by Beth Maria
“Yeah, tomorrow’s good. Catch you later,” Brandon replies. Ending the call, I get back to doing my weights.
For the next hour, I bench press more weights than I’ve ever managed. I needed to feel like a man again. For a few minutes, I had thought I had grown a vagina.
It’s late when I make it home. Mom’s not in, so I heat up my dinner, eat it, and then head upstairs to get started on her dresser. Putting on my iPod, Imagine Dragons, Demons plays. This song is the theme tune for my life, especially now that Maisie’s walked into it. Eventually, she will see the demons that I can’t get rid of. I just hope that, like the song, she will show me how and not give up on me.
Chapter 6
Maisie
Chloe and I get to the field at five for the football game. It isn’t supposed to start until six, but we’re meeting Jake and Evan here earlier so we can find a seat. When Chloe told me that we were going with them, I asked her if it was a good idea. Apparently, it will be fine. I also asked her if she had spoken to Jake yet. Her answer? No. Tonight is going to go really well; I can feel it. Chloe and Evan better be subtle around each other, so Jake doesn’t catch wind about what is going on behind his back.
Walking over toward the concession stand where we are meeting the guys, I see the blonde girl who threatened me on Monday. She hasn’t seen me yet. Thank God. I’m not in the mood for another run in with her just yet.
“Maisie, isn’t that the girl from the coffee shop the other day?” Trust Chloe to mention it.
“Yup, that’s her alright. Try not to draw attention to us. I’m not in the mood for her to threaten me again,” I say, hoping she will listen to me for once. It’s never been her strong suit.
“Don’t worry. We’ll be stealth like!” Chloe says, walking on her tip toes, looking like a twat.
“Chloe, stop it. You’re drawing more attention to us,” I say laughing.
“Alright, alright,” she replies, walking normally.
We’re almost past Blondie when I hear Jake shout, “Maisie, over here!” Fuck sake! That will definitely draw attention.
“Uh-oh,” Chloe says next to me. She knows I’m going to kill Jake now, fucking loud mouth that he is!
When I turn around, I see Jake and Evan standing with a group of guys. Jake waves us over. I don’t miss the way he checks Chloe out as we make our way toward them. Subtle, Jake. Very subtle. “Don’t shout my name like that again, Jake. It’s embarrassing. If you had just met us where you said you were going to, then you wouldn’t have had to shout like that, fucker,” I say, punching him in the stomach. He doubles over, holding onto his stomach. Serves him right.
“Fuck, Maisie. Did you have to do that?” he asks, trying to catch his breath. I think I winded him. Good.
“Yes, I did. Now stand up, you pansy. You look like a tool in front of your friends.” All of his friends are just standing there laughing at him. He’s going to be pissed off at me for making him look like a twat. Oh well. He just drew attention to me, so I think we’re even. I’m surprised Blondie hasn’t walked over to me yet. I risk a glance over my shoulder at her. She’s standing there with two girls, who I’m guessing are her friends, staring at me. Joy.
“I’ll get you for this, squirt.” Jake says, now standing up. “Come on, then. We need to get seats before they’re all taken up. Plus, we always sit in the same place.” Following Jake, we all head up the bleachers. We end up sitting half way up in the middle of the bleachers. I have to admit; I have a good view.
I’ve been dreaming about seeing Jesse in his uniform all day. I love guys who have athlete legs; all muscle- yum. Matt had strong legs, and it was my favorite part of his body. I don’t want to think about him, though. I want to think about Jesse. When we talked earlier, he asked me if I wanted to do something tonight. I haven’t seen him this week, except for in class, so I agreed. Since my talk with Chloe the other day, I’ve decided to give him a chance, his reputation and my heart be damned. It’s a risk I’m willing to take. Tonight, I’m going to show him that my guard is down and I’m ready to let him in. I’m pretty nervous, to be honest. I just hope I haven’t gotten my hopes up and read the signals wrong. I think he likes me too, but I’ve always been inexperienced when it comes to guys.
“Oh, I forgot to ask,” Jake says, nudging my arm. “How’d you know Jesse?”
“Oh, he’s in my English class,” I say nonchalantly.
