I let out a sigh. “If you forgive me saying what I said to you earlier. I didn’t mean it.”
“I knew you didn’t mean it, Sar. But it hurt all the same.”
“I wanted it to hurt you,” I said flatly. “I was in pain, and I wanted you to be in pain, too. I’m sorry for that. I’m happy you’re part of Theoron, Terian. Without you, he wouldn’t be here.”
“Friends?” he said.
“Friends,” I said, hugging him through the truck window.
“Do you have your gun?”
I knew which gun he meant—the one with explosive bullets. “It’s at my house. I’ll take it with me. Be sure of that.”
“I’ll be too far away to help you. Be careful,” he said, giving me a worried look.
“I will. Keep them safe, Terian.”
“Will do,” he said, giving me a salute.
I saluted him back and drove off.
I arrived at my house about ten o’clock. After I turned on the water and checked everything over, I went to bed, exhausted, deciding to pack in the morning. The dogs settled down quickly, to my relief. But once I lay down, I couldn’t relax.
I missed Danial. I’d slept beside him the last year and a half. I needed him to feel safe enough to sleep. He probably was having trouble sleeping, too ...
I cried a little, then told myself to be strong. I’d likely have been sleeping here alone before much longer anyway if Danial’s words had been truthful. I didn’t want to be a vampire, and I knew how effortless it was to lose myself in him. It would have been easy to get caught up in the moment while making love and let him bite me. A few times of that and I’d have been vampire. It was better this way.
I told myself that until I believed it and then fell asleep.
* * * *
The next morning I packed a few last items and got on the road. There had been little enough to pack—just my exploding bullets gun, the diamond ring, my blue velvet robe and the vial of Terian’s. I stopped at a local pet store for two dishes and a bag of dog food, having forgotten that important detail in my rush to leave Danial’s.
I felt guilty about packing the personal items. Despite my rationalizing about how I needed to know where Theo had been, I couldn’t hide anymore that I was hoping for a big momentous reunion with him. Maybe that was unrealistic. But screw it, even if this trip ended badly, I was going to get closure one way or another.
We made it past Pittsburgh the first day and a little past Chicago the next. I tried to stay on the interstate as much as possible, yet still avoid the major cities. Each night I stopped a little before dark at public land to let the dogs stretch their legs before finding a motel that accepted pets. In snatches, I tried to formulate a plan.
As much as I’d dreamed of finding Theo on the front doorstep, I understood why he wouldn’t want to just show up there. I didn’t want to just show up on his doorstep, either, especially if he’d shacked up with someone. It was growing more and more likely that my going back to Danial had been the impetus Theo had needed to search for a female werecougar. Cia had told me once that the American West was where most werecougars lived. I needed to prepare myself that he might have found a female and mated to her.
I ran into trouble the third night when I couldn’t find a hotel that accepted dogs. When even a bribe at a sleazy inn was refused, I gave up, found a rest stop and slept in the truck with them.
We left at dawn the next morning. I was exhausted, stinky, and hungry, but wanted to put a few more miles down before stopping for breakfast. Instead, we got caught in backed up traffic due to an accident. I ended up pulling over and feeding the dogs inside the truck—a huge messy endeavor—then taking them out one by one to do their business. By the time Ghost was done, the accident had been cleared to the point traffic was moving again. I put off grabbing some food, worried about getting caught in traffic again. Besides, we were only a few hundred miles from Casper now.
Through tiredness or some mental defect, I underestimated the distance badly. After stopping for breakfast and lunch, the dogs and I arrived in Casper about dinnertime.
To my relief, the town was pretty small, as Terian had said. There was only one motel, a little place on the outskirts of town. The manager didn’t want to allow dogs, but for $100 extra a night, he said he’d make an exception, so long as I paid for any damage and gave him the rental money up front.
After giving him a week in advance—most of my money—I took a long hot shower, put the dogs to bed and passed out.
