“The truth is you don’t love me.”
“I do—but—”
“But you’re not in love with me the way you were with him. Otherwise we’d be planning our wedding and you would probably have gone to bed with me by now.”
She shook her head. “Now that he’s back, I just need to deal with my feelings where he’s concerned, but I don’t want to hurt you in the process. If you can be patient with me while I get answers... You have to know I don’t want to stop seeing you. You’re too important to me. I refuse to sneak around behind your back.”
He put some bills on the table to cover their meal. “I think you know exactly how I feel about you. I love you and want to get married. But when I think it’s been nine years and just seeing him again can disrupt your emotions to this degree, it makes me wonder what kind of a chance there is for us. When you’ve finished your dinner, I’ll drive you home.”
“Dean—please listen to me. When he left Whitebark nothing was resolved for me. Nothing made sense. But I never thought I’d see him again, let alone get a chance to talk to him again. Now that he’s home, I finally have an opportunity to confront him and I need some answers. Can you understand that?”
He pushed himself away from the table and stood up. “Yes, but can you understand that I don’t plan to put my life on hold while you make up your mind?”
“Of course I can,” she whispered and got to her feet. “I’m trying to straighten out my thoughts. I hope that in being honest with you, you realize how much I care about you.”
As she followed him out to the truck, Tamsin feared she’d done too much damage. “Do you wish I hadn’t said anything?”
“No,” he muttered. “I just wish to hell he’d never come back.”
Therein lay the whole problem. A part of Tamsin was still reeling over the fact that he had returned.
“Dean—if you and I get married, it’ll be because we both love each other with all our hearts and souls.”
“But you’re not there yet,” he bit out.
“Seeing Cole again is like he’s come back from the dead. I have to talk to him again and get certain things resolved, but it doesn’t mean I want anything to change with you and me. You have to believe me.”
“I’m trying.”
When they reached her apartment, she opened the truck door and got out. Breaking the silence she said, “I’m so sorry. I hope you know you’re the most wonderful man I’ve ever met. Mom’s planning dinner for all of us on Thursday. I want you to come.”
She was afraid that her words fell on deaf ears. He refused to look at her before she shut the door and hurried up the steps to her apartment. She could hear his tires squeal as he drove away. The sound haunted her as she reached for her phone and called Sally.
“Tamsin?” her sister answered. “It’s only nine o’clock. I thought you were making dinner for Dean.”
“He wanted to eat out so we ended up going for Chinese, but he just brought me home. When I told him what has been bothering me and why, he didn’t want to talk anymore. I don’t blame him for being so upset.”
“Neither do I.” Sally was always honest. “But you can’t help how you feel right now. It’s a terrible situation for both of you. I’m glad you told me what’s going on so I can tell Lyle.”
“Your husband’s going to hate me.”
“No, he won’t. He couldn’t, even if he wanted to. He’s crazy about you.”
“It’s a good thing I moved out. Now when Dean comes over, he won’t have to face me or be worried about that. How are you feeling?”
“So pregnant I’m going insane.”
Tamsin couldn’t imagine being married, let alone knowing what it would be like to expect a baby. “I love you, Sally. Please take care. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Promise?”
“What do you think? Good night.”
* * *
ON THURSDAY NIGHT Dean did come to the ranch with Lyle after work, surprising Tamsin. She hurried into the entrance hall to hug him. “I’m so glad you came.”
Her mother had made stir-fry. Sally got comfortable on the couch and the six of them, including their father, sat around the TV in the family room and ate. They talked about the arson and went over the plans for the new barn with everyone adding their ideas.
Dean fit in with their family. Every look he gave Tamsin over the course of the evening told her how he felt about her. When he finally said good-night in the front hallway, she saw a new look in his eyes.
“Would it be pushing too much if I asked you out for Saturday night? I’ve made plans for us.”
He was being so careful, and she loved him for it. “You mean the ones I ruined last week because of my migraine? I’m so sorry about that.”
“I’m trying to give you time.”
“I know you are and I’ll look forward to Saturday night.”
“Good. Tomorrow night I have to be gone overnight in Riverton, but I’ll be back the next day and phone you.” His kiss was intense before he left the house.
Tamsin walked back in the living room, finding Sally alone for a minute. “Where is everyone?”
“They’re helping Mom with the dishes.” She eyed Tamsin with curiosity. “Tonight Dad was trying to feel me out in private and told me in his own way that Dean would make a great addition to the family.”
“I’ve been thinking the same thing. Maybe this apartment has already given me an objective look. He’s taking me out for dinner Saturday night.”
“Are you sure you want to go?”
She shrugged and said, “He’s trying not to push and I have to be willing to meet him halfway.”
“That’s good, but are you sure?”
