“I shouldn’t,” he whispered. But he began running his fangs over my neck and pressing gently between kisses.
“Take just a little,” I whispered seductively. “I want you to, Dev, please.”
Devlin groaned. He was trembling hard now as he watched me, his fangs slightly bared. But he was keeping himself in check.
“Sar, are you sure? This is what you want?”
I trailed kisses down his throat, then bit him gently. A shudder went through him.
“I know it will feel a hundred times better to you, if you taste me as you have me,” I whispered huskily in his ear. “Do it, Dev. I want to hear you scream for me and know it was my blood, my body that made you feel that good, mine and no one else’s—”
Devlin cut me off with a rough deep kiss, his mouth moving on mine. He drew back and then darted in beneath my chin, twisting his head. With a swift movement of his fangs, he nicked me, opening a small but deep cut on the front of my throat. Strangely, there was no pain. He leaned in under my chin, tilting his head sideways and pressed his mouth to the wound, simultaneously thrusting himself fully inside with a powerful push of his hips
The moment he tasted my blood, he convulsed. He began sucking insistently on the cut, sighing repeatedly as he fed from me, his hips now pumping frantically. I held him to me, my hands in his hair, gripping his head of golden curls in my hand, loving the feel of him stroking me, touching me, taking so much joy in me.
I began to moan, the pressure within me cresting. Devlin drew back from me to watch my face, his lips parted, his liquid eyes hot as forges, as he stroked me.
“Please, Dev. Please, take me,” I moaned desperately. “Please, I’m so close—”
Devlin trapped my body between the wall and himself, grinding me against him, and my pleading moans became loud gratified screams. Seeing me come and hearing me say his name like that was enough to push him over. He began to jerk, his eyes burning pools of fire, his face tight with pleasure. I held him to me fiercely as he came screaming my name with enough volume and passion to shake the room.
“Saaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”
Devlin and I slid down to the floor, holding one another, For a while we stayed there, gripping each other and saying nothing, our bodies still shaking.
In time, Devlin helped me to my feet as he got to his. We almost didn’t make it over to the bed, but he steadied me with his hands, helping me get under the covers. He got under them too and nestled himself near me with a sigh. We lay then for a long time, in each other’s arms, not speaking.
Why had I done that? Given myself to him? Said those things? What had come over me? Was it because I was so close to turning? That must be it. Devlin had been as surprised as me though...I fell asleep beside him before I could finish the thought.
I awoke to find Devlin kissing me softly on my throat. He drew back from me, and I slid one hand up to touch where the wound had been and discovered I was again healed.
He began whispering to me again softly, as he had all through the day. The poems had differed, but the heat in his voice had never diminished. Nor was it diminished now.
“All women are beautiful as they rise
Exultant from the ruins they make of us
And this woman, who lies back informing the sheets
Has slain me all day with love and now
Keeps vigil at the tomb of my desire.”
I looked at him expectantly.
“Robert Kelly,” he said softly, looking at me with consideration.
My body wasn’t sore as it usually was after this much sex, but Theo was usually rougher. There wasn’t one bruise on me anywhere. Yet I ached gently all through my body from what Dev had done to me, and it was a delicious feeling. Delicious enough that I drowned again in guilt the moment I admitted how good I felt.
“Go and shower,” he said, kissing me a final time. “You smell of our lovemaking. As much as that pleases me, we will need to leave within the hour. Night is nearly here. ”
“Devlin, I am going to have to tell Theo about what happened here,” I said, biting my lip.
“Go ahead,” he said, grinning. “Tell him every detail if you want.”
“He’ll kill you,” I said softly.
“Would you cry for me, Sarelle?” he said inquiringly. “Would you mourn me?”
“I’d cry for the man you could’ve been,” I replied. “There is a gentleness in you that you cover even better than Danial covers his.”
His hand caressed my cheek. “I do not understand.”
