My eyes narrowed. She knew how badly I wanted her. I was pretty sure her playing hard to get would kill me. Was she even playing hard to get? Maybe I’d misread all of her signals. Maybe she wasn’t interested in picking up where we’d left off. Maybe I was losing my mind.
“I think there are other things that might be more fun,” I responded, my voice low, my expression deceptively bland. “Other activities we could do.”
Maggie elbowed me again. “Stop it,” she hissed.
Mya turned around and shot us a look. There was no way she was buying that something wasn’t going on between me and Maggie. I hated to be the one to break it to Maggie, but she was going to have to talk to Mya sooner rather than later.
Mya sent me a mocking smile. “Are you sure you’re not going to join us, Samir?”
Twice in one night?
“You know, you’re right. A movie sounds great.”
Her expression was knowing. “I’ll bet.”
Maggie shot me a disapproving look.
“What?”
“What was that?” she whispered as we fell back from the group.
“I don’t think she likes me very much.”
“No shit.” Maggie was silent for a minute. “She knows something’s up, right?”
“Oh yeah. Definitely.”
Maggie groaned. “This is so bad.”
“Why do you care? Tell her the truth if you want.”
“What if she tells Fleur?”
“She’s one of your best friends, I don’t think she’s going to tell Fleur. Besides—” I stopped walking and turned to face her “—why do you care if Fleur knows?”
“Are you serious? She’s going to freak out.”
“She might not care. And even if she does, it’s none of Fleur’s business. We’re both adults.”
“She’s definitely going to care.” Maggie looked down at the ground. “It’s embarrassing, okay?”
“Are you ashamed of me?”
I struggled to keep my voice casual. Tried to tell myself I didn’t care what her answer was. I’d honestly never really cared what girls thought about me. When I wanted a girl, she pretty much always wanted me back. If she didn’t, I could always turn on the charm and change her mind. I may have had very few useful skills in life, but my ability to get a girl into bed was my best one.
Except Maggie seemed immune to my charm. I could tell she liked the clubs and the champagne and the VIP status and the jet and all the shit that came with being a Khouri. But it didn’t give me a free pass with her. She didn’t treat me any differently because I had money. In a way she was almost impossible to impress. Which just made me want to impress her more.
“I’m not embarrassed of you.”
“Then what?”
“I’m embarrassed of me.” Her voice was strained. “Of what I did.”
The look on her face sent a flicker of unease through me. “You shouldn’t feel guilty.”
If anything, what happened between us had been my fault. I’d known better. I was the one with the girlfriend. I was the one who’d fucked everything up.
“I knew you had—have—a girlfriend. There’s no excuse for what I did.”
I hated this. “Not your fault. I’m the only one who should feel guilty. Not you. Never you.”
“That’s sweet, but I don’t think life works like that. You don’t get to just take all the blame. I knew what I was doing when I went to bed with you. I knew we were probably hurting people. And I did it anyway. It’s on me just as much as it’s on you.”
We’d gotten completely separated from the group now, but I didn’t care. We were a block away from the school, and I was greedy to have more time with her. It always felt like this, like I was stealing time with her, and no matter how fast I was, it always slipped through my fingers.
“Of course I can take all the blame. You know I always get my way,” I joked, desperately wanting to erase the sadness from her face. I reached out, linking my hand with hers. It was dangerous to touch her this close to the school, where anyone could see us, but I couldn’t not touch her.
“We can’t do this.”
I ignored her, my hand still linked with hers.
Maggie leveled a stern look at me, but her hand stayed in mine. “I’m serious, we can’t. We’re going to hurt people. We’ve already hurt people.”
We couldn’t undo what we’d done; the only thing we could do was change where we were headed.
“What if things were different?”
“What do you mean?”
“What if it were just the two of us? No one else. Would you want me?”
Suddenly it felt like the most important question I’d ever asked, and I hadn’t even meant to ask it. The words had slipped out before I’d had a chance to hold them in. An eternity passed before she answered.
“I don’t know.”
Maggie
I DIDN’T MEAN it the way it sounded. Would I still want him? Of course. I wanted him now. I’d wanted him last year. I’d wanted him even when I hadn’t wanted to want him. But even if Samir didn’t have a girlfriend, would I take a chance on him? I didn’t know anymore.
My answer would have been different back in May. Before I’d heard he was still with his girlfriend. Before he’d hurt me. Before I’d really realized how much I liked him. Back then, I hadn’t understood what being a Khouri really meant for him. I hadn’t understood his responsibilities or the inevitability of him returning to Lebanon. Now, it just seemed like there was no point to even trying. He’d be gone in a few months. He had a future that was set—the furthest thing from mine. I didn’t see a way around that.
I was scared, and yet I hated the hurt that flashed across his face.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
He just stared at me, that same expression in his eyes.
“I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain what I feel. I’m sorry. I’m not very good at this.”
I wished I were better at it. Wished I’d dated in high school or knew what I was doing. But truthfully, this didn’t feel like dating. This thing between us was heavy and emotional and intense. It had been from the beginning. No one had told me how to handle that.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated.
