My body instantly begins to cool down when I feel his bare skin touching the back of my thighs. I feel compelled to say, “Yes.”
He runs his other hand down the spine of my back and stops at my bra, his fingers linger on the hooks of my bra but he doesn’t snap it open. I lay there frozen as tingles surge through my body. Both his hands come down to rest on my hips and he motions for me to lift my ass up. I gently lift myself so that I’m resting on my knees before him. Before I even have time to know what’s going on, I feel a cool breeze on my ass. He’s ripped away my underwear and I’m not even fazed that he’s seeing me this way, the only thing on my mind is. “Is this really happening?”
I smile to myself as he caresses my bottom tenderly.
He yanks my hair in a tight hold, forcing me to sit up and lean on my hands.
The affectionate, romantic mood gone .
He growls, “Let’s get this over with then” harshly yanking my hair. I’m still stuck in the ecstasy of feeling the heat leaving my body, so I don’t push and shove against him. I scream when he enters me roughly in one quick motion, filing me completely. It leaves me panting breathlessly. He doesn’t stop to give me time to adjust to him. He recedes then pushes back in even harsher, making me scream out again. With every thrust I feel my temperature dropping so I don’t stop him. Tyler makes wild sounds behind me. He continues to tug fistfuls of my hair, bending my head back harshly. I squeeze my eyes shut, letting the tears fall silently. I don’t dare make a sound. Tears of relief fall as the heat leaves my body. I cry because I yearn for my loving caring mate, but this is all I’ll ever get from Tyler. I’m taking it even though I know I don’t deserve to be treated this way. The only sounds that fill the room are coming from him and the springs in the bed as they squeak.
He starts moving in a rhythm, the hand resting on my left hip squeezes hard as he grunts. I feel a sensation building within my core. I try to even my breathing as he continues his assault on my body, praying that it will be over soon. His hand tightens on my hair, the fist that holds it gripping tighter. Then I feel him tense then shudder. He slowly untangles his hand from my hair then pulls out of me. I fall flat on the bed, exhausted and relieved that the whole ordeal is over with. I turn my head away from where he stands looking down at my half naked body before he walks out of the room. I listen for a few moments, hearing the front door slam and his car skid away. A tear falls down my face, not once did he kiss me or talk me through the experience.
I slowly get myself off the bed feeling dirty and used, even though I asked him for it. I’m colder now and even though I should welcome the coldness in, all I want right now is the warmth back. I look down at the evidence of my shattered virginity on the sheets of the bed. I rip all the blankets off and rush off to throw them in the washing machine.
Next stop. Shower.
As the fruity smell of the conditioner runs through my hair, I think about the scene that played out moments before. I wince at the flashbacks. I quickly stop all thoughts, focusing on getting the knots out my hair.
My body aches and I feel a little discomfort, but it’s nothing compared to what I’ve been through in the past. I put on one of my shirts and a pair of shorts, trying to keep myself around the tree house and my thoughts about Tyler at bay.
I don’t have a phone and I don’t know if he’s coming back to fetch me. To be honest, after the entire ordeal… I’d prefer to have some alone time. After two hours go by, thoughts of losing my virginity to Tyler start resurfacing. I decide to block it all off, act as though it didn’t happen, that I didn’t enjoy the possessiveness his body had over me. I’m good at shutting things out so this should be a piece of cake.
I try link with Talon, I’ve told him about my heat and I wonder if Tyler has told him about us having sex.
“You looking for me?” I hear Talon’s worried voice as he links.
“Yeah. How’s things your side?” I know I’m delaying the inevitable, but I’m a little scared to tell him that I slept with his brother.
“Its… things are… it’s busy,” he stutters. Clearly everything is still hush-hush so I don’t push for answers.
“How you doing, baby? Are you coping with the heat? You sound better?” He sounds worried.
I’m quiet for a few seconds then I take a deep breath and link back to him, “My heats over Talon.”
Now it’s his turn to be quiet, “What do you mean? You still have-” He abruptly stops talking.
“You slept with my brother.” His words are flat.
I try to butt in but he’s on a roll. “I’ve been trying so fucking hard, showing you how much I love you and how badly I want to make this work between us. You hardly show me any affection in return, Angel. Do I need to treat you like shit to get some action?” I can feel his fury and I know his words are only fuelled by his anger. I had no idea he would act this way. Talon has never showed any jealously toward his brother -neither has Tyler- but now… hearing the cruelness in his words. I’m not sure how this mate shit is meant to work between the three of us if the twins are jealous of each other.
I don’t bother replying. I shut off the link and build those walls in my mind back up. I’ll speak to him when he’s calmer.
****
A little later, I hear a car pull up. Running to the balcony, I look down to find Axel jumping out of his car. My eyes focus on the other door as it opens and out climbs Nixon.
I give Nixon a big hug and hold him longer than I know I should; I’ve missed him.
“Missed you too, little one,” Nixon chuckles, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and leading me back into the house.
“What? No hug for me?” I hear Axel says as we walk away.
I pack a bag and tell the boys I just want to get outta this place, I’m grateful they don’t ask questions.