“I would never have thought you could touch me this way, make me feel this way. It’s completely at odds with how you’ve acted the whole time we’ve known one another.”
“I have never wanted to be other than what we were today,” Devlin corrected. “If you believed otherwise, you were wrong.”
“It may have been all your talk of lessons,” I said icily. “You’ve been distant and cold or sarcastic to me for the last few years, even when you saved me from harm. And now you’ve forced me to have sex with you all day long.”
“It started being consensual hours ago,” Devlin said confidently.
“Really?” I said sarcastically. “Consent implies choice. If I had asked to leave at any time today, to stop having sex with you, you would have let me go? Give me a break.”
“We both know you ceased to be unwilling the moment you first came,” Devlin said patronizingly. “But you call it whatever you want to. What matters is that you enjoyed being with me, having me, at least after the first time.” He let out a satisfied sigh. “You are quite the seductress, Sar. That last time was inspired. I lost complete control.”
“But that’s my point,” I said persistently. “If you hadn’t scared me when I first met you, not threatened me from the first, there might have come a time when I’d have come to you willingly. I’d have yearned for your touch. You wouldn’t have had to force me at all.”
“Sarelle, I’m not a boy whose hope springs eternal,” Devlin said bitterly. “I was Ruler of The States for almost two hundred years. Do you know how cold you have to be to hold onto that kind of power? Do you know how ruthless you have to be? You have to be the worst, the most ruthless. The one capable of doing anything, no matter how terrible, to keep that power. Because once you claim it, you can’t relinquish it. Someone has to take it from you.”
“What are you saying?”
“This wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted a normal life, maybe a child or two. Instead, I became vampire. In the world I had joined, however unwillingly, you either have power, or you are under someone else’s power. It was an easy choice. When I found out I had the power to be the one in charge in The States, I took it quickly. I embraced freely the cruelty I needed to keep that power. I enjoyed wielding it, like Danial does to a lesser extent now. I reveled in it.”
I’d have to ask Danial what exactly Devlin had meant by that. “And?”
Devlin looked at me, his eyes sad. “If I had it to do over, I’d do it again. I’m not sorry for the choices I made since I became vampire, and I’m damned because of it. I knew long ago there wasn’t a happy ending written for me.” He kissed me, softly, lingeringly. “But there is for you, my dear. Forget what happened here today. No one knows but you and me.”
“I can’t lie to Theo,” I said tiredly.
“What will you gain by telling him?” Devlin said, his eyes searching mine. “Nothing except my death and possibly his wrath.”
“Do you want me to protect you, Dev?” I said incredulously. “You just said you’re not sorry at all for any of what you’ve done. How can I empathize with you?”
“Will he look at you the same way, knowing you enjoyed being with me?” Devlin said, swiftly changing tactics. “You are not a good actress, not nearly good enough to make him believe you didn’t.” His tone turned darker. “If Theo kills me, he’s killed his best friend Danial’s only brother. How do you think that will affect their being best friends?”
&nbs
p; Danial might not mind when he found out what Devlin had done to me. But I’d killed Monica, his lover. That would have some emotional fallout. Not to mention that in the past, so far as I knew, once Devlin had been with a woman of Danial’s, then Danial had blamed the woman for being weak. Maybe he would blame me, too.
Devlin saw me wavering and pushed harder. “You can spin this only one way if you tell Theo—that I raped you. To make him believe that, you’ll have to create some very terrible scenarios, as he knows my reputation. Given that, how will you explain you’re being unscathed? Worse, how will he feel when he learns he has failed again to save you?”
Doubt descended on me. I was unmarked; even my whip marks had completely healed. Worse, admitting to Theo what had happened would likely be the killing blow to our relationship. Devlin was manipulative, but he was right. “What are you suggesting?”
He looked at me and quoted:
“Tis no sin love’s fruit to steal, but the sweet theft to reveal
To be taken, to be seen, these are crimes accounted been.”
