“Something like that.”
He nodded, his face as serious and tender as it ever got. “I’m here, Holly. Anything you want. Anything you need. If it gets too much…?”
He left it lingering, but I knew what he meant and I didn’t want that. I could think we were friends now, but how would we still be friends if we broke up? I’d alienated myself from my old group and without the few Bows I had now, I’d have no one. It was selfish and probably no more advisable than fake dating Xander in the first place, but I didn’t want anything to change. I was too afraid of what I’d wouldn’t have if anything changed.
I shook my head. “No. I’m fine. It’s just… Taking some getting used to.”
He gave me a supportive smile. “You don’t have to do it alone.”
I had that feeling again of us being that great together, but I didn’t push it away this time. I let myself believe that whatever friendship we had could survive whatever was coming without mixing up any romantic notions.
“Thanks, Xander.”
He gave me a cocky surprised face. “Oh, you thought I meant me? Oh, no. I just figured, you know, Rand or Greg would be more than happy to…” He petered off laughing as I whacked him.
“You’re not as funny as you think you are.”
“I so am, though.”
I shook my head and leant up to kiss him. “You’re not,” I told him before I pulled away.
His hand went to my back to keep my face near his. We looked each other over and I was frozen by what I saw in his eyes. But, I didn’t know why.
“What?” I asked.
“That’s the first time you’ve kissed me.”
I rolled my eyes as I pulled away a little. “I’ve kissed you a lot, Xander.”
A smirk twitched at the corner of his lips. “It’s the first time you’ve kissed me.”
I frowned as I realised what he meant. “No. It can’t be.”
“It can and it is.”
“I’m sure I’ve kissed you before.”
He shook his head slowly and I knew he was enjoying this. “You haven’t. I would have remembered.”
“I so have.”
He was still shaking his head slowly, that smile in his eyes. “No. Not like that you haven’t.”
I didn’t think he needed to be taking whatever he was from this. “That? That was just keeping up appearances, Xander.”
He obviously didn’t believe me. “You like me.”
The tell-tale flush in my cheeks didn’t help me deny it. “No. I hate you. Remember?”
He was fighting the smirk. “Of course you do.”
I pressed one more kiss to his lips in all the admission he was going to get that I might not have hated him anymore and pulled away. He chuckled, but didn’t say anything about it as he put his arm around my shoulder and we headed for the Bows’ picnic table.
People did a very poor job of pretending they weren’t eyeing us off as we walked through the school. And, I couldn’t help but wonder what they were thinking, what they were saying. Were they trying to judge how long Xander and I were going to last just by looking at us? Did anyone guess it was fake and would use that against us? Was it just those two Bow wannabes and it wasn’t actually the whole school at all?
Xander gave my shoulder a squeeze as though he knew I was stressing and I relaxed. I leant against him for a moment as a silent thank you and I had the feeling he’d got the message.
Recess passed as I tried to gauge the reactions of the rest of the Bows. I tried to turn it off, but I couldn’t help wondering how many of the Bows were siding with Xander and me against Jason and Nancy.
Kids walked closer to the Bows, their eyes on me and Xander, whispering to each other.
Had they been doing this the whole time and I’d just not noticed? Or was this something new? Did it have anything to do with the expected bust up Miranda had mentioned?
“What are you doing on Sunday, Doll?”
I blinked and had the perfect excuse to stop my brain overthinking everything as I looked at Liv, who I was sure had never called me anything before, let alone my new nickname.
“Uh, I am…” I paused, thinking. “Nothing. I’m not… No plans,” I answered.
I felt Xander’s hand tighten on my stomach for a moment as he laughed with Daniel and Greg about whatever it was those boys constantly found to laugh about. He pulled away and I lost track of whatever shenanigans they got up to as I focussed on Liv.
“Why?” I asked.
Liv looked at Miranda with an excited smile. “We thought it would be awesome to have some girl time?”
I looked at Miranda with a question.
