by Len Webster
“We can cancel tonight. I’ll call Andrea and she can just have a girl’s night. We’ll order a pizza and pop open some cold beers, what do you say?” He could see Alex start to shut off and Noel knew Alex would be losing his cool any second now.
“Don’t. When I’m done dealing with this, I’m going to need alcohol. I’m going to handle this motherfucking mess!” Alex roared before he pushed off the bar stool, the sound of scratching made Noel wince, and Alex stormed off to the guest room.
If only I could help her.
Noel shook his head. There was no denying the need in him to help her, but he couldn’t. Noel hoped time would catch up with him and erase her from his conscious. Stopped him from loving her.
Noel heard the muffle shouts of Alex’s voice in the distance. His legs had him moving before he could stop himself. Alex and Clara’s parents had been a topic he always wondered about. From the surface they seemed perfect… towards Alex. At a young age, Noel noticed the drifting of Clara from her mother and father; it was something he never really thought about. Noel stood by the guest bedroom door and listened carefully.
“Listen to me, old man! That’s your daughter. How could you check ‘no’? It’s her wedding day… That’s not okay… You’re meant to walk her down the aisle. Not me! All you’ve done is be there for Mum… All I’ve done is raise her because you couldn’t give a shit about her… You’re a sad excuse for a father… I hope you regret it. It’s a fucking privilege to walk Clara down the aisle!”
Noel heard the sounds of Alex hanging up and he stood straight. Alex opened the door. There was no point pretending like he hadn’t heard. By the look on Alex’s face he needed to finally get it off his chest.
“You promise not to tell anyone?” Alex sighed as he returned his phone in his pocket and stepped into the hallway with Noel.
Noel shrugged. “Who am I going to tell?”
“Clara,” Alex said matter-of-factly.
Just her name broke through his walls and made his breathing feel inadequate and intolerable. Noel balled his fist tight and focused on his attempts at breathing properly.
“I ran her out of my life, Alex. There’s no reason to tell her any of this. We don’t belong in each other’s lives anymore,” he confessed and Noel felt the breaking of his heart once more.
The truth hurts.
Alex—understanding the underlying message of his response—patted Noel’s shoulder and led them to the living room. Alex paced in front of the leather couch before he sat on it with a heavy sigh, Noel sat on the armchair next to him.
“Well, I’ve been dealing with this shit my entire life, Noel. I just need someone else to know and I’m probably telling the wrong person, given your history with my sister. You know her more intimately, albeit more than I would have liked. But you love her enough to care and telling someone is going to stop me from doing some pretty fucked up shit.”
Noel kept quiet and thought back on all the times he made love to her. The first time was perfect and that connection he shared with her was one he missed. Worshiping her with all his love was what he had intended to do for the rest of his life. But life had other plans.
Noel’s jaw clenched and he stopped remembering, it was too painful. His gaze shifted over to Alex whose eyes softened with a sadness Noel had never seen. He was curious to know the secrets of Clara’s life. He’d never tell her he knew. It didn’t seem to matter anymore. He would wait until she told him. He’d have waited forever for her. If she had let him.
“This stays between us. Got it?”
“Yeah, Alex. Just us,” Noel replied.
Alex sat forward and rested his palms on his knees.
“Remember, what I tell you will change your perspective of my parents. They aren’t what you’ve grown up to believe they are. My mother is a selfish bitch and my father is a boneless bastard but yet they love me more than Clara. She was always innocent but they made her the problem. They blamed her for their problems.” Alex stopped for a minute before he locked eyes on Noel.
Why would they blame her?
“Before my parents found out about Clara, my mother was having an affair with some man she met before my dad. She would leave during the night and meet up with him, and leave my dad and I at home. Looking back, I think he ignored her cheating. He just refused to believe it. Six months into the affair, my mother found out she was pregnant with Clara. Dad caught her sleeping with that man two weeks after she told Dad she was pregnant. I don’t think she ever loved my dad because she kept the affair. My mother was adamant it was the other man’s baby. She rubbed it in his face that she got away with the affair and she planned on divorcing him. After Clara was born, they had a paternity test…”
Fuck.