I gave him an exasperated look. “Just say it in plain English, please.”
“A Roman, Catullus, said that it was the revelation of what had happened that caused problems, not the actual event.” Devlin looked down at me, propping himself up on one arm. “Say nothing, to anyone. I will say the same. I saved you, then we slept the day away. We drive home tonight and then go our separate ways.”
“I can’t act like this day didn’t happen, not when I see you so often—”
“You will not be seeing me again,” Devlin interrupted, pushing a stray lock of hair out of my eyes. “I am leaving the States after I drop you off tonight and moving my base of operations permanently. I can’t trust you. Even if you tell me you’ll keep this day a secret, guilt might eventually change your mind. I know all too well what Theo will do to me should he find out about us, to say nothing of Danial.”
Distance wouldn’t stop Theo from looking for Devlin if he found out about today. Nothing would. Not oceans. Not guards. Not Danial. Yet Devlin was right; nothing would be gained. And what if Theo died somehow, pursuing Devlin? He wasn’t immortal.
“Why did you do this?” I said, frustrated, shoving Devlin so he rolled over on his back. “I’d begun to like you. I trusted you. You betrayed that trust.”
“I told you why, Sarelle. I wanted you,” he replied, folding his arms under his head. “And I have to say, you were worth it—”
“That’s a surprise to me, Dev,” I shot back. “You told me when you met me I was nothing special. You called me a bitch on several occasions. Given that, what we’ve done can’t have been that exceptional for you.” Self-loathing filled me as realization dawned. “Because you don’t feel anything for me. Not really. I’m likely just one more conquest in a long line of women who don’t matter to you at all, except in that they were Danial’s lovers once.”
“You don’t understand,” he said curtly, looking away.
“Damn straight I don’t!” I shouted back. “What is your obsession with having Danial’s lovers? Just because of some woman years ago that Danial took from you?”
“Go shower, Sarelle. Right now,” Devlin growled. “I’ve had enough of your prying.”
“Or what?”
“Or I’ll take you again. But this time I won’t be gentle, as I have been.”
“I thought you didn’t want me to fear you?” I said spitefully.
“If fear is the only thing that shuts your mouth—” he said, reaching for me angrily.
I jumped out of bed and ran to the shower. I turned it on quickly, then locked the door. As soon as the water warmed up, I climbed in, scrubbing myself and washing my hair.
What had happened didn’t matter. Today was over, and I’d be home soon...
The shower curtain was pulled back suddenly. Devlin stood there naked, his eyes roaming me.
“Get out!” I said angrily.
He stepped in, pulled the curtain forward and then gathered me into his arms under the spray. I began struggling immediately.
“Stop flailing and listen,” he said seriously. “I’ll tell you why.”
I stopped struggling, waiting expectantly.
“I did it because I wanted to be happy,” he said.
“You forced me to have sex with you because you thought it would make you happy?” I said, incredulous.
“Danial has been miserable for the last fifty years,” Devlin said, upset. “He’s had women on and off, but none that have lasted more than a few months. He lived for his business mainly. Then you came, and everything changed. Danial was happy, like he hadn’t been in a long, long time. When you had Theoron, he was like he had been when we were alive centuries ago. He was himself again, the man he’d been.”
Devlin looked into my eyes, wistful. Astonishingly, what I’d taken for water was actually tears.
“I wanted to change like he did, Sar. I want to be like I used to be, the man I used to be, before I became vampire and lost myself in bloodletting and cruelty.”
“I can’t change you,” I said slowly. “Only you can change you.”
“You can, but you won’t,” Devlin said bitterly. “I knew you hated and feared me. That I’d blown whatever chance I had to win your affections because of my actions years ago. Even after I saved your life, I still saw distrust sometimes in your eyes.”
“How did you think that making me accept you today would make me trust you more?” I said skeptically. “You betrayed me.”
