“Really,” her father drawled.
I waited for her to say something, the silence stifling. It was a strange feeling. I realized in that moment that though we’d agreed to six months together, I didn’t really know what that meant. I didn’t know what she wanted from me or if this was more than just sex to her. I was the first—and only—guy she’d ever slept with. Maybe that was it for her. Maybe I’d overestimated the connection between us.
“He’s my boyfriend.”
The rush of relief I felt at the sound of those words stunned me.
We hadn’t really had the talk. I didn’t think I’d care about labels—once I would have thought her announcement to be too rushed, too official. But coming from her lips, it sounded just right.
The expression on his face looked like he’d swallowed something that left a bad taste in his mouth. I wasn’t sure what it was—that she had a boyfriend to begin with, that her boyfriend was Arab, or that anyone who had seen our kiss could pretty easily figure out we’d had sex. But it was there. He wasn’t afraid to let me know it.
“It’s nice to meet you, sir.” I struggled to sound like the kind of guy you would want dating your daughter.
Maggie’s lips twitched.
“Maggie!”
An older woman—she had to be Maggie’s grandmother—walked out the door, a beaming smile on her face.
Oh god, I was going to meet the whole family.
Maggie
AS FAR AS surreal moments in my life went, introducing Samir to my family may have ranked as number one.
But then again, the Samir who sat next to me on my grandparents’ couch was definitely not the same Samir I’d gotten to know in London. He was unfailingly, flawlessly polite. He laughed at my grandfather’s jokes, complimented the house until my grandmother blushed, and asked Sara questions about the baby. He avoided my father, but considering the glare my father had been sporting since he’d spotted us in the front yard, I didn’t blame him.
Still—it was hard to reconcile the guy who’d fucked me up against a window with the boy who now sat next to me now, his hand holding mine, answering my family’s pointed questions.
Everything about this felt contrary to the progression of our relationship. We’d gone from sex in secret to meeting the family in one fell swoop and I still felt like I was playing catch-up. Maybe we both were.
This was a side of Samir I hadn’t really seen before. He was trying—hard. And the crazy thing was, besides my dad, it seemed like they liked him.
After what felt like an eternity, I made up an excuse about showing him around town.
“You’ll be back Christmas morning, right?” my grandmother asked him.
Yep, totally surreal.
“I would love to,” Samir answered, sounding surprisingly like he meant it. “Thank you for inviting me.”
His arm around me, we walked out to the car. It hit me then that in a way, this felt like a new beginning. Like we were standing on the edge of something different, a fundamental change in our relationship that would stay with us for the time that remained. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t pretend my heart wasn’t engaged anymore.
I was in love with Samir.
It had been building for so long. No matter how much I tried to avoid it, the outcome was already decided. I was going to hurt—a lot—later. When he left and went back to Lebanon, he would take a piece of me with him.
I’d played it safe most of my life. Avoided risks, looked before I leapt. It had served me well. But no matter what good sense and logic told me, I couldn’t walk away from him. I’d take the hurt and the pain that would come in May in exchange for however many days of this feeling inside me—this hope and this peace.
I was done listening to my head. It was time to listen to my heart.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Samir
I WAS NERVOUS. Which was completely ridiculous. But I felt completely out of my depth. Something had changed between me getting out of the car and her grandmother inviting me over for Christmas. I just wasn’t sure what.
I’d met girlfriends’ parents before. I’d practically grown up with Layla’s family. But this felt completely different. I’d started off telling myself I was going to be polite and get us out of there as quickly as possible. But then I’d starting trying and realized I wanted them to like me. Because it was important to Maggie and Maggie was important to me. More than I’d understood.
“Are you all right?”
I tossed her what I hoped was a reassuring smile. “Yeah.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Are you?”
“It was a little weird. Kind of surreal.”
“Yeah, it was. It was good, though.”
“Sorry I called you my boyfriend. I know I kind of sprung that on you. I just wasn’t sure how to describe you to my dad. I figured ‘we have lots of sex’ wasn’t wise.”
I laughed. “True. I didn’t mind the boyfriend label. It was nice.”
She was silent for a moment, and when she finally did speak, I had to strain to hear her. “Good.”
“So tell me about South Carolina Maggie.”
She laughed. “There’s not a lot to tell. I was pretty boring.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“I was pretty good in high school. Everything was about getting into Harvard. There wasn’t time for much else.”
“What about your friends?”
“I still have some people I keep in touch with. It’s harder now that I’m living in London. You’re going to have to meet my best friend, Jo, while you’re here. She’ll never forgive me if I don’t introduce you guys.”
“Good. I want to meet your friends. See where you grew up.” It surprised me how much I meant it. I wanted to know her better. Not just who she was now, but the person she had been.
“You were great with my family back there.”
“Your dad hates me.”
“Maybe.”
