by Trisha Leigh
A thought wiggles around the edges of my brain for a few seconds until I snag it in my hands and surprise flutters. I can’t believe I didn’t realize sooner. “Wait, have you never been to Danbury before?”
Pax has mentioned Atlanta and Portland. He never said anything about Iowa being new when we were there. It makes sense that Danbury would be the place he would miss out on. The autumns, with their bursts of colorful leaves, are vivid here, and we all seem to skip the location that offers the richest experience of our home season.
“Nope. First time. And I have to say, since I typically spend my winters in Atlanta, this is quite the change of scenery. So was Iowa, where it’s usually spring for me.”
All of the Sanctioned Cities are laid out exactly the same, so it’s not like there’s anything to show him, outside the trees and the weather. Still, we have hours to kill before Leah and her family will retire for the night. It would be okay to check on Mr. Morgan, maybe, if we’re careful.
Before last season, before the Others learned kids like me existed and might be dangerous, no one roamed the streets at night. Adults never left their houses except on preapproved family Outings. Children hunkered indoors no later than 5 p.m. on Cell days. Wardens never showed their faces unless there’d been an accident, a Breaking, or when registering new babies.
Back then no one saw me. Pax and I could have strolled down the middle of the street, laughing at the top of our lungs, and not a single person would have noticed anything amiss.
This world, though, is unknown to me. We’ve been alone in the Wilds for weeks. Those facts might remain the same, or they might be different. Wardens might still patrol every hour, the way they did in the autumn. Our Spritan protection might be weakening along with the beings who designed it. There’s no way for us to know any of those things.
So instead of taking the streets, I lead Pax through the backyards of Danbury, sticking close to the rears of the houses where we won’t be easily seen. The fact that it’s dark—and it’s winter—aids our efforts, since families draw the curtains once night falls. The kitchen windows face the backyards, so we wouldn’t be missed otherwise. My heart hurts when we pass the house where Lucas lived. As we approach the Morgans’ back porch, it aches even deeper, filling my chest with throbbing memories.
Pax sinks down next to me on the Morgans’ back porch, the red bricks cold but free of snow. Mr. Morgan must have cleaned the porch off after he finished his Career duties today. The thought of him in there all alone, with no one to talk to while he eats dinner or watches his Saturday movies, shoves a wet rag in my throat. It’s impossible to swallow, and soon it pushes tears down my cheeks. I look away, hoping to hide them from Pax.
It’s not that I don’t think he’d understand how it makes me sad to think of a lonely Mr. Morgan. It’s more that Pax has a strange way of making me feel like an equal—a girl strong enough to stand beside him, capable of handling anything the world can throw at me. Even now, he doesn’t mention my weakness, and we sit there in silence as the moon rises and stars wink into the clear black sky, the earlier clouds having dissipated. The temperature drops until my entire body quakes, especially since my sweatshirt is now wrapped around Wolf’s injuries. When the Morgans’ kitchen light winks out, I rub the water from my cheeks and take a few trembling breaths.
“You know, I can think of a really fun way to warm up, if you’re interested.” Pax’s teasing smile makes clear his meaning, heating my cheeks. As we’ve become surer of each other’s presence, he’s been more apt to bring the unspoken attraction between us into the realm of acknowledgment, ensuring I can’t forget about it, no matter how hard I try.
The mental image of kissing him again, of the spicy sweet taste of his mouth on mine, lights my entire body on fire. I try to hide my embarrassment, and also my reaction, but his stupid smile grows wider until it looks as though it’s going to fall off his face.
To distract him, and also because my own body is annoying me, I stand up and rub my hands together as though that’s preferable to his plan for warming up. “You are so irritating. Let’s go.”
“You like me.”
Rolling my eyes, I retrace our steps from earlier toady. Pax traipses along side me, his self-assurance soaking the air around us. I do like him, despite the care we’ve taken to ensure that the attraction between us doesn’t get out of hand. I don’t know why it feels like such a betrayal of Lucas to admit it, but it doesn’t feel like it’s okay to like them both.
