by S. Moose
"Where's your head at?"
I turn to face him and try to find my voice. "Just thinking about things. Thanks for taking me home. It's not necessary."
"Not a big deal," he pats my thigh and instantly my body relaxes. Weird.
When he pulls up and parks his car in my driveway, we sit in silence for a few seconds before I start talking. "Thank you again for helping me out. I appreciate it. I'd invite you in, but Isaac and I are having a little catch up session."
"Oh. So are you two..."
I burst out laughing. I have no idea why people think we're together. "No! No! He's my best friend. We grew up together. Why does everyone think we're together!"
"Because he lives with you and you two are together a lot. I don't know. I assumed, sorry."
"Don't be. Just don't go assuming things and come to me if you have questions." It's comfortable talking to Jensen and I'm actually a little bummed to not have him come in. "I'll see you later. Thanks again."
"No problem. Have fun."
Chapter 10
Jensen
Parking my car behind Stephen's, I open my car door and head inside to join everyone in Nicholas and Karly's house for our weekly get together. I open the door and hear laughter. A beautiful little girl runs down the hall and into my arms.
"Hi, beautiful." I hold her a little tighter, holding her head against my cheek.
"Hi, Uncle Jensen."
"How are you?"
"Good." She giggles. I lift her in the air and carry her into the kitchen.
"Jensen!" Karly and Lexi jump up and down and come over to me. "Finally, you made it."
"Yep, I'm here." I put Emma down and watch her run to Nicholas. I'll admit it hurts. I remind myself why I'm doing this and why this is the best thing for her.
Looking around the kitchen, I see Fallyn and Stephen on the couch, talking. I wonder what they're talking about. Taking a beer from the fridge, I join Nicholas and Larry, but I don't take my eye off of them. She seems to be more relaxed with Stephen than with me. It shouldn't bother me that he can make her laugh and smile. When we hang out, she seems more reserved.
"There you are, man! Didn't think you'd make it tonight."
"I'm here." I nod at Fallyn and see her smile.
"Where's my nod?" I blow Stephen a kiss and he catches it in the air. "See? He loves me." We laugh and Fallyn snorts while laughing and falls back into her chair.
"Did you just snort?"
She shakes her head and snorts again. "I'm," she can't stop laughing, "sorry. I'm sorry, but you two are really funny."
Stephen and I shrug. "As you girls say, 'it's a best friend thing.'"
The rest of the night, we hang out on the deck and Nicholas starts a bonfire. The girls— Karly, Lexi and Fallyn—are on the grass making s'mores while me and the guys are drinking beer and talking baseball.
From the corner of my eye, I see Fallyn is laughing and relaxed. The glimmer in her eyes and crinkle to her nose when she smiles are intoxicating. We've been talking and hanging out a little more. She listens when I talk about Lisa and gives me really helpful advice. As for Lisa and me, well, I still have no idea what's going on between us. It's clear that something's wrong and I'm trying hard to figure it out. She won't let me in and she refuses to talk about how she feels. If only I can be there for her the way she wants me to. There's not enough time in the day to finish my work and fly to Rochester.
"Hey man. How's everything going?" Isaac comes next to me.
"Good," I clink my beer bottle with his, "What's going on with you?"
"Same old. Thinking about heading back to Montana for a few days. Not sure yet."
"Ahhh sounds like fun. Everything okay?"
"Yeah, man. Nothing major. My parents are still there and I miss him," he laughs, drinking his beer. "Are things okay with you? Seem kind of stressed."
"Yeah," I rub the back of my neck, "Girlfriend issues."
"Say no more. Thank God I'm single." We laugh, and finish off our beers. "Need another?"
"Sure, thanks."
Isaac and I head to the cooler to grab more beers before joining the rest of the guys and head to the fire. Tonight's a much-needed night to relax and not worry about the stress of Lisa. I pull out my phone and check for any new messages. There's still nothing from Lisa. What the hell do I have to do to get her to stop being mad?
