He admitted it was an excuse. He’d been getting too close to her and it had scared him. Big-time. The last church service they had gone to had kept him up hours contemplating life. And he realized that Christianity wasn’t the way his parents had taught him while he was growing up. Not at all. There was so much more to it. And Annie was the perfect example of a Christian. Though she didn’t know it, she’d even influenced Sean. He’d said if her attitudes were what Christianity was about, he just might be interested.
He’d realized his feelings ran way too deep for this woman and he couldn’t commit to her. He couldn’t because every time he looked at her he would be reminded of his broken relationship with Christ. If that wasn’t proof that he was no good with relationships, he didn’t know what was.
When he’d seen Sean kiss her, however, his mind had short-circuited. For one moment, as he’d held her in the limo, he’d thought of spilling his guts and telling her how he really felt, but reality had come crashing back in on him when he’d thought long-term. He’d allowed his fear of failed relationships to rule him and sent her away.
He would never forget the devastated look on her face.
As he’d sat there contemplating it, he’d gotten a call from Sean chewing him out for leaving Annie alone on the plane and forcing him to go back to Holland and then a second call saying his son was there and in a panic.
He’d talked to Sean two more times during the night. What he’d told him had stunned him. Annie had actually held his son while he cried and talked to him, comforting him. He was surprised Annie was still there actually.
And then she’d fixed them hot cocoa.
Jealousy reared its head, but Sean scolded him in three languages, telling him what an idiot he was not to accept that Annie loved him and that he loved Annie.
As usual, his friend was right.
Though he wasn’t happy with the way Sean had taught him the lesson, he knew Sean was right.
Now, at the house, he saw Sean come walking out in the early dawn light, hands in his pockets, looking pretty weary himself.
“I’m glad you’re here. Annie’s leaving.”
Victor paused. “When?”
“In about twenty minutes. I’ve put her off as long as I can, but she’s got a plane to catch.”
He blinked as it dawned on him what Sean meant. “She’s going back to America.”
Sean nodded.
Victor hesitated. “Because of our fight?”
He shook his head. “No. She says her kids need her. Her daughter is pregnant and wants an abortion and evidently…get ready for this, Jake. We made international TV news, fighting out in front of the club, and Annie was right in the middle of it. Her kids saw the show.
“She’s beside herself. Totally humiliated. Said at one point her reputation was ruined, and she’d probably never be accepted in Brownsville, Louisiana, again.”
He groaned. “I don’t have time for this. I’ve been on the phone with my lawyer about getting full custody rights to my son. After what I told him, he didn’t think it’d be that hard since Josh is thirteen. I need to see to Josh—”
“Josh is asleep. You’d better talk to Annie first.”
Victor nodded and started past Sean.
Sean caught his arm. “Victor…?”
Victor paused. He finally met Sean’s gaze. “It’s okay.” He shrugged. “It was only something I’ve seen you do with a thousand other women on a dozen different sets.”
“Hey,” Sean said, good-naturedly.
“Okay, maybe not that many leading ladies in the movies, but…I realize now you were trying to get my attention.”
“Did it work?”
Victor paused and nodded. “Just don’t ever do that to Annie again.”
Sean lifted his hands. “I think of her as a sister,” he said and smiled.
“You’re one sick man,” Victor replied.
Sean chuckled. “Okay, I think of her as a sister-in-law, brother,” he added.
Victor paused, then reached up and clapped Sean on the shoulder.
He continued up the steps. “Where is she?”
“In the library.”
He nodded.
Going into the house he paused to glance around. A fishing pole and skateboard propped by the door were the only evidence that his son had arrived.
The floral suitcase by the door was the evidence that Annie was leaving.
He strolled across the room to the library door and tapped, then he entered.
Annie sat in a wingback chair, a book opened in her lap.
It was his poetry.
She quickly closed it and set it aside.
She stood. “Victor,” she said and clasped her hands. Her gaze skittered away.
What could he say? “I’m sorry, Annie.”
Her gaze touched his and then fled. “It’s okay.”
He slowly strode across the room and dropped onto the sofa. “I hear you’re leaving.”
She nodded.
“Your daughter, Sean said. A crisis.”
Her shoulders slumped with relief. “Is he still in one piece?” she asked warily.
He nodded. “I was afraid you might have taken him apart after what Sean told me on the phone. Seems he met you at the airport…” He trailed off to let her elaborate.
She didn’t.
Finally, she took a breath. “Victor, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I led you on. I’ve had a wonderful time here, but I have got to go home to my kids. They need me.”
Victor blanched at her words. “Annie, you didn’t lead me on.”
She shook her head.
He added, “And while your daughter might need you, she is thirty-two. She’s old enough to make her own decisions.”
He thought he found all of this with the kids awfully convenient. So, he thought he had to suggest a possibility. “Sean told me they saw us on TV. Are you sure that’s not why she called and is causing such a ruckus? They’ve controlled your life for a long time.”
