She rolled her shoulders but failed to loosen the tension that felt as though it was embedded in her bones. Ethan had been right. She did need to let her grief go even if it was the worst possible timing, and in a strange way, she did feel lighter. But now the embarrassment and regret of making a fool of herself in front of Ethan created a whole new tension. It mattered, and not just a little, what he thought of her.
“Morning, princess.”
“Morning.” Ethan’s cheerful and casual tone gave her hope he didn’t now want to distance himself after her emotional eruption. “I haven’t slept in that long.”
He chuckled and the smell of coffee overlaid the smell of bacon and eggs as he walked over, two steaming mug in his hands. “Long enough. The moose and her baby are already awake.”
“Are they? How long have they been up? I must get another photo.”
“Not long.” He passed her a coffee.
“Thanks.”
He sat on a nearby log and took a swallow of his own coffee. “It’s not quite sunrise yet so there’s still time for your coffee to kick in and to take more photographs.”
She took a tentative sip to make sure she didn’t burn her mouth. But it was the coffee strength, not the heat, that caused her eyes to water.
She blinked. “That’s one strong cup of coffee.”
“As Henry would say you could float a horseshoe in it.” Ethan’s eyes searched hers. “I thought you might need it.”
Despite the embarrassed heat flooding her cheeks, she didn’t look away. “Thanks for last night. I’m sorry I was such a ... mess.”
“You don’t need to say anything.” Ethan’s tone was low. “Everyone deals with grief in different ways but even the strongest of us can only keep it at bay for so long.”
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
“Just be gentle with yourself,” he added softly.
She took another sip of coffee to hide how much his empathy touched her. It was understandable her emotions would be raw but that was no excuse for any more tears or for the deep yearning to again feel his strong arms around her and the steady beat of his heart beneath her cheek. Sure, she was attracted to Ethan but being honest with herself she knew it went deeper than that. She’d never felt such a strong and complete emotional connection before. The only thing was that she couldn’t trust it wasn’t just her grief making her feel things that weren’t really there.
To her relief, Ethan stood. “How about we add some bacon grease to that coffee and then you’ll be ready to snap photos all day?”
With her stomach full, Bridie went down to the lake to wash her face. To her surprise, when she returned, Ethan had Captain saddled. Cloud and Molly remained on the highline. While it was now lighter, the sunrise was yet to paint the sky and usher in the day’s warmth.
“How come I’m not allowed to sneak off and you are?”
She meant her question to be flippant but instead it emerged more thin and vulnerable. Perhaps Ethan wasn’t as okay as he seemed about her drenching him in tears?
He led Captain over. The wide brim of his hat stopped her from gauging the expression in his eyes. “I want to do some scouting around before it gets too hot. As Henry doesn’t graze his cattle here in summer, and Cordell and I only make irregular camping trips, the poachers could have a field day. I’ll be back by lunch.” He smiled. “You’ll be so busy taking pictures, you won’t even notice I’m gone.”
She copied his grin. Ethan didn’t seem to be avoiding her on purpose. “True.”
“If you need me, text. There are pockets of signal, especially the higher you go.”
“No worries. Molly, Cloud and I will be fine. I can’t say the same for the brownies Rosa packed. They’ll probably be all gone.”
Ethan chuckled and lifted his hand. For a second she thought he would touch her face but all he did was tilt his hat brim higher.
“See you at lunch and ... take that bear spray with you.”
“I will.”
The sunrise, and then the morning, passed in a sun-soaked blur. Bridie positioned herself near the lake and took pictures of the moose and baby swimming, an inquisitive squirrel, three thirsty deer and a soaring bald eagle. While she sat still and alone a rare sense of calm filtered through her. Last night’s meltdown had relieved a little of her emotional pressure. Now all she had to do was hang in there until she could come back to the mountains by herself. Then she could say a final good-bye to her father.
When her stomach rumbled, Bridie set about making lunch in the outdoor kitchen. She had hamburger patties sizzling by the time Ethan returned to camp. He gave her a wave and unsaddled Captain before coming over to the campfire. Her gaze lingered on his whiskered jaw. Finally, she got to see him unshaven and with his dark blond hair mussed. The effect was well worth the wait. Her fingers curled into her palms to stop herself tracing the line of his shadowed jaw.
They ate while they examined and discussed Bridie’s photos. With lunch over, Ethan filled a backpack with everything they’d need for an afternoon’s hike around the lake. When they were almost directly opposite to where they’d made camp, they took a break.
Bridie sat on a rock and considered her boots. “These boots are sure not made for walking.”
Ethan shrugged off the backpack, sat on an adjacent rock and passed her a water bottle. “At least they’ve stretched and come off easier now. Otherwise, you’d have spent the night wearing them.”
She nodded, strangely tongue-tied at the thought of him removing her boots when she’d been asleep. He’d taken such good care of her. Another man would have run at the first sheen of tears.
Ethan took a chug of water. Bridie looked away from the tanned column of his throat as he swallowed. The more rugged and the more untidy he looked, the more her hormones had a hard time keeping their appreciation to themselves. They didn’t care she was supposed to be finding inner peace, all they could focus was on how gorgeous he looked hot, rumpled and sweaty.
