Thirty-Eight Reasons

by Len Webster

  “If it isn’t my favourite Lawrence offspring.”

  Taking her eyes off her engagement ring and her thoughts over her relationship with her parents, Clara turned around. She couldn’t believe her eyes and she found herself blinking rapidly to ensure she wasn’t seeing things.

  Clara let out a laugh and then she playfully smacked his shoulder and pulled an exaggerated frown. Laughing, he pulled her into his arms and gave Clara a long overdue embrace. There were memories they shared from when they were younger that flashed before her, and she smiled and untangled herself from his body.

  “Julian Moors, if you weren’t standing before my very eyes, I wouldn’t believe it. You’ve been gone for far too long. You left without even a goodbye to me.”

  Julian’s mouth pressed into a hard line and an apologetic expression washed over his face.

  “Sorry, Clars. You know how much I love you, kiddo. I just needed to get far away. If I told people I was leaving then they would have tried to stop me. I couldn’t miss the opportunity in Sydney.” There was a sad smile on his face and she could tell he was remembering what caused him to run to another state. “Well, look at you, Clars. Aren’t you just a beauty! But first, is it true? Is our little girl getting married? Did he pass the Big Brother test or is Alex silently waiting for the fiancé to have an ‘accident,’” he asked.

  Clara let out a giggle. “It’s true, I’m getting married. I have an invitation for you, but I have no idea where to send it since you disappeared. And yes, Liam passed all of Alex’s tests. Trust me, Alex would have stopped this if he thought Liam wasn’t good enough.”

  There was a ‘you’re right’ nod from Julian and she smiled. Julian was a year younger than Clara’s brother. He had the same dark hair like when he was nineteen and those pale blue eyes were as stunning as ever. When she was sixteen they had plans to go to the movies, but he never showed. That night she found out that he moved away. Clara was hurt that her friend never showed, but Rob had taken his spot and sat through an entire movie and lunch with her.

  It was a memory Clara had forgotten about and she looked over at Rob. His eyes were on Julian before he met hers. There was so much she had to be thankful for with him, but she never once showed him her gratitude. Rob kept the secret of her and Noel and made it his own. But she couldn’t look at him. He was too much of reminder of Noel.

  “Want to dance?” Julian asked.

  She turned to see him with a cheeky smirk. “Only if you behave yourself. I know you, Julian Moors, and I should remind you that I’m engaged.” She held up and wiggled her left hand at him.

  “Clara, I can’t lie to you. If you’d let me, I’d make sure that engagement was called off tonight.”

  He gave her a wink and Clara let out laugh. Julian was attractive and those eyes of his really could be a girl’s undoing. But no matter how much he charmed her, he didn’t have the power to make her heart race. And from the look in his eyes, he had his own demons he was fighting.

  “You’re like lightning, Julian.”

  A cocky grin appeared on his face.

  “How so, beautiful?”

  “When you roll into town, just the sight of you is beautiful, but when someone gets too close, you’re dangerous. You could make girls go through hell trying to chase lightning. I know you, Julian, and frankly, I’m glad I’ve got this ring on my finger. I can assure you, you don’t make my heart melt like you want it to.” Julian thought about what Clara said and shrugged. He leant forward, his mouth close to her ear.

  “See, if I were Noel, I wouldn’t have let someone like you go, Clars.”

  Clara swallowed the lump in her throat and found it difficult to breathe. Julian stepped back and eyed her for a reaction.

  Julian knows.

  “And if I were Liam, I’d lock you away and make sure no man gets close to you. I’d marry you as soon as you said ‘yes’. But the feeling is mutual. As hot as you are, Clara, you are very much my little sister. Unlike Noel, I’m not going to risk the wrath of Alex.”

  Clara stood there shocked. She shook her head in disbelief and the heaviness in her chest returned. She fought hard against the tears and knew if he continued, she’d need to leave. She came to New York for her brother’s birthday and a week away from the wedding and the bakery. Now Julian was digging up her past and it was something she didn’t want to relive.