“Definitely.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it too much. It’s not like he’s around enough for it to even matter.” She smiled. “I like you. That’s all you need to worry about.”
I stopped at a red light, tearing my gaze away from the road to look at her.
“Have I mentioned you look extra hot today?”
“I was channeling my inner Fleur.”
“What exactly does that mean?”
“You know how she goes out with that ‘take no prisoners’ attitude? I asked myself what Fleur would do and I decided to be fierce.”
I laughed. “Please don’t start taking life cues from my crazy cousin.”
“She’s not crazy.”
“She is. She definitely is. Besides, I like you the way you are.” I leaned over and kissed her before the light turned green. “I’m dying to get you alone and naked. It has been a week.”
“Poor baby.”
“I am a poor baby. Do you know what it’s been like, waking up in the middle of the night, wanting you, and not being able to have you?”
“I have a rough idea of what that might feel like.”
“Really?”
“Hey, it’s been a week for me, too. We have a lot of time to make up for.”
Her voice was sultry and smooth, and I swear I got hard just listening to her.
“Have I mentioned how much you turn me on? Seriously. I keep waiting for this thing between us to calm down. For me not to feel like I always have to have you. I keep expecting it to change. To not be so—”
“Intense?”
I nodded. Even now, in the car, I wanted her. Normally I’d be getting bored by now. A month was a long time to be with one girl. But with Maggie it felt like it was never enough.
“Pull over.”
It took a minute for her words to register.
“What?”
“Pull over.”
Her voice was husky and it only took a second for my brain to figure out exactly what she meant. Je
sus. It was dark out and the road was remote. I was so hard I didn’t care about anything else.
I pulled the car over, my heart pounding madly. I’d had sex in my fair share of exciting places, but for some reason the sight of Maggie unbuckling her seat belt and climbing into my lap blew my mind.
Maggie
THE STEERING WHEEL dug into my spine, my knee cramping as I tried to wrap my legs around Samir. An SUV would have been so much better for a roadside seduction.
“Not a lot of room.”
“You’re just not trying hard enough,” I teased. “Push your seat back.”
His eyes flared and a thrill ran through my body. Something built inside of me. Something desperate and hungry and eager for release. I wanted him like this—fast, furious, a little bit wild. I wanted to be in control, wanted to watch his dangle by a thread before slipping completely.
I reached down, pulling my sweater over my head, glad for the heat running in the car—
Shit, it was cold.
I leaned forward, my breasts rubbing against the front of Samir’s coat. “Warm me up,” I murmured, my lips meeting his, picking up right where we’d left off in the front yard.
He groaned.
“I can’t wait much longer. I’ll make it up to you later,” he promised, kissing his way down my bare neck.
I was happy to oblige.
We both reached between us, fumbling with zippers and buttons, our hands a mad tangle of limbs.
“There’s no way this is going to work,” Samir grumbled.
I grinned, nipping at his earlobe. “Oh, ye of little faith. I got this.” I arched, leaning back so my head rested above the steering wheel. “Did I mention I did gymnastics when I was younger? I’m very bendy.”
“Fuck me, that’s hot.”
I laughed. I loved seeing him like this—off balance, hungry for it. For so long I’d watched Samir sail through life without breaking a sweat. If he wanted a girl, she ended up in his lap. I loved keeping him on his toes...and knowing I was the only one who could.
“Do you have a condom?” I asked, my voice strained.
“Yeah, give me a second.”
Samir reached back into his jeans pocket. He hit me in the knee.
“Ow.”
“Shit. Sorry. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
Our gazes connected and we both burst out laughing.
I love you.
The words flew through my head, terrifying and seemingly out of nowhere. I had to force myself not to give voice to them. Not to ruin everything by telling him the truth. I was someone else entirely when I was with him. I liked this Maggie.... She was bold and feisty, and I suspected she’d always been there, lurking under the surface.
With Samir, it just felt right.
We came together in an awkward, desperate tangle of limbs and laughter. There would be time for us to explore each other’s bodies later. For teasing and foreplay. For now there was just a need to be filled, to feel Samir moving inside me, to be carried away by the moment and the release I desperately needed.
I didn’t want to think of love or worry about what would happen next. I just wanted to feel. So I gave myself over to the moment, to the sensation of Samir filling me.
When I came, all thoughts and worries disappeared.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Samir
SHE SAT ON a tree swing in her grandparents’ backyard, staring out across the field. If I were a different guy—the kind who read poetry or analyzed art—I would have said the light from the rising sun illuminated her in a way that nearly blinded me. Or that the profile of her face, with the backdrop of the field behind her, was the most extraordinary thing I’d ever seen. But I wasn’t that guy. So instead I walked up to her and planted a kiss to the top of her head, inhaling the scent of her shampoo and trying to ignore the fact that I was already turned on.