The next day, I got some groceries from a local market and breakfasted with the dogs on a nearby bench. The sun was shining, though the air was cold. Afterward, we walked down Main Street, then around the retail part of town. There were a lot of men and women in jeans, cowboy boots and hats, but no sign of any werecougars, much less Theo. Despite my not giving up until dusk, I ended the day with nothing more to go on than I had before.
The next morning, I showered again, fed the dogs and myself, and then settled down to brainstorm. It was raining anyway, thought it was not supposed to last, according to the Weather Channel.
I had to think like Theo to find him. First off: what had he come here to do?
Find a mate. Recover from his wounds. Get away from Danial and me.
Where would he go to find those things?
Wherever cougars might still exist in the wild, either the low hills or the mountains themselves.
If he were still injured, he wouldn’t be in steep rocky places, but likely the surrounding hills. He would need an isolated spot, possibly adjacent to state land, so he could change form and hunt. Since no one was screaming about a killer cougar, Theo had to be keeping a low profile.
Visiting the lobby, I grabbed copies of every free brochure on tourist attractions and then bought some maps showing the closest public lands and state parks. I needed to visit all the parks in the area and walk as many trails as I could.
After a wet walk and an unsatisfying cheap dinner, I checked out the brochures and maps. Several trails were listed, especially those in the vicinity of Casper Mountain. They each stretched over ten miles. Worse, there was a lot of public wild land with no trails listed. My heart sank, realizing I might spend the whole week here and still miss Theo.
Sudden anger strengthened my resolve. If I had to, I would knock on every door in the town looking for him. He couldn’t have lived here for months and no one notice him. He was too funny, too cute. Someone in this town knew him. How to find that person was the problem...
Sudden brilliance flared. Theo would need to have a ready supply of meat, especially if he was injured. The local butcher was another place to start.
I settled back in bed, able to relax now that I’d made some headway. Tomorrow at dawn, I’d begin.
Days passed. I walked the parks with the dogs. The land was different here, dry to my Northeastern standards. The earth crumbled under my feet, and there were few bugs. There were a lot of mountains, rock and scrub grass, but the huge towering trees I’d had around me my whole life were absent. The streams that were so prevalent back home were so scarce as to be practically nonexistent here. I felt strangely exposed and vulnerable, making sure to carry a large bottle of water each time I set out on foot. All my searching yielded no signs of Theo.
I gritted my teeth and kept looking. Despite visiting all the meat procurement places in town, no one remembered a man fitting his description. Strike two.
That night, I finally checked my cell voicemail and found a dozen messages from Danial, all wanting to know if I was okay. I called him back that night.
“I’m fine. In case you’re wondering, I’ve found nothing.”
“Maybe he isn’t there?” he said hesitantly.
“He’s here. I’d bet my life on it, Danial. He was okay leaving Elle, as long as he left Terian a way to get in touch with him if he needed it.”
“If he’s there, you’ll find him,” Danial said with a note of pride.
“How is Elle?”
“She’s okay,” he said with a sigh. “But she thinks you are mad at her, and she’s trying hard to stay mad at you.”
“Tell her I’m not mad, Danial. Tell her I love her.”
“I will,” he said. “The cats say hello, too. Cavity is here on my lap—”
He was going to tell me he missed me. “Pet him for me,” I said hurriedly. “I’ll call you if I find him. Bye.”
* * * *
The next day, Ghost, Darkness and I began to walk the state lands. Day after day, we walked, with no success. Luckily, being mid-May, the parks and state lands weren’t crowded with campers and children yet.
Finally, I went into town to withdraw more money from my savings. I’d need it for another week at the hotel if I decided to stay. After I made that decision, I visited the post office to mail a letter to my mother. As I slid the letter into the outgoing mail slot, I suddenly smelled Theo’s scent.
I walked quickly to the back of the post office boxes and crouched against the wall, hiding behind a partition requesting used stamps for a children’s stamp collecting program.
