Thirty-Eight Reasons

by Len Webster

Noel shook his head in disbelief. He ran both hands through his hair and looked up at Max.

  “We tried to tell her but she didn’t say anything. She went off with her fiancé. I swear, Noel. I had no idea that one lie did this to you and Clara. Sarah just told me and I had her tell Max,” Valarie said.

  Looking up at Max, Noel saw the pain in his eyes and knew this hurt him. Max shared a friendship with Clara and he had indirectly hurt her. Placing his hands on Valerie’s on arms, he moved her aside and came face to face with the woman that destroyed his chance to happiness.

  He looked into those cold eyes. Noel knew Sarah had never lost the one thing worth living for.

  “What did I ever do to you? What did Clara ever do to you? Wasn’t it enough, when you cheated on Alex and broke his heart? You’ve caused so much pain in our lives and you don’t even think of the consequences of your actions. I hope you feel the pain I’ve gone through when it came to losing Clara because of you. I hope you know what it feels like to be unloved. Get out of here. Before Alex finds out what you did! He already hates the sight of you and if he finds out what you did to Clara then he'll show a side you’ve never seen.”

  He fought back the fire that fuelled his hate for Sarah. She had intentionally sabotaged what he had with Clara and she had succeeded.

  “I’m sorry, Noel. I didn’t mean—” Sarah started to apologise, but he shook his head at her.

  “You don’t have a sorry bone in that soulless body of yours—” He stopped the moment he felt his phone vibrate. Ignoring the tears in Sarah’s eyes, he reached into his pocket and saw a new message from a number he didn’t recognise.

  Unknown: I’ve taken her to St. Ignatius’ Church. Come through the side entry. I’ve got a car waiting for you. We’re almost at the church. I’m going to try one last time. – Liam.

  “Noel,” Valerie said.

  He read the message a second time. He’d have to thank Liam one day. Liam wanted Clara happy and he believed Noel would be the one to do so.

  “I have to go,” he said looking up at Max instead of the women around him.

  Max opened his mouth say something but Noel stopped him.

  “Don’t. Not now, Max. I just… I can’t… Look, I have one more shot before I lose her for good. She’s more important to me than my friendship with you and I can’t lose her because of this.”

  He didn’t wait for a reply, Noel ran towards the entry of the bar only to be stopped by Alex.

  “Woah! Where’s the fire?” Alex chuckled, blocking Noel’s exit.

  “Alex, I have to—”

  “Is that Valerie and…” Alex squinted and his nostrils automatically flared. His jaw clenched and Noel could see him starting to put it together. “Was it Sarah that got to my sister?”

  Looking down he noticed Alex’s clenched fists along with the healing cuts Alex had from the car accident.

  “Yeah, it was.”

  “Go find Clara. I’ll deal with her. You better come back with my sister in your arms otherwise you gave Sarah exactly what she wanted.” They both nodded at each other and at their own personal missions. Frankly, Noel didn’t want to be in the same room as Alex and Sarah. It would be messy.

  Darting past Alex, Noel ran out of the hotel and towards a black car with a chauffer standing by the opened car door.

  “Mr. Parker?” The chauffer asked.

  Noel nodded his head.

  “I’ll take you to Mr. O’Connor and Miss. Lawrence. Please,” he said, gesturing to the back seat.

  Climbing in, he hoped this would be the car ride that led to his forever. It was a seven-minute drive that seemed to drag into an eternity. Seven minutes and he’d have an answer. As the chauffer drove down Wellington Parade, he could see himself settling back into Melbourne. He could see himself living in Melbourne. He could see himself living in any city if it meant he’d have Clara by his side.

  He recognised the church he had seen plenty of times during his childhood. The stone work absolutely beautiful and breathtaking. He could see Clara getting married here, but then again it seemed so traditional and unlike her. The car stopped by the side entry of the church. Giving his quick thanks to the driver, Noel stepped out of the car and looked at the old wooden door. Adjusting his tie to calm his nerves he opened the door.

