Lainie didn’t respond. She was lost in her own thoughts—unwelcome ones that accompanied Jake’s revelation.
In the past two weeks, she’d been kidnapped by the San Bois Mountain Gang and held hostage; she’d been reunited with her cousins—who’d been presumed dead for the past three years; she’d helped her eleven-year-old sharpshooter cousin, Earlene, get the drop on four of the meanest, toughest outlaws—members of the gang—and tie them up for their imminent meeting with the sheriff. Then, she’d spent a wonderful Christmas with Earlene and Angie—and the two Diamond brothers—filled with good food, laughter, and some impossible dreams that had begun to fill her head—and her heart.
She hadn’t meant to let it happen, but she had fallen completely, head over heels, crazy in love with Jake Diamond.
But, growing up in the circus world, Lainie had gotten her fill of the shysters and flim-flam men of the world. She hadn’t lied when she’d told Jake that she’d never had any particularly useful talent in that realm.
Like a fish out of water, how could she make a life in that world? There was nothing for her; no way for her to be useful or needed. She was in the way—an irritant to her mother, who relished the circus life and everything it embodied.
She couldn’t even claim the supernatural gifts that every other female member of her family possessed—even her cousins, Angie with her healing skills, and Earlie, with her summoning and second-sight abilities…what did Lainie have in comparison to any of that?
She didn’t envy them their witches’ skills; she only longed to find her own talents—supernatural, or of this normal realm—and find her place in the world.
A horse ranch, Jake Diamond, and a family of her own, would be more than she’d ever hoped for.
Going back to the circus life was not something she thought she’d be able to bear—but she did want to see everyone again and let them know she was fine before she decided what she might do.
Angie had begged her to come live with her and Earlie—but now that Brett and Angie would be getting married, Lainie knew she’d feel like an interloper.
At nineteen, she needed to make her own place in the world, and if it wasn’t with Jake Diamond, then…alone.
With each passing mile bringing her closer to the life she’d left behind—admittedly, unwillingly when she’d been kidnapped—she dreaded the reunion more and more.
“I know you’re probably anxious to see everyone,” Jake said in an effort to change the subject that, Lainie knew, had become uncomfortable for him.
His life was as unstable as hers, right now.
She gave him a faint smile. “Not really.”
“Your mother—surely—”
Lainie shook her head. “I don’t fit in there, Jake. Yes, I do want to visit Mama again, and the people I was raised among—the circus is like a small traveling village. I was born into it, but I never truly belonged.”
“But—I don’t understand—”
Lainie sat closer to him. “Think of it as being born and raised on a horse ranch. But you get thrown every time you try to ride. Or maybe, you try to train horses, and they want nothing to do with you. Even your family—who are all excellent horsemen, and love the ranch life—think you’re a bit odd, and wonder what makes the horses so wary of you—” She broke off and looked away.
Jake reached for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze of encouragement.
“And finally, the day comes,” she continued, not looking at him, “when you realize…you really aren’t one of them, nor will you ever be. No matter what, you’ll never fit the mold and be accepted…because all along you…”
Jake smiled. “You wanted to be a cattle rancher instead?”
Lainie gave a short laugh. “I guess that’s about the size of it—and no one can understand why you’d ever want to leave horse ranching, though it’s perfectly obvious to you.”
“I understand, Lainie,” Jake said, and from the look in his eyes, Lainie believed he did.
“I…wanted to be a teacher. After I lived with the Cherokees and attended the mission school, I took to it like a duck to water. I had a thirst for knowledge—any and all knowledge—from books, to practical learning, to hypothetical suppositions—” He shook his head, laughing, at her look.
“I wanted to learn everything—and then I wanted to teach it, to youngsters like myself, who would find the world as vastly interesting as I did. Turns out—there just aren’t that many of us out here.
“My dreams of going on to University dwindled. And when I met a man who realized my…criminal potential—well, greed and youthful naïvete took over any good sense I may have possessed.”