As soon as we get back to the pack house I ask the boys if they want to shift and go for a run, happily they decide to join me. We spend the rest of the afternoon lazing around by the lake and running through the forest. I haven’t seen Tyler all day and I’m not sure what I will do when I eventually have to lay eyes on him.
Nixon and Axel are sitting by a small bonfire in the back yard. I flop down on the log between the two of them and notice the beers in each of their hands. I take Nixon’s but he snatches it back. Axel hands me his and I down the rest of it, letting out an unladylike burp. I cover my mouth and giggle. The boys chuckle and Axel pulls another beer out from his cooler bag. He offers me one, but when I see Nixon frown at the gesture, I decline. We sit there quietly in the dark listening to the crackle of the wood as the flames take it.
“Still don’t wanna talk about it?” Axel says, nudging my shoulder gently. I look up at him then turn back to look at the fire.
“It was horrible... but it was great too. It’s like on one hand I kept wishing for it to be over, but on the other I didn’t want him to stop. He took away all the pain. He did exactly what I asked of him, but if that’s what it feels like to have sex, I don’t wanna do it again.” Nixon whips his head to look down at me and Axel frowns. I continue, “Don’t see what the big deal about it is. God, the act itself was terrible.” I physically shudder as I look back at the fire.
“What?” Nixon asks, sounding confused.
“Were you a virgin?” Axel blurts out at the same time.
“Yeah, and I’m never having sex again. Never ever again,” I say, with great emphasise on he never part.
“Jesus, Angel. Why didn’t you tell us?” Axel says, sounding hurt.
“It’s not something to just announce.” I shake my head.
“Did the twins know you were a virgin?” Nixon asks, leaning forward with a deep frown on his face.
“Yeah, both my mates knew about it. Okay, so it’s not like I expected some romantic display of affection. I knew the only reason he was having sex with me was because I basically begged him to, but I really didn’t expect to lose my virginity that way. I certainly didn’t think having sex
would be such an animalistic act. God, it was horrible...so horrible. I just… I don’t want to think about it.” I wrap my arms around myself as a shiver runs through my body.
“Fucking idiots,” Axel mutters, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me into his chest. Nixon holds my hand tightly between his two hands.
“It’s not as bad as he made it out to be, babe. Sex can be a beautiful, intimate act between two people. I wish you told me you were a virgin, Angel. I would’ve shown you just that.”
Axel smiles down at me as he sends this message to me without letting Nixon hear; I can’t help but smile back. I remain quiet, knowing I will never have sex with anyone other than my two mates. I still love Tyler. Maybe losing my virginity didn’t go how I thought it would, but if I really wanted him to stop, I would have told him to. I kept quiet, allowing him to take my heat away because at that moment that is all I wanted.
****
When I go to bed that night, I make sure to lock the door to my bathroom as well as my bedroom; I even go through the trouble of placing a chair in front of them. As I’m lying in bed, I think about Chloe and Ronny.
I miss them so much.
I’m just about to write a text to Ronny when I feel Nixon trying to link up with me. I bring down the walls in my mind, just enough to let him in.
“You okay cupcake?” I can hear the concern in his voice.
“I will be,” I reply.
“I don’t want you to let one greedy person take away something so special for you,” he says.
“It’s too late, Nix. He’s already taken it. Last time I checked, your virginity isn’t something that can be replaced,” I say sarcastically, trying to lighten the serious mood.
“Ha-ha,” he fakes. “What I mean is, don’t let him ruin that for you. So your first time was shit, it can only get better now, right? I swear it’s not as brutal as he made it out to be, you just need to find the right person. Don’t let Tyler ruin what could be a beautiful thing, Angel.” I can hear him almost whisper it in my head. I don’t have anything to say to that, he must know this because he replies with a, “Goodnight babe.”
“Goodnight, Nix. Thanks… for everything,” I say, trying to find the right words.
Chapter 25
I have nightmares for two nights after that. They’re always the same, always about losing my virginity; every single one more brutal than the one before. It’s gotten to the point where I’m avoiding Nixon and all things male; specifically and most importantly Tyler.
I just get done taking a shower after I went for a run in the woods when Nixon barges into my room.
I’m not surprised by this because he’s been blowing up my phone with messages and trying to get into my head, but I’ve fobbed him off with excuses.
He stands in my open doorway with his arms folded over his chest. “You’re avoiding me, Angel. Why?”
I continue to straighten my frizzy hair, looking in the mirror as I reply, “I haven’t. I’ve just been busy, Nix.”
“Bullshit. You’ve been avoiding me,” he says, walking closer.
I sigh, letting out a deep breath as I switch the straightener off.
I look at him in the mirror as I apply some make up. “I’ve been having dreams.”
“Dreams or nightmares?” He asks.
“Nightmares.”
“About?” He continues, sitting on the stool near me.
“What do you think?” I respond.
He nods his head in understanding, then looks up over. “Where are you headed off to?”
“Don’t know yet. I need to get out of this house for a while.” I check myself in the mirror. I have a pair of navy skinny jeans on, a plain black off the shoulder top where my purple bra strap sticks through and I’ve put on a pair of simple black wedge ankle boots to complete the outfit.