She nodded. “We thought we could go into town, do some shopping – window of course, because Mum will kill me if I put anything more on her card this month.”
I awkwardly joined their laughter like I had any idea what they were talking about. “No. ‘Course. Um, yeah that sounds great. What time and where do you want me?”
There was mass squealing and I was hugged from both sides by two very excitable Bows.
“Awesome!” Liv and Miranda cried, then finally pulled away from me.
I slid my eyes to Xander. He was wearing a knowing smirk, but his eyes were softer. He gave me a wink and a nod and turned to punch Daniel on the arm. I decided it was still not worth my sanity trying to figure out most of what motivated him.
“Um, okay…” Miranda mused. “How about Mall’s Balls at eleven?”
“Oh, yes! Get some shopping in and then some lunch!” Liv said, her eyes making me think she was legitimately excited about me joining them.
I nodded. “Sure. Sounds awesome.”
I smiled as best I could while I was telling my nervous little heart to calm the farm. Friends invited friends to go places; it was normal. So, I wasn’t really a Bow? I was (fake) dating Xander and they were accepting me. Maybe.
God, I didn’t know if the idea they’d never accept me was more terrifying or the idea they might. But, if they hadn’t liked me before, there was nothing I could do that would make them like me less, surely?
I smiled and nodded and did my best to join in on the ensuing ‘where shall we go’ and ‘what do we need’ conversation; Miranda it seemed wanted a new outfit for the upcoming giant Bows’ mid-year party and Liv was running out of places to find her favourite lipgloss that she was worried the company had stopped making.
“What about you, Doll?” Liv asked and I gaped.
“I don’t know. I think I’m good. But, I like looking as much as the next person,” I chuckled.
“What are you wearing to the party?”
I opened and closed my mouth a few times. Was I going to still be fake dating your king to be at the party? “No idea. I’m sure I can rustle up something decent–”
“Make overs!” the girls squealed as they shared a look.
“Make overs?” I asked uncertainly.
Any make over I’d been involved in with Nancy had basically just been her telling me that I was as good as I was going to get while we gushed about how amazing she looked.
Liv waved a dismissive hand at me. “I know. I know. You’re gorgeous. But, who doesn’t like make overs?”
Uh, me. Although, Liv looked totally genuine, so I nodded. “Okay. Make overs.”
There was more squealing and I was enveloped in another hug as I looked to Xander for some assistance and the bell rang.
Xander just winked at me and I sighed as I resigned myself to the hug.
Liv let go of me and Miranda looped her arm with mine as she started leading me to the study room for our Free. I looked back at Xander in panic. But, he only gave me that infuriatingly infectious smirk and blew me a kiss.
I let Miranda and Liv natter about the shopping trip and every one’s make overs as we wandered through the hallways. We paused at the door as we said goodbye to Liv and I noticed Tara had joined us.
“You sti
ll good for shopping on Sunday?” Liv asked her.
Tara nodded. “Yep, totally. I need a new pair of nice flats. My last lot are caked in dried sand after the New Year’s party.”
“Excellent!” Miranda smiled. “We’ll catch you guys later!”
“See ya,” Liv said and headed for whatever class she had.
Miranda started into the classroom, but I felt a hand on my elbow.
“Uh, Holly?”
I turned and found Tara hovering. I blinked and kicked some politeness into myself; I wasn’t getting through all this by acting like a dick. I forced a smile. “Uh, hey.”
She gave me a small awkward smile. “Hey.”
“Uh, what’s up?”
She breathed out heavily. “Xander asked me about the whole JT thing…”
I felt my cheeks go red. “He did what? Oh my God. That’s not… I mean… Okay?” Was I supposed to apologise for something? Had Jason told me the wrong side of the story?
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry for saying those things about you.”
I felt even more mortified as I imagined Xander telling her to apologise to me. “No. Please… You don’t have to. Xander shouldn’t have–”
She shook her head. “He didn’t. You know he doesn’t actually order us about, right?” she laughed and I joined in awkwardly.