The stage hit a rough spot in the road, and Lainie was jolted even closer to Jake. He put out his hand to steady her, then pulled her close to him, allowing his body to absorb the hard bouncing and jolting they had to endure.
“Was he the man who taught you to gamble?” Lainie asked softly.
“Yep. Ace Avery—King Avery’s brother. King had, by that time, gotten to know Brett. Brett had chosen to ride with the San Bois Mountain Gang instead, but he and King were still on friendly terms. The criminal world is a small one. Everyone knows everyone else.”
“Like the circus,” Lainie said.
Jake nodded. “So, Ace saw I had a head for figures—counting cards was a natural talent I didn’t even have to work at.
“From the beginning, gambling came easy for me. And Ace—he knew a young man like me needed a place to belong. He figured as long as he created that for me, I wouldn’t stray too far. And I felt beholden to him. He always got half my winnings. Said I owed it to him, for him passing down ‘the trade.’ ”
Lainie could hear the self-derision in his tone. She squeezed his arm, wanting nothing more than to tell him how well she understood everything—even the things he couldn’t bring himself to admit; she knew the gnawing self-doubt, the pain of never being good enough; the humiliation he could never voice at being sucked in by the older man and being expected to provide a steady income for both of them through his gambling.
“What happened to Ace Avery?” Lainie wanted to hear that the man was dead and past caring what Jake did.
Jake shrugged. “We had a falling out and went our separate ways. A week later, I was ambushed by five men I’d never seen before. They beat me within an inch of my life and left me for dead.”
“Oh, Jake—”
Jake smiled as Lainie looked up into his face. “As you can see, I survived—and lived to turn a card another day.”
“Where were you when Teller Magdon and the San Bois Mountain Gang took you?”
“I wasn’t too far away. I’ve wondered if that’s what gave them the idea—I was convenient. Sallisaw is a gaming town, and the Arkansas and Illinois Rivers run close by. I spend a lot of time there.
“They jumped me coming out of one of the gambling hells—or what passes for one there—after a particularly long night.” He looked down at her as she rested against his shoulder. “And you, Lainie? How did they get you?”’
She swallowed hard at the memory that always managed to call fear up into her innermost place. She could still feel the paralyzing terror that had engulfed her when Magdon’s men had kidnapped her.
She’d gone to the nearby creek to get water for the evening meal. Just as she bent over to lower the pail into the water, a hand had clapped over her nose and mouth, cutting off her breathing for a few seconds before lowering enough to allow passage for air once more.
That had scared her more than anything else, and made her malleable in their hands. She’d do anything to keep from undergoing that suffocating feeling. Odd, since her mother, “Zelda the Great”, was the escape artist of the circus—and had to be able to do without air for minutes at a time.
Another failure on Lainie’s part.
“I—I was at the creek,” she stammered. “I had to get water for dinner.”
At the tremor in her voice, Jake’s fingers tightened on her wai
st and arm, but she didn’t move away. “Magdon’s men took me from the creek bank. I guess they’d watched enough to know I was the one who always went down there—alone.”
She shuddered, and slowly looked up at Jake. “I was so scared, Jake.”
****
Jake hadn’t been able to give her the comfort she’d needed at the time. When they’d brought her into the barn where he was being held, he’d been trussed and beaten to a fare-the-well.
For four days, he and Lainie had shared the back stall of the old ramshackle structure, huddling together—even sleeping together—to keep as warm as possible, as they waited for Brett’s arrival.
They’d spoken of all kinds of things—childhood memories, fears, and in a roundabout way—of a future that might include one another.
Lainie had warned Jake to guard his words—for once they had gotten free of their captors and were safe, she hadn’t wanted to be made a fool of.
It seemed he’d done just that, after all.
And now, as she gazed up at him with her deep blue eyes, he wanted it to be otherwise. He wanted…Lainie.