“Alex, Clara’s your half-sister, isn’t she?” he asked in disbelief. Noel now understood Alex’s need to protect Clara from her mother and why he stepped in as her father figure.
Alex gave Noel a sad smile and shook his head.
“She’s every inch my sister, Noel. Blood and all. She’s my father’s biological daughter. Whether she was my half-sister or not, I’d always love her more than what our parents could give her. My mother ended up with postnatal depression after Clara’s birth. She’s been blaming Clara for not being with the love of her life. My mother hates Clara with more venom than anything I have ever seen. It’s a hate I don’t understand.
“The man she was having an affair with refused to be with her because she had another kid. My dad took her back with open arms because he was blindly in love with her. First, he loved Clara, but then my mother started to see the love and got possessive. In the end, Dad chose my mother and Clara had to fend for herself. That’s why I protect her as much as I can. Got her that apartment in the city, paid the bills, and gave her everything so she wouldn’t have to struggle and live with them. Clara never once asked for their love, but she wanted it. Now they’ve continued their streak and aren’t attending her wedding.”
Noel sat there speechless. He had known James and Gillian Lawrence all his life and never once imagined that Gillian could go and have an affair. What shocked him most was that James had taken her back and had spent the last nineteen years loving a cheat. He just assumed Clara and Gillian had a falling out over things a mother and daughter fought over, the choice in boyfriends or clothes. But he never expected this.
“I’m sorry,” was all he could say. Clara had grown up lonely without her parents’ love. Had he known then he may have never treated her like he did but he couldn’t alter the past.
“It’s not me you should be sorry for. It’s Clara. Why do you think, I do what I do for her? She’s only got me, Noel. When I realised something was going on between the two of you, I hated your guts. But then I saw the way she looked at you and I was happy because I knew you could love her and give her what she needed. It’s what she deserved after everything she’s been through.” Alex paused for a second before he continued. “You want to know something. The night we went to that club with Max and Rob, Clara left early with Stevie. Well, when I got home, I found her curled up, asleep on the couch. I heard her stir and I went to wake her up. I called out her name and do you want to know what happened?”
The pain sliced him as he held his breath and waited.
“She said your name as she slept, Noel. She said your name. That was when I knew she loved you. The next day you left and it was all over. Then she lost you too.” His stomach twisted and his heart made the same action.
She whispered my name as she slept.
“I lost her too, Alex.”
“Clara, I think you should consider it.” A smile touched Danny’s lips and Clara couldn’t shake off the shock in her system. He leant over his desk and eyed her.
“Just think about it. That’s all I’m asking. When you’re ready, we’ll talk.”
“But—” Clara began to say but she couldn’t form words. She placed a loose strand of her curly hair behind her ear and looked at her boss. “You�
�re going to San Francisco to be a head chef, Danny.”
“And I want you to think about owning the bakery. I was going to put it up for public sale since it’s hot property. But I want this bakery to be owned by someone who loves this place. I know you’ve got your wedding and then your apprenticeship, but I won’t be going to California until late October. I want to have this place running properly and in safe hands before I go. If you’ll let me, I’d like to be a silent investor. I know you can make this place a hit and I’d be stupid not to invest. I know you think you can’t do it but I believe in you, Clara. The bakery is yours to take and I won’t put it up for sale until you decide.”
Danny handed Clara a folder and she opened it. Inside she found a contract of sale and her heart stopped.
He wants to sell me the bakery.
“I wouldn’t know how to run a bakery, Danny. I don’t know how to be a boss,” she replied as she flicked through the contract.
“I have a cousin of mine. He’s willing to be your financial advisor and since he loves your white chocolate cupcakes, and he’s willing to do it for practically nothing. I’ll stay as your mentor and your investor, but I want you to get full credit for where you take this bakery. You can expand and make those pastries you’ve been trying and make cakes. It’s yours to do as you please.”
