubborn ways there was no other woman on earth like Karina. She infuriated him, she frustrated him beyond measure but, then, she always had. There was only one Karina, only one woman who knew what made him tick. She knew his strengths and the weakness he never showed the world. She knew everything about him. He didn’t have to explain his past.
There had been times when a sympathetic glance, or a brush of the hand, had been all that had been needed for two young people to acknowledge what had been going on at home, and it had helped them to know they hadn’t been alone, and now it was enough to be together. Being with Karina was so natural it was like coming home, and even better when the pace of his kisses slowed and gentled and she softened in his arms.
There had been times when she had doubted they could ever recapture the closeness they had known, but now... She gasped with pleasure as Dante feathered kisses down her neck, and moaned softly when he rasped his stubble against her skin. The sensation transferred to every part of her, making her yearn, making her moist, and making her thrill with excitement, knowing she could feel normal again. With Dante it seemed that anything was possible.
‘We’ve got all the time in the world,’ he murmured as she tightened her hold on him. ‘There’s no rush, Karina.’
But she was in a rush to prove there was nothing wrong with her, and pressing against him she shivered with desire as his mouth brushed her ear, her cheek, her lips...
‘Are you cold?’ he asked, when she shivered.
She laughed softly. ‘Anything but.’
He smiled into her eyes. ‘And you trust me?’
He kept on kissing her as he led her back into the house, and in between those kisses he whispered outrageous suggestions that made her laugh, that made her lust, that made her believe they could pick up where they’d left off. He told her she made him happy. He made her smile. The closeness she had once taken for granted, and which had proved so elusive as they’d grown up, seemed to have returned.
They were still laughing when they reached the foot of the staircase—faces close, arms entwined, gazes locked on each other. She had never felt closer to another human in her life than she felt to Dante. And now he began to remind her of all the tricks she had used to play on him—innocent times before life and all its difficulties had caught up with them. The warmth they’d known had returned full force, she thought as he took her up the stairs. She was so lost in laughter and good memories she barely noticed crossing the threshold into his room.
‘Don’t pull back now,’ he joked, not realising she was serious.
Her gaze darted about, taking in her masculine surroundings. An enormous bed filled her vision. She was transfixed by it as Dante took hold of her hand.
‘Is there a problem?’ he murmured, smiling down into her eyes.
‘No. Of course not,’ she said tensely. She flashed a smile meant to reassure him, and then he kissed her again and she wondered what she had been worried about.
‘I’m going to make love to you—really make love to you,’ he promised, as he steered her across the room. ‘I want to make up for lost time.’
Dante was happy—confident—confident in her and her response, but she was already tense at the thought that he wouldn’t want her when he knew.
‘I’m sorry—’
Pulling back his head, he stared down at her in surprise. ‘What do you have to be sorry about?’
So much she didn’t know where to begin.
Lifting her into his arms, he carried her to the bed and she stared into the face she had loved since she was a child. This was right, this was good, she told herself firmly. She was a healthy female, and every part of her body was responding to Dante as it should. Nothing could go wrong this time.
When he lowered her to the floor at the side of the bed she reached out to free his top from the waistband of his jeans. Hooking his thumb into the back of the neck, he brought the top over his head, displaying the beautiful torso the cameras loved almost as much as she did. She would never get used to the sight of Dante naked. He was breathtaking. His stare on her face was dark and certain. He didn’t need to tell her that he wanted her when she could see it in his eyes, and knew he would see the same in her own.
But would her body allow this?
‘Karina?’
Sensing her abstraction, Dante clasped her shoulders to bring her back into the moment. She smiled up at him, though not before an involuntary swallow on a dry throat had gripped her. She could do this, she told herself again. She kept her gaze steady on his face to prove that she could—to him and to her.
‘If you have any doubts...’
‘I don’t,’ she insisted. This was Dante, and nothing was going to spoil it for her. Dante and Karina. Karina and Dante. Fate had always meant them to be together.
Tracing the broad sweep of his shoulders with her hands, she leaned forward to kiss his chest. Dragging greedily on his familiar clean, musky scent, she kissed him again. She wanted him to know how committed she was to this. She wanted him to know that this was quite different from the last time when her virginity had been hidden from him. Turning her face up to his, she stared him in the eyes and saw everything she’d hoped to see. Even the fact that Dante was so obviously holding back made her want him all the more. Her body was hungry for him and in no mood to wait. Moving restlessly against him, she closed her eyes, shutting out the last of her doubts.
She stiffened a little when he took off her bra, and then reminded herself that she was hidden in the dark. And then he touched her and the pleasure was extreme. When he cupped her breasts she groaned with pleasure and forgot everything but Dante’s touch. It sent sensation streaming through her, and, more than physical, the way he touched her plumbed her emotions, making tears spring to her eyes. They were together, and that was all that mattered. They could never make up for what they’d lost, but they could start again.
