“Fine,” Marissa answered quickly. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Goodbye.”
She took in a deep breath to regain her strength once again and placed her fingers in the proper order of her father’s number. This time she waited for several rings. Just as she was about to hang up, her father’s groggy voice said, “Hello.”
“Dad? It’s me, Marissa. I just wanted to let you know that I’m safe,”
“O.K.,” her father answered hoarsely.
“Bye, Dad,”
“Bye.”
Marissa placed the receiver back onto the base, pressing down hard as if she wanted to make sure the communication with her parents was completely finished before turning her attention back to Nick.
“What are you going to tell them?” Nick asked with curiosity. He felt uneasy about the whole situation.
Marissa sat back down on the carpet, hugging her knees to her chest. “I don’t know yet,” she confessed. Then she added. “It was almost too good to be true that this evening could have gone on without a hitch.”
“Did you believe something might go wrong?” Nick prodded.
His lover thought hard before answering. “It just seems that every time I reach out and grab a little bit of freedom, my mother is there to take it away. It’s almost as if she can’t stand having me out on my own. She has this way of choking me or pulling me back as if to say, ‘As long as I can, I won’t release you.’ It’s scary but with everything I do, it’s as if she is there to stop me.”
Nick crossed his arms in front of him, listening intently. “Have you ever tried releasing that thought?”
Her forehead creased as she asked, “What?”
“Maybe the fact that you think about her holding you back is actually resulting in the effect that you don’t want.”
“You mean like a self-fulfilling prophecy?”
“Exactly!”
“So you mean to say that if I say to myself she won’t interrupt me or interfere with my life, she won’t?”
“It might not happen instantaneously. But if you replace your old way of thinking with a new thought, it will eventually happen. And even if she continues to invade your privacy, it won’t affect you in the same way,” Nick clarified. “Just a thought.”
Marissa raised her eyebrows, “Oh, I see. It’s like positive thinking.”
“A little.”
“You are so wise.”
“Thank you.”
“So wise and so young,” Marissa emphasized.
“I’m just removed from the situation,” Nick justified.
Staring lovingly at the man across from her she continued, “And beautiful. Oh, so beautiful.”
He stopped talking long enough to capture what she had just said, taking it all in and her too.
And for the rest of the night into the morning, Marissa tried her hardest to appreciate what she had, pushing out the thoughts of the stressful moments that would await her when she crawled out her space of comfort and into the open realm of reality with its demands, judgments and accusations.
Chapter Twenty-One
“Hi sweetie,” Nick cooed as Marissa emerged from the world of dreams.
“Am I still dreaming?” she asked as she opened her eyes and saw Nick across from her, propped up on his elbow staring.
“No, this is quite real,” he said reaching to push the hair out of her eyes.
Then suddenly remembering the one thing that went wrong the night before, Marissa sank her head back into the pillow and groaned.
Nick frowned, “Oh, it’s not that bad seeing me in the morning is it?”
With her head still in the pillow she answered, “No, it’s not you, it’s…”
“I know. Just teasing you,” he smiled. “Hey, why don’t we take a shower, then get some breakfast before you have to face the grim reaper?”
Marissa lifted her head slightly off the pillow before muttering, “O.K. we might as well make the most of our last moments together.”
As it turns out, it is extremely difficult to concentrate on having a good time or making the most of those precious last moments when doom is waiting just behind the door. Marissa had phoned her mother who was going to join her father at ten o’clock so all three of them could discuss the situation together. When she made her reluctant appearance at her father’s house, the jury was awaiting her arrival. Marissa sat down at the round table without a word.
“What happened last night?” Her father began the interrogation in a worried but calm tone.
“I was out with some friends,” Marissa answered plainly not looking into either of her parents’ eyes.
“Who were you out with exactly?” questioned Mrs. Belknapp with a voice much less calm than that of her father.
“Just some people from work.”
“If you were out with people from work, why didn’t you just tell me?” her dad asked. “Why did you tell me you were out with Brogan?”
Marissa cast her eyes downward and shrugged her shoulders.
“Well there must be a reason,” her father added.
“It’s just that there was this big party and I wanted to stay all night. And I knew that you would never let me so I said that I was staying at Brogan’s house,” Marissa explained in one breath.
“Was Mike there?” Her father continued.
Barbara Belknapp cut in, “Wait a minute, who’s Mike?”
Marissa’s father wrinkled his eyebrows, “You don’t know who Mike is Barbara?”
Marissa’s mother straightened up in her seat to show that she was not only curious but also disturbed about being out of the loop. “So who is he?”
“Marissa?” said her father as he stared at his daughter.
Marissa’s face felt flushed. She swallowed hard before she spoke, “Mike is a guy I’m dating.”
“Where did you meet him?” asked Barbara Belknapp.
“Through a friend.”
“Which friend?” insisted her mother.
“A friend at work,” answered Marissa feeling her face getting redder by the minute.
“How old is he?”
Marissa shifted in her seat, “Twenty-four.”