She took a quick drink and then removed her boots and socks. The lake would cool both her feet and her attraction. She removed her hat and lifted her heavy hair from off her nape. The water last night had felt so good sliding over her bare skin. Without thought, her fingers flicked down the buttons on her blue shirt. She went to pull the shirt from her jeans waist band but stilled when she realized Ethan stared at her, gaze fathomless, and jaw tight.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “as well as needing to enjoy the journey, I also need to think before I act. But it’s so hot and the water looks so cool ... I’m not planning to skinny dip, if that makes it any better.”
Seriousness darkened his eyes. “It’s fine ... and Bridie, don’t ever apologize for who you are. It’s our differences that make us ... special.” The corner of his mouth curled into a smile. “Besides I was thinking the same thing.”
He pulled his shirt over his head.
Bridie stared, her own shirt forgotten. She didn’t know if it was the speed with which Ethan got semi-naked or just the muscled perfection beneath his shirt, that caused her mouth to hang open.
As Ethan removed his boots and then unclasped his silver belt buckle, she snapped her mouth shut and got busy undressing too.
If Ethan reacted to the sight of her dressed in nothing but a plain black bra and underwear, she missed his reaction. Toned back to her, and wearing charcoal-grey boxers he moved the back pack containing the bear spray and EpiPen closer to the water. Then, keeping his eyes above her collarbones, he smiled.
“Last one in has to cook dinner.”
Bridie didn’t take the bait. She returned his grin. “No way. I’d lose. Despite sometimes being too impulsive, I never take a risk when the odds are stacked against me.”
Ethan dipped his head in silent acknowledgment she’d outplayed him. Just for a second, the blue of his eyes burned, and then he swung away to walk toward the water.
Bridie too entered the lake and the chill soon soothed her heated skin. She lay on her b
ack floating, gazing at the cloudless sky. The water lapped gently against her, muffling all sound. To her left, Ethan stood staring toward the forest. He’d run a hand through his wet hair and it stood in soft spikes. Water hugged his chest and beaded on his tanned shoulders. To get such an even tan, he’d have to spend hours without his shi–
He suddenly swiveled, face tense, to check where she was, before again looking at the shore. She lifted her head and trod water. Something wasn’t right.
Ethan backed toward her and lowered himself until his collarbones were submerged.
“Stay close and behind me,” he said, voice grave, not looking at her.
“What is it?” she said quietly into his ear. As her feet couldn’t reach the lake floor, she slid her arms around his neck. Her breasts brushed his back but he didn’t seem to notice as his hand settled on her wrist to hold her close.
“A bear to your right.”
Bridie peered over his shoulder and saw a large black bear walk from the pine trees to the lake’s pebbled edge.
“Look at its reflection in the water. It’d make a great photo.”
Ethan turned his head. His stubble scraped the inside of her arm. She only hoped he’d attribute her instant ripple of goosebumps to the cold of the lake.
“If you even think about heading to shore to get your camera you’ll have to get past me and trust me, you’d rather face the bear.”
“Very funny. I’m happy for this to be the ‘photo that got away.’ I would like to know though what your plan is, seeing as our bear spray is over there and bears are good swimmers.”
“No plan.”
“What?” She couldn’t strip the shock from her words. “You’re always prepared.”
“I am.” He turned his head again and smiled. “In an emergency. This isn’t an emergency ... yet.”
“So we just have to wait?”
“Exactly. The bear hasn’t seen us. We’ll stay low in the water so the wind doesn’t carry such a strong scent and wait.”
“Great. You know I don’t do waiting ... well.”
He chuckled. “You will now.”
She focused on the bear that continued to head toward their clothes and backpack. But with each breath she took she became hyperaware of how her breasts pushed into Ethan’s back. Within the circle of her arms, she could feel every slow exhale and inhale he took. She was so close she could see the water-darkened length of his lashes and smell the clean scent of his skin and hair. A sudden restlessness filled her that didn’t have anything to do with her usual need to move.
She bit her cheek in an effort to stay still. She’d need more than the pebble Ethan had given her in the cave, and that she still kept in her jeans pocket, to distract her this time.
Ethan concentrated on keeping his breathing even and controlled. The bear was the least of his and Bridie’s worries. From the moment she’d removed her shirt to reveal pale, full curves cupped in nothing but a skimpy black bra he’d been a man drowning. The only way to stop himself from pulling her close and kissing her senseless was to not look at her. And now here he was practically naked, with a water-slickened Bridie pressed so close her breath caressed his cheek.
Against his back he could feel the swell of her breasts above the top of her bra. Across his shoulders the ends of her silken hair stroked his skin as they floated on the water’s surface. To think Bridie was worried about staying still. He was worried his self-control wouldn’t hold. He stared at the bear as though sheer willpower would make the animal retreat into the forest.
The bear lifted his head and sniffed. Bridie’s arms tightened around Ethan’s neck and his hold firmed on the delicate bones of her wrist. He told her that he didn’t have a plan. He did. He’d protect her in whatever way he could. As for the details of his plan he wasn’t willing to share them with stubborn Bridie until he had to.