  Stepping into the church he found himself in a small room that led to the chapel of the church. The door was left open and Noel walked through it. The first thing he saw was the cathedral style arches and the stain glass windows of Saints. The long benches were empty but flowers and unlit candles lined the aisle. Scanning the large church he found them standing at the end of the altar. He was close enough to hear them, but he walked forward and stood behind the stone pillar. Noel promised himself that Liam would have his say first.

  Peeking around the stone pillar he saw Clara’s back turned to him, Liam holding her hands. The smile on Liam’s face had Noel sweating. His body filled with nerves as he tried to control his breathing. Liam looked up, their eyes met and he gave Noel a slight smile before looking at her.

  “Liam, what are we doing at the church? We’ve just been standing here,” Clara said, the worry could be heard in her voice.

  Liam let go of one of Clara’s hands and turned her so that Noel could see them both. Clara’s eyes set on Liam’s.

  The sad smile on her face had Noel wanting to go over to her but instead he leant on the stone pillar. Liam would have his chance to say what he needed to.

  “Clara, being your boyfriend and then your fiancé has been one of the greatest privileges I’ve been blessed with. When I met you, I didn’t think I’d ever stand a chance. I was just the guy that slept with countless women to you and I knew I’d never be good enough. But one day, I took advantage of your grieving heart and you let me kiss you and I was a goner. I knew that in that one moment, I’d love you and hoped you’d love me too.”

  Clara’s hand reached up and she placed it on Liam’s cheek. It was an intimate moment that crushed Noel’s heart.

  “You have time to make a choice, an honest choice. I’m going to be okay if you walk out of this church to him. When your heart is set on someone, you don’t want to let them go, no matter how much it hurts. And right now, Clara, my heart won’t let you go. You’ve got to make a choice for yourself not for me.”

  Clara let go of Liam’s other hand and brought it to his face. Noel noticed the tears she cried and his heart tightened at the sight of them.

  “One wise and heartbroken man gave me some advice. He told me that I should marry the one person I can’t live without. But I realised that there’s more to that one quote. When you love someone you can’t breathe without their love. You can’t imagine the next second of your life without them. And I want to marry that one person that I can’t spend the next seconds of my life without.”

  Noel wiped the tears that fell at Clara’s heartfelt honesty. Her choice would be the right choice for her. He would accept that. Noel watched Liam’s tears fall. Clara wiped them away and smiled up at him.

  “Close your eyes, Clara,” Liam instructed and Clara did what he asked. He looked over at Noel and gave him a sad smile. Liam moved Clara’s hands away from his face and he held her face in his hands. “I want you to imagine yourself getting married. I want you to imagine the life you live with the man you marry. Imagine your happiness. Who do you see, Clara?” Liam asked.

  Noel recognised the brokenness and the hope in Liam’s voice.

  Liam’s hands moved to Clara’s hips. A smile appeared on Clara’s face as she slowly opened her eyes. Her hands returned to Liam’s face. She brought his face towards her and pressed her lips against Liam’s. Noel felt the sudden stop of his heart and his breathing, the pain enveloping him.

  One chaste kiss before she said, “I love you, Liam.”

  He took one last look at them. At the end of the altar, he could see them saying their vows and Clara becoming Liam’s wife. Clara’s thumb caressed Liam’s cheeks, the love and tenderne
ss in her eyes sent his heart breaking. But that smile on her face set his heart free.

  She’s finally made her choice.

  Noel took one last look at Clara. She was happy with the choice she made and he was happy that she made her choice. Noel smiled and quietly left the chapel of the church. He decided that he wouldn’t look back. It was time he let her go. Walking out of church to the sun shinning down on him, he was content. The chauffer looked at him and Noel nodded.

  “Back to the Hotel Windsor, please.”

  He got into the backseat. When the car started he looked out the window and at the church. It was a new beginning for them all. It was the ending of Noel and Clara.

  She’s finally got her happily ever after.

