by Gini Koch
This left taking him the Headquarters. I was all over that possibility, but how was the really big question. Other than the five of us, our entire extended team were in some form of medical rehab, so I couldn’t really ask one of them to come on over and cover this. I doubted Jack, Freddy or Sexy Cindy could really find their way back to take Nero in safely, and Nero was a pro at exploiting weaknesses. Which would leave Ralph.
However, Ralph was my only truly trained operative. Sure, Jack was a great cop, but he was a human and we were about to face some serious minions. And I didn’t want him to get hurt. Freddy and Sexy Cindy were game and seemed willing, but they had no real training in how to use their undead powers. So, if I sent Ralph away, I was making my meager team even weaker.
I felt out of options. “We need to do something with him before we move on,” I said lamely, mostly to fill the silence.
“We could call for a car,” Jack suggested.
Ralph snorted. “You don’t want humans dealing with this one. Trust me.”
I nodded. “Ralph’s right.”
“Don’t you all have some sort of paddy wagon?” Sexy Cindy asked.
Ralph and I looked at each other. “Actually,” I said slowly, “we do.” It hadn’t occurred to me because they didn’t really work law enforcement so much as transportation. But they were on day shift duty under normal circumstances and they were always up for anything, and no one was ever able to put one past them -- they’d seen and done enough when they were alive that nothing ever fooled them.
I hit the buttons on my wrist-com for the Tour Bus. “Yo,” a man’s sexy voice replied. “Vic, baby, what’s up?”
“Merc, are you and L.K. available?”
“For you, darling, always.”
“I need a perp taken into Headquarters. He’s slippery and trouble, and I need it done with some semblance of speed and subtlety.”
Merc chuckled. I heard L.K. in the background. “Is it needful circumstances?”
I controlled the sigh. These two did have their little quirks. “Yes, King, it is.” I knew what was expected. Fortunately, it was easy in this case. “No lazing on a Sunday afternoon for you two.”
They both laughed. “Love working with you, darling,” Merc said. “We aiming for your mark?”
“Please. By the way, we’re in the Estates.
“I could tell.”
“Yes, but here’s the thing. It looks surrounded by Hellfire, but it’s not real.”
“You want us to take your word and risk unlife and limb to cross what could be the most deadly thing out there?”
“Yeah. I figure it’ll be a nice flashback for both of you. Not like your human lives were exactly dull and full of boredom.”
“You do know how to entice, don’t you darling? Be there in two shakes of my tail.” Both of them were laughing as Merc signed off.
My wrist-com went dead. Jack cocked his head. “Let me guess -- Elvis is on his way?”
“Not…quite.” I went to the front door and waited. True to their reputations, they were as fast as lightning. The Tour Bus flew up the street and came to a screeching halt in front of what might really be Nero’s house. I was fairly sure no one had noticed them -- the Tour Bus had a good spell on it. Human’s only saw it when they needed to.
The Tour Bus really looked like a tour bus, for some obvious reasons. It was a little longer and wider than normal, but nothing that couldn’t drive on a human street without too much notice. Well, as long as no one noticed what was painted on the sides. Merc and L.K. liked their fun, after all.
“Ride with the best Little Devils anywhere,” Jack read aloud. “You called in evil demons?”
I snorted. “Hardly. They just have an interesting sense of humor.”
Two beings slid out of the Bus. Literally. They were both wraiths now, and they only used doors if they had to. Wraiths are more powerful than ghosts -- they have more of their human abilities with them, and can go solid if necessary. Plus, no icky ectoplasm smell. Of course, with these two, if they had smelled, they’d have found a way to counter it or, more likely, bottled it as the scent to attract the girls and boys.
“That’s not Elvis,” Jack hissed at me as the wraiths solidified, touched ground, and sauntered over.
“Nope.”
Merc laughed at the expressions on Jack, Freddy and Sexy Cindy’s faces. “You didn’t tell them, darling?” He gave me a big hug.