“I am starting to realise that yes.”
“Good. He just asked about it and – I don’t know – getting to know you lately, I realised that maybe I…overreacted?”
I blinked again, still somewhat confused. “Oh. Uh. Thanks?”
She gave me a full smile. “I was with Rach and Dan about you, convinced you were going to hurt Xand. But, I see you with him. Sure, you look freaked out a lot. But, I’ve never seen anyone look at him the way you do.”
“How do I look at him?” I asked quietly, not sure I wanted to know the answer.
“Like you see him. He’s not just King of the Bows to you. He’s just Xander.”
“Well to be fair, I hate the King of the Bows,” I gave an awkward laugh and I was so pleased when it seemed like Tara understood the joke I’d intended.
“Exactly.” She grinned. “Anyway, I just wanted to say my piece. I’ll catch you later. Yeah, Doll?”
I wasn’t sure if my heart felt kicked or overexcitedly hugged. “Yeah, for sure.”
She smiled and it was nothing but friendly. “See ya.” She gave me a wave and headed off.
I stood there, sort of surprised that it felt a whole lot like I was winning over the Bows, one by one.
Chapter Sixteen
I jogged up to the imposing front door of Xander’s place and rang the bell, no idea what he had in store. I’d been told ‘come comfy’, whatever that meant. Hopefully jeans and a hoody were considered comfy by the dictionary of Xander.
When he opened the door, his phone was to his ear and he gave me a mouthed ‘hey’ as he waved me in.
“…yeah, that’s fine,” he was saying as he rolled his eyes, but he wasn’t looking at me. “No, I’ll check in with her tomorrow.” He paused as he closed the door behind me. “Yeah, sure. No. Have a good time.” He paused again and scrubbed his hand over his chin. “Yes, Mum… Okay… Sure, love you, too.” He didn’t really sound convincing.
He pulled his phone away from his head and pressed his screen. He stared at it for a second before he looked up at me.
“Hey,” I said with a small smile.
He gave a huge sigh and his responding smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Hey. Sorry about that. Mum and Dad just… Got in.”
I nodded. “Oh. They’re away?”
He huffed as he ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah. They do that.”
My eyes took in his tense shoulders, the annoyance in his eyes he was trying to hide, and the way his usual lazy smile was seriously forced.
“Often?” I wondered if that was why I’d never seen them around. Not that I’d spent an inordinate amount of time at his house.
He turned and headed for the kitchen. “You could say that.”
I didn’t know if I should press or not. On one hand, he sounded the same as usual; cocky, relaxed, devil-may-care. Had I just been on the phone to him, then I would have believed it. But, I couldn’t shake the look I’d seen on his face.
“They like to travel. And, Dad makes sure he has to travel for work. A lot,” Xander said as he pulled the fridge open.
“Oh…” What was I supposed to say to that?
Xander shrugged, the muscles bunching under his t-shirt as he stared into the fridge. I watched his hand tighten on the door. “It’s all good. What almost-eighteen year old wouldn’t want the freedom of the house to themselves like ninety per cent of the time? No parental supervision. Do what I want, when I want. It’s great.”
I couldn’t help looking around the huge house, not that I could see most of it from where I was what with the lack of x-ray vision and all. If Xander had this place to himself most of the time, how lonely would that be? What did he do all by himself? Maybe that was why he was out with the Bows so often? Maybe that was one reason he played soccer outside school? He’d be around more people and not have to be in the palatial place all alone.
“Yeah, I bet.” I tried to sound upbeat and supportive.
He shot me a look over his shoulder and I couldn’t tell if he was joining me in some joke that I felt like I’d made but missed, or if he was annoyed by something. I hoped it wasn’t me.
“You wouldn’t want this whole place to yourself?” he asked, wryly.
I took a chance and my answer was completely serious. “Not all the time, no.”