I walk inside and call her, but no answer. After leaving her a message telling her how much I miss and love her, I disconnect the call and turn back to leave. I'm about to walk outside when I see Fallyn coming inside.
"Hey," I say, raising my hand.
"Hey! What's up?"
"Nothing." I wave my phone in the air, and then put it back in my pocket. "I tried calling Lisa, but no answer."
She sits on the barstool and looks at me. "I'm sorry. I thought you two were doing okay or working on it. What's going on now?"
I groan. "I don't know. She's pissed because it's not easy for me to leave. She's not understanding that my work is important and I can't just pick up and leave. I'd love to be there with her and spend time with her. I don't know what to do so that she understands. It's the same thing over and over again. I don't know what else to do."
Fallyn stares at me and I can see the questions going through her head. "Just keep telling her how much you love her and that she means a lot to you. Girls need to know that they're wanted and cherished. If she doesn't understand where you're coming from, then explain it to her."
I take in what she's saying and realize that maybe I'm not telling Lisa what she means to me enough.
"Thanks, Fallyn. So, ah, I didn't want to ask you this, but are you and Stephen a thing now?"
Her eyes go wide and she laughs. "Oh God, no. He's a really good friend, but I'm not looking for anything."
"Why?"
Her body freezes and there's a distant look in her eyes. I'm not sure what emotion I stroked, but it seems pretty ugly. "I'm devoted to my work and, right now, I'm not ready to date anyone."
"Well, if you ever need to talk or need someone to vent to, I'm here for you."
"Thanks, Jensen. That means a lot."
I round the counter and give her a hug. I'm not sure what's making me do this, but hugs are awesome and usually make people feel better.
* * * * *
Me: I'm home, babe. I hope you're doing okay. I miss you like crazy and love you so much. Please know that.
Lisa: I know and I'm sorry for ignoring you. It's hard when you aren't here. I need you so badly.
Me: I know. I need you too. But you can't push me away when you're upset. We need to talk out our issues before it blows up. Can you promise me you'll talk to me when things start getting hard?
Lisa: I promise to try. But it's hard and you need to realize that.
Me: I do realize that. And you need to realize that sometimes I can't just pick up and leave. Yes, I have a high position at the hospital, but things sometimes happen and I'm needed. When I'm able to go, it'll be worth it ;)
Lisa: I know and I do understand. Go to sleep, k? I love you.
Me: I love you too.
I drop my phone in my lap, leaning against the headboard, and I close my eyes. Feeling frustrated, I think about buying a plane ticket now and seeing her, even if it's just for a few hours. She says she's going to try and I want to believe her. But I know Lisa. When things get hard, she pulls away. It's easier to pull her back when she's here and it usually doesn't take too much to remind her of our love and how perfect we are. Now, with her so far away, I'm not sure what else to do.
My phone vibrates and I lift it up to see a text from someone I wasn't expecting to hear from.
Fallyn: Wanna go for a run tomorrow before work?
Me: Sure. Meet me at my house at 6 and we'll go.
Fallyn: Sounds good =) Night!
Another Monday morning. I get to the office a little early to get a head start on more paperwork. The run this morning with Fallyn helped clear my head. We did
n't talk too much and, surprisingly, the silence between us felt like we had a full-blown conversation. I can't get what she said to me last night out of my head. She's right on so many levels and I should listen to her. Then I think about all the times I've had to push Lisa to remember why we're together. Relationships shouldn't be about always working and fighting to keep the other person happy. If two people are in a relationship and are in love, the rest should fall into place.
My computer pings and dread hits me. Another day full of paperwork, emails, and meetings.
My door slowly opens and Fallyn walks in. "Is this a bad time?"
Quickly checking the time, my jaw nearly drops. It's almost noon and I didn't realize how fast this morning has gone. "Not at all, Fallyn. Have a seat." I put my papers away. "What's going on?"
"Nothing really. I wanted to see how you're doing. You seem so quiet and I'm wondering if you want to head out for the day?"
I look at the time on the computer and then look at her. "You wanna cut out early?"
