by Louise Bay
“Let’s come here often,” she said and the moment was gone. “Maybe it could be a new tradition that we have every Sunday or something. You can push me over to the view across the lake in my wheelchair when I’m too old to walk anymore.”
It was a glimpse inside her image of our future together, a picture she didn’t reveal very often.
“Deal. I like the idea of having traditions of our own. Come on, the sun is going down and it’s going to get really cold.”
She nodded. “Let’s go home.”
We found a cab and headed back toward home.
“You haven’t really told me what we’re doing tonight. What time are our reservations?” she asked as we got back.
“We need to leave the apartment at just before eight.” I had decided to ask her just before midnight. There would be several moments tonight but there was no arrangement for a plane to carry a banner asking the question, or the ring to be in the bottom of a champagne glass. I wanted it to me more intimate than that. I wanted it to be just about us.
She paused, looked at me and the quietly said, “I’d like to see New York tonight and then I’d like to come back here, take all the pillows and blankets and quilts and pile them all on the floor. Then turn off all the lights and then lie on our mountain of bedding and watch the river and listen to the city with you, naked.”
“We can do that.”
“Really? It doesn’t interfere with your plans? Did you have us going to some big, fancy party? I don’t mind.”
“Of course I didn’t. Tonight was always just about you and me.”
Anna
I was relieved we weren’t going to some fancy benefit type thing that evening. I’d brought a full-length evening dress, just in case, but as it was just dinner, I kept things a little more casual in a tight fitting, high-waist satin pencil skirt and sheer-sleeved silk blouse. I also made a special effort with my hair, first curling it and then pinning it up loosely. When I was finished, I put some make-up in my clutch and went to find Ethan. I almost ran into him as he was coming out of his office.
“Hey, I’m ready.”
“You look incredible,” he said, reaching his hand out to cup my ass.
“You don’t look so bad yourself.” What I meant was he looked heart-stoppingly handsome. He was wearing a suit but no tie. He seemed to get better looking, if that was at all possible. “I like your hair longer like that,” I said, pushing my fingers through the strands as he bent to kiss my neck.
“You’ll need your coat. And gloves and a scarf.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Anna,” he growled.
Ethan had hired a car for the evening and we headed uptown to the restaurant.
To my surprise we pulled up at the entrance to the Time Warner building. We seemed to be going to the Mandarin Oriental.
I looked at Ethan and he smiled at me and took my hand as we walked inside. We didn’t end up going to the hotel. Instead we headed to the fourth floor, to a restaurant called Per Se.
“I thought you might like to look out from here. It’s lower than from the suite, but still beautiful and I know how you love that view.”
“Ethan, it’s beautiful and thoughtful and—thank you.”
They seated us kitty corner by the window and a stunning view of Columbus Circle and Central Park.
“Have you been here before?”
He shook his head “No. But I always wanted to come. I’ve never had the opportunity until now. And tonight seemed to be the perfect time to share this with you.”
“You’re right. It is perfect.”
I had butterflies in my stomach. The evening felt big. Ethan had clearly put a lot of thought into picking this place.
“Shall we have a glass of champagne?” he asked
I nodded a little too enthusiastically.
“Maybe a bottle?” he asked the waiter. “Are you okay?” he asked me when we were alone again.
“Yeah, of course. A bit overwhelmed coming back here, you know?”
He nodded. “To where it all began? It was only going to be for the night and now you’re moving here.”
“Are we being crazy?” I asked him. “Maybe this is a little nuts,” I said, thinking out loud, my heart starting to thump in my chest.
“What do you mean crazy?”
“I mean me moving to New York and us living together. I had a job and I have friends and family in London and I’m going to start again in New York. I mean it sounds like maybe it’s a little crazy?”
“Are you worried? Are you thinking you might not want to?”
I took a deep breath and thought about the question. Was I worried? I shook my head. “I don’t feel worried. I know in my heart like it’s the right thing to do, but I think that if I was looking at my decision, not knowing how I feel about you, then I’d think I was a little nuts. Does that make sense?”
All I could think was that this was happening so quickly. Coming back here brought it all in to focus. I needed to calm down. It wasn’t like I couldn’t undo things if it all went badly wrong, right? If I could handle the worst case scenario—Ethan and I breaking up once I’d moved here—surely I would feel better.
Ethan didn’t respond, he just looked at me. I couldn’t read him.
“And it’s not like I don’t have a job. And we’re getting married or anything, god forbid.”
“God forbid?”
“Yeah, I mean, it will be fine. I’m looking forward to it.”
Ethan was silent. I reached for his hand and he squeezed it as he looked out onto the view.
“I’m sorry. I was thinking out loud. I shouldn’t do that. I just got overwhelmed coming back here, thinking back to our beginning and forgot my filter.”
“I don’t want you to filter anything. I’ve told you. I need you to talk to me and I’m glad you did,” he said. There was something in his voice that told me however much he wanted me to talk to him, he was disappointed with what I’d said.
“It doesn’t mean I have doubts. Not about you, or about us, Ethan.”