“Well, just be careful, okay? He has a worse reputation than me. I don’t want you getting hurt, or I’ll have to kick his ass, even if he is a friend.” The less I tell him, the better. I don’t need Jake getting involved in my business and having words with Jesse. It’s nice that he cares about me, but it can be a little overwhelming sometimes.
“We’re just friends, Jake.” I tell him rather abruptly, hoping he will drop the conversation. I hope we’ll be more than friends one day; however, I don’t say that out loud.
“Hey, dickwad, leave her alone. Who Maisie gets involved with is none of your business. She isn’t going to turn into a whore like you, so you have nothing to worry about,” Chloe interrupts. This is the first time she has said anything to Jake since we met up half an hour ago. That’s unusual for her. Guess that’s why she had to get her dig in when she could.
“Fuck off, Chloe. I’m just looking out for Maisie, and you’re just jealous because you have no one to look out for you,” Jake quips back. Oh here we go again...
“Jealous? Why would I be jealous to have a brother like you?” Chloe looks at Jake with disgust in her eyes.
“I guess it’s a good thing I’m not your brother then, or otherwise, it’d be incest,” he answers back, a smug smile on his face. Oh no. I shake my head ‘no’ at Chloe. I don’t need Jake finding out about her and Evan like this. I don’t want to be involved. Chloe gives me the tiniest nod of her head, letting me know that she won’t. Nobody else would have noticed her nod, except we’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember. We can talk without anybody knowing.
A creepy smile takes over Chloe’s face. “If you say so, sweetie,” she finishes, and then turns around and carries on her conversation with Evan, who looks completely confused. I don’t blame him. I doubt he realizes he’s planted himself in the middle of their cross fire. I just raise my eyebrows at Jake.
“What?” he asks confused.
“When will you two be able to have a conversation without arguing?” I don’t hear his reply as the music welcoming the teams starts up. A team wearing gold and black comes out, which I’m guessing is the Titans’ rivals, the Dirtbags. Next, our team comes out wearing a navy blue, orange and white uniform. Jesse is the last to run onto the field. The crowd goes crazy when they see him. Wow. He really must be a superstar here. I didn’t realize. Why would I, though? I don’t usually watch football.
I’m able to check Jesse out from up here without him noticing, so I take full advantage of it. He looks sexy in his uniform, way off the hotness chart. And his legs? Oh my. Best. Legs. I. Have. Ever. Seen. They are so muscled and tanned. I just want to run my tongue up his legs. They look that good. His top is quite tight, like his usual attire, showing off his beautiful tattooed biceps. It’s no wonder the women love him. I’m sitting here discretely drooling, when I’m sure all of the female population here, young and old, are doing exactly the same thing. Getting a look at his face, my eyes meet with his dark orbs, which are staring right back at me. A smirk lifts one side of his mouth up. Shit, I’ve been caught. Trying to act nonchalant, I smile back at him, shrugging my shoulders. I look more confident than I feel. If he was standing in front of me, I’m sure he’d see that my face is beetroot red right now. Jesse winks, and then turns to get in position. What position he plays, I’m not sure. “Jake, what position does Jesse play?”
“He’s the quarterback,” he replies, eyes on the game.
“Is he any good?” I ask, watching the ref blow the whistle.
“Hell yeah. He’s the best CSUF has had for the last ten years
. Jesse will go down in history. He’s already got scouts turning up to his games, wanting to sign him on when he leaves.” Wow. I’m speechless. Jesse never told me he was that good before. He’s got an amazing future ahead of him.
I watch the rest of the game, cheering when everybody else cheers. That way, I don’t look like a fool. I’ve sat with my hands covering my eyes for most of the game since the second minute. I’ve decided I don’t like to see Jesse being tackled in case he gets hurt.
By the end of the first half, the score is seven-nil to us. Of course, Jesse’s legendary status is accurate. He scored on the twenty-ninth minute. When he scored, I think I lost a little bit of my hearing. I thought the crowd went crazy when he ran onto the field, but that was nothing compared to how they acted when he scored. I’m blown away by how much these people love him, and also how much he loves them. When he scored, he really paid attention to his fans, joining them in the celebration.