  “Rob told me.” Julian pointed over to his brother. “Sorry it didn’t happen for you and Noel. He must have really loved you if he was willing to go behind Alex’s back.”

  Rob stared at her until she looked away.

  Noel didn’t love me. He said so himself.

  “Julian, how about this. We stop talking about Noel and I won’t bring up the fact that I know you left Melbourne because of a girl. I know something happened and I know how to make you talk. What’s it going to be?” There was a panic look on his face before a grin replaced it.

  “I can see why Noel couldn’t resist you, Clars. I like a challenge. Consider him not conversation worthy. That dance?” Julian offered his hand.

  Clara let out a laugh knowing he accepted the terms of their agreement. Julian wouldn’t talk about Noel, and Clara wouldn’t talk about that girl. But unlike Julian, the man she didn’t want to discuss would walk through those double doors any second, and Clara would have to face him… and his girlfriend.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  “Are you sure I'm dressed okay?” Andrea asked as she stepped out of the taxi. After landing, they stopped by Alex's house and freshened up before making their way to the party. Noel used the spare key Alex gave him and claimed one of the guest rooms for him and Andrea.

  “Andrea, you look beautiful. You don't need to worry,” he assured and kissed her cheek.

  “But it's your friends. The ones you've grown up with. I want them to like me.” Andrea adjusted the jacket she wore over her bright pink dress before fiddling with her hair.

  “Andrea, it's just the guys. Alex likes you and if he likes you then all the other guys will like you.” Noel took her hand in his and ran his thumb over her knuckles. “Ready to go in?” Noel asked.

  Andrea smiled brightly and nodded her head. He placed his hand on the small of her back and led her to the double doors of the hall. Before he pushed the doors open he heard the sounds of a live band and laughter.

  Pushing them open, he held it open for Andrea. She stepped inside and looked at the entrance before the hall. The old hall was one of the oldest buildings in Scarsdale. Inside had the old vintage wooden panels that lined the hallways and a large chandelier made out of delicate glass provided light.

  “I'm going to the bathroom and I’ll find somewhere to put my jacket. You go inside and I'll meet you in a second,” Andrea said as she placed a kiss on Noel's cheek.

  Noel walked towards the main hall's doors and pushed them open. He walked through and stood at the top of the small steps that led to the dance floor. Scanning the room, he spotted his group of friends near the bar. From across the room, close to the food table, stood Clara and Keira. He watched a smile on Clara's face develop and felt a lump form in his throat. Clara's curls were more like waves that graced the light blue dress she wore.

  His eyes fixated on her, he heard no music as he walked towards her. He ignored the fact that he walked past his friends and kept walking until he stopped in front of Clara and Keira.

  “Hello, Clara,” he said as he looked into those brown eyes. His heart thumped for her, like it always had.

  “Hey, Keira.” Noel did a quick look at Keira to see a smile on her face before returning to Clara. There was a sense of fear radiating off her and he knew she was terrified to see him. He understood why she feared him. He deserved it.

  “Hello, Nolan,” she finally said. There was no smile or anger. Her face was almost emotionless.

  I’m Nolan to her.

  “Can we—” he said before hand a rested on his shoulder, stopping him. He turned slightly to see Andrea next to him.
<
br />   Andrea looked at Clara and then smiled. “You must be Clara. Alex's little sister, right?”

  Clara blinked before she gave Andrea smile. “Yeah, that's me. You must be Noel's g-girlfriend.” Noel could see Clara struggle to say that word, but she composed herself quickly.

  “That's me. I'm Andrea,” she said, putting forward her hand.

  Clara put her hand in Andrea's, and that was when Noel took sight of her engagement ring. That large diamond made him nauseated and his head spin.

  God, it's real.

  Clara's eyes met his. He saw the unspoken apology in them and he was in disbelief. The invitation and hearing about her engagement was one thing, but seeing Liam's ring on her finger was another. It was breaking his heart.

  “Wow, that is a beautiful ring. I didn't know you were engaged,” Andrea said.