He lowered his head slowly, and she took a deep breath as his lips met hers.
This was not the first kiss they’d shared. Jake could feel her eagerness and trust as she moved closer to him, her response heating as his mouth plundered hers.
Being held captive together, not knowing if they’d survive or not, had bonded them more quickly than they would have otherwise. Things had moved fast—and Jake hadn’t objected.
Holding her in his arms, the kiss sending a thrill through him that he hadn’t experienced since—well, since the last time he’d kissed her—he felt a desire that was unfamiliar to his jaded soul.
Jake groaned, his crotch tightening. Lainie put her hand up to his cheek, her cool fingertips creating even more heat within him. As her fingers moved up into his hair, he relaxed back into the seat, pulling Lainie across him.
A soft sigh of desire escaped her, and she whispered his name, her fingers threading through his hair close to his scalp.
“Lainie, I—”
“Don’t say you’re sorry.” She leaned forward again, boldly touching his lips with hers.
He shook his head. “I wouldn’t dream of it, sweetheart.” His mouth possessed hers once again.
He moved his arm around her, his hand going up her back, holding her close to him—so close he could feel her heart beating next to his, in perfect time.
She lifted her lips from his, and he ached at the loss.
How was he going to exist without her light in his world once she was no longer there?
“Did—did they—hurt you, Lainie?” The thought slammed into his consciousness as he remembered her words; her fear.
She shook her head. “No, not—not like that.”
Jake searched her eyes. No, she wasn’t lying. He let go a sigh of relief.
“They were rough,” she went on, “but they didn’t—rape me, or any-anything.”
The stage began to slow and the driver knocked on the roof.
“Fort Worth comin’ up!” he called.
Lainie moved off of Jake and smoothed her clothing, then her hair.
Jake grinned. “You look ravishing.”
She gave him a quick glance. “More like ‘ravished’.”
“That, too.” Jake laughed, reaching to straighten her bonnet as she tied it on.
She looked uncertain, and Jake touched her arm. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head and looked down. “Being kidnapped, stolen away like that, and being in the company of so many men—alone—well, Mama and the others are bound to think the worst, no matter what I say.”
“Want a husband?” Jake quipped. “I can pretend to be respectable for a few days. At least, until you decide what you want to do. If you decide to stay here, well—we’ll just say things didn’t work out. If you decide to leave, no one will be the wiser. Once you get settled somewhere, I’ll ride off over the next ridge—or into the next game of poker—whichever comes first.”
There’s a third choice, Lainie wanted to say. You could stay…
Instead, she resorted to her practicality and cloaked her feelings. “What about sleeping arrangements?”
Jake cocked a brow. “We’ve slept together before. In the barn.”
“You were tied up,” she reminded him.
He laughed and reached to caress her cheek. “On my honor, Lainie. You have nothing to fear from me.”
She drew back. “You don’t want me?”
He looked pained and uncertain as he responded. “More than anything. But—”
The stage drew to an abrupt stop, and the door was flung open. “Here we are, folks,” the shotgun rider announced. He reached up to hand Lainie down.
A shot of jealousy drove into Jake’s chest as the man’s hands lingered an instant too long at Lainie’s trim waist.
Jake jumped down and glowered at him, then took Lainie’s arm.
“Let’s check into the hotel,” he said, as they waited for their bags to be unloaded. “Then, we’ll go in search of our wedding bands.”
Lainie nodded. “Thank you, Jake. Just something cheap. We—we won’t be needing them for long.”
Chapter 3
The words dried up in her throat. How she wished it could be real! And if only she had the powers her cousin Angie had…she would use them! She’d do whatever she needed to make Jake fall in love with her.
Because…she was certain she was in love with him. It was as if she had been the one with a spell cast on her. And it was damned embarrassing!