Maggie tilted her head up and smiled at me. “Merry Christmas.”
I grinned. “Merry Christmas.”
“I thought you were coming over later.”
I didn’t want to tell her the truth—that I’d woken up and rolled over to an empty pillow and been filled with a sense of loneliness that had surprised me. That I’d hurried over here because more than anything, I wanted some time alone with her—even if we were fully clothed.
“Do you mind?”
“Not at all.”
I reached behind her, tugging on the rope, pushing the swing forward.
“Is Samir Khouri really pushing me on a swing? I’m pretty sure half the International School would pay good money to see that.”
I grinned. “It’s definitely a new experience.”
“Too cool to push girls on swings, even when you were younger?”
“Something like that.”
She stretched out her body, planting her feet on the ground, holding the swing still.
“What were you like when you were younger?”
“Charming. Incredibly handsome. Had to beat the girls off with a stick.”
Maggie laughed. “Of course you were. Be serious.”
“I am being serious.”
“I want to know what you were like.”
“Well, for one, I wasn’t as cute as you were. I saw the baby pictures on the wall.”
Maggie blushed. “Please don’t mention those.”
It was strange to see her younger self. It had been like a glimpse into another part of her life, one I couldn’t help but be curious about.
“You were adorable.”
“I had glasses.”
“Glasses are sexy.” I leaned forward and kissed her. “Maybe we’ll play sexy librarian later.”
She laughed. “Maybe.” She elbowed me in the side. “Stop stalling. I want to know about little Samir.”
I sighed. “I was shorter. And kind of a terror. I went through nannies like crazy.”
“You had nannies?”
“Until I went off to boarding school.”
“I can’t imagine it. I used to envy you rich kids with your fancy cars and your exciting vacations. I guess it wasn’t much better for you either.”
“It had its moments.”
“I wonder what it would have been like if we’d met at a different time in our lives...when we were younger. Somehow I don’t think high school Samir would have noticed me.”
“I would have noticed you.”
The look she sent me was skeptical at best. “I find that hard to believe.”
“Ouch.”
“I just don’t think I would have been your type.”
Probably not. I would have thought she was hot, no doubt about it. I may have even flirted with her a bit. But she would have firmly ended up in the category of girls I labeled look but do not touch.
“You would have scared me a bit,” I answered, surprising myself—and, by the looks of things, her—with my honesty.
“Why?”
“Because.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“That. That, right there. You call me on my shit. You push me. You see through me. You make me feel like I need to be better, need to work harder. You make me afraid I’m going to come up short.”
She gaped at me.
“If I’d met you back in high school, I would have thought you were just as gorgeous as I do now. You probably would have made me laugh like you do now. But I would have been stupid and immature and somehow I would have fucked things up between us. That’s why you would have scared me.”
“And now?”
“Now you terrify me and I just spend all my time hoping that even though I’m still stupid and immature, I won’t fuck things up between us.”
I expected to feel embarrassed or like I’d lost major points with her. But this had stopped feeling like a game a long time ago.
“That first day I saw you standing outside of the school, I thought you were beautiful. And later, when I saw you naked after you dropped your towel—” she flush
ed “—I knew I wanted you in my bed. And the kiss at Babel—that kiss haunted me for weeks. It was just a kiss. It shouldn’t have been anything. I’d had hundreds of kisses, but I couldn’t shake that one.
“But that wasn’t what made me want you. The more I got to know you, the more I saw who you were—I wanted you even more. You don’t let people in. You have these walls up, and I get that. But every once in a while you allow people glimpses behind the walls. And those glimpses made me want more—all of you. You make me want it all.”
Maggie
IT WAS TOO MUCH. Emotions pushed through me, threatening to bubble to the surface. The same words kept running through my mind—
I love you, I love you, I love you.
“Too much?” he asked, a crooked smile on his face.
“No. Maybe.”
“You freak out sometimes.”
I nodded. “A bit.”
“How do two commitmentphobes end up in a relationship together?”
“Is that what we’re doing?” I asked, trying to keep the uncertainty out of my voice.
We’d been dancing around it for weeks now. Maybe it was stupid of me to have to ask, but I’d never done this before. With Hugh, things had felt different—easier maybe, less intense. It had felt like practice and this felt like everything.
“Isn’t it?”
His expression was inscrutable, his voice guarded. I wasn’t the only one with walls. Part of me wished I could have met him in a few years, when I had a little more experience, when I’d worked through some of my own shit, when I actually knew what I was doing. I worried I wasn’t very good at this—worried he would leave.
“I’m here because I want to be. Because I don’t want to be anywhere else. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” A smile slid across his face. “I like calling you my girlfriend. And I like hearing you call me your boyfriend. I don’t share. I want everyone to know you’re mine.” He walked behind me, bringing his arms around my chest, pulling me back against him and holding me there, his head resting against mine.
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