Tamsin nodded. “He’s a great person. I’d have to be out of my mind to let Cole’s existence determine my life.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
She leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “You look tired and should get to bed. I’m going up, too. Love you.” Tamsin appreciated it that her sister hadn’t brought up Cole’s name. It helped Tamsin, who was trying to put the past away for good.
Chapter Four
On Saturday morning Cole swung by the fire station to pick up one of the prepared fliers. They were being mailed out to ranchers, but he wanted to hand deliver one to Howard Rayburn. He’d always liked Tamsin’s father and felt the need to warn him in person about this threat.
He also hoped to see Tamsin. Last week he’d left the grocery store without knowing essential things about her life...apart from her involvement with the man who’d pulled her into his arms during the night of the fire. Cole hadn’t been able to get that image out of his mind. Tamsin didn’t wear a ring, so at least she wasn’t engaged yet. He needed to find out more about her relationship with the guy or he wouldn’t be able to function.
When he pulled up in front of the Rayburn ranch house, he jumped out of the cab and hurried to the front door, anxious to make contact with her. But once again when the door opened, it was Sally he saw standing there.
She eyed him in surprise. “You’re not in your firefighting gear this morning.”
“No, but I am here to deliver this flier from the fire department to your father. Is he home?”
“I’m afraid not. He’s in town talking to the builder who’s going to erect a new barn.”
“It can’t be soon enough for him, I’m sure. Will you make certain he receives this?” He handed it to her. “All the ranchers in the area will be getting one, warning them that more arson attacks could be coming. He needs to take all the precautions he can.”
She frowned. “That’s scary news.”
“I agree and I’m sorry. The police want these arsonists caught at all costs. Have you been all right since the night of the fire? It must have been frightening for you.”
�
��I’m fine now.” He could tell she wanted to slam the door in his face.
“Before I leave, is your sister home?”
“Tamsin doesn’t live here anymore.” Was that true, or was Sally protecting her? Both sisters had been with the horses during the fire in the middle of the night. “I imagine she’s at work by now,” Sally added.
“What does she do?”
“She’s a CPA.”
“Do you mind telling me where?”
“Ostler Certified Public Accounting.”
Cole knew the location of that firm. It had been around for a long time. “Thank you, Sally. Sorry to have bothered you. Don’t forget to give that flier to your father.”
He heard the front door close before he reached his truck. Where was Tamsin living? His frustration grew as he drove back to town and pulled into a vacant parking spot near Ostler Accounting.
He got out of the truck and walked inside to the reception desk where a middle-aged woman was seated.
“May I help you?”
“I’m here to see Ms. Rayburn.”
“What’s your name? I’ll ring her office, but she might not be here.”
“Will you tell her it’s Cole Hawkins?”
“Very well, Mr. Hawkins. Why don’t you take a seat?”
He was too restless to sit, but he walked over to an end table and picked up a business management magazine they put out for clients. Tamsin had been an outstanding student in high school—she could have done anything. He wondered what had made her choose accounting.
While he stood there thinking about the years that had separated them, she came into the reception room wearing a short-sleeved suit in an apple-green color with a white crew neck top. The strappy high-heeled white sandals she had on made her look much taller than her natural five foot six.
He’d never seen her hair swept back that way. She looked classy and professional, and for a moment he was rendered speechless.
“You wanted to see me?”
She’d spoken before he’d even realized it.
Cole put the magazine back on the table and met her halfway, noticing her tiny green enamel earrings. “I stopped by the ranch to leave a flier with your father. Sally answered the door and told me where I could find you.”
“You almost missed me. I have an appointment at the hospital in ten minutes.”
His breath caught. “Is something wrong?”
“No. I’m going to be working on their books next week and came in to download some materials on my laptop.”
Relief swept through him. “I had no idea you were interested in this kind of work.”
“I thought the same thing about your line of work. Funny how two high school kids who were crazy about horses and the rodeo ended up. Truth really is stranger than fiction.”
His body tautened. “What isn’t funny is how two high school kids who were insanely crazy about each other still aren’t married. I’d like to take you somewhere so we can talk about that.”
“The time for that kind of talk was ages ago.”
“Are you engaged to Dean Witcom?”
A little pulse throbbed at the base of her throat. Emotion always did that to her. She was having trouble with his question. He waited so long for her answer, he ran out of the breath he wasn’t aware he’d been holding.
“No.” That one word made him euphoric. “But let’s get something clear. I’ll never go anywhere with you unless you promise to make a promise to me.”
“What’s that?”
“That you break your promise to your father and come clean about the real reason you left the state rather than stay and work things out with me. It’s up to you, Cole. You know where to find me.”
She wheeled around, but he caught hold of her arm so she couldn’t leave, startling her.
“I’d already planned to tell you everything.” The long silence had to be broken if he wanted to get on with the rest of his life. “We’ll need time to talk. If it’s all right with you, I’d like us to get an early start. What’s your address? Why don’t I come pick you up tomorrow?”