“Any mail?”
That was Theo’s voice. I stopped breathing.
“Nothing today, Theo,” the postal worker said in a friendly manner.
“At least there are no bills, right?” Theo said and laughed.
Damn it all to hell, why hadn’t I checked here first? For the simple reason that Theo had never gotten any mail at my house in months. What had he gotten a post office box for?
“Was someone just in here?” Theo said urgently. I could hear the sudden tension in his voice.
He’d smelled me. I broke out in sweat.
“Nobody I saw,” the post office man replied.
Theo paused a moment, then left, slamming the door. I waited where I was for five minutes, knowing he might be sitting in his truck waiting for me to show myself. Despite the fact I’d come all this way to find him, I was petrified suddenly of seeing him.
I breathed deeply, in and out, trying to relax. My heart refused to calm. All I kept imagining was Theo listening to my side of the story about Danial and having him say he didn’t want me, because he’d found someone else like he was.
“Damn it, grow some backbone,” I said aloud.
I got to my feet and walked to the counter. “Who was that man?” I tried to make my voice sound coy and bubbly, like a woman on the make.
“His name is Theo,” the man said, giving me an appreciative look. “Where he lives I don’t know. He rents out a PO box.”
“I don’t suppose that has an address?” I said, like it was an afterthought.
“I couldn’t give you that kind of information,” the man said, taken aback.
“Well, it was worth trying for,” I said, giving him a wink.
I had my hand on the door when he said, “Ma’am, wait.”
I turned and saw he was going for the information. Yes! Finally, something was going right! I put an expectant look on my face.
“Something’s not right here,” the man said in confusion.
“What is it?”
“Theo gave the address of the Redrocks Park as his home address—”
The one place nearby I hadn’t been! Now I knew where to find him!
“Thank you for your help,” I called over my shoulder, running out the door.
Chapter Two
I walked up the rocky hill, Ghost and Darkness running before me. The midday sun was hot, hot enough that I was sweating a little. At the crest of this hill, I opened up my sandwich and ate it, sharing bites with the two dogs. If nothing else, I relished spending time alone with them, something I hadn’t done since Theo had moved in years ago.
“You enjoyed yourselves, too,” I said fondly to them, petting one with each hand. “Give me a minute, and then we’ll go look for some prairie mice.”
I sat on a nearby piece of granite rock and looked at the wide blue sky above me, considering my options. I’d confirmed Theo was here in town, but I couldn’t find where he was staying, despite two days of walking near the Redrocks. The only option left was to lie in wait at the post office until he came in for his mail.
Did I really want to do that? I’d initially come for closure, or so I’d said. Really, down deep, I’d come to see if there was anything left of us to revive. My emotions had led me here, not my rationale. Now that rationale was back from hiatus and taking a front seat, telling me to cut my losses and go home before I really embarrassed myself.
Tired now, I got up and dusted off my pants. After sharing water with the dogs, we walked to the bluff, then to a rock formation sitting at its pinnacle. As I climbed it, I saw Theo far below me, stalking up the trail in cougar form.
I didn’t need to see his face to know it was him. I recognized his walk, even as a cougar. He hopped up on a rock ledge, lay down, then roared. Something in the sound made me tremble.
I got down from the rock and headed down the trail. To hell with my good intentions. Theo was here. I loved him and wanted to be with him. I couldn’t see him there, within my reach, and turn away.
The dogs followed me. They’d heard the roar, but Elle roared now and then, and they weren’t concerned about possible danger.
An answering roar sounded, echoing. I stopped, catching sight of another cougar coming up the trail. Theo’s ears flattened back, and he charged it, running at full speed. The other cougar rose up, and they hit together, rolling over and over. I watched, transfixed, giving the dogs a command to be silent. We three watched, unmoving.
When the dust cleared, the cougars had stopped rolling, and one was on top of the other, moving rapidly. It was Theo; he was on top...