“Twenty-four!” Barbara shouted. Then turning to Marissa’s dad she yelled, “Did you know he was twenty-four?”
Her father cleared his throat before answering, “No, I wasn’t aware of his age. But I figured he was around twenty.”
Barbara gawked menacingly. “And you didn’t discuss this with me? Our daughter is seeing a twenty-four year old man and you didn’t think I should know about this?”
“Now Barbara, Marissa is eighteen years old. I thought she would have told you about him. Besides he seems like a nice boy,” her father rationalized.
Marissa’s mother exploded. “Boy? Boy? Twenty-four year olds aren’t boys. They are men. And what would a man of that age have to do with an eighteen year old girl?” Then she turned sharply in Marissa’s direction and spout out, “Well, what does this twenty-four year old do besides prey on young girls?”
Marissa was feeling more and more trapped. “He works.”
Mrs. Belknapp looked as if she was going to have a nervous breakdown. “I figured he works,” she screamed. “But where does he work?”
Her father pushed up his glasses and interrupted the exchange, “Aren’t we getting off the topic here? I asked Marissa a question that I think she needs to answer.”
Knowing perfectly well what the question was, Marissa asked innocently, “What was the question again?”
Her father leaned forward folding his hands on the table. He stared into her eyes, “Was Mike at this party Marissa?”
Marissa looked from her father to her mother and back to her father, “No, he wasn’t.” And that was the truth. Neither she nor Nick was at the party.
Her father gazed into her eyes as if he was trying to figure out if she was lying or telling the truth. Silence filled the room for a moment or two until he leaned back in his chair, tapped the table
lightly and said, “Fine. Don’t think you have to lie to me to get your own way, Marissa. Just tell me the truth next time.”
“That’s it!” Barbara screamed, “Aren’t we going to ground her?”
“There is no point in grounding her Barbara. She needs to learn for herself. She’s an adult now.”
“Adult or not. She’s still our daughter. And I want to meet this guy Mike,” Barbara raged.
Marissa sat with her arms crossed in silence. There was no way that she could introduce Nick to Barbara. No way at all.
Rubbing his forehead, her father looked at his daughter with pleading eyes. He remembered at once why he had divorced Marissa’s mother so many years before. “Please Marissa, could you introduce Mike to your mother?”
Her jaw tightened and she felt faint, “I can’t.”
Both of her parents answered in unison, “Why not?’
“I just can’t,” Marissa said slowly and got up to leave, “May I be excused now?”
“But I’m…” Barbara started to say.
“I’m tired,” said Marissa. “It was a long night. I’ve got some homework to do before school tomorrow.” And without turning back, she walked quickly up the stairs to her room.
The next day Marissa owed Nick a visit. They were both off work on Monday afternoon so she met him at his house. He appeared at the door bright and cheerful greeting her with a lovely smile, “Hi sweetie,” he said as he kissed her passionately. “How did it go yesterday?”
Marissa raised her eyes to the ceiling and bit her bottom lip, “Well, it wasn’t that great nor that disastrous,” she said as she lifted off her scarf and tugged on her gloves.
Nick lounged back on the couch as asked, “O.K. well what does that mean?”
She decided to cut to the chase, “That means, you can’t come over to my dad’s house anymore.”
“How so?” asked Nick looking confused.
Marissa plopped down on the couch beside him and said, “Well, my dad asked if ‘Mike’ was at this party I went to. And my mom jumped at the opportunity and asked who ‘Mike’ was and then asked to meet him.”
“And what did you say?” Nick asked anxiously.
“I said, ‘no’ of course. But now if you come over, my dad will want to know why you can’t meet my mom.”
Nick shook his head, “This is getting way too messy.”
“Not that messy. It just makes it more difficult to see each other again. My dad was fine as long as I was home after work. But now, I don’t know.” Marissa leaned back and twisted her hair around her forefinger. Then she glanced over at Nick and was surprised to see him looking quite worried. “What’s wrong?”
“Between the two of them, your parents are going to figure all of this out,” Nick said nervously. “Then I’m doomed.”
“No,” Marissa said confidently. “You’re worrying for nothing, love. They never talk to each other. Plus my dad was totally sick of her after that conversation yesterday. I don’t think he’ll be talking to her for a while. Plus in four months, I’ll be a free woman. Once I graduate, it doesn’t matter who knows about us. Right?”
Instead of looking relieved Nick appeared even more stressed. “Don’t be so sure your parents don’t talk Marissa. You’re their child and I’m sure they love you very much. When something is wrong, parents talk.”
“Believe me Nick, you don’t know my parents. They have never been in the same room for more than ten minutes since I was five. Really. Besides, if I don’t bring ‘Mike’ home anymore, there is no reason for them to talk right?” Marissa urged.
“Maybe it will give them more reason to talk.”
“Nick, please don’t be so paranoid,” pleaded Marissa inching closer to him. “My parents have much more to do with their time than to speculate about my boyfriends.” She reached out to stroke his hair. “What about enjoying the moment?”