Samir closed the distance between us, bringing me to his side. I stiffened for a moment before relaxing into his arms.
“I want to tell you something,” Samir whispered, his voice hovering near my ear.
With him this close, I couldn’t find any words.
“There hasn’t been anyone else since you.”
Everything stopped. A wave of emotions crashed over me—hope, joy, fear, relief. I just stood there like an idiot while Samir pulled away and stared down into my face.
“I just thought you should know.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Maggie
I DIDN’T EVEN know what we were watching. Something with zombies, maybe—a horror flick by the look of it.
There hasn’t been anyone else since you.
The words ran through my mind on a loop I couldn’t forget or erase. Honestly, I’d never considered the possibility that Samir might not have had sex with his girlfriend this summer. Or that there hadn’t been anyone else. As far as game changers went, it was a pretty big one.
He kept staring at me. Even through the darkness, I couldn’t ignore the weight of his attention.
We were all in the common room. As far as I was concerned, it might as well have just been me and Samir. He sat on the couch opposite mine, so close and yet once more out of reach.
Samir pulled out his phone, looking as restless as I felt. I wasn’t sure why he hadn’t left yet. It was obvious he didn’t want to be here; he spent more time watching me than the movie.
My phone beeped.
“Sorry,” I told the room at large.
I stared at the screen, my heart pounding madly.
I’m bored.
My lips twitched as I looked over at Samir. He
had his phone out again, his fingers typing.
My phone pinged again.
“Sorry.” My cheeks heated as I put the phone on silent. I snuck a peek at everyone else, but no one seemed to notice or care.
Entertain me.
I fought back a grin, typing my response.
No.
It was a minute before my screen lit up again.
You haven’t been watching the movie.
How do you know?
A few seconds later—
I’ve been watching you not watch the movie.
I ignored the flare of heat, the ball of hope, longing and lust that rolled through me.
I know. You shouldn’t. Everyone’s going to notice.
Samir read my text and looked up, sending me a grin that had my toes curling. A minute later—
Don’t care. But if you’re worried, maybe we should go somewhere private. Xxxx
My heart pounded. I was more scared now than I had been the first time. This no longer felt like a one-off or a moment of insanity or an act of impetuousness. This was becoming something big. Something I wasn’t ready for. My screen lit up.
Come up to my room. We can watch a movie...
My phone pinged once more.
Or something.
Minutes passed. My fingers shook as I typed out my response.
Ok.
Samir
I MADE SURE to leave first, making some bullshit excuse about being tired.
I headed up to my room, tension coursing through my body. I was beginning to care less and less about keeping this a secret, but at the same time, I wasn’t exactly sure what we were doing, and I didn’t want everyone butting in until Maggie and I figured it out.
I let myself into the room, shutting the door behind me. I turned on the light, grabbed a pile of clothes off the floor and shoved them into my wardrobe. My gaze settled on some candles sitting on my dresser. I used them to keep the smell of smoke out of my room. I hesitated before grabbing my lighter and lighting them.
I wasn’t sure how to play this one. She had to know “want to watch a movie” was code for sex. But I didn’t want her to think this was some kind of booty call, that all I wanted from her was a casual hook-up.
I hoped candlelight conveyed that message better than I could.
I was nervous. Sex had never made me nervous before.
A knock sounded at the door.
I turned on the TV and flicked off the lights. I swung open the door. Maggie stared back at me, a small smile on her face. For a moment, I couldn’t speak.
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah. Of course. Sorry.” I was an idiot. I moved out of the way as she stepped over the threshold, closing the door behind her with a soft thud.
She looked nervous standing there in the middle of my room. She fisted her hands on her hips, and I wondered if she was thinking of the last time she was here.
I knew I was.
I wanted to touch her, but she looked unsure of herself, ready to bolt. There it was again, the constant push and pull. Everything was somehow easier and harder with her.
I didn’t want to fuck this up.
I settled for safe. “Want to watch a movie?”
Maggie hesitated for a moment, nibbling on her lower lip. I wanted to take her mouth, to suck on those pretty lips of hers, to nip at her, listening to those throaty little moans she loved to make. She’d been in my room a total of two minutes, and I was already hard.
“What kind of movie?”
I wracked my brain for a moment. I couldn’t have cared less. Something that involved the lights off and her body curled up in bed next to mine. I gestured toward a stack of movies on the shelf. “Pick one.”
She walked over to the shelf, her back to me, and I couldn’t resist the urge to stare. She was gorgeous, front and back.
She turned to face me. “How about this one?”
“Looks good to me.” I had no idea what she’d picked.
I went over to the TV, fumbling with the DVD. I managed to start the movie and turned back to face Maggie. She stood at the foot of the bed, staring at it. It was so weird having her here, remembering having her in my bed. It felt like we were in two different places. On one hand, I’d seen her naked, explored every inch of her body. On the other, there was this wall of awkwardness between us. We were strangers, and yet we weren’t.