Her baby blue eyes shine and a smile from ear to ear forms on her face. "Yeah, let's do it. I have Amber covering my shift and I think you and I need to get out now and just be silly. You've been so guarded and I feel bad. You've been helping me work out and I don't really listen to you. I know you and Lisa aren't doing well, so let's head to the bar, grab some food and beer, and talk."
"Alright, game on." I set my automatic response in my email, grab my things, and lead her out of my office. "I've never done this before," I admit.
"Well, there's a first time for everything!"
Chapter 11
Fallyn
After dinner, Isaac heads out on a date while I clean the kitchen. The TV is on and She's the Man is playing. If I had someone like Channing Tatum in my life, well, you know what you'd do too. That man is beyond sexy.
Turning off the faucet, I scrub the pots and pans in the sink while watching Mister Oh-So-Sexy on the screen. Finishing with the last pot, I wash my hands and head back to my comfortable couch so I can kick back and finish the movie with a glass of wine in my hand.
The doorbell rings and I curse whoever is on the other side. Opening the door, I raise a brow and look at what he's holding. "Your brother stood me up for someone else. I have sushi," he smirks, pushing himself into my home.
Since meeting Stephen, I think I see him more at my house than anyone else. He and Isaac are close and I like having Stephen around—don't get me wrong—but I also like a nice and quiet house.
Although having him here is nice. He helps me when I need it and we talk about things. I'd consider him a good friend and he's hot. Shit, what am I thinking? Stephen's a friend, just a friend. Right?
"Hungry?" He plops down on the other couch and pulls my coffee table towards him. I cringe as he opens the containers and pays attention to the TV. "Oh I am not watching chick flicks tonight." He grabs the remote from the table and flips through the channels. "Isn't there anything else on tonight?"
"Are you seriously eating in my living room?" I ask him in an annoyed tone. Sitting on the couch beside him I look at the sushi, really wanting some, but deciding against it.
"Ahhh, yeah, sweet cheeks, I am."
"Sweet cheeks?"
"Not a fan of the nickname, huh?" I shake my head. "Okay, what about 'Fal'?"
"Or what about Fallyn because that's my name and I think it's a pretty badass name."
"Badass. That's what your nickname is gonna be."
"Then you'll be S."
"Just S?" I nod. "Fine. Badass and S, BFF?"
"You're a dork. But can I ask you something on a very serious level?"
He chews on the piece of sushi he shoved in his mouth and nods his head, keeping his eyes on me.
"I know you joke around a lot about us dating and you wanting to take me out. Do you mean that? Like you want to?"
He swallows and takes a drink of his beer. "I mean, yeah, I think you're hot and we have fun together. Why are you asking?" He pauses and looks at me. "Are you thinking about dating me?"
"Well, I mean, no. You're my best friend and I love hanging out with you." I sigh. "I was just wondering. Thoughts going through my head."
"You can tell me what's going on with you. I know I'm new to not fucking around with women, but if you want to try and date…"
"No," I cut him off. Thinking about dating scares me. I know Brody isn't coming back, but is it too soon? "A lot happened back in Montana and, I don't know, I was just thinking about what's right and what isn't right."
"If you tell me what's going on, I can try and help you."
Taking the chance to tell Stephen about Brody is weird. I haven't told anyone here about my past. I'm not ashamed of it by any means. It's hard and will always be hard. When you open that piece of your heart to someone else it's normal to feel afraid. I trust Stephen and maybe it'll be a good thing to get a different perspective. Without thinking, I tell him about Brody, the life we had, and his last few moments.
"Damn, girl." He brings me in for a hug. I wipe my tears and smile. It's getting easier to talk about him. I don't know if this means I'm cold hearted or if I don't care about him.
"Thank you for listening. I'm trying to talk about him more. It's hard, but getting easier. Does this mean I'm heartless and I don't care?"
"No. Absolutely not. It means that you're healing. Talking about how you feel is good."