Annie flushed. “That’s not true! Yes, they were upset about seeing me, but Susan is having a real crisis and needs me.”
“They have to start living on their own sometime,” Victor suggested gently. “My wife was a lot like the way you’ve described your kids. She was totally self-serving, wanting only what she wanted. She would do anything to manipulate me into getting it. That’s how Josh came about.”
He paused and shifted forward in his chair. Perhaps he shouldn’t be taking such a direct approach, but time was short and he thought being blunt was best. “She told me she was on the pill but she lied because she wanted a child. She was never on the pill, she told me later.”
He remembered the anger and bitterness he’d felt toward her, but how he’d finally let go of that. “I accepted it because Josh had been born and I loved him. But it was no loss when she left. She’s always throwing things away when they become no use to her, just like she’s doing with Josh now.”
He thought of his son upstairs and then forced his mind back to the situation at hand.
“I’d like you to stay and let us talk this out. But I’m afraid this problem may take a while to resolve.”
“I can’t just leave my kids hanging back in Brownsville,” Annie said quietly.
“They’re grown,” he countered, wanting to make her get this point so he could then discuss the fiasco of the previous night.
“But they need me.”
Victor sighed. “You can’t let others run your life, Annie. That’s what you’ve been doing your entire life. For the first time in your life, since you’ve been here, you’ve been free and doing things that you wanted to do. The painting, the horses, the premiere. You’ve been living again.”
“Their mom has always told them I’m trash.”
He nodded. Her words only proved what he’d been saying. He hated that she’d received the same knowledge about her stepchildren from him. “You are anything but, Annie.” He leaned forward and took her hands. “Don’t
let them treat you like trash, Annie.”
She shook her head. “I’m not. But I can’t stay here anyway, Victor.”
“Why not?” he asked, calmly.
She glanced away and gently pulled her hands from his before clasping them in her lap. “For the very reasons you gave. I can’t let someone else run my life.” She hesitated, the pain on her face clearly showing in the new lines that formed as she tried to articulate what she wanted to say. Finally, she whispered, “I love you, Victor, but you have a lot of issues you have to settle in your life. And as long as I’m around, you’re going to use me as a substitute for those problems.”
Her words hit him between the eyes.
She loved him.
He’d known it. As much as he had fought it, from the first day he’d seen her, he’d known he couldn’t stay away, and he’d known this was exactly what would happen.
He didn’t want this.
He wasn’t the type to be tied down, especially when he felt so out of control since meeting her.
“There was a man in the Bible called Jacob,” Annie continued, and she was oblivious to what was going on inside him. “He ran from God his entire life. He had relationship problems—with his dad, his brother, with God. God had finally to cripple him to get his attention. But when God did that, He renamed him Israel and a nation was born of him, Jake,” she said softly and he caught her use of his name Jake.
It was easy to see what she was getting at.
“I’m not running from God,” he argued.
“Oh?” she asked.
She glanced at the clock on the mantel and stood. “I have to go, Victor, but I hope you’ll consider what I said.”
He couldn’t believe she was leaving.
He was a total jerk, totally selfish because he wanted her to stay.
“Annie—” he said and stood.
She hesitated and stared at him. He couldn’t do it. She was right. He had issues he was dealing with. He didn’t want an ever-after type of relationship; he knew it couldn’t work…and if he asked her to stay, that’s what she’d want. She was a good girl.
“I’m not running from God,” he said, and thought, Where did that come from? Out of everything they’d said, for some reason, that was the one thing which had stuck in his mind.
“Goodbye, Victor.”
She turned and walked out of the door.
Victor simply stared.
He heard Sean’s voice and then the front door open and close.
Eventually, he heard the car start.
The sound of the moving vehicle drifted to him as it drove off.
When all was quiet he finally realized he’d lost Annie.
Because of his stubborn pride and stupidity, he’d lost Annie.
For the first time in so long that he couldn’t remember he dropped to his knees and he cried. And while he was there he asked God to show him again what love was.
Eventually he realized that God had indeed been chasing him. And when Annie had come into his life, God, through her gentle words and spirit, had brought him to a place he needed to be.
His bitterness and anger were gone and his searching heart could once again seek more than empty promises to fill the hole that was left.
And with seeking, he realized there were several things he had to do. His son, his spiritual life… So many things had to be righted.
He stood and crossed to the phone and called his lawyer, with whom he had an intense but productive conversation.
“So, are you going after her?”
He glanced at Sean who had just entered, and asked as he hung up the phone, “Why are you still hanging around?”
Sean smiled. “Because I want to see you do the right thing.”
Victor sighed. Going around the sofa, he dropped into a chair. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re meddlesome?”
Sean chuckled. “You. Every chance you get. So, are you going after her?” Sean crossed to the sofa and sank down onto it, his legs sprawling out in front of him. Though Sean looked relaxed, Jake knew that inside, his feelings didn’t mirror his posture. He could see the dark concern that flickered to the forefront in Sean’s eyes when he didn’t think Jake would notice.