“It’s so much more fun to initiate this way.”
“How’s Fangs doing?” Merc asked, as he let me go and L.K. gave me a hug.
“Maurice is okay. Well, as okay as the rest of our team is.”
“There’s big trouble going on?” L.K. asked, voice as smooth as single malt scotch.
“Yeah, there is.” I gave them the fast highlights, reassured Merc that Maurice was really okay, and stressed that they were here for transportation assistance only.
“Sounds like you might need us to do more than just drive,” L.K. said, looking and sounding worried.
“L.K., you guys are the greatest but you’re not trained. I’m working with enough non-Enforcement personnel already.”
“Why do you call him L.K.?” Jack asked finally. “And not Jim?”
Merc and L.K. grinned. I shrugged. “He really is the Lizard King.”
“And I’m not into titles all that much,” L.K. added. “But there are some undeads…well, you know…it’s easier if they don’t know where you are at any given time.”
“Groupies hard to shake in unlife, too?” Sexy Cindy asked dryly.
“You know it.” L.K. gave her a long, appraising look. “But, your Lizard King is always willing to make an exception for lovely and lonely succubae.”
She snorted. “I’ll keep it in mind.”
“Do.” L.K. looked at me. “And, of course, any time you’re ready, babe. You have the open invitation.”
Jack glared and Ralph growled. I just laughed. “And I appreciate it, too.”
Freddy was staring at Merc like he was seeing a ghost. Which, I guess, he sort of was. “That’s…you’re…this is Freddy Mercury,” he choked out finally.
Merc nodded. “In the not-flesh, darling.” He cocked his head. “You were a fan?”
Freddy nodded. “The biggest.”
“A theology professor who was into Queen?” I wondered if I’d heard everything now, and figured I hadn’t.
Freddy shook his head. “The insinuation that rock and roll was the Devil’s music always seemed unfounded to me.”
Merc and L.K. grinned at each other. “Oh, Satan did have a lot to do with it,” Merc said.
“He’s a cool dude,” L.K. agreed.
Jack cleared his throat. “Anyone here want to help us get Nero into custody? Anyone at all?”
“What’s the rush?” Merc asked. “Armageddon has a build, darling. There’s still time to avert it.”
“Says a dead rock star,” Jack muttered.
“Undead,” Merc corrected. He stared at Jack for a few long moments. Then he pulled me aside. “Why is he along?”
“He’s my human partner. He’s handling all of this really well.”
“And you’re sleeping with him.”
“How can you tell?”
He shrugged. “I can tell. Anyway, I don’t like him. And I know Jimmy doesn’t either.” Merc only called L.K. “Jimmy” when he was making the point that he was talking in a very personal way and about personal things.
L.K. joined us. “I agree with Freddy. This one. Not his zombie namesake.” And, similarly, if L.K. was calling Merc “Freddy”, they were both making it clear that they weren’t kidding around. At all.
“What’s wrong with him?” I asked a little more defensively than I wanted.
Merc shook his head. “I don’t know. But…something’s off.”
“Like what and how do you mean?”
“He’s hiding something,” L.K. said. “You know, we spent our human lives around people who were hiding their real
intentions.”
“Or what they really were,” Merc added. “And, the Gods and Monsters know we spent our own time hiding things, too. Darling, I know you like him, I mean, I have working eyes, what’s not to drool over, right? But….”
“Something’s off,” L.K. finished for him. “In fact, it’s off enough that we’re coming back, once we get rid of your perp.”
“Guys, really, you’re not trained. And I think we’re going up against all the big minions.”
“And you’re going up against them with someone backing you we both feel is hiding something,” Merc said. “It’s decided. We’ll be back.”
“Now,” L.K. said briskly. “Who are we taking in?”
How they’d missed Nero I couldn’t figure. I sighed and looked around -- and resisted the urge to curse impressively. “Are you kidding me? Jack! Where in the depths of Hell is Nero?”