We’re going to have to find a way to work together, and in this entire universe, there are only three people who can understand what’s going on inside of me. It should make me happy that both Pax and Lucas are kind people who make me smile, who make me feel good about myself in different ways. And it does. It would be better if the two boys were attached to feelings of simple friendship, though. Instead, with their stupid kisses and scents and their ability to create safety in the circles of their arms, the emotions they stir inside me are more than that.
Needing to tread carefully, I consider my response. Now is not the time to get caught up in feelings, not when the fate of our lives and the planet hang in the balance. “Of course I like you. You’re a good friend.”
Pax snorts. “You like me a lot.”
I can’t help but smile. “Yes. I like you a lot. Now, be quiet.”
CHAPTER 21.
We walk the rest of the way to Leah’s in companionable silence. All of the houses are dark, the yards still. There’s no wind to hide the sound of our crunching footsteps but not a single person has been outside since the kids returned home after their free hour, so there’s no reason to be concerned about being discovered.
Our destination looks exactly like every other house on the block. Pax and I lock eyes on the back porch, silently agreeing that this plan is still a go. Well, my eyes ask him the question but he only shrugs, like, Your plan, crazy girl, before grinning at me again.
The doorknob turns easily in my hand. Some of the Cell rooms are locked, but our houses usually aren’t. I never thought about it before, but it makes sense. That way the Others have free access to us—their property—anytime, day or night.
We pause in the kitchen, listening for a moment. No sound penetrates the perfect blackness, so I take the lead, holding my breath as we tiptoe past the master bedroom. Up the stairs, I choose the room that’s in the same place as mine always was, with a window that overlooks the street. The day Lucas was hurt I learned that his room was placed in the same position, so it stands to reason that Leah’s would be, too.
That, at least, works in our favor. It takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust, but the moonlight slipping through the part in the curtains helps. The shadows of furniture appear first, then Leah’s still form in the bed. Up close, her midnight curls are exactly as I remember, and just as wild. The bed dwarfs her tiny frame, making her appear like a small child instead of a sixteen-year-old girl like me.
Pax stays back by the windows. A good idea, considering she’s never seen him before. And in any case, having a boy looming over her bed would be the surest way to make her go banana balls. There’s actually no way that I know of to wake someone that isn’t startling.
I kneel on the floor and reach out a tentative hand, shaking her shoulder gently.
Leah’s eyes pop open and fill with fear, and I slap my hand over her mouth before she can yell. It takes just a moment, even in the dark, before she recognizes me and her eyes fill up with tears. Those two reactions say she remembers everything and she’s still free from Other control. Regular humans don’t cry. Ever. They don’t even know what tears are.
I remove my hand from her lips and try a smile.
Hers is a little wobbly but she manages one, too. “Althea?”
Her eyes find Pax as he moves to my side, his own disarming smile firmly in place. It doesn’t seem to affect her as it does me; confusion and wariness sputter across her dainty features.
“Who’s he?” Leah has the pre
sence of mind to whisper, even though she doesn’t look pleased.
“This is Pax. He’s like me…and Lucas.”
“Where’s Lucas, though?” Her question is faintly accusatory, as though I lost him on purpose, and adds another million pounds to the guilt already in residence on my shoulders.
I try and fail to stop tears from flooding my eyes. “I don’t know. He’s not here, then? You haven’t seen him since autumn?”
Dismay pulls her lips down into a frown and pinches a line at the bridge of her nose. “No. Not since you guys helped me and ran off.”
“Oh.” It takes a moment, but I shake off the sorrow. I knew he wouldn’t be here. We came for answers, not to find Lucas. “Well, Pax and I ended up here kind of by accident, and I wanted to come and see if you were okay. So…are you okay?”