Her eyes dropped down at her name on the contract. It was real and legal and it scared her. She recognised that this could be her future. She’d be the owner of the bakery she loved more than anything.
“I’ll think about it,” Clara replied before the bakery doorbell rung. Resting the folder against her chest and wrapping her arms around it, Clara walked out of Danny’s office and to the counter. She instantly smelt the fresh Sunday cupcakes that were in the oven. A batch of a hundred were waiting to be cooked for morning tea for the local church down the road. Besides the big order of assorted, it was business as usual.
Dropping the folder on the counter and grabbing her apron, Clara tied it around her waist and walked up to the front counter. She looked up and flinched in surprise.
“Good morning, Clara.” Those dark eyes seemed kinder, more heartfelt than she had previously known.
“Darren,” Clara breathed and looked him over. To his left was a pram and in his arms was a baby boy of several months. “What are you doing here?”
“I came by to see how you’re going. And well, I wanted you to meet my son, Flynn.” The smile on Darren’s face had Clara’s hate for him fading. It seemed he turned his cheating ways around and was now a proud father. The beautiful boy in her ex-boyfriend’s arms had her forgetting about the situation with her parents.
“He’s beautiful. Congratulations, Darren. You have no idea how proud I am to see you with your son.”
Darren looked up and beamed at her. “Thanks, Clara. I was hoping Flynn would be my secret weapon for being here.”
Clara looked to see Flynn’s small hands move as his eyeslids started to fall.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Mind if we sit? He can get a little restless in my arms.”
She nodded as she walked over to a table near the window. Sitting on the metal seat, Clara couldn’t take her eyes off of Flynn.
Flynn is the most adorable little boy.
“I came here to apologise. It’s over a year too late, but I am terribly sorry for being such a dick. I just wanted sex and I didn’t appreciate you. I thought you were teasing but I realised that you wanted it to be for love. I couldn’t love you because I wasn’t capable of loving you. I didn’t respect you enough. Being a dad has really opened up my eyes. I don’t want Flynn to do what I did. I don’t want my son to treat women like shit. What I’m saying is I am incredibly sorry for being the dick that I was. I don’t expect you to forgive me, just know I’m sorry.” Darren gave her a smile and took one of Flynn’s small curled hands and kissed it.
This was all I ever wanted, an apology that actually means something to him.
“I heard you and Noel are engaged. Congratulations, Clara. He’ll treat you right. After what I saw that night, no one can deny the love he has for you.”
Clara felt the sudden collapse of her heart. All the pain she kept hidden in a box burst open and tears demanded to be shed. Clara balled her fists and bit the inside of her cheek in an attempt to not break down.
“I… uhh, I’m not engaged to Noel,” Clara struggle. She looked down at her engagement ring.
“Shit, sorry, Clara. Elizabeth and I have been on Flynn duties. All we heard was that you were engaged. So, who’s the lucky guy?”
Clara took her eyes off the ring and back at Darren. “Liam O’Connor,” Clara simply stated.
Darren’s forehead creased as he began to maul Liam’s name until his eyes went wide. “The guy that lives in your building? Clara, you do know what kind of guy he is, right? He sleeps with a lot of women.”
She let out a short laugh.
“If you can do a complete change, then so can Liam. Trust me, he’s different. He is with me,” Clara explained.
Darren nodded.
“And Noel?”
“Over before anything could happen.” Clara felt the sharp pains of mentioning the end of what she had with Noel. It burned through her.
“As long as your happy, Clara.” Darren slowly stood out of his chair and walked over to the pram, carefully placing Flynn in. “You should come over next fortnight. We’re having a small party for Flynn, and Elizabeth asked me if I’d come by and invite you.”
The sincerity had Clara at a disadvantage. He was so different and she knew that Flynn was the reason. Clara mentally calculated the dates and let out a sigh. “I’d love to but I’m going to New York that weekend for Alex’s birthday. I’m sorry, Darren.”