We all looked. Sure enough, the little weasel was gone.
Chapter 51
Ralph and I both sniffed the air. “He’s heading up the hill,” Ralph called as he took off.
“Follow that werewolf!” I shouted.
Jack ran for the S-Class. “The keys are gone!”
Oh, right. I had them. I was about to say so, when Merc grabbed me. “Come on, we’ll take the Bus.”
L.K. floated into the bus and opened the door for those of us still corporeally challenged. “Our weapons are in the trunk,” I said as Merc shoved me in. He rolled his eyes and went to the back of the bus.
The others were behind me so I sort of had to get on board. The Bus was nice. L.K. hadn’t had it this plush in his day, but Merc had seen plenty before he left the human plane, and it was all here. They even had a hot tub. Not that I felt now was an appropriate time to try it out.
“Full bar?” Sexy Cindy asked as she looked around and headed for one of the more plush and comfy Captain’s chairs. “We get to drink as undeads?”
I coughed. “I do.”
“Why don’t I?” She was back to defensive.
I shrugged. “Succubae don’t…eat or drink.”
“Say what?”
“Now probably isn’t the time,” Jack said as the Bus lurched and he fell onto a couch. “Vic, sit down.”
I would have, and almost had no choice as Freddy flew past me and, thankfully, landed in another Captain’s chair. But Merc wasn’t in the Bus, and L.K. was peeling out like he’s been a NASCAR driver, not a rock star.
One of the benefits of going from two feet to four feet on a regular basis was that your balance became exceptionally good. I was able to maneuver to the back of the bus without too much issue.
To see the S-Class flying along behind us. Backwards.
As I gaped, Merc floated in next to me.
“How --?”
“We have a towing cable. Not all undeads are without their own transportation, you know.” He grinned at my expression while I wondered if I looked as dumb as I felt. “I love the ability to shock anyone in Necropolis Enforcement. It’s a good day.”
“It’s probably not going to stay that way.”
He shrugged as we made our way up front. He leaned down when he reached Sexy Cindy. “They tell you that wraiths, ghosts, succubae and our related undead brethren can’t eat or drink. They lie, pretty baby…they lie. We don’t need to eat, but we sure can still enjoy it -- if properly prepared.”
Sexy Cindy shot me a dirty look. “Hey, I just go by what they tell me,” I said. They could eat? Really? This particular case was full of fun, new, interesting facts. I found myself wishing I could go to sleep and process even one of them. I moved my mind off how many hours I’d been awake and considered the benefits of tossing some chow down my gullet before I keeled over.
Merc seemed to read my mind. He opened the impressive fridge and tossed me an entire ham. “Enjoy.” He handed Sexy Cindy and Freddy something, too, but I was too busy wolfing to pay a lot of attention. “I have nothing a human can eat,” he said to Jack. “Sorry.” Merc didn’t sound sorry, but I chose not to mention it.
“Not a problem,” Jack said. “I snagged a snack while Nero was giving me the full-on home tour. That should be grounds for arrest, right there.”
“Huh.” Merc looked back at me. “Ralph need a meal?”
“I have no idea, but I’d figure it couldn’t hurt.” Werewolves needed to eat a lot and even if Ralph had pigged out at the hospital, which I doubted, it had been too long and we’d been too active, him in particular.
Merc nodded and grabbed another ham. “He can probably clean this off before we go in.”
“Go in?” I hoped my burp at the end of that short sentence had been discreet enough to be missed.
“Into the Little Church,” L.K. called from the driver’s seat. “Because that’s where we are and Ralph’s stopped, but only because they aren’t allowing pets.”
“Hilarious.”
“No, really. There’s a sign and everything.”
I trotted to the front of the Bus. Sure enough, they had their huge parking lot cordoned off and there were a variety of signs, one of which clearly stated that no pets were allowed.