In perhaps the most surprising thing to happen to me all winter—which is saying a lot—Leah leans forward and throws her arms around my neck, tugging me into a hug. I wrap my arms around her in return, and it feels nice. Like maybe Leah and I could be friends. It’s strange to think I could make friends by just being myself, emotions and all. Pax and Lucas are my friends, but because we’ve been forced together because of what we are, not because we chose one another. It doesn’t mean we don’t like one another, but this is different.
When she pulls back, her smile is shy. “Thanks. I’m okay. It’s been easier than I imagined, honestly. Except for the fact that I’m really lonely most of the time.”
The ache of loss in her voice speaks to that place inside me, the empty one that hollowed out over years of having not a single person with whom to share my life. I squeeze her hand. “I know. I understand, believe me. What’s been going on with the Others since Lucas and I disappeared?”
“They left the same night and haven’t been back. Except to collect a Broken baby. And our chemistry Monitor. She Broke, too, they said.”
The woman with the quivery smile. She’d never been quite right. Content enough, but not like the rest of them.
We stay for hours, letting Leah talk and ask as many questions as we can answer. It’s clear she’s not satisfied with our responses from the pink in her cheeks and the way her voice continues to rise. But the night outside the window fades to gray, signaling that it’s time to go.
Leah finally says what’s on her mind. “I thought you guys were going to fix this.”
The accusation drapes over the chilly space. I don’t know what to tell her.
“Fix what?” Pax comes to my rescue. And while his question could be construed as belligerent or defensive, instead it’s soft and heavy with trepidation.
He recognizes not only the sorrow in Leah but the implied expectation.
“Everything. All of us. The Others aren’t going to let us live once they’re done with our planet.”
Her trust confirms that we are burdened with the survival of an entire planet, an entire race, and one that we don’t even truly belong to. The saving grace is that Leah is the only person we’re going to let down because no one else is aware of the dire situation they’re living in.
“Leah…” I stop, gather my thoughts, then try again. “Leah, we don’t know what we’re doing. We only just learned why we’re different, that we’re not affected by the mind control.”
“But you have powers. I saw them.”
The last thing I want to do is dampen the hope burning in her smoky gray gaze. “We do have powers. We’re figuring out how they might be able to help everyone, I promise. We’re trying.”
Pax surprises me by sitting on the edge of the bed. He takes a deep breath, then locks eyes with this poor girl who has no one to count on but us. “We can’t promise anything. But we’re not giving up, okay? We’re going to try our best to fix it.”
It’s the first time he’s admitted that he thinks the humans and their home might be worth saving. The doubt threaded into his words says he still doesn’t believe we can win. Even I can’t see a way out of this, and if anything, Pamant’s display of horrible Element power has further convinced me that we don’t stand a chance. We’re probably going to die, our brains picked into a million pieces.
But we’re going to fight.
Leah bites her bottom lip and does her best to smile, then wraps her curls up in a ponytail. She excuses herself to go to the wasteroom, leaving Pax and I alone with this new awareness hovering between us. That he’s going to care.
He smiles and shrugs, and I reach out and punch his shoulder affectionately. Something Leah said makes me think, and when she returns, dressed in jeans and a deep purple sweater, I decide to ask yet another favor. “You said something earlier about what’s going to happen when the Others are ‘done with our planet.’ What did you mean by that?”
She gives me a weird look, as though I’ve gone daft, and it’s so much like the old, sarcastic Leah. “What we realized in astronomy the day Greg Broke. All of the Others’ host planets are extinct. Why would we be any different?”
An idea springs to mind. “Would you be willing to do something for us? A bit of information gathering?”
I kind of expected a fearful response from her, given that she’s already hiding in plain sight. Every day, she could make a slip that could be reported and get her hauled away in a matter of minutes. Instead, excitement lights her eyes until they sparkle. She and Pax have a similar inclination for mischief, it seems.
“Sure. What do you want me to do?”
“Just keep your eyes and ears open. If we’re going to get rid of the Others, we’re going to have to find out what it is they need to survive, what they need from Earth and the humans. So we can take it away.”