The seconds stretched as the bear scented the air. Then his head lowered and he swung around to amble in the opposite direction to their clothes. Ethan didn’t relax. Until the bear disappeared, he’d remain uneasy. Silent, Bridie kept her arms looped around his neck. Through the thin skin on her wrist he could feel the rush of her pulse and the tension in her muscles. He rubbed his thumb over her fine-boned arm.
“Just give him a minute,” he said, softly, “something’s caught his attention in the trees. He’ll head into the forest soon.”
“I hope so. This water’s colder than a freezer. I don’t know how that moose calf swam with her mom for so long.”
The bear continued a few more paces then turned toward the treeline.
“There he goes.” Ethan released his hold on Bridie’s wrist, expecting her to slide her arms from around his neck as the bear vanished into the undergrowth. She didn’t.
He turned his head slightly. “I was planning to stay another night here but I think it’s wise if we head to a new campsite. We have time.”
She nodded but still didn’t relinquish her grasp.
His breathing quickened and his heart pounded so loudly she couldn’t fail to hear it. He had to get away from her before he did something they’d both regret.
“Shall I piggyback you to shore?” His voice emerged more strained than casual.
“No thanks.”
Her arms loosened. But when her chest brushed his shoulder as she slid from his back around to his front, his relief was short-lived. His hands settled into the curve of her waist to support her in the deep lake. Her palms curled around his biceps, water lapping in the small space between their chests.
He frowned. She now faced him and had access to his every expression. “Bridie?”
“Yes.”
She smiled and in her smile he saw more danger than what they’d faced from the bear. Her thick-lashed eyes reflected the blue of the sky and the brightness of an inner light. She was so close he could see the faint dusting of freckles across her nose and the flawless arcs of her high cheekbones.
His frown deepened. “We need to get back and pack up camp.”
“I know.”
Seriousness tempered her smile. Her gaze dropped to his mouth and then examined his jaw before her hand lifted.
“What are you doing?” His words were little more than a hoarse whisper.
“This.”
She slowly ran her fingers through the stubble on his jawline. His whiskers rasped against the soft pads of her fingers. The blood heated in his veins. He knew he should say something, do something, but he was powerless to move.
Her fingers stopped at the point of his chin. “I like you being not so clean-shaven. It suits you.”
She then traced the lower line of his bottom lip. His stomach clenched. She was killing him.
“Bridie ... I’m only human.”
Even as he rasped the words, he tugged her closer.
She smiled again and in her eyes he saw the same hunger and desperation that flayed him.
“So am I.”
Her words were so soft he barely heard them, only felt them as she whispered them close to his lips.
His hands abandoned her waist. His fingers tangled in her wet hair as his mouth met hers. The world imploded.
Kissing Bridie was like being seared by a flame, like feeling the warmth of a sunrise, like free-falling from a cliff. Heat, tenderness and exhilaration all merged until there was only a single need between them. Her legs wrapped around his hips and her breathy gasps deafened him to everything but the woman kissing him like he was her last breath.
Heart hammering and head spinning, he eased his mouth off hers to give them a chance to breathe.
Bridie moaned in protest and her fingers splayed into his hair to stop him from pulling too far away. Blue eyes luminous, she smiled. “Exploring our humanity hasn’t finished yet, cowboy.”
He didn’t return her smile. Instead his thumb brushed the red marks his whiskers had made on the soft skin beside her mouth.
“Hell. I’m sorr–”
She placed a finger on his lips.
“Don’t ever apologize for who you are either. I love it that you’re not always so level-headed and sensible.”
She drew his head down to hers.
Despite Bridie’s words, Ethan made sure this time he stayed in control. There was still a bear around. Sensual and deep, their second kiss was none the less potent. When they drew apart, Bridie’s eyes were heavy-lidded and dreamy.
“See, now you’re having no trouble staying still.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “But we really do need to head back if we’re to make our new camp by nightfall.”
“Okay,” she said with an exaggerated and husky sigh, her legs slipping from around his waist. “If we have to.”
When they reached the small plateau where they’d sleep, the sun had commenced its slow descent. A creek gurgled between the meadow and the forest and a ridge provided protection from the wind.
Night fell as they unsaddled the horses and set up camp. Ethan welcomed the darkness that would hide both his expressions and thoughts. Their kiss hadn’t seemed to have changed anything between them for Bridie. She appeared to treat him no differently. But for him everything had changed.
The world had shifted and he wasn’t sure which way to turn. All he knew was that he shouldn’t have kissed her, even if she’d wanted him to. While their time away had appeared to have brought her a little peace, she still grieved for her father. He should never have taken advantage of her emotional vulnerability.
He was certain that getting involved with a conservative cowboy wasn’t part of her plan to work out where her future lay. Her physical response to him was a natural reaction to adrenaline and the close proximity associated with waiting for the bear to disappear. She said herself she was only human.
He set about lighting the campfire. As for his response, now that he’d held Bridie in his arms and knew that her boundless energy was only matched by her deep passion, he wanted more. But he was playing with fire if he touched her again, let alone kissed her. The risk to his heart was too great.
His Outback Cowgirl (Wildflower Ranch Book 4) Page 7