I need a drink after all that cheering. “Jake, how long do we have to wait until the second half begins?”
“Fifteen minutes. Why? Where you off to?” he asks, looking at me for the first time since the game started. He’s a huge football fan. He’s just not the best at playing it.
“I’m thirsty, so I’m going to get a drink. Do you want anything while I’m there?” I ask, being the generous sister that I am.
“I’ll just have a water, please.”
“Chloe, I’m going get a drink. Do you want one?” I shout just to be heard over the noise. She’s sitting between Evan and Jake; not a smart choice, but hey. I’m not going to tell her what to do.
“No, I’m alright, thanks. Evan got me one before the game.” Jake’s head swivels at her revelation. Oh shit. I’m out of here before it all kicks off.
Walking down the bleachers, I see parents who have bought their children to the game. Whether they are supporting someone playing today or have just come for fun, it’s great to see. Everyone seems to be smiling. I never knew that the atmosphere at a football game could be so welcoming and happy.
Passing the restrooms, I decide I’d best go. We have another forty-five minutes before I can go again. The restrooms are surprisingly empty, considering it’s half time. At least I can pee in peace now.
As I’m zipping my skinny jeans up, the door to the restrooms open. “I definitely saw her come in here, Tiff.” Huh? Saw who? I hope they aren’t talking about me because I’m the only one in here.
“Check the cubicles.” Wait a second. That voice... Oh shit. That’s Blondie. Didn’t they call her Tiff? Tiffany, I’m guessing, is her full name. She looks like a Tiffany.
I hear shoes crunching against the linoleum, stopping outside of my cubicle. The door rattles on its hinges. “Someone’s in this one. I’m betting it’s her. Want me to have a look?” What. The. Fuck. For all she knows, I could be on the toilet, and she’s willing to look?
“No, Emily. She’ll have to come out eventually. We’ll just wait,” Tiffany commands. She’s the ringleader, I’m guessing by the tone of her voice. Not wanting to look scared of them, I exit the cubicle, meeting three sets of angry glares. I make my way past them to wash my hands. They just turn and stare at me through the mirror.
Taking the lead, I ask, “I take it you’ve come back to warn me to stay away from Jesse again, except you’ve brought your posse with you this time.” Drying my hands on the paper towels, I turn around to face them, waiting for my answer.
“I’ve been thinking, Maisie. The thing is, what I don’t think you realize, is that guys like Jesse don’t belong with girls like you. He belongs with a girl like me, someone of the same social status. And unfortunately for you, you don’t have a social status... Yet,” she replies, her glare not once leaving her face.
“And your point is?” I ask, totally confused as to where she’s going with this train of thought.
“My point is that if you don’t stay away from Jesse, you will have a social status, but it won’t be a good one. I’ll make you out to be a whore. And do you know what the best thing about my plan is?” She doesn’t wait for me to answer. “It’s that nobody will believe you when you try to defend yourself, because they don’t know you. People know me. I’m high up in the food chain compared to you. All the guys will talk to you just for a piece of ass, not because they like you. And the girls... well, they will look at you like the piece of trash that you are.” Wow, she’s thought about this really hard. I know I should just tell her to do her worst, but nobody wants to be perceived as the local whore. Plus, what can I do to stop her? Like she said, I’m nobody compared to her. Maybe it’s best if I just give up before anything even starts with Jesse.
“Fine. I’ll stay away from Jesse. But if he ever comes back to you for sex, it doesn’t mean he wants you. A bit of advice- don’t degrade yourself like that.” With that, I make for the exit.
“He loves me. He just doesn’t realize it yet,” Tiffany says confidently. I just shake my head at her stupidity and make my way outside.
The concession stand is desolate now. What’s the time? Shit, the game started five minutes ago, I realize as I check the time on my phone. I don’t want a drink now. I don’t even want to watch the rest of the game. I just want my bed. I don’t expect to move from there for the next two days. Why does the world have girls like Tiffany in it? What good do they do except try to make people’s lives miserable? She’s right, though; I’m not good enough for him. Jesse’s proved that tonight. He has his future mapped out ahead of him. Me? I’m just going to be a boring English teacher. He should be with a model or someone equally in the same league as him, not sitting at home with a girlfriend who marks essays for a living. That’s all I can offer him. I don’t know why I even thought about letting him in. He deserves so much better than what I can give him.