  THE FINAL ACT

  Two Months Later

  When Noel opened the email from his best friend a week ago, he couldn’t believe it. The first thing he did was walk out of his Hong Kong office, to his superior’s and filed the papers to return to Boston. His stay in Hong Kong was only meant to last a month, but he offered to stay and help with the Asia expansion of G&MC. It wasn’t like he had anything tying him down so he took the move without a second thought. The move had been a surprise considering he left in the middle of an important meeting. When he asked, Gregson said he needed a manager who could stand up to him. As the yellow cab pulled away from the curb of J.F.K International airport he started to feel the anxious nerves start to invade his system.

  I’m going to see her.

  The thought had him gripping the door handle tighter. It had been two months since he walked out of Clara’s wedding. Hearing her say she loved Liam when she was asked for a choice was too much for Noel. He promised he’d watch her marry Liam, but he couldn’t. His heart finally accepted the fact that it was finally over for them. Noel finally lost the love of his life to the more deserving man. Liam would offer Clara the world, he just wished he were the one that could have provided it for her.

  I left Hong Kong for Alex. I’d have to ignore her the best I could.

  When he read the email all he could think of was, finally. If anyone deserved to be getting married it was Alex and Keira. Noel knew Alex was waiting until after Clara’s wedding to propose to the love of his life. He may have lost at love, but he was happy Alex won. The cab pulled up in front of Crabtree's Kittle House and Noel looked out and whistled. Getting out of the cab, he looked up at the enormous pillars of the white building. Alex had gone all out for his engagement party. He heard the boot pop open and walked around to the back and retrieved his bags. Before instructing his cab driver to Chappaqua, Noel had him stop by a local gas station so he could change into his suit.

  Closing the boot, he handed the fare to the driver. The cold wind hit his skin and Noel gripped the handle of his bags tighter. He looked to see empty flower boxes hanging on the windows and the American flag swayed with the direction of the wind. Noel walked through the white painted glass panel doors to hear the sound of the engagement party in full swing. A middle-aged woman holding a bottle of wine stopped him with a smile.

  “Hello, sir. Welcome. Can I help you with anything?” she asked with a pleasant smile.

  “I’m here for Alex and Keira’s engagement party.”

  “Oh, yes. I’ll just set this bottle of wine down and I’ll take your bags.” The server placed the bottle on the closest table and took his bags from him before he could argue. “If you follow the main hallway down to the function room, you’ll find everyone.”

  Noel looked behind her and thanked her for her directions.

  He followed the main hallway and saw the bright lights at the end of the hallway. When he stepped into the white function room he noticed fairy lights wrapped around the pillars and lit candles on every table. Scanning the room, he saw his best friends—Max, Rob and Julian—chatting. They all stopped their conversation and nodded at him with excited smiles. Rob looked relieved to see him and the smile on his face had Noel smiling back. He missed his friends. His nights were lonely in Hong Kong. The loneliness was not what he wanted, but it came with his heartbreak. Even though he was happy for her, he was still heartbroken.

  Noel looked around to see neither Clara or her husband and he breathed out. His body relaxed the moment he spotted Alex and Keira towards the main table talking to guests. There was a bright smile on Alex’s face as his arm wrapped around his fiancée. For a moment Noel was jealous. He wanted that smile Alex had, but he would never have it. Noel shook his head and maneuvered through the crowd until he was face to face with the newly engaged couple.

  “Noel, you made it!” Keira cheered and smiled brightly at her fiancé.

  Alex nodded at Keira and smiled up at Noel. Ignoring their exchanges, he pulled Keira into a hug and congratulated them both on their engagement.

  “You’re here. Didn’t think you’d show up,” Alex said after they exchanged a quick hug.

  “Where have you been?” Keira asked.

  Noel dug his hands in his pockets and shrugged. He knew Alex didn’t tell his fiancé where he was. Noel wanted to be alone. Didn’t want to hear about Clara or the wedding. The emails he exchanged between himself and his friends were vague, never detailed.

  “Took the expansion role in Hong Kong.”

  “You’ve been in Hong Kong all this time?” Keira sounded astonished.

  He let out a laugh and nodded.

  “Hong Kong. I can’t believe it!” She shook her head.

  “Keira, why don’t you go and speak to your parents while I speak to Noel quickly.”