Merc opened the door and Ralph scrambled in, grabbing the ham in his jaws on the way. Yeah, he was hungry, if how fast he ate it was any indication. He also had strong jaws, possibly stronger than mine, because he crunched through the ham bone like it was a banana.
“He went into the Church,” Ralph said as he finished in record time and we gathered back in what, for want of a better term, I considered the Bus’ living room. “I figured I’d better wait for you.”
“Why was he able to beat you up here?” Ghouls weren’t normally considered faster than werewolves.
“No idea, but I’d guess he had warlock help.” Ralph looked and sounded exceptionally irritated. “Just how did he get away? I thought Wagner here was supposed to be watching him.”
“He was surrounded by four of us,” Jack replied. “Sorry, I guess I assumed your werewolf senses would have noticed when our prisoner took off.”
“We don’t have time for internal bickering,” I interrupted. I didn’t want to go back to wondering if Ralph, or anyone else, was a mole and so had somehow let Nero escape. We had too much trouble right in front of us. “We’re likely to be facing at least one major minion, probably a whole lot more than one. We need to work together or we’re all going to be dusted.”
“Good point,” Jack said. “What is our plan?”
“Call for backup,” L.K. said quietly from the driver’s seat.
“What? Our team’s out, it’s just us.”
“I don’t think we’re going to care about that, Vic.” L.K.’s voice was measured but tense.
I went back to the front, the others trailing after me. It was a big driver and shotgun area, so we all fit, though it was a bit tight. Jack was on one side of me and Ralph was shoved up against the other. I was about to mention that this was a tad too cozy when Sexy Cindy pointed at what I realized L.K. was already looking at.
“What’s going on?” Her voice shook, but then she hadn’t spent most of her life performing. At least, not on stage and for large audiences.
Not that I could fault Sexy Cindy for sounding like she was about to lose it. Because I had a feeling fear and horror were the right reactions here.
The suns -- both the one for the human plane and the one for Necropolis -- were different. They were blood red for starters, and it was like they were much closer, because we could see the eruptions and solar flares and the like. It looked like death throes.
A black disc was covering each sun. Normally, you’d think this meant we were in for an eclipse. But one wasn’t scheduled for either plane and the discs weren’t moons.
I tapped the code into my wrist-com without looking. Some things they trained us to do from the first day on Enforcement payroll, and this was the number one thing.
“All being alert, all being alert. We have the start of Armageddon. Repeat, we have the start of Armageddon.
”
Chapter 52
I didn’t wait for replies. “Let’s get everything out of the trunk and get in there.”
L.K. opened the door and we piled out. I popped the S-Class’ trunk and started handing paraphernalia to the rest of the team. Ralph didn’t even argue about the bullet-proof K-9 vest. Too much.
“It hinders me,” he muttered as I strapped it around him.
“You want to go to human, then you can wear the other one.”
“No, thanks. What’s the plan?”
“We storm in and kill anything that looks, smells or acts like minion.”
“Doesn’t that mean innocent people could get killed?” Jack asked.
“Yeah, it does. Here’s a news flash -- if they bring about Armageddon, all the innocent people will be dead. You pick.”
“There’s one positive,” Merc said quietly.
“What’s that? I’d love a positive.” I felt completely out of my depth. Stopping the evil bad guys was my job, on both planes, but stopping Armageddon once it was begun? That wasn’t exactly in the Agent’s Handbook.
“The suns’ light will be blocked. Meaning that we can have vampiric help.”
That was a good thing. “Sadly, though, that means any turned vampire they have can show up, too.”
“All are called to serve in the great war,” L.K. said quietly.
“Yeah, I know, per you, no one gets out of here alive.”
“But many have and can still enjoy a vibrant afterlife,” Merc said. “If we don’t panic, that is.”
It was odd getting calming platitudes from one of the gods of rock, but I let any comebacks pass. “I’m not panicking. I’m managing my stress in a commanding manner.”