I think I’m just going to tell Jake and Chloe I’m going back to the dorms. I’m not in the mood to sit and watch the guy who I want more than life itself, knowing that I have to let him go before I’ve even had him.
Plopping down next to Jake, I don’t feel the pain that I should have felt in my bum from the force of sitting down on the metal bleachers. Act like nothing’s wrong and you’re just tired. “What took you so long?” a voice says, sounding far away. “Maisie?” the same voice says again. Returning from my thoughts, I face a worried looking Jake.
“Huh?” I ask, not remembering what he asked.
“Are you okay? You were gone a long time, and by the looks of it, you didn’t return with drinks.” I forgot all about getting the drinks after my run in with Tiffany.
“No, I don’t feel very well. I think I might have eaten something dodgy for dinner. I’m gonna go back to the dorms, alright?” I reply, feeling sick to my stomach.
“Will you be okay walking back by yourself?” My brother can be so thoughtful sometimes. I know he cares about my safety, but I’m not going to let him miss the game just because I’m having a bad night.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’m just going to go straight to my room. You stay here and watch the game.”
“Make sure you text me when you get in, so I know you got back safe, okay?” I just nod. Taking a glance at Jesse, I see he’s really into the match. He won’t even know that I’m gone, which is good. I don’t want him losing focus. For all he knows, I could be in the restrooms, if he looks up and sees that I’m not there. I watch for a few more seconds, and then make my way down the stairs, my heart breaking all over again, just like it did four months ago. My good friend, heartbreak, has made himself comfy on my shoulder again, reminding me that I’ll never feel alive again.
****
Walking into my dorm room, I slam the door shut, fall to the ground, and hug my knees. The tears are pouring down my cheeks like a waterfall now, fast and thick. The funny thing is that I don’t even really know Jesse. It’s not like with Matt. I was with him for years. I thought he was my forever. I’ve known Jesse for a number of weeks. I didn’t want anything to do with him, but somehow,
the tears and pain are just as painful as they were after what Matt did. I should have listened to my mind, not my fucking damn heart. All my heart does is cause me pain. Laughter bubbles up manically out of my mouth. If anyone were to hear, they would think someone escaped from a mental asylum. I sound pretty crazy. Maybe I am going crazy from all the bad luck I’ve had in the last few months. Maybe it’s taken its toll on me, and I’ve finally cracked. I wouldn’t be surprised.
I wish I had never met my beautiful Jesse. That way, I wouldn’t have known what it feels like to feel alive again.
Jesse
I noticed the way Maisie came back after half time, looking like the world had just shat on her. Before half time, she seemed so happy. I even saw her cheering a few times. When we came back out after the first quarter, she wasn’t sitting with her friends anymore. I just thought she had gotten stuck in the line for the toilet. I looked up ten minutes into the game, and there she was, sitting with her brother. I breathed a sigh of relief, but that relief only lasted a few seconds when I got a good look at her face. Her eyes, which shined with happiness and affection not a half hour before, were now dull and lifeless. Her skin, which looked vibrant, now looked pale. And her posture, which was confident, was now closed off. She was closing in on herself. I know that look well, except I’ve had years to learn how to disguise it. Maisie, it seems, is new to the game.
When she left the grounds, it took all of my will power not to run after her to see what was wrong. I was willing to possibly ruin my career for a girl who doesn’t even want me, just so I could take away that pained expression on her face.
For the rest of the game, I couldn’t focus. My mind was constantly straying to Maisie. What happened to make that dramatic change of mood? Who the fuck upset her? I missed so many opportunities to score, just because I wasn’t paying attention. I had Coach screaming down my ear to ‘Get your head back in the fucking game’ and ‘What the fuck is your problem, Cohen?’ for the rest of the match. No matter how hard I tried, every time I finally focused, her beautiful distraught face popped into my mind. We ended up drawing one all in the end. No doubt the team will blame me, and I’ll probably be benched the next game. Fuck it. I don’t care. I need to get the fuck out of here and over to check on Maisie.