"Yeah." I let out a peaceful sigh. No matter how many days, weeks, months, or years pass, I'll remember Brody and our love. He's the piece of me I'll never let go. He has my heart in Heaven and one day we'll be together, but for now, I'm alive and I need to take advantage of that.
"Thank you for being here for me." I kiss him on the cheek. "You really are my best friend."
"You're mine too." He kisses the side of my head and we get comfortable. I pull a blanket from the top of the couch and lay it across our laps. "What are we watching?"
"No idea," he responds, "Just go with it."
"Okay."
We sit in a comfortable silence and finish the movie. To be honest I have no idea what we watched. "Do you wanna watch something else?" I turn and see Stephen passed out on the couch.
"Night." I kiss his forehead and head to my room.
If this were me when I first got to town, I would be freaking out about him staying the night. I'm growing and changing. I like the group of friends I have and I don't mind it when Stephen or anyone else wants to come over and hang out.
Getting comfortable on my bed, I reach over and grip Brody's picture in my hands. Touching his sweet face, admiring him, and missing him. "I told Stephen about you tonight. It felt good. I think it's getting easier and I know that you'd be happy for me that I'm making friends and living my life, but I won't lie, there are days I miss you so much and I'm not sure how I'll get out of bed. I want to move on and be happy, but don't get me wrong; I am happy. There's something missing and I'm not sure what it is. Do you like Stephen?" I pause and let the silence linger in the air. "You know a sign here or there would be nice!"
My phone vibrates on my nightstand. I reach over and unlock my phone. There's a message from Jensen.
Jensen: Hey. Sorry. I know it's late, but do you know where Stephen is?
Me: Yeah, he's at my house. Crashed on the couch. Is everything okay?
Jensen: Oh, okay. Awesome. Yeah, everything's good. I was trying to confirm tomorrow with him and make sure he was still good to go.
Me: What are you two doing tomorrow?
Jensen: Golfing, lol.
Me: LOL, nice. Well, have fun! I'm gonna crash. ttyl.
Jensen: Good night, Fallyn, and sweet dreams.
Me: You too!
I put my phone back on my nightstand and bring my attention back to Brody. "I'm gonna go to bed. I'll dream of you. I love you so much and I miss you. Every single day." Kissing his picture, I set it beside me and close my eyes, falling into a deep sleep.
The next few days pass me by. I'm lucky to have tw
o days off in a row. Forty-eight hours without being around patients and feeling the pressures of the hospital sounds incredible.
Finishing the dishes, I press the start button on my dishwasher and feel arms around my waist. I turn and see Stephen resting his chin on my shoulder.
"What?"
"Don't be mad."
I nudge him in the stomach and turn to face him. "Stephen?"
"Isaac and I went halves on a big screen TV. Yours wasn't doing it for us anymore and it'll be here in ten minutes." He bites his hand and his eyes go wide. "Big screen, Badass. Like big."
"What. The. Hell. Did. You. Do."
"Ah, ah, ah. Don't mock it until you see it." I throw my arms in the air and head to sit on the barstool at the island.
"Plus the guys and girls are coming over in about thirty minutes, so there's that."
"Stephen! This is my house! You can't just invite people over and buy things. Please consult with me."
He places his hand on my shoulders and rubs the impending tension. "No worries. Relax and have fun today. It's a beautiful day and you should really think about getting an in-ground pool. All the cool kids have it."
"Well, this cool kid can't afford it right now, so there's that." I stick out my tongue at him and he immediately grabs it.
"You aren't a child," he smirks. "So no sticking out your tongue." I swat him away and kick his knee. "Okay, you're a child, so go to your room." We burst out laughing and it feels good to feel alive and normal. Having Stephen around is the best medicine.
Not wanting to stick around with the guys I text Lexi and ask what she's up to.
Lexi: Come on over! Bring a suit too!
Grabbing a few things from my room, I tell the boys I'll talk to them later and head out. The drive to Lexi and Larry's is quick. Parking my car I walk around the house and find Lexi and Karly lying on the pool lounges.
"Looks like the two of you are having fun!"
Karly looks up, "You don't even know."
"Where are the kids?"