Victor chuckled. “You don’t give up, do you?”
Sean only smiled that smile of his that didn’t fool Jake for a moment.
Victor decided to tell Sean the truth. “I’m going to wait for my lawyer to call. He’s pretty sure he can get my ex-wife to sign full custody over. Then I’m going to tell my son the good news and in the meantime, I am going to go to church.”
“Church? But it’s only Thursday.” Sean looked at his watch, confirming the date. Casting a quizzical gaze at Victor he said, “You do remember Annie? Who just left you?”
Jake nodded. “But there are things in my life. I need to start over. I have to get my life in order first. Then I can go after her. The small church Annie took us to meets on Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays.”
“And you’re going to go today?”
“Tonight actually. I’m going to take Josh to dinner after I tell him the plans. Then I’m going. Why don’t you join us?”
Sean hesitated. “I don’t know.” It was obvious he didn’t understand why Victor wasn’t going after Annie immediately. But Victor understood and Victor knew Annie would as well.
“You can work on me some more about going after Annie.”
Sean grinned, his attention diverted to what Victor had said. “I don’t trick that easily. You won’t let me talk during the service.”
“We can talk on the way there and back.”
“Will you let me lay out the reasons you should go?”
Victor nodded. “And then I’ll tell you my reasons for waiting.”
“Put that way…” He nodded. “You’ve got a deal.”
Chapter Sixteen
Annie opened the door and was not surprised to find a flower delivery truck in her driveway.
“Mrs. Hooper?”
Annie nodded.
“These are for you.”
“Thank you.” She took the yellow tulips. They were beautiful.
And they were so appreciated.
Lifting the card, she found it said, Hoe is het met jou?
Her fingers trembled as she read the words. There was no name, just that phrase written upon it. Though it sounded familiar, she couldn’t remember the translation.
Tulips.
He’d remembered her secret love of tulips.
Never in her life had anyone ever sent her tulips.
She’d arrived home three weeks ago, to the hot humid and very overpowering Louisiana heat. Wilting, she’d come home only to have her daughter stop by and blithely inform her, as she asked for more money, that she wasn’t really pregnant. Her daughter had only said that to make Annie realize that it could have happened, since Annie wasn’t being responsible and was running all over Europe with some movie star.
Annie had been furious. At her daughter and herself. Victor had been right. He’d known without even talking to her daughter that she had been lying.
They’d had a huge argument that had ended when Annie had told her daughter she was cutting the apron strings. Her daughter had thrown a statue, shattering it and Annie had told her to leave until she could treat her better.
It hadn’t taken long for her stepson, Mark, to hear of the fight.
He’d shown up, laundry in tow, to test the waters.
Annie had informed him she wasn’t a washeteria. And then she’d dropped the bombshell. The money in the trust that their father had left them had been split up. She’d opened accounts for both children and had given them all but enough money to last her for two months.
Mark had been stunned. And then he’d told Annie he loved her and if she needed the money—
But Annie had simply said no. She was glad to know that Mark loved her. She had really begun to wonder. But giving them the money had been for the best. The children had been obsessed w
ith the money their father had left her. By getting rid of it, giving it all to the kids, they would then have no more fuel from their mom against her. They could love her or not. They wouldn’t be coming to her begging for money anymore—at least not their daddy’s money. Nor hers since she wouldn’t have any. She really was starting all over again.
But Victor had changed something in her. She was living again, felt alive and young, despite the fight they’d had. He had changed her in so many ways.
And though she missed Victor dreadfully, she admitted she needed the time away to break free and start her own life.
Which included the new job. Without Harry’s money, she would need that job—desperately. She felt more qualified since the art lessons Victor had given her.
She wondered what Victor was up to….
She looked again at the flowers and then, on impulse, went to the small rolltop desk and pulled out some writing paper. Sitting down, she began to write:
Sitting here alone, in the quiet of the house, I ponder
What is the weather like in Holland and yonder.
Is it still cool and lush and green?
Are the tulips still on the scene?
“It’s a letter from Annie,” Victor said, wiping his face and sitting down in his chair at work.
He and Sean were doing some extra scenes on the movie that was due out at the end of the year and he’d had his mail forwarded.
“Oh?” Sean asked. He straightened his chain mail and threw the long black strands from the wig back over his neck. “What does she have to say?” Grabbing up a bottle of water he took a long cool swallow.
Victor was already reading.
But none matters without you there,
for what is beauty with an empty soul?
What are flowers and life and cares,
When my heart is now an empty hole?
“She really doesn’t write verse well,” he murmured, a grin on his face. “But I’ll never trade this letter for anything.”
“She wrote you poetry?” Sean asked. “Let me see.”
Victor held the letter up out of reach.
“I think it’s time I finally go visit,” he said quietly.
“Finally? It’s been nearly two months and you think it’s finally time you go?” Sean dropped back in his seat with a big grin on his face.
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