“Why not?” he asked, pulling a bottle of Mountain Dew out of the fridge.
I pulled myself onto the barstool and we locked eyes across the counter. “Well, it’s a big place. I think I’d get lonely.”
“Are you suggesting King Douche is lonely?” he teased.
I looked him over. No. I found it hard to imagine the King of the Bows ever being lonely. He was surrounded by people constantly. If anything, I’d have thought he’d like the peace and quiet at home compared to the constant barrage of attention he got at school and parties. But, the look in his eyes suggested Xander got lonely and I knew I’d be lonely.
I also felt like we were getting far more serious than either of us wanted. “I wouldn’t dare suggest King Douche is anything other than the arrogant, laid-back guy we all know and love.”
The corner of his lip tipped up and he turned to get a couple of glasses out of the cupboard behind him. “Well, of course. I’m far too shallow to have depths.”
When he turned back, he certainly looked it. Gone was the hard, haunted, uncertain look in his eyes. He looked the same as he always did; lazy arrogant smirk and those crinkles around his eyes that never failed to make you want to smile.
“How else would I get away with sleeping with so many girls?” His eyes went harder again and he leant towards me.
“Well, naturally.” I looked around. “Although, I’m surprised you bring them back here. Don’t you worry they’ll never leave?”
He shrugged, that smirk playing at his lips. “I don’t tell them my parents are away. You’d be surprised how fast they leave when they think my dad’s about to walk in.”
I wasn’t sure how serious he was being now. We seemed to have strayed into territory where we were having two conversations, and I was barely able to keep up with either. I wanted to ask him how many girls there had actually been, but I also didn’t really want to know the answer. Instead, I looked down at my hands on the counter.
“And yet you tell me.”
“Well, the reason’s obvious, isn’t it?” he asked and I looked back up at him in question. “Obviously, I want you to stay.”
My face heated in a combination of awkwardness and happiness and I looked down again, having no idea how to respond to that, while my heart twirled in little circles. “So, what we
re your plans for tonight?”
“Well. As much fun as I had improving your bowling technique, I thought we could stay in and get to know each other.”
“Stay in and get to know each other?” I clarified, thinking that was hardly teenage behaviour.
He nodded as he poured the drinks. “Yep. I was going to make us dinner, I have our double feature on stand-by, and I thought we could talk. Last I recall, I’m doing much better on the couple’s quiz.”
I frowned in confusion.
“I apparently know more about you than you know about me?”
“Oh.” I nodded. “Right. Sure.”
He huffed a small laugh. “So, I thought I’d get a start on dinner and you can ask me anything.”
He turned away and started pulling things from cupboards and the fridge.
“Anything?” I asked.
He nodded and made a noise of agreement.
“Wow. So much freedom. I wouldn’t know where to start.”
He laughed, but it was rough. “Yes, you do. I know exactly what you want to ask me.”
“Really? And, what’s the answer?”
“The simple answer is not as many as you think.”
I blinked and took a sip of my drink so I didn’t blurt out anything embarrassing. I set the glass down again and cleared my throat. “How did you know–?”
He spun back to me and leant his elbows on the counter. “Doll, it was written all over your face just now.”
My face had gone warm, but I kept my eyes on his. “And, the not simple answer?” I breathed.
He gave me a crooked smile. “I’ve hooked up with my fair share, but I haven’t slept with nearly as many girls as the rumours suggest.” He turned to the stove and turned it on.
Not knowing how I wanted to answer that, I tried to keep the tone light. “And that rumour that you slept with Daniel?”
“Ah. Well, a gentleman doesn’t like to kiss and tell.” He threw me a wink over his shoulder and I couldn’t hold back my smile.
“Does this particular gentleman make a habit of sleeping with Daniel?”
“Would that be a problem?” he asked, completely cavalier as he chopped something and dumped it in a frying pan.
Keeping Up Appearances Page 17