* * *
BY SUNDAY MORNING Tamsin was jumping out of her skin, partly with nerves, partly with unbidden excitement, waiting for Cole to come by the apartment complex and pick her up. After her shower, she blow-dried her hair and tied it at the nape with an elastic.
Yesterday, he’d told her to dress for the mountains. If she wanted to hike around a little, they could do that. He’d be bringing everything they’d need.
In the past they’d done a little hiking, but nothing too ambitious since participating in the rodeo had taken up the bulk of their free time. Today he was taking her to a tiny lake he’d named Teardrop, a place she’d never seen. He explained that it was at low elevation in the Wind River Range. They’d be warm and there’d be no snow.
She’d just finished her breakfast when he came to the door and knocked. Tamsin decided not to invite him inside. She was ready in her jeans, hiking boots and pullover sweater with long sleeves. Grabbing a beanie and parka, she walked out to his truck with him. It looked new.
He helped her inside and put her things on the back seat before walking around to climb in behind the wheel. This wasn’t a date like they used to have. She’d come with him today for one reason only. Once she heard the true explanation about his going away, then she’d have closure and that would be the end of a life experience she wanted nothing more than to forget.
“If you get hungry, I’ve packed food and drinks.”
“Thank you.”
Cole drove them northeast to the Elkhart Park trailhead, fifteen miles from town. They were both quiet while she marveled over the scenery.
Nowhere except a few places on the North American continent would you ever see scenic waterfalls, alpine lakes, massive granite spires, high mountain cirques, glaciers and vast meadows all in one spot like this. The Bridger Wilderness was unique in the world.
He pulled onto a side road that wound around to the little lake he’d talked about. “It does look exactly like a teardrop. What’s its real name?”
“I think it’s too small to have been given one. Shall we get out and walk down to the edge? I’ll bring a thermal blanket.”
“What can I carry?”
“Everything’s in the truck bed. Have a look and take what you want.”
They both got out and walked around to the rear. He lowered the tailgate and levered himself with a dexterity that had made him so exciting to watch when he was bull riding.
Tamsin saw a lot of equipment she didn’t recognize. Cole handed her some water bottles. After he’d pulled a couple of loaded plastic bags from a duffel bag, he jumped down with the blanket and closed the gate. She followed him toward the water.
There was no one around to disturb their privacy. Without a breeze, the stillness of the morning added a magical element, as if they’d arrived in a land out of time. “Did you come here a lot in the past?”
“Only a few times.”
Just knowing he came here without her started up that ache in her chest.
He spread the blanket on the ground and lowered the bags to one corner. After taking the bottles from her, he put them next to the bags and sat down, removing his cowboy hat. Once he’d stretched out and rested the side of his head on his hand, she joined him.
His preference for plaid shirts hadn’t changed. He wore a blue, green and white button-down tucked into jeans that outlined his hard thighs. Those long legs of his had ridden some of the toughest bulls on the circuit, winning him a lot of money.
She sat down. “Exactly how long were you on the circuit?”
“Three years before I’d made enough to start college and study to become a firefighter.”
“I don’t understand. Why did it take so long before you enrolled in classes?”
&nbs
p; He sent her a piercing glance. “For one thing, I needed to pay for my mother’s medical bills.”
Tamsin shook her head in bewilderment. “I didn’t realize she’d been hospitalized for so long. You never told me the costs had added up to that degree.”
“Mother was only hospitalized a few days, Tamsin.”
“But if she was so ill, then—”
“My father kept her at home,” he broke in on her.
She stared at him. “I thought she died of pneumonia. Did it cost so much?”
Cole sat up and reached for one of the water bottles. After drinking half of one he said, “What I’m going to tell you is something that no one else knows because all the interested parties are dead. I promised my father I’d keep his secret, but now I’m about to break it. Once I tell you, then only four of us will know because Sam and Louise figured it out a long time ago, but they’ve never said a word.”
Her heart started to pound with anxiety. “Know what?”
“She didn’t die of pneumonia, though that’s what the coroner wrote on the death certificate. He was best friends with the doctor and they kept quiet.”
Tamsin got on her knees. “About what? Tell me what you’re trying to say.”
His jaw hardened. “She died of undulant fever.”
Tamsin closed her eyes tightly. After reading about brucellosis on the internet, she knew exactly what it was. It horrified her that something like that had happened to his mother, the woman Tamsin had only met one time.
She recalled it being an infectious disease caused by the bacteria called Brucella abortus. It was most often transmitted to humans from drinking raw milk from dairy cows carrying the disease, but pretty rarely these days since the advent of pasteurization. In a human it caused fever that rose and fell, sweats, headaches and generalized weakness. In livestock and wildlife, it caused the animal to abort. The disease could also be spread to other animals or humans by contact with the aborted calf.
The Right Cowboy Page 5