When he dropped out she didn’t really see him anymore. She only came around when Joss and I were alone together at Jaxon’s or when she was only going to need to see Jaxon for small moments.
The issue wasn’t Joss, I think she felt that she wasn’t good enough for Jaxon.
I tried to get her to tell him, I didn’t know if he liked her as well. It felt silly to ask my brother if he liked my best friend, but she always refused. She said it would make things weird.
As soon as I send Alexis a text asking if she was interested in joining J and I, she calls me back. I answer, putting her on speaker “Party time Joss? Of course I will come.” She was play screaming into the phone
Josslyn’s face is plastered with a huge smile as she starts clapping her hands in excitement “bring your nail polish and slippers.” I tell Alexis “Joss and I will order Chinese
“Okie dokie, I will see you dolls in a few.” She agrees, ending the call
We pull up to my house about 10 minutes later, I see Deans truck is still in the driveway, a black Escalade SUV is now parked behind it. Dark tinted windows making the large vehicle look like it belonged to someone important.
I pulled Josslyn’s overnight back over my shoulder, then reached into the back seat to pull her out. She had started to doze off on the way over after we were finished talking to Lexie, so I carry her into the house.
When I open the front door, Joss lays her head on my shoulder, her arm wrapped around my neck half asleep I pull out my keys and head to my door.
Just as I stick the key into the dock, Dean’s door opens and a man in an expensive suit comes walking out, Dean behind him
“I’ll see you.” The man spots me and Joss and smiles “you must be Olivia, Dean was just telling me about you.”
I nod “hi?” I say confused as to who he is
The man laughs reaching out his hand “I’m Ryan, Dean’s older and better looking brother.” Flirting, apparently it’s hereditary
I shake his hand “I’m Liv.” I smile letting go of his hand to unlock my door and get Joss inside
I look back at Dean, who doesn’t seem impressed with his brother’s flirting.
Ryan looks at me “who is this little cutie?” gesturing to Josslyn
“This, is my niece.” Leaving it at that.
“Not much of a talker are you Olivia?” Ryan asks
“No, I am I just don’t know who you are.” I laugh embarrassed
He doesn’t get a chance to say much else, Alexis comes walking through the front door at that very moment, seeing us all in the entry way.
She smiles when she sees Joss and I, Joss hears her coming and lifts her head up suddenly wide awake. She wiggles for me to let her down and runs over to Alexis who picks her up right away and hugs her.
Alexis looks at Ryan, Dean and then me lifting a brow at me in question
She looks back to Ryan “I know you, Ryan Corvus right?”
He looks at her and smiles “yes, I have seen you as well you work at Mark’s right?”
Alexis nods
Dean takes this chance to get his brother’s attention “all right Ry, leave the ladies alone I will call you later when I have more information about what we talked about.”
Ryan looks back at me and smiles “it was so nice to meet you Olivia, my brother has mentioned you a few times this week.”
I look back at Dean who offers a small almost insecure smile.
“Are you sure he was talking about me? I am pretty sure he was probably talking about the girl leaving his apartment this morning.”
Dean grips his door knob
Ryan just laughs “yeah Dean, I see what you mean now.”
He smiles again and heads out the door
I turn my back to Dean and open the door, opening it wide for Alexis and Josslyn to come through
As soon as they step through I move to close the door but Dean sticks his boot blocking, so that I am unable to shut the door.
“Can we talk for just a second Olivia?” he whispers
I look pleadingly at Alexis to step in and give an excuse on my behalf, but she doesn’t know about the Dean drama.
I had told her about the sexy neighbor the very night that he and I met but she didn’t know about the girl leaving this morning or just how I couldn’t get him out of my mind.
“Fine” I sigh stepping back into the hall and closing my door behind me “what’s up?”
He looks back at his place “what you saw this morning, I didn’t realize you would be out here.”
“Dean, seriously it’s okay” I laugh “I don’t know why you have to apologize to me for having a girlfriend.”
He looks down at his hands before he shoves them into the pocket of his jeans
“I don’t have a girlfriend.” He says not meeting my eyes
“Okay, well fuck buddy, friend with benefits I don’t know what you call her, it’s honestly none of my business we barely know each other you don’t owe me an explanation.” I reply
“I do Olivia, I do owe you an explanation, but I can’t even give you one.”
I shake my head “that doesn’t even make sense Dean, I don’t even know you why would you need explain who you sleep with.”
“Because since the moment I saw you, I wanted you and there is no place in my life for someone like you.”
Insults. They always help
“Well, thanks I am glad we cleared that up.” I say taking a step back towards my door
“Stop Liv I am trying to talk to you.” He reaches for my arm “I can’t pretend that I am a good guy, I don’t date. I have never even met a girl I wanted to date before you, but I can’t be with you. Not in the way that you deserve.”
“What makes you think I would want to be with you?” I ask
“The way that you looked at me the other day when I told you how beautiful you were, and the way that you looked at me when you saw Stella leaving my apartment this morning.”