  Clara took her eyes off of Noel and looked at her ring.

  She smiled. “Just recently engaged.”

  “Is he here? We'd love to meet him, wouldn't we, Noel?”

  He couldn't find the words to speak. His heart was crumbling to dust and he wasn't sure how to deal with it.

  “No, he couldn't come to New York. He's got an investment deal he's working on,” Clara said as she released her hand from Andrea's and started to fiddle with her engagement ring.

  “That's a shame. So, Noel tells me you're a business student. What are you majoring in?”

  Clara’s posture tensed and he could sense she was getting uncomfortable but he couldn't make Andrea stop. He wanted to hear more. Clara smiled before she looked at him. Her eyes couldn't hide the hurt and the pain.

  “Actually, I deferred my business degree. I'm a culinary apprentice chef and I own The Little Bakery on Little Collin's street back in Melbourne.”

  Noel looked at Clara in surprise. He didn't know any of this. She literally lived a life away from him.

  “What?” he asked and he watched all three women look at him. Keira looked nervous and Clara looked frightened. He didn’t look at Andrea, only staring at Clara.

  “You own the bakery? I didn't even know you were in culinary school.”

  “Things have changed since I last spoke to you. I've almost finished culinary school. I'm just doing my apprenticeship. But yes, I now own the bakery.” Just hearing her voice directed to him made his knees weak. He wanted to grab her and share an embrace that proved his love for her.

  “You're so young, how do you afford a bakery?” Andrea asked and slipped her hand in Noel’s.

  Clara stared at their linked hands before she looked at Noel and gave him a forced smile. “I don't. When I got the offer to buy out the bakery from my boss, I was about to say no because I didn't have the finances. But my fiancé runs the Melbourne office of his family's investment company. He bought it for me.”

  He bought her the bakery.

  “Wow, he bought you a bakery. He sounds wonderful and that ring is beautiful,” Andrea said.

  Clara smiled. “Thank you and that's a beautiful…”

  Her smile faded as she stared at Andrea and he watched Clara swallow hard. He could see her eyes start to water but she quickly blinked them away.

  She looks like she's about to have a break down. I want to hold her and make those tears go away. I want to make her happy again.

  “Locket,” Clara breathed out and her eyes returned to his.

  The look of betrayal in her eyes sliced him and his eyebrows met. Noel's eyes travelled the direction Clara's had made and gazed at Andrea's neckline. He stared for long second before he looked at Clara.

  Clara's locket. Oh God, no. How did Andrea even find it?

  “It really is beautiful… if you'll excuse me, I promised I'd dance with Julian. It was lovely meeting you, Andrea,” Clara said then she smiled pleasantly. He knew it was forced.

  “Oh, you, too,” Andrea replied with a sweet voice.

  Clara and Keira exchange looks before Clara excused herself and walked over to Julian. They said a few words before Julian touched her arm and then glared at Noel.

  “Noel, I think Alex wants a word,” Keira said carefully as she pointed Noel in the direction of his best friend, who stood with Rob and Max.

  He looked at Keira and nodded. Noel knew that Alex would have told her about Clara, but if he hadn't then Keira figured it out for herself.

  “Ready to meet the guys?” he asked Andrea and she nodded. He walked over to his friends, all the while wanting to turn around and see if Clara was okay.

  He stopped in front of his best friends, ignoring the dirty look Alex was giving him. Noel proceeded to introduce Andrea to his friends.

  “Andrea, this is Rob Moors,” Noel said as Andrea and Rob shook hands. Rob wasn't as welcoming as Noel thought he would have been. Turning her slightly he introduced Max.

  “And this is Max Sheridan. Max, this is my girlfriend, Andrea.”

  Max's eyes roamed Andrea's body before he looked up and smiled at her.

  “So this is Andrea,” Max said without taking his eyes off of her.

  “I hear you're also a corporate lawyer,” Andrea said.

  Noel turned slightly and scanned the room to see Julian alone by the finger foods. He looked around again to see Clara was gone. Before he could take a step away to find her, a firm hand was on his shoulder. It was Rob's. He pulled Noel off to the side and looked at him.