He gave her a carefree shrug.
“No worries, next time. Well, I have to take Flynn down to the zoo with my parents. I’ll catch you around, Clara.” Darren walked around to the handle of the pram and gave Clara a smile before he started to push the pram towards the exit.
Darren… a father.
“Darren, wait!” Clara yelled out and watched him halt.
“I forgive you. I don’t hate you or anything because your actions gave you that little boy. So, we can start fresh.” Peace had been settled. Now that she thought about it, she was relieved Darren cheated on her. She wasn’t sure how she pictured a future with him. It some way they were just in a relationship for the hell of it.
“Thanks, Clara. I was one shitty boyfriend and if marrying Liam is going to make you happy then I’m happy. Flynn and I will stop by again, he’s got to try the famous cupcakes by Clara Lawrence.” There was that playful side to him that she once fell for and she let out an honest laugh. He changed and he had a reason to.
⌘
The bakery and the wedding were the only things that ran through her mind constantly. Between meeting Jo for decisions on the colour scheme of the reception and meeting with her lawyer over the sale of bakery, Clara was tired. Buying the bakery wasn’t something she could afford. She had a significant amount saved to repay her brother for the apartment. But when Liam found out about the opportunity for her to own the bakery, he had the money in her account the next day.
Clara refused the money and spent the rest of the weekend fighting him over it. In the end she agreed, but only if he became an investor and her advisor. It was hard to say no to Liam when he put on those hazel eyes like CeCe did. It was even harder to refuse his money especially when he used the ‘what’s mine is yours’ card on her. What Clara didn’t know was she was marrying into a family with several multi-million dollar making companies. Buying the small bakery was like spending a penny for Liam. It put neither a dent in his wallet or his overall finance.
When Liam agreed to buy the bakery, Clara decided that she wanted the contract changed to his name rather than hers. It would be one of the many investments he had going and his portfolio would increase tenfold. What she noticed a few days after getti
ng the contract off Danny was that life continued to take her further away from Noel. It hurt to realise how far apart they were, but it was for the best. They never really belonged in each other’s lives. Brought together by circumstances and convenience.
Two weeks after receiving the bakery contract, Clara stood by the table of finger foods and scanned them. She picked up a small piece of bruschetta and ate it. She looked over the hall and at her brother, Keira wrapped up in his arms and Clara smiled. They were happy together. After everything her brother did to protect her, it was time he let go of his little sister and focused on his future with Keira.
Clara fiddled with the ring on her finger and let out a sigh. She was anxious because she knew the inevitable was coming. Soon enough, Noel and Andrea would walk through those doors and she would have to pretend like it wouldn’t hurt. As much as she was adamant on marrying Liam, parts of her still yearned for a life with Noel.
It’s pointless and unattainable. I made a mess of everything.
One thing she didn’t want to do was come to New York alone but she had. Clara tried hard to get Liam to come and take a break from the company, but a deal in Singapore was an opportunity that couldn’t be missed. He promised that it was his last before the wedding and his friend Adam would take over. Clara met Adam several times. The first time she met him was the night of her nineteenth birthday and he insisted she let Liam take her home. Adam liked to believe he got them together.
Not that Clara was alone. She ended up on the same flight as her brother’s best friends, Rob and Max. But she couldn’t look at Rob. It wasn’t his fault that things ended so wrong for her and Noel but he served as a reminder. She just had to prepare herself to see him with Andrea. If she could handle seeing them together then she knew she’d be okay.
Between the fairy lights and live band, Keira had gone all out for Alex’s twenty-fifth birthday. He deserved to celebrate. When she broke the news about their parents refusing to attend the wedding, Alex looked ready to explode. Clara hid the RSVP card her parents sent. Liam had been looking forward to meeting them, but Clara knew that no matter how many times she called to ask, she’d always be greeted by their answering machine.