“How is she going to find that out? Not even Cadi and Ko know the answer, and their planet was already destroyed.” Skepticism creases the skin around Pax’s eyes, along with what looks like concern that poking around could get Leah into trouble.
It warms my blood that he cares about what happens to a girl he’s never met before today. “Maybe she can’t learn anything, I don’t know. But what’s it going to hurt for her to be extra observant?”
“I have an idea,” Leah interrupts, a genuine smile beaming from her face. “What if I do some research when I can? We have astronomy books, right? And the Monitors love when we’re extra curious about planets and their specifics. Maybe if I learn everything I can about the Others’ previous hosts, some commonality will emerge that could lead us to the answer.”
It’s smart. Whether or not it could be that simple to learn why the Others choose their hosts remains to be seen, but it’s proactive, and the idea of being one step ahead fills me with excitement, too. We’ve been reacting to everything—knowledge, events, attacks—since last season. It’s like protecting Wolf and shoving fire out the window yesterday. If we want to even have a chance at winning back this planet, the three of us have to find a way to go on the offensive instead of playing catch up all the time.
Neither of us responds right away, causing embarrassment and doubt to rise in Leah’s eyes. “It’s silly, I guess. I mean…”
“Leah, it’s not silly at all. I think it’s a really good idea. Just please be careful.” I let the hope fizzing in my heart bubble out in my voice.
“Althea’s right. We’d love it if you could help, but the last thing we want is for something to happen to you. This is our fight. So don’t get hurt.”
Leah levels one of her classic contemptuous gazes at my autumn friend. He jerks away as though it’s a physical force and I stifle a snort.
“With all due respect, strange boy I just met, this is my fight, too. It’s all of our fight because this planet belongs to humanity. I happen to be the only person who knows what’s really going on, that’s all.”
Pax raises his hand and retreats from the bed, standing by my side. “Fair enough.”
I let myself smile. It might be a long time before we can find our way back to Danbury, so I’m glad that Leah will have something to hold on to during the times it feel
s like she can’t go on alone another day. I had Ko; Leah has us. And after we find Lucas, we’ll find a way to come back to hear what Leah has found out. At least we have some information already—the Wardens haven’t come back since Lucas and I traveled.
I lean down and snag Leah into another quick hug. “We have to go before your parents wake up. But thank you, Leah. We’ll be back to check on you again when we can.”
“Wait. There’s no Cell today; it’s Saturday. Would you wait until free hour? I’ll meet you in the park if you want. There’s something I need to show you.”
We shouldn’t. Pax and I don’t even know how we’re going to leave or how we’re going to get to Portland. But we owe this girl, and the ability to say no escapes me. “Sure. In a few hours, then?” My stomach grumbles. “And maybe sneak us a little food? We haven’t eaten in a while.”
“Yes. I won’t be late.”
“We’ll be at the boundary outside the park.”
***
Pax and I get back to the spot where we crossed through the fence within ten minutes, before the sun wakes up the town. Our breath still billows in frosty clouds before our faces, and I pick up a sturdy stick and poke it through the fence, using it to open the gate for the second time.
The sight of Wolf bounding up to greet us makes me grin, and a glance at Pax reveals he feels the same way about our furry pal.
“Hey, Wolf! Did you miss us, buddy?” I kneel in the snow, letting him lick my cheek, not worrying about my jeans getting wet and cold.
“Since we have to wait a couple of hours on your friend, let’s find somewhere dry to sit and start figuring out how we’re going to get out of here.”
The two of us hardly speak for the next three hours except to toss out ideas that the other shoots down. The notion that we might have to be in mortal danger in order to travel on our own is discomfiting. I’d rather not get into a bad position just so we can get to Portland. Walking is a better option, even if it does take until spring. The sun breaks through the heavy gray clouds, warming the winter day to a tolerable temperature and melting some of the snow.