I pick up my handbag on the way to the door and walk past him. “You coming?” I don’t wait for a response as I walk out my room and head for the stairs.
I hear a familiar voice coming from the patio outside. From the open door, I watch Axel yelling at Kate.
“Back away from her man. I’m not gonna tell you again,” Tyler says, getting in Axel’s face. My heart hurts at seeing Tyler standing up for her. I haven’t seen him since the night at the tree house. I’ve been avoiding him at all costs, but I guess my time is finally up.
“She didn’t tell you that she rejected her mate?” Axel holds his stomach as he laughs.
“Stupid stuck up bitch thought she was better than me. Now she’s stuck with you.” Axel continues to laugh as if it’s the most hilarious thing ever. I’m certain he’s only doing this to piss Tyler off.
He looks at Kate provocatively and says, “Baby, I would’ve rocked…your…world.” He looks her entire body over. I watch as a surprised look comes across her face. She no longer has that mean snarl, instead lust filled eyes shine back at Axel.
Tyler growls at Axel and pushes him back, but Axel only laughs, fuelling his anger. Tyler looks back at Kate now. “What is he talking about?” He growls. This is when he notices me standing there watching the scene play out.
I watch his adam’s apple move up and down as he gulps. The anger from his face disappears and he stands up straighter, shoulders relaxed.
Kate looks at Tyler then follows his line of sight to me. Letting out a little growl, her now famous snarl covers her face. I’ve never seen her this mad before, it so doesn’t suit her pretty face.
Nixon bumps into me as he’s putting his arms through his leather jacket. He looks down at me confused, then catches onto the scene in front of us.
Axel lets out a whistle when he looks at me. Tyler glares at him, but that does nothing to shut him up. “Can’t believe you’re still with that….” He looks at Kate full of loathing then tilts his head to me, “…when you have her as a mate. Brother, if you don’t start treating her right…I may have to let Alpha Caspian step in. God knows he’s obsessed with her. I’m pretty sure he’d know how to treat her the way she deserves.”
Tyler growls out and takes a step towards him. Axel just raises his eyebrow then turns to look at me with a brilliant smile on his face. “You ready, sweet cheeks?” He asks me so kindly and I can’t help but smile and nod.
“Wait. What is going on between you two? Are you like together now?” Kate pipes in, jealously evident in her voice as she looks from Axel to me.
I ignore her and follow the boys towards Nixon’s car.
“You think you’re going to be able to satisfy him in bed?” she spits out behind me. I freeze, looking up at Axel and Nixon wide eyed. I know she’s angry and I know all this lashing out at me is because of her fear of losing Tyler. She’s in love with him and is under the impression that her time with him is coming to an end.
“Kate, shut it,” Tyler growls.
She lets out a forced laugh. I’ve never heard anything like it come from her mouth before. “Oh, sweetie. Surely you didn’t think he wouldn’t tell me? Our relationship is stronger than that.” I turn around and glare at Tyler as I feel the ominous tingles in my eyes start to form.
“Don’t pay her any attention; let’s just get out of here,” Nixon says, but I ignore him.
“Let’s go.” Axel grabs my elbow, but I shove him off harshly.
“Apparently little Angel here is useless in bed. Just lays there. Poor Ty was so disgusted by the scars on her back, he had to picture me underneath him to finish off. Swear you’ve scarred my man.” She smirks and crosses her hands over her chest. I stand there shocked; who knew perfect little Kate had this side to her.
“Kate.” Tyler growls again.
I can feel the wind picking up along with the tingles that are coursing through my body.
“I can promise you he isn’t as scarred as I am. I don’t have much experience in the sex department since I’ve only ever had sex with Tyler here…” They both gasp and the boys behind me curse. “…but I can assure you that he wasn’t all that great either. I�
��d rather be restrained and whipped then allow someone to brutally take what he took from me again.”
“Shit, Angel. I didn’t think…I figured you’d slept with Drake when you were together,” Tyler says, his broken voice filled with remorse.
“No you didn’t think.” I shut him up with a growl.
He stands there looking at me with shoulders slumped.
This is when Kate starts laughing, “Talon and Tyler told me about you. But a virgin? Damn, you really are a tease. Playing all those boys and you didn’t even give them some.” She wipes away the tears from laughing. I have tears falling down my face too, but they weren’t caused by the hilarity of this conversation. I’m way passed the sad phase, I’m hurt and livid.
I can’t control the burning sensation in my eyes as they start to burn. I want to cause her pain. I want her to feel my pain. I need her to feel it.
“Angel, look at me. You need to calm down. Breathe… No, look at me.” Nixon grabs my face and directs me to look into his eyes. I squint and blink, Kate is no longer in my view as Nixon’s eyes become my focus. I think about Phoenix and the breathing techniques she showed me and I feel the burning start to fade away. “Just breathe,” he says calmly.
“You good?” he looks my face over not letting go of my jaw. I blink a few more times and let out a deep breath.
“Yeah, I’m good.” He moves out of my way. I now notice Talon is there, holding Tyler back. Talon is looking back and forth between Nixon and I full of confusion. He’s obviously unsure of why we’re so close.
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