“I didn’t know what else to do,” Devlin said angrily, leaving the shower. “I tried everything else. I saved your life, guarded you, spent time helping you improve your singing, comforted you and kissed your tears away, healed you and killed people for you. I did some of those repeatedly. Yet you treated me exactly the same, as if I was someone who couldn’t be trusted.”
“That’s not true,” I said, grabbing a towel and drying off.
“It is,” Devlin said sadly, even as he handed me another towel for my hair. “I’ve tried everything to make you treat me as a friend and not a hated enemy. But nothing worked. Patience has never been one of my virtues. When I saw the chance to be with you, I took it, figuring there was no point in trying to make nice anymore.”
“I always treated you as a friend—” I began coolly.
“I wanted to be more than your friend,” Devlin said seductively. “I wanted to be your lover.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but he put his finger to my lips. “Know this—my actions have not been rooted in revenge on Danial, not since that day I tried to seduce you at his house,” Devlin said tenderly. “My longing for you has never been because of some other woman. I genuinely care for you.”
“Since when?” I scoffed. “Since you tried to kill me?”
“We made love today,” Devlin said, heat creeping back into his words. “That wasn’t an accident. It was on purpose. I didn’t want to rape you. I wanted to love you—”
“You forced me,” I said accusingly. “Nothing would’ve happened if you hadn’t threatened me. You threatened to turn me!”
“I’m sorry,” Devlin said quickly. “I’m sorry that the first time was so fast. That it wasn’t better for you.” He swallowed quickly. “I know I hurt you when I had you that time. I’m sorry.”
“You aren’t!” I shouted suddenly. “You just told me that you weren’t, back in bed!”
Devlin grabbed hold of me, forcing me to look at him. “Are you sorry, Sar? Tell me right now. Honestly—are you sorry about today?”
I looked at him, enraged and then dissolved into tears. “No,” I said shamefully.
“Neither am I,” Devlin said, hugging me close. “You had fantasies about me just as I had about you, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” I admitted. “I feel so much guilt I’m drowning in it.”
“Don’t feel regret,” Devlin said, rubbing my hair dry. “We took joy in one another, something that happens too seldom.”
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bsp; “I broke my promise to Theo,” I said shamefully.
“Promises get broken sometimes,” Devlin said with a shrug.
“Not mine,” I said resolutely, pushing past him.
He followed me into the other room, where we began dressing. I was uncomfortable, wanting him to say something, but not sure what. I blushed, realizing part of me wanted him to tell me that this hadn’t been just a fling for him, that it had meant something. But he wasn’t going to say that, because for him it had been exactly that. Self-pity swept me, and I blinked back tears. I was not going to cry, not until I got home.
“Are you ready?” Devlin said curiously.
“Yes,” I said coolly, pushing past him out the door.
We walked down to the front desk and checked out.
“Glad you guys had a good time today,” the bellhop said, grinning at us.
Devlin grinned back at him, as I flushed scarlet, knowing our passionate cries had been overheard.
We went out to the black Hummer, and Devlin checked it over to make sure that it hadn’t been tampered with. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him where our lone guard had gone, but I didn’t, not wanting to talk to him.
Devlin started the SUV and drove us to the highway. I sat in silence, looking out the window, wondering what I was going to do.
Chapter Sixteen
I thought about what to do for hours as we traveled, but didn’t know what was best. If I told Danial, he would blame Devlin and probably me, too. Theo would want to kill Devlin and wouldn’t rest until he had. I was so mixed up, thinking about what had happened to me and what I’d done willingly that I couldn’t figure out what was best to do.
“You’ve been quiet the whole trip back,” Devlin said, glancing over at me. “Are you okay?”
I gave him a look to let him know that was one of the dumbest questions ever. “I’m thinking what to say,” I said with a sigh, leaning back in the seat. “I’m thinking of all the things that could go wrong and trying to decide what’s the best thing for me to do.”
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