He squeezed my hand and kissed me on the corner of my lips, in the way that made me melt. “God forbid,” he said.
*
I lost count of the number of courses when we got to five.
“I’ve never tasted anything like this,” I said. “I think they have wizards in the kitchen.”
“Wizards?” Ethan raised an eyebrow at me.
“I think so. No human can create things to eat like this. It’s magic. Is it what you thought it would be?”
“In some ways. Better because I’m sharing it with you, I think.”
“Wow, you have all the lines tonight.”
He chuckled. “I think maybe I lost one or two along the way tonight.”
“You did?”
“So, we’re going to make a stop on our way home, ring in the New Year and then go back to create an Everest of feathers in the living room to get naked on. Sound good?” he asked.
“Sure. Where are we seeing in the New Year?”
“You’ll see.”
I grinned at him. “I can’t believe I’m flying home tomorrow.”
“It’s gone quickly. But you’ll be back soon. You promise you’ll speak to them about your notice period?”
“I promise.”
“Because if they don’t shorten it to a month, I’m going to step in.”
“Ethan, you’re not going to do anything. I’ll deal with it. You’ve got other things to do—like clearing out closet space.”
“We can go shopping for the apartment when you get back if you like?”
“What for? What do you need?”
“Well, if you want to refurnish it or change things.”
“I love your apartment, just like it is. Why would I want to buy new things for it?”
“I want it to be our apartment.”
I grinned at him “Well, we might need some new pillows after tonight.”
*
“So,
Miss Anna. One more view for you before we head home.”
I followed his eyes up toward the sky as I stepped onto the sidewalk and realized the car had stopped outside the Empire State Building. “I know you came with Leah, but it’s different at night.
“Good evening, Mr. Scott,” the doorman said and we stepped into the lobby. I looked at him. The doorman knew his name? The lobby was quiet, with just members of staff peppered around, their eyes on us.
We headed toward the elevator, which was being held open for us. I looked at Ethan but he kept his eyes straight ahead, his hand clasped in mine.
“You have friends in high places,” I said to him as the lift doors closed.
He grinned and looked down at me but didn’t say a word. We went straight to the Main Deck on the 86th floor. The elevator doors pinged and we stepped out to the internal viewing area to the sound of Tony Bennett singing Manhattan. I looked around and didn’t see a single other person. Did we have the place to ourselves? Was it closed?
Apparently, it wasn’t closed to us. By the door there was a small table, on it an ice bucket holding a bottle of champagne and two glasses.
“I can’t believe you’ve done this Ethan.” He was fighting a grin as he expertly opened the bottle of champagne.
“I want your first New Year’s in New York to be a proper introduction to the city. From up here, you get to see your future.”
“Our future,” I said feeling overwhelmed and breathless. “You’re amazing and I’m so lucky,” I managed to choke out.
“You got that wrong. I’m the lucky one,” he said as he handed me a glass of champagne and kissed me lightly on the lips.
He grabbed my hand and we headed outside.
Chapter Eleven
Ethan
I opened the door and we were hit by a rush of cold air.
This was meant to be it. It was just coming up to midnight and the ring box in my pocket felt like it was on fire. It was going to have to stay where it was. God forbid I ask her to marry me. God forbid.
“Is it too cold?” I asked as we walked slowly around the edge of the viewing area, stopping at various places.
“I have you to keep me warm. And it’s too beautiful not to be out here. It’s incredible. How did you manage to get the whole place just for us?”
It hadn’t been easy and it hadn’t been cheap, but it was meant to have been for a once in a lifetime moment.
“I wanted tonight to be special, I told you.”
I hadn’t pressed her on her earlier revelation. Did she mean she didn’t want to get married to anyone, or just me? Was she bullshitting me? I knew she loved me. I felt it, but I hadn’t expected this. I wanted to marry her. I wanted her to wear my ring and tell the world that she was mine. Fuck.
I could feel her looking at me and without catching her eye, I bent down and kissed her on the corner of her lips.
“Kiss me properly, Ethan,” she whispered and her hands went to my hair as she pulled me toward her. “I feel like I lost you a little.” She ran her tongue across the seam of my lips and I closed my eyes and breathed her in. She was right, I needed to feel her, to taste her. I parted my mouth and she pushed her tongue against mine. She felt so good. She always felt so good.
“You’ll never lose me. You have me for as long as you want me,” I said, drawing away from our kiss.
“Long enough for you to push me in my wheelchair over Bow Bridge?”
“Longer.”
“Long enough for you to have to remember things for me because I can’t?”
“I do that already.”
“That’s true,” she said thoughtfully. “Okay, long enough that I can’t take my bra off without my boobs hitting the floor?” My mouth twitched at the corners. “And don’t you dare say that happens already.”
“Longer.”
“Long enough for us to wave our grandchildren off to college?”
“Longer.” My chest constricted but I managed to get that single word out. So kids were okay, grandkids were okay, but not marriage?
Our Q&A was interrupted by the sound of horns honking and people cheering and the distant pop of fireworks.