Lowering her onto the bed, he lay down beside her. She was his, body and soul. Stretching out his length against hers, he smiled into her eyes. His face was inches away and in shadow, but she could sense the warmth in his face and hear his certainty in his steady breathing. He could seduce her just by being close, she mused wryly.
Reaching down, she found his belt buckle and freed it, and then she lowered the zip, her hand brushing the hard proof of his desire. Far from being intimidating, she longed to have him inside her.
No fear at all? How long would that last?
It would be all right. She would make it right. They were discovering each other all over again, only now they were old enough to commit on a deeper level. There wasn’t a part of her that didn’t crave Dante’s touch, a part of her that didn’t crave his love. He would never hurt her. Nothing could hurt her now.
* * *
He was devoted to Karina and to her pleasure. Whatever else he had expected today, it hadn’t been this complete and welcome reversal into the girl he remembered, the girl who had used to be such a big part of his life. There was
only one Karina. Even when she had avoided him, his hungry gaze had sought her out at every match. He’d got into the habit of scanning the crowd at polo matches, knowing he wouldn’t play his best unless Karina was watching. He had never had the chance to tell her that she was his lodestone, his totem, and that when he had needed a reality check only Karina could challenge him and bring him down to earth. He’d missed that. He’d missed her. He’d missed the woman who could push her own concerns aside so she could help everyone else.
He’d been determined to have her the night of her party—determined to keep her, until things had gone so badly wrong. His callous behaviour had split them apart like a thunderbolt, forging a chasm between them and leading to tragic consequences.
Consequences Karina had been forced to go through alone.
‘Dante?’
She had brought the sheet up to her chin, and was clinging to it like a comfort blanket. He eased down the bed to reassure her. He kissed and caressed her until she relaxed. He didn’t need to test her to know that she was ready, but he wasn’t taking a single chance this time. She cried out with pleasure at his intimate touch when he plundered her lush folds. She was soft and moist and swollen, and so ready for him that when he traced a finger lightly over her, she clung to him, gasping with need.
He protected them both. His aim was simple. He wanted to make up for that night. He wanted to hear her sigh with pleasure in his arms, and he wanted to take his time getting her to that place. But Karina didn’t want to wait. It was almost as if she had something to prove—to him, to herself, he wasn’t sure which. He only knew that she was responding with such fierce need it was sending him crazy with desire for her. But still he made himself wait. After everything she’d been through, caring for Karina was his only concern. It was his test, his trial by fire, and he would come through for her.
‘I want you, Dante.’
‘I know you do.’
She was still clinging to the sheet, but he understood her modesty. She was even more beautiful than he remembered, and he found her vulnerability endearing.
She writhed with pleasure on the cool, crisp sheets, while Dante’s hands worked their magic on her body. She was gaining in confidence every moment as he intensified her pleasure. There were no doubts left. She was as normal as any other woman. Dante had led her to a place of exquisite pleasure, and everything he did proved his care for her.
Throwing back her arms in an attitude of absolute trust, she held his stare as he moved over her. She sucked in one sharp breath when he teased her with the tip or his arousal, but then he did no more than draw it back and forth, which felt so incredible. She wanted him so badly she was aching for him and, acting on instinct, she arched up to claim him, but the instant he dipped inside her she pulled back.
‘Karina?’
‘I can’t! Stop! Please... Stop!’
Tears of shame and failure sprang to her eyes as she pressed her hands against his chest in an attempt to push him away.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
IT WAS A reflex action. She couldn’t have stopped herself pushing Dante away if she’d tried. She had thought she was cured, that Dante had cured her, but her fear of lovemaking was instinctive. She had failed. She was broken. There was no cure.
She wasn’t sure what she had expected from him, but it wasn’t this. Dante had caught her tightly in his arms and he was holding her as if he had pulled her back from an abyss. Softening his grip, he brought her close and held her like a baby, but when he spoke his voice was firm. ‘No more lies, Karina. I know I haven’t done this to you, so who has?’
There was no going back now. Even if the truth drove him away, she had no option but to tell him. Sucking in a shuddering breath, she picked through her mangled thoughts in an attempt to make sense of the incomprehensible. Her fear was real, but irrational, and she had never spoken of it out loud before. ‘After I lost—’
‘I know that part,’ Dante whispered, as he stroked her hair. ‘Take your time.’
She did as he said and took longer to pull herself together. ‘I had to rebuild my life,’ she said then. ‘A life I believed you were no longer part of.’
‘And with good reason,’ he agreed.
‘While I was recovering, I knew I could do one of two things. I could retreat from the world or I could get back in the saddle and take another tilt at it.’