Stella, she has a name of course it would be a beautiful name
“So then why all this chattering, you made it clear I am not good enough for you so let’s move on we are neighbors it’s all good we are going to see each other here and there no need for hard feelings.”
He sighs with annoyance “I want to be with you Liv, seriously it’s the most fucked up thing I have ever felt but I will rip you a part. I will break you into a million pieces with my life and I can’t do that to you. I already feel way too much, none of this would work.” He says gesturing between us
I nod my head not looking at him.
There isn’t anything I can say
“My life is a complicated mess, you are way too perfect to be wrapped up in the choices that I make.” His voice is quiet again, he takes a step towards me, bending his knees slightly so that he is nearly nose to nose with me
His left hand reaches up to tuck my loose hair behind my ear “I need to have you in my life though, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since the day I walked out of your place.”
I nod again
“We can be friends, I just can’t date you. I just need you to be a part of my life in some form. Do you think you would be up for that?”
I think for a moment. Can I feel all these feelings that are so new and still be just friends with Dean?
I look up into his crystal blue eyes. So full of emotions, none of which say he wants to be just my friend
“We can try.” I agree
“Thank you.” He sighs, leaning in and kisses my cheek
I turn and walk back towards my apartment
“Well friend do you want to come over and paint your toes and eat Chinese with us?” I ask
He laughs “sure, as long as I don’t have to paint my toes pink.”
Chapter Eight
Josslyn fell for Dean that night.
She asked for him to read her a bedtime story, she asked him to paint her toes instead of Lexi or I, she wanted to eat with him. He was amazing about
all of it. I could tell that he didn’t have much experience with little kids, he would act as if she was going to break if he sat too close to her but after a while he was like a pro.
When she fell asleep between he and I, he carried her to bed I tucked her in and kissed her goodnight.
When I stood up and made my way to her bedroom door, Dean was standing in the door way
“You are amazing with her.” He says with awe in his voice
“Thank you, I love her to pieces, she’s just perfect.”
“Do you want kids?” he asks throwing me off with his question
“I think it’s one of those things I am made to do at some point in my life. I just feel like when the time is right I can’t wait to be a mom. What about you?”
He looked at me with such sadness in his eyes “I’ll never have children.”
“Okay Dean, why so ominous with everything? We can’t be together, you will never have kids. Why do you make all these choices now? What is so bad about your job that you can’t be happy?”
“I can’t tell you.”
Chapter Nine
I don’t try to pry for Dean to tell me what he does for a living.
He spends a lot of time with me after that night.
When Josslyn comes over he would hang out with us after she and I had alone time. She usually begs me to text him to see if he wants come play with us
He’s amazing. He orders food. He cooks. He rubs my feet, opens doors and always asks about my day. He’s very attentive
When he learns about my mom and dad, he doesn’t really say a whole lot. He tells me how amazing he thinks I am for walking away from all of that, and for helping Jaxon raise Josslyn.
His brother Ryan comes around quite often, he seems to stress Dean out at times but for the most part he hangs out with us at my place and seems pretty cool. We never go to Dean’s which is okay. I’m more comfortable in my own space anyway.
We spend a whole month together, nearly nonstop before he has to go away for the first time. From what I gather whatever Dean does for a living Ryan has a hand in it. Whatever Dean does Ryan calls the shots.
Ryan has come by to drop “information” off to Ryan a few times, always in manila envelopes and Dean always gets up and walk into his apartment to take care of them. He has never opened them in front of me.
The day before he leaves for his job he seems needy with me
We are not dating obviously, but we have done a lot of making out. He stops it each time before it can go further than that
Tonight however, before he heads out of town for a few days, he seems to need more.
He sends me a text message earlier in the day, asking me if he can hang out with me. Of course I reply yes. He tells me he will come over as soon as he gets out of the shower, so I unlock the door for him like I always do.
I change into a white tank top and a pair of light purple Capri pajama bottoms
Part of me wants to look cute, but he has been coming by so often I feel like I don’t really need to try and impress him. He’s kissed me when I have just finished working out, or am in a bad mood, getting dressed up feels silly. Instead of doing anything cute with my hair like I have every other time I knew he was coming by, I just throw it up in a high pony tail and wash off my makeup from the day.
When I come out into the kitchen, Dean is just closing the front door with the pizza in his hands.
He looks up at me and gave me a small smile
He brings the pizza into the living room and sits it down on the coffee table.
I go into the kitchen to grab plates and two soda’s and carry them in. He takes the plates from my hands and gives us each a slice of pizza before starting the movie.
He’s wearing a white T shirt that is tight on him. All his shirts seem to be tight I have noticed, which always makes me want him even more.
We never really sit super close while we hang out. Yes we have made out a few times, but it wasn’t anything more than that. It’s not usually on the couch. I can only imagine how much harder it would be to stop if it had been.
He’s always the one who pulls away. He says sorry and then it doesn’t happen for a few days.