She grabbed my wrist to look at my watch and then up at me. “Happy New Year Ethan,” she said, grinning at me.
I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her toward me. “Happy New Year, Anna.”
*
When our fingers and toes had turned blue from cold, we headed home. Anna seemed excited by our trip and although I was pleased to have made her happy, I had hoped the evening would have turned out a little differently.
“Are you okay?” Anna asked as we carried pillows and blankets from the bedroom and arranged them on the floor opposite the views of the Hudson.
“I’m always okay if I’m with you.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
I wasn’t sure at all. Something hard had lodged in the pit of my stomach. “Of course. I’m just going to miss you, that’s all.”
“I’m going to speak to the partners as soon as I get in to the office. I’ll be back before you know it and then you won’t be able to get rid of me.”
“I can’t wait,” I said and kissed her on the head, trying to give her the reassurance I needed.
My phone vibrated against the table. Andrew and Mandy were calling.
Anna looked at me. “Are you going to get that?”
I shook my head. “No, let’s just be us tonight.” Mandy would be dying to hear about how my proposal went. What would I say?
“Can we stay up all night in our den of nakedness?”
“You’ll be begging for sleep before too long if you insist on being naked in our den.”
“Betcha I won’t,” she teased as she started to undo her blouse.
“That’s a bet I’ll take.”
*
If I’d taken much longer, Mandy would probably have called 911, but the traffic was a bitch on the way back from the airport.
“Hey,” she said as she answered the door and handed me a whiskey. “I thought you might need this.”
“Thanks,” I said and tipped my head back to take the glass full in two mouthfuls. “Can I come in?”
“God, yes. Come in, come in.”
I followed Mandy into the kitchen where she took my glass from me and poured me another.
“Hey, dude,” Andrew said as he saw me. I forced a smile and then slumped on the breakfast barstool and pushed my hands through my hair. “I don’t know how to feel.”
“Tell us what happened. Did she say no?” Mandy asked.
I’d had about three hundred missed calls from Mandy in the past twenty-four hours and I’d texted her on the way to the airport that we were headed to the airport as planned and that things hadn’t gone to plan. In response Mandy had simply told me to come to their place on the way back from the airport. At first I’d started to text back that I was going to go straight home, but I found that I wanted some company. I needed some help to understand what had happened and what it all meant.
“I didn’t ask her.”
“Ethan!” Mandy screamed. “She’s perfect for you. You can’t have changed your mind.”
“Mandy, honey, just listen to him,” Andrew said.
“She told me before I got the chance that she didn’t want to get married. What was I meant to say? ‘I know you don’t want to get married, but I really do and I’ve got the ring already and so could you just change your mind?’”
“She said she didn’t want to marry you? Are you sure?” Mandy asked, her face twisted in confusion.
I shrugged and took another slug of whiskey.
“What exactly did she say?”
“I can’t really remember, it’s all such a blur—we were talking about her moving to New York and I could tell she was a bit anxious about it. She was talking really fast and her barely there filter had disappeared completely. And she asked whether her moving was the right thing and she was answering her own question and said th
at at least she had a job and it wasn’t as if we were getting married—and then this bit I remember clearly—she said ‘god forbid.’ Yes, she said, ‘It’s not like we’re getting married—god forbid.’ And then she was talking about something else.
I looked up from my glass and Mandy was looking straight back at me with a scowl on her face. “Had you talked about getting married before? Kids, a dog? Had you ever heard anything like this from her before?”
I took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly as I thought about her question. “No. We were all about living in the here and now. She didn’t want to talk about the future in London. And then we agreed to try the long-distance thing and suddenly the future’s here and I have no fucking clue what’s going on. I guess I just assumed that if she was prepared to move to New York for me, she would be prepared to marry me for fuck’s sake.”
“More whiskey.” Andrew nodded at Mandy and she hurriedly poured out another glassful.
“It doesn’t sound like she doesn’t want to marry you,” Mandy said.
“She said ‘god forbid’, Mandy. Unless I’ve lost the ability to speak English, that’s not an exact translation of ‘Ethan, I’m desperate to be your wife and carry your children.’”
“What I meant was, I don’t think it’s personal.”
The whiskey was having the desired effect and it took my brain a few seconds longer than it should to process her words. “I’m not sure it matters,” I said finally.
“Maybe she just doesn’t believe in marriage?” Andrew said.
“That’s bullshit.” I tipped back my third generous glass of whiskey.
Anna
I hadn’t gotten much sleep on the plane, but I had managed to make it home to shower and change before going in to the office. I’d texted Ethan to say I’d landed, not wanting to wake him. When I next spoke to him, I wanted to be able to tell him that I’d had a conversation about my leaving date, which meant I had until about eleven to follow up with the partners.
Just as I sat down at my desk, my phone buzzed. “Happy New Year,” I said to Leah as I answered.
“Happy New Year to you, too. How was it? Did you go to a party?”
“No, thank goodness.” I went on to explain about the most perfect evening ever.