  “She's engaged,” Rob warned.

  “She came to Boston and I sent her away before she could tell me. I just need to talk to her, Rob,” he said in a whisper. Noel looked to see Max and Andrea still talking while Alex had wondered off to be by Keira's side.

  “I know, Noel. Stevie told me. I don't want to see her hurt. Stevie had me promise to look out for Clara. Just realise what you did in Boston is still fresh for her. You made it easy for her to continue to be engaged to him,” Rob said before he stared at Julian.

  He promised Stevie?

  “Rob, are you into Stevie?” Noel raised his eyebrow.

  “She's different, okay,” Rob said as he brought his beer to his lips, sipped before he shrugged.

  “Are you sleeping with her?”

  Rob shook his head. “Nah. We haven't slept together, but we kissed one night to make Jewel jealous and I don't know, it did something to me.”

  “Must have been one hell of a kiss.”

  “Fucking keeps me up at night, Noel. I swear I don't know what to do about her. When I think we can be something, she seems to shut off. I don't think she's over an ex or something.” Rob's face saddened and Noel felt for him. He knew what those kinds of kisses were like. Since Clara, it hadn't been the same for him.

  “Give her some time and hang out with Julian. Look at him he's striking out with every girl he tries. Help your brother out,” Noel suggested.

  “He's different, you know. He's not the same Julian he was before he went away. I've tried to get him to talk, but he doesn't want to and we were close. He left and now he's back. I don't get it. That girl did a number on him. I want him home with Dad and I, but I can't convince him. He just needs a reason to come home.”

  Noel looked over at Julian and saw the loneliness in his eyes. Rob was right. Julian was no longer Julian. No longer cheerful and carefree. He looked guarded and empty.

  “You need one too, Noel. I like Andrea, she seems nice, but your reason is Clara. You need to come home as well. Just don't make her cry or hurt her. Stevie will have my balls if she finds out. Good luck,” Rob said before he walked away and towards his brother.

  Noel looked over to see Andrea and Max still wrapped up in their conversation and Alex was whispering in Keira's ear. This was his chance. Heading for the back doors of the hall, he knew Clara would try to get as far away as possible without leaving the party.

  He stepped onto the paved patio and appreciated the cool breeze. It didn't take him long until he saw her leaning against the stone barrier that separated the patio from the garden. The fairy lights provided the lights he needed to see her and he t
ook her in. He stood there for a moment and then he cleared his throat.

  “Clara.”

  She didn't turn. There was a lot he had to say, but he didn't know where to start.

  Andrea would be a start.

  “I'm sorry,” he said.

  Clara push off the stone barrier then turned to look at him. He could see the tears in her eyes and he felt the guilt. He closed the distance until he was only a foot or so away from her.

  “Don't be. There's nothing to be sorry about. It was never really my locket. I gave it back to you so you're not in the wrong.” Her voice was shaky and she looked him straight in the eyes.

  “There's more I'm sorry about, Clara, so much more.”

  She shook her head before a few tears slid down her face. He didn't care what the repercussions of his actions would be but he stepped forward and held her face in his hands. Clara flinched but he went against his better judgement and wiped her tears away.

  “Back in Boston, I didn't know. God, Clara, I didn't know. If I had, I would have taken you back, I would have… I would have made you stay.”

  Two more tears hit his hands. The tears she shed made him believe she felt the pain he was going through.

  I miss you. I've been missing you.

  “You didn't want to listen to me,” she explained.

  His heart squeezed at her words. They were the truth.

  “I know,” he said as he ran his thumbs along her cheeks. “Clara, if I had listened to you. If I had just swallowed my pride and listened, would we be together right now? Would that ring still be on your finger? Would it be me you made love to every night and not him? Would I have been the one you woke up to every morning and slept next to every night? Would it have been me you came to this party with? Would it be me you were marrying instead of him?”

  Clara's eyes widened in shock, her eyes filling with tears and her lips parted slightly.