‘And you decided to get back in the saddle.’
‘Yes, I did. But then I discovered that moving too fast is not a good thing when your life is in turmoil. My judgement was off. Going away to college was the right thing to do. I made some good friends, and I found something I had a flair for. If I’d left it there and come home after my course, everything would have been okay, but I was too needy—’
‘You were vulnerable,’ Dante argued.
‘Don’t make excuses for me.’ She pulled the sheet tight. ‘I stayed on, and then there were complications...’ She stopped and frowned.
‘Go on,’ Dante prompted.
‘There was a man—one of my college tutors.’
‘Older than you?’
‘Much older,’ she confirmed. ‘But I was mature enough to know what I was doing.’
‘You’d lost a baby. You were alone.’
‘My head was all over the place, but because things had gone so well with the course and my friends it was easy to persuade myself I was ready for everything else—a new relationship, for example... Someone to help me get over you.’
‘You were looking for reassurance, which is hardly surprising,’ Dante agreed.
‘Don’t try to make me feel better. Everything that happened was my fault.’
He shrugged. ‘I can’t comment. You haven’t told me what happened yet.’
‘I’m not going to pretend to you. I was like a ship without an anchor and for a short time this man made me feel safe.’
Now she saw the expression she had expected to see on Dante’s face: the face from the posters, a face turned grim; a man no one crossed, unless they had a death wish.
‘He made you feel safe because you had no one else to confide in, and he took advantage of that fact. This happened, not because of something you did.’ Dante’s face blackened. ‘It happened because I wasn’t there for you when you lost the baby.’
‘No.’ She shook her head decisively. ‘I was weak. And it ended badly,’ she added. ‘And you don’t need to hear the rest.’
‘You can’t stop now, Karina.’
As Dante’s black eyes blazed into hers she knew he was right. Inhaling raggedly, she told him the rest of it. ‘I thought I could forget you if I was with someone else. I thought I could forget that night and start over. I thought it would dull the pain of...’
This time he didn’t try to rush her. He waited until she was ready to start again, and she had never appreciated his calm strength more.
‘I knew it wouldn’t be exciting, but...’ she stopped again and pulled a face as she thought back ‘...it would definitely be calmer,’ she said at last, staring into the distance as she put herself back in the past. ‘I pictured myself contented—settled down—an academic’s wife even. Perhaps it wasn’t the life I’d dreamed about but, then, my fantasies had always let me down.’
‘So you slept with him?’
Dante’s face was rigid. ‘If I’m going to tell you, please let me finish.’
He nodded.
‘He wasn’t you, but you were no longer part of my life. Someone as different from you as possible seemed the logical answer at the time. It all came to a head one night when he’d taken me out for a meal. I’d had too much to drink. He took me back to his place. I’d seen this coming for a while, which was probably why I drank too much in a failed attempt to numb myself. That’s why he’s not wholly to blame,’ she insisted. ‘It’s not like I was
an innocent, walking into this with my eyes shut. I used him to get over you.’
‘Losing a baby would affect you in all sorts of ways,’ Dante growled. ‘Did he know what you’d been through?’
‘Yes, of course. He was my tutor. We were supposed to confide things like that so the tutors could reach out to help us.’
Dante’s expression turned grim. ‘So you told him everything and he took advantage of your fragile mental state.’
‘I allowed him to do it,’ she argued stubbornly. ‘After losing the baby I felt like a failure. I didn’t know if I would ever be anything but—’
‘Deus, Karina! So, he made it his mission to prove you wrong?’ He stared into her face intently. ‘How could you put yourself in such a vulnerable position?’ And then he slumped back. ‘You were already in a vulnerable position,’ he groaned softly, answering his own question.
‘I had this idea that sex and I were enemies,’ she went on over Dante’s pain. ‘I had to confront my enemy and conquer my fears. If necessary, I was prepared to face the alternative—a life without sex. Lots of people live perfectly happy lives without sex,’ she insisted, when Dante stared at her.
‘Not in my world,’ he ground out.
‘Your world’s different from most other people’s,’ she said wryly. ‘There’s a popular conception that you only have to be young and healthy to be at it like rabbits, but I broke that mould, because I don’t like sex.’
Dante’s scowl broke into an incredulous laugh. ‘And you say that because of your professor?’ And then his face darkened again. ‘Or are you saying it because of what happened with me?’
She shook her head and thought back. ‘He took me to supper and then to bed. I told myself it would be all right. I had put myself on the Pill—belatedly, I know. I just couldn’t face another loss. And I had squirrelled away a tube of lubrication, so I can hardly claim to be the innocent party here.’ She ignored Dante’s look and went on, ‘I thought to myself, What can possibly go wrong? He’d do it. I’d be over you, and I would have proved myself normal.’
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