She’d all but climbed on top of him in the stage. He must have been quite amused by that…
She watched as Jake flipped a coin to one of the young boys who stood nearby, asking him to get their bags to The Silver Palace at the end of the street. The young man loaded them onto a wagon as Jake and Lainie started toward the hotel afoot.
Lainie shivered in the winter wind as they walked. Jake cursed the stage station for being so far down the street; too close to warrant renting a conveyance, but too far for a comfortable walk.
“I suppose we should be thankful there’s not a snowstorm or a downpour,” Lainie said lightly.
She wrapped her threadbare shawl closer about her. Jake put an arm around her shoulder.
“You need a proper cloak,” he muttered. They passed the mercantile and he glanced in the window. “Here, let’s see what they have.”
“I have no money,” she reminded him.
“You have something better. Me. Your husband. Even if it’s only make-believe.”
Lainie’s heart thundered in her ears at his cavalier statement. She almost stumbled as he reached to open the door to the mercantile for her to enter.
“All right?” he questioned.
“Yes. I’m sorry. Clumsy of me.”
“You’re never clumsy.”
“Come in, come in,” the shopkeeper called. “Get out of that wind and warm up.” He came forward from the back of the store to greet them. “Got a hot stove back here to take the chill off.”
“Thank you.” Lainie gave him a friendly smile, and the elderly man nodded.
“What can I do for you folks?”
Lainie glanced up at Jake.
“My uh—intended—uh, bride—needs a new cloak.”
“I see. Well, I have some serviceable—”
“No. We want—beautiful. Something lovely, as well as warm.”
The storekeeper’s eyes lit up. “Got just the thing, right here.” He walked to a display of readymade women’s clothing and opened a box.
As he drew out the cloak, a surge of envy rushed through Lainie. Of course, it was going to be far too expensive. Jake had certainly let his guard down, quite uncharacteristically, for the gambler’s reputation he was known for. He’d practically ensured he’d be paying top dollar for whatever they bought, by his comments.
Lainie realized both men were looking at her, waitin
g for her to say something.
“It’s beautiful,” she breathed, barely stopping herself from reaching out to touch the midnight blue.
Then when the storekeeper held it closer, her fingers moved anyway, and buried themselves in the warm, incredible softness of the material.
“Oh…”
Jake smiled. “I think that mean’s ‘we’ll take it’.”
“Jake, it’s too—”
“It’s fine,” he murmured, placing his hand on her arm with a gentle squeeze. “Please…I want you to have this.”
“But can you—I mean we—”
“Yes, we can,” he assured her.
Oh, how she wanted that cloak! It was finer than anything she had ever owned, and her practical side convinced her that it would be serviceably warm, as well as beautiful, and soft.
“Thank you,” she said. “If you’re certain—” she added, as the owner went to the back of the store to make change.
“I’m certain, Lainie. If I could, I’d buy you everything you ever wanted or needed to make you comfortable and happy.”
“Money can’t buy happiness, Jake,” she said, a wistful tone in her words.
“What would make you happy?”
Without hesitation, Lainie answered, “Permanence...security…but mostly—love. And not the make-believe kind.”
****
There was a space of a few seconds where Jake wasn’t sure if he was breathing or not. Looking into Lainie’s up-turned face, her honest answers hanging between them, he wanted to promise her the moon—or, at least, those three things she’d mentioned.
But, he wasn’t at all certain he had “permanence” in his blood anymore. Was it his own wanderlust, or the hand Fate had dealt him, that kept him moving?
He had to admit—he’d thought more and more often lately about settling down. The horse ranch he’d dreamed of. What held him back, now?
The storekeeper returned, and with a smile, handed Jake his change. “Anything else I can help you with?”
“Not right now, thank you,” Jake said, holding the cloak up for Lainie to wrap herself in before they headed back outside.
Surprisingly, once they’d started back down the board sidewalk for The Silver Palace, Lainie threaded her arm through Jake’s. She glanced up at him. “I figured we best play the part, husband.”
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