I never feel sorry. But it bugs me that he does.
Tonight however, when he is done eating Dean moves closer
I don’t say anything when he grabs my blanket and lays it partially over his lap
But him being so close makes the nerves inside me start running
My back is to the arm of the couch, my knees are pulled up to my chest with my feet sitting towards the middle of the couch. Now that Dean is sitting the way that he is, he’s practically sitting on top of my feet
He gently pulls them onto his lap under the blanket.
I look up at him and notice that he is still watching the movie, but every few seconds or so he looks at me out of the corner of his eye
I turn back to watch the movie. It’s another romance tonight, I think Dean assumes that is what I like. I can’t imagine a guy like him actually enjoying movies like this
I start to get into the movie when I feel him start to slowly rub my feet.
He’s given me foot rubs before, but usually massaging not like this, not like he is just absent mindedly rubbing
I try to ignore him, it tickles so my foot twitches
The next time my feet wiggle he grabs them firmer and pushes them down into his lap against his semi hard erection
He grips my feet together and pumps his hips up while pushing them against him
I look up at his face, his head is laid back against the couch, and his eyes seem darker watching me
I don’t say anything he just continues to do the same thing for several moments
Then he leans towards me, taking his left arm and wrapping it around the nape of my neck pulling me toward him so he can reach
Normally his kisses always start out really slow, gentle
This one is anything but that. It’s rough almost inpatient, as if he thinks if he doesn’t kiss me now he won’t get the chance later.
He shifts the both of us so that he is lying on top of me, never once releasing my neck or my lips
He grinds his hips against me, I can still feel him how wanting he is
I moan into his mouth as he continues to rub against me, each time a little harder and a little faster than before.
“Fuck” he moans pulling my legs apart so that he is lying between them only our clothing keeping us apart “I need to touch you Liv
I nod my head as he pulls my pajama bottoms down, he sits up onto his knees to pull them off
He backs up slightly to the other side of the couch. I begin to think that he is about to change his mind again. That he is going to put the brakes on what we are doing once more. He stands up and looks at me “Do you have any condoms?”
“No, I’ve never needed them.” I answer
“Shit.” He replies “I’ll be right back.” He practically runs to the door
Several moments pass. I start thinking that I should probably put my pants back on. Maybe he got into his apartment and thought better on what he was doing. He changed his mind.
I stand up pulling my pajama bottoms up, and head towards the door that Dean left open
Just as I am about to close it, he comes walking through his door, slamming it behind him like he’s in a rush
He looks at me in surprise “I thought I left you on the couch?” he smirks
“I just umm I thought you changed your mind.” I mumble
“Hell no, get back in there.” He orders
He gets me back to the couch, kissing and touching me. Removing the bottoms he had taken down earlier and my panties along with it.
He leans back in to kiss me. It’s gentler this time, but I still feel the need. The emotion he is forcing into each one.
“I have wanted you since the first time I saw you Olivia.” He moans, his hands are now under my shirt tweaking the nipple of one of my breasts
I whimper at the contact, pushing my hips up toward his feeling braver with each and every touch of his hands
He groans as he pulls his shirt and bottoms off, revealing his huge erection. It’s huge. It’s swollen with a drop of moisture at the tip
He smiles at the bewildered look that I know is all over my face.
“It’s okay, it will fit.” He tries to reassure me
“Okay, but won’t it hurt?” I ask I can hear the fear in my voice
“No, maybe a little uncomfortable from the other times, but hurt? No.”
I gasp, he thinks I have done this before. I told him I had never dated before, it was one of our conversations we had about my life with really strict parents. Clearly he assumed that I had still had sex, just didn’t date the guys. I thought the condom comment would have addressed that.
Should I tell him? I didn’t want him to stop, I wanted to do this. I cared about him. Dating or not I wanted him to be the one to do this.
He sits up and pulls a foil packet from the pair of pants lying on the floor, he moves back between my legs before he leans on the side of his arm hovering over me to roll the condom
I open my mouth to tell him
“Dean I…”
He cuts me off. He is suddenly lying over my right at my entrance, suddenly taking control of my lips once more
His kiss makes everything going on in my mind drift away
The next thing I know, he’s shoving into me. Making me scream
“Holy fucking shit.” He pulls out of me quickly looking into my eyes
“You’ve never done this? Why the fuck didn’t you tell me? He starts to climb off of me, but I reach out and grab his arm pulling him back down
“Stay, I wanted to tell you but I knew you wouldn’t do it. I want this to happen, I want you Dean.”
He doesn’t move for several moments “I hurt you.”
“You did, but it always hurts the first time. It’s done and over, there’s no changing it now.”
His brows are furrowed, his jaw his clenching like he’s fighting an internal war on continuing or walking away
“Just fuck me Dean, don’t think about it so much.”
He makes a growling noise and I think I have really pissed him off this time.
Sweetest Kill (Sweetest Kill Series Book 1) Page 3