  Keira gave Alex a firm nod before she walked over to her parents towards the other end of the room.

  Alex called over a server and handed him a beer. Noel wasn’t one for a drink, not after his binge shortly after his arrival in Hong Kong. Alcohol was cheap and easily accessible. But tonight was a celebration. Alex got the girl. Alex's hand rested on his shoulder.

  He wants to talk about Clara’s wedding.

  “I have a favour to ask of you,” Alex asked.

  Noel took a long drink from his beer before he nodded.

  “I want you to be my best man.”

  Noel’s eyes flashed in surprise as he placed his beer on the table next to him.

  “Me? You sure?” he asked.

  Alex let out a laugh. “Best man belongs to my best mate. Can’t have the other three idiots as a choice. I need the biggest idiot of them all taking up the honour. What do you say?”

  “Shit. You really are getting married,” Noel pointed out.

  “I’m gonna take that as a ‘yes.’”

  “Hell yeah. I won’t let you down!” For the first time in two months he was actually happy. He’d find a way to get over Clara. One day. It took one day at a time. Noel turned and scanned the room.

  “She’s here, but Liam isn’t.”

  Noel’s jaw locked.

  She’s here.

  “He’s on a business trip in Ireland.” Alex answered a question Noel had no intentions of asking.

  He simply nodded his head and tried to forget the burning in his chest. She had been married for two months. Tonight would be his final goodbye to her. She was finally happy.

  “I want you to meet someone,” Alex said, bringing Noel back to reality.

  He turned and frowned at his best friend.

  “Really? Look, it’s nice that you want me to meet someone but your sister ruined me. I don’t think I could look at another woman for a long time. Just tell whoever it is that I’m good.”

  Noel reached for his beer only to have Alex grab his arm.

  “I want you to be my best man, Noel. All I ask is this one request. I see how hurt you are and let me help you. You walked out on Clara’s wedding and I know it hurt you but let me make it better, please.”

  Noel sighed. It was Alex’s big day after all. He never wanted to disappoint his best friend.

  “Fine. Lead the way.”

  The smile on Alex’s face had Noel rolling his eyes.

  Ale
x walked towards the double doors. Following him down the stairs, Noel noticed a woman towards the end of the garden. The first thing he noticed was her pale pink dress and how it was too cold to be out in such a short outfit. Her dress seemed so familiar. She was faced towards the short hedges looking out at the darkening scenery. Their footsteps had the woman turning, Noel’s throat dried and his heart stopped.

  Clara.

  “All you got to do is talk to her. You owe her an explanation for walking out on her wedding. It crushed her to not have you there.

  I should have done the right thing and supported her decision, but I didn’t. I couldn’t.

  “Okay, Alex,” was all Noel said as he walked across the damp grass towards the waiting Clara.

  It seemed she was always waiting. Noel’s eyes didn’t pass her face. She was still as beautiful as ever and that smile had him closing his eyes briefly and wishing his heart would shrivel up. Her smile did wonders to him. Noel heard the doors closed behind him and he knew they were alone. He stopped in front of Clara as her curls danced with the wind.

  “Hey,” he said carefully.

  That smiled of hers didn’t fade as she looked at him. Those golden brown eyes were a reminder of what he once had with her. She looked relieved to see him. His heart was hopeful, but his brain reminded him that she was now married.

  “Hey yourself.” Her voice was sweeter than his dreams mimicked. “How are you?” she asked.

  “Fine,” he replied and dug his hands in his dress pant’s pockets, to stop himself from doing something stupid.

  Clara blinked quickly as if to hide her tears.

  God, why do I still love her? Why couldn’t I just have gotten over her?

  “I’m sorry I walked out on your wedding. I…” Noel stopped himself as Clara’s eyes met his. He was sorry for a lot of things when it came to her. It seemed like he had a never ending list of apologises.

  “You walked out on my wedding. You promised you’d stay.” The hurt in Clara’s eyes broke his heart. He promised her he’d be there but it was too much. Watching the love of his life marry someone else wasn’t high on his witness list.