He smiled slyly, “What about enjoying the moment?”
“I think we can enjoy this moment,” Marissa hinted.
“Except for the fact that my roommate usually comes home around this time.”
“So what do we do?”
Nick thought for a minute, “Make, um, make...”
“Yes?’ asked Marissa giggling.
“Make vegetarian sushi,” Nick finished.
“Nick!”
“I’m serious. Let’s cook together!”
“O.K. hot stuff,” she teased.
“With ginger,” he added. “Lots of ginger.”
“Aphrodisiac?” she giggled again.
“Yep,” Nick said playfully as he reached out to tickle her.
“I love you Nick Smith!” Marissa shouted.
“And I love you,” Nick whispered in her ear.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Marissa bit into a slice of toast, early one morning before school, while deep in thought. It had been over two weeks since the hotel stay and the unpleasant interrogation by her parents regarding her whereabouts that weekend night. She figured she was out of the woods until her father started talking.
He had a habit of holding the paper in front of his face as he read. As he turned to the next page he said casually, “I haven’t seen Mike in a while.”
The piece of toast felt heavy on her tongue as she chewed. So Marissa barely managed an, “Uh huh” before taking the next bite.
He folded one corner of the newspaper and peered over it, “Are you still seeing him?”
Marissa grimaced, “Well, sort of.”
The newspaper flipped back up. “Funny thing, after you stayed out all night, Mike seems to have disappeared from view. What a weird coincidence.”
It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what her father was saying. Marissa got it. He didn’t believe one word of what she had told him and that was his way of expressing it.
She stood up from the table, her dishes in hand.
The newspaper came down once again. Her father peered over his glasses, “When you’re ready to tell me what happened to Mike, I’ll be here to listen.”
“Thanks,” Marissa shot out then sprinted out of the kitchen.
Normally a conversation of that nature would not have freaked her out. Her father was her father and it was his job to protect his daughter and he remembered being a teenager very well. But it had been two full weeks with no word about the incident and all of the sudden he was bringing it up. It didn’t make any sense. Not to mention the fact that her father never kept track of her boyfriends. He kept out of her business. Being nosy was her mom’s job.
Things got even more bizarre as the day went on. After school Marissa found a thick envelope on the windshield of her car with a very long letter inside. She imagined the letter was from Nick but two things struck her as odd. The first was that Nick didn’t typically write her letters anymore. If there was something they wanted to say to each other, they said it in person. And the second odd thing was the handwriting. Each time he had written her a letter or even a short note, his handwriting was perfect. The letter that she held in front of her was written in print, not script and it looked as if it had been written with an uneasy hand. The whole thing gave her the creeps.
As she unfolded the sheets of paper, her feeling was confirmed.
Dear Marissa,
I’ve been struggling all night long on how to say this. For the past year I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I would like out of life and in particular what kind of partner I would like to share my life with. Before we met, I wanted someone in the worst way. As the phrase on the back of A Bridge Across Forever describes “Ever find yourself alone in the world missing someone, the love you have never met?”
Last night I kept coming back to the part in the book about having learned everything that I wanted to learn on my own. Before we met, I thought I was seriously ready to find my soulmate, the person I would spend the rest of my time with and continue to learn that which can only be learned with a significant other. But at times I wasn’t sure i
f I was completely done with my alone learning time. At no time in my past had I ever come to that point, but I’m closer now than I have ever been. So until I’m totally ready to meet my one true love, I still have emotional needs. Consequently, when a woman comes into my path and offers me nurturing and love, I must decide whether I have anything to offer her. And I must be honest with her that I have not completely finished my alone learning and growing.
When I was in high school and in college, I lived a selfish existence where my pleasure and comfort were the only important considerations. Toward the end of my college years, and after my serious relationship in college ended, I realized I could no longer play the boyfriend/ girlfriend scene again. It was either selfless love with complete understanding of the other’s desires and dreams or it was nothing at all. And with each of my subsequent relationships, I have continually asked myself the question, “Could we work together for the rest of our lives?” If the answer was ever “no”, the relationship ended or changed significantly.
Only you can decide for yourself if you’ve come to the point in your life where you’ve learned all you care to learn on your own and desire to be with your soulmate to learn and grow together for the rest of your lives. I believe there are still plenty of things you wish to do before meeting that person. You have plenty of time.
I have already let you know that I have not reached that point. I too have plenty of time.
With this much aired, what are we to do?
When we first met, you expressed interest in sharing more than just a friendship with me. I shared my feelings and concerns with you. I have only recently revealed most of my deepest feelings towards you. My ultimate expression of love for you was consummated a couple of weeks ago. Everything I have been showing and telling you, my highest truth was summed up in those precious hours we shared. I literally put all I had, out on the table, without concern or regret. The very consideration of our relationship as more than a friendly one, in the face of the situation at hand, with all of the odds against us, either screams love and tenderness or insanity. And believe me, I’ve never felt more sane in my life.
Forbidden Fruit: An Unlikely Love Story Page 21