I shut my eyes, eased out of the line of sight and withdrew back up the trail toward the truck, trying not to make noise. But I couldn’t shut out the familiar roaring noises, the same ones Theo and Tawny had made having sex together years ago. The dogs padded beside me, though they looked back often to see what was happening.
What I’d feared had happened. He’d found a real mate, one of his own kind. One who wouldn’t be bruised in the morning after a night of his lovemaking. One who hadn’t given herself to his one-time best friend and had a child with him.
Disillusioned and sad, I drove back to my hotel and arranged for early checkout in the morning. Now that I’d found out what I’d come here to find, it was time to go home. Theo was well enough to walk and copulate, so he had to be happy. He’d chosen a new life, one there was no point in me interrupting now.
I showered and got ready for bed, thoroughly depressed. There was no point in calling Danial to tell him the news. I could call him tomorrow on the drive home. Maybe by then, I’d have sufficient control over myself to talk about what I’d seen without breaking down in mid-sentence.
I cried a few tears, turned out the light and let my mind drift. Just as I was falling asleep, I remembered the potion. Terian had said the potion would recreate the dream with Theo, but that when it ended, the dream would fade from memory.
I needed to put my feelings for Theo to rest and let him get on with his life. It was time to be done with dreams and get back to reality.
I turned the light back on and got up, rummaging around in my duffel bag. I found it and spent a few minutes removing the vial from the bubble wrap I’d taped around it for safekeeping. I uncorked the top and drank. The taste was bitter. This was it, the end of him and me. I packed the empty potion vial for Terian for reuse, then lay down. I drifted in a sleep-sort of fog and finally began to dream.
It was my home, my farm. Again, I stood there, calling out to Theo to wait, not to leave.
Again, he stood motionless at the door for a second and then he turned to me, riding me to the floor. Kissing me roughly, as we tore off our clothes as fast as we could.
Every memory came back in full force, sweeping me away in a storm of emotion. It washed away the years with Danial, even everything I felt for Elle and Theoron. There was only Theo and me. We were one.<
br />
Theo made love to me again and again. I relished his body next to mine, his muscles holding me, moving me, pleasuring me. Soreness set in as night fell, but I renewed my efforts, knowing that the end was near. As Theo finished and reached for me, I pushed him away.
“Sar?” he said questioningly, his eyes worried, his hand outstretched.
In a few seconds, Danial’s voice would sound. This was it—the end.
In desperation, I shouted, “Theo, I love you, I love you more than anything or anyone. I’ll love you the rest of my life!”
As my words tore out of me, Theo’s body flickered. Suddenly thin scars appeared on his shoulders from a whip, the edges raised and red, then similar scars on his chest. A mass of scar tissue bloomed whitely on his hip.
I lunged for his outstretched hand as he faded before me.
I fell out of the motel room bed, landing on the floor. The room reeked with the odor of lovemaking, the odor of sex.
“God damn it, no!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
I’d fucked up badly. I’d forgotten Terian’s words to me the night he’d given me the potion, telling me about the dream it would create for me one last time.
“And he’s not here to renew it with you...”
Terian had said it, thinking as I did that Theo was dead. But Theo wasn’t dead, he was alive. I’d reached out and touched him again with another dream. Moreover, this time, he’d know immediately that what had happened was no regular dream. He’d come looking for me, remembering the scent he’d caught wind of a week ago.
God, I had to get gone as fast as I could!
I threw on some clothes and frantically gathered up my things. There was no time for a shower or food. We had to get moving!
I grabbed up my duffel and ran for the door, my keys in my hand. A footstep sounded outside my door, and then the door was kicked open, flying back hard to slam the inner wall.
Theo stood there breathing hard, his eyes dark as a storm. He reeked of sex the way I did.
I hoped for his sake he’d woken up alone.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he said, his voice deep and rough. He slammed the door behind him and locked it.
Taken For His Own Page 2