I stared at the bed. It was the only place to comfortably sit and watch TV, but I was pretty sure if I got her in bed, I wasn’t going to be able to keep my hands off of her.
I sighed. “I can sit on the floor or something, if you want to take the bed.”
As soon as the words left my mouth, I cursed myself in Arabic, French and English.
“You don’t have to sit on the floor.”
Maggie sat down on the bed, moving up to rest her head against the pillows. I slipped in beside her, careful to leave some room between our bodies. I didn’t know what she wanted, couldn’t read her.
So I waited, relying on patience I’d never known I had.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Maggie
ALL I COULD think about was his body lying next to mine. He was so close, inches away, and yet those inches felt like they might as well have been a mile.
There was something about the darkness, something about being back in his room, in his bed. It felt like we were in our own little world where nothing else mattered. There were ghosts here, memories of that night that cropped up with the slightest shift of his body, the smell of his cologne, the feel of the sheets against my skin.
I would have bet my life that neither one of us was even kind of watching the movie. We’d been “not watching the movie” for an hour now. Neither one of us had spoken, and yet it felt like we’d been having a conversation between us, hidden in the dark.
For an hour we played the game. I accidentally-on-purpose touched his foot with mine. His shoulder shifted, grazing me. My hand reached out, settling next to his, only our pinkies touching. Each touch was deliberate, a move in an elaborate game of chess. Each move took us closer and closer to each other. The air was thick with tension and anticipation. My breasts felt heavy, my nipples tight. If this was foreplay, I didn’t know how much longer I could last. It felt like we’d already had a lifetime of foreplay.
I shifted slightly, turning to face him.
He smiled at me. “Hi.”
“Hi,” I whispered back. There was enough light in the room that I could just make out the shape of his face. His lips were inches away from mine.
A new kind of tension filled the air between us. I could feel it in my bones, could see it in his eyes. Impatience filled me.
“You’re not going to make the first move, are you?” I said.
“Nope.”
“Why?”
I wondered if I would be able to hear his response over the mad pounding of my heart.
“Because I don’t want to pressure you. I don’t have answers for you. I don’t even know what promises I can make. I want you, more than I’ve ever wanted anyone. That’s all I’ve got.”
There would be time for conversations later. I knew we had to deal with things. We had to figure out what, if anything, was between us. But for now, the elephant in the room pushed everything out. I wanted him. He wanted me.
To hell with everything else.
Samir
THE MOMENT SHE kissed me, my heart stopped.
It was different from all of our other kisses, and yet the feel of her lips was so familiar—soft, smooth, lush.
I wrapped my arms around her, levering my body over hers until her body sank into the mattress. I settled between her legs, pressing against all of that softness. I nipped at her, pulling her bottom lip into my mouth, sucking on it, tracing my tongue over her full mouth.
She moaned.
“I’ve been thinking about this for months,” I murmured against her mouth. “I wake up in the night, hard, wanting you. Wanting this.” I ran my hands through he
r hair, pulling her head back so I could see her face. “You make me crazy.”
I nipped at her neck, tasting her there, leaving kisses on her soft skin. Before this night was over, I wanted to run my hands and mouth over every inch of her gorgeous body. Impatient, I reached for the hem of her shirt, pulling it up over her head, dragging the fabric across her skin until her torso was free.
I froze, staring down at Maggie, bared before me. Whatever memories I’d had—and I’d had plenty—the reality of her naked flesh was impossibly better. Her skin was a creamy white, offset by a sheer blue bra that just barely allowed a glimpse of her rosy nipples.
I groaned. She was so fucking hot—and for tonight, she was mine.
My head bent, I nipped at the edge of the lace, dragging the bra’s edge down. My teeth scraped against her bare skin, grazing her nipple.
Her hands reached out, gripping my head, her fingers threading through my hair, pulling me closer to her. There was no shyness in her. Just fire.
I arched my hips, pushing against her softness, enjoying the moan that escaped from her lips.
I wanted to devour her. I wanted to bury myself inside her, to lose myself in her mouth. I wanted to sink into all that creamy softness.
I leaned back, fumbling with the clasp of her bra.
“Merde.”
I’d gotten plenty of girls’ bras off before. For some reason hers felt like a labyrinth I couldn’t find my way out of.
“Here.” Maggie pushed my hands away, reaching behind her back. I should have been embarrassed, but I was so grateful to finally see her gorgeous tits that I couldn’t have cared less.
She stripped the bra away, baring herself to my gaze, no trace of shyness in her expression. Gone was the girl who had been nervous our first time together. At some point the dynamic between us had shifted, and now I was the one who felt like a virgin. The knowing gleam in Maggie’s eyes, the way her body responded like it craved my touch, was enough to have me begging for it.
I stared down at her naked skin, a lump in my throat. Her hair fell around her shoulders, the strands long enough to tease at her nipples. I couldn’t resist. I leaned down, capturing one in my mouth, tugging it with my lips, sucking hard, loving the taste of her. My hand reached out, stroking her other breast, molding its shape in my hand. She was destroying me, inch by inch.
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