XXVI
WHAT WE SAW
Then came a few moments' pause, during which Ayesha seemed to begathering up her strength for the fiery trial, while we clung to eachother, and waited in utter silence.
At last, from far far away, came the first murmur of sound, that grewand grew till it began to crash and bellow in the distance. As she heardit, Ayesha swiftly threw off her gauzy wrapping, loosened the goldensnake from her kirtle, and then, shaking her lovely hair about her likea garment, beneath its cover slipped the kirtle off and replaced thesnaky belt around her and outside the masses of her falling hair. Thereshe stood before us as Eve might have stood before Adam, clad in nothingbut her abundant locks, held round her by the golden band; and no wordsof mine can tell how sweet she looked--and yet how divine. Nearer andnearer came the thunder-wheels of fire, and as they came she pushed oneivory arm through the dark masses of her hair and flung it round Leo'sneck.
"Oh, my love, my love!" she murmured, "wilt thou ever know how I haveloved thee?" and she kissed him on the forehead, and then went and stoodin the pathway of the flame of Life.
There was, I remember, to my mind something very touching about herwords and that embrace upon the forehead. It was like a mother's kiss,and seemed to convey a benediction with it.
On came the crashing, rolling noise, and the sound of it was as thesound of a forest being swept flat by a mighty wind, and then tossedup like so much grass, and thundered down a mountain-side. Nearer andnearer it came; now flashes of light, forerunners of the revolvingpillar of flame, were passing like arrows through the rosy air; and nowthe edge of the pillar itself appeared. Ayesha turned towards it, andstretched out her arms to greet it. On it came very slowly, and lappedher round with flame. I saw the fire run up her form. I saw her lift itwith both hands as though it were water, and pour it over her head. Ieven saw her open her mouth and draw it down into her lungs, and a dreadand wonderful sight it was.
Then she paused, and stretched out her arms, and stood there quitestill, with a heavenly smile upon her face, as though she were the verySpirit of the Flame.
The mysterious fire played up and down her dark and rolling locks,twining and twisting itself through and around them like threads ofgolden lace; it gleamed upon her ivory breast and shoulder, from whichthe hair had slipped aside; it slid along her pillared throat anddelicate features, and seemed to find a home in the glorious eyes thatshone and shone, more brightly even than the spiritual essence.
Oh, how beautiful she looked there in the flame! No angel out of heavencould have worn a greater loveliness. Even now my heart faints beforethe recollection of it, as she stood and smiled at our awed faces, andI would give half my remaining time upon this earth to see her once likethat again.
But suddenly--more suddenly than I can describe--a kind of change cameover her face, a change which I could not define or explain, but nonethe less a change. The smile vanished, and in its place there came adry, hard look; the rounded face seemed to grow pinched, as though somegreat anxiety were leaving its impress upon it. The glorious eyes, too,lost their light, and, as I thought, the form its perfect shape anderectness.
I rubbed my eyes, thinking that I was the victim of some hallucination,or that the refraction from the intense light produced an opticaldelusion; and, as I did so, the flaming pillar slowly twisted andthundered off whithersoever it passes to in the bowels of the greatearth, leaving Ayesha standing where it had been.
As soon as it was gone, she stepped forward to Leo's side--it seemed tome that there was no spring in her step--and stretched out her handto lay it on his shoulder. I gazed at her arm. Where was its wonderfulroundness and beauty? It was getting thin and angular. And her face--byHeaven!--_her face was growing old before my eyes!_ I suppose that Leosaw it also; certainly he recoiled a step or two.
"What is it, my Kallikrates?" she said, and her voice--what was thematter with those deep and thrilling notes? They were quite high andcracked.
"Why, what is it--what is it?" she said confusedly. "I feel dazed.Surely the quality of the fire hath not altered. Can the principle ofLife alter? Tell me, Kallikrates, is there aught wrong with my eyes?I see not clear," and she put her hand to her head and touched herhair--and oh, _horror of horrors!_--it all fell upon the floor.
"Oh, _look!--look!--look!_" shrieked Job, in a shrill falsetto ofterror, his eyes nearly dropping out of his head, and foam upon hislips. "_Look!--look!--look!_ she's shrivelling up! she's turning intoa monkey!" and down he fell upon the ground, foaming and gnashing in afit.
True enough--I faint even as I write it in the living presence of thatterrible recollection--she _was_ shrivelling up; the golden snake thathad encircled her gracious form slipped over her hips and to the ground;smaller and smaller she grew; her skin changed colour, and in place ofthe perfect whiteness of its lustre it turned dirty brown and yellow,like an piece of withered parchment. She felt at her head: thedelicate hand was nothing but a claw now, a human talon like that of abadly-preserved Egyptian mummy, and then she seemed to realise what kindof change was passing over her, and she shrieked--ah, she shrieked!--sherolled upon the floor and shrieked!
Smaller she grew, and smaller yet, till she was no larger than a monkey.Now the skin was puckered into a million wrinkles, and on the shapelessface was the stamp of unutterable age. I never saw anything like it;nobody ever saw anything like the frightful age that was graven on thatfearful countenance, no bigger now than that of a two-months' child,though the skull remained the same size, or nearly so, and let all menpray they never may, if they wish to keep their reason.
At last she lay still, or only feebly moving. She, who but two minutesbefore had gazed upon us the loveliest, noblest, most splendid woman theworld has ever seen, she lay still before us, near the masses of her owndark hair, no larger than a big monkey, and hideous--ah, too hideous forwords. And yet, think of this--at that very moment I thought of it--itwas the _same_ woman!
She was dying: we saw it, and thanked God--for while she lived she couldfeel, and what must she have felt? She raised herself upon her bonyhands, and blindly gazed around her, swaying her head slowly from sideto side as a tortoise does. She could not see, for her whitish eyes werecovered with a horny film. Oh, the horrible pathos of the sight! But shecould still speak.
"Kallikrates," she said in husky, trembling notes. "Forget me not,Kallikrates. Have pity on my shame; I shall come again, and shall oncemore be beautiful, I swear it--it is true! _Oh--h--h--_" and she fellupon her face, and was still.
On the very spot where more than twenty centuries before she had slainKallikrates the priest, she herself fell down and died.
* * * * *
I know not how long we remained thus. Many hours, I suppose. When atlast I opened my eyes, the other two were still outstretched uponthe floor. The rosy light yet beamed like a celestial dawn, and thethunder-wheels of the Spirit of Life yet rolled upon their accustomedtrack, for as I awoke the great pillar was passing away. There, too, laythe hideous little monkey frame, covered with crinkled yellow parchment,that once had been the glorious _She_. Alas! it was no hideous dream--itwas an awful and unparalleled fact!
What had happened to bring this shocking change about? Had the natureof the life-giving Fire changed? Did it, perhaps, from time to time sendforth an essence of Death instead of an essence of Life? Or was it thatthe frame once charged with its marvellous virtue could bear no more,so that were the process repeated--it mattered not at what lapse oftime--the two impregnations neutralised each other, and left the bodyon which they acted as it was before it ever came into contact with thevery essence of Life? This, and this alone, would account for the suddenand terrible ageing of Ayesha, as the whole length of her two thousandyears took effect upon her. I have not the slightest doubt myself butthat the frame now lying before me was just what the frame of a womanwould be if by any extraordinary means life could be preserved in hertill she at length died at the age of two-and-twenty centuries.
But who can tell what had hap
pened? There was the fact. Often since thatawful hour I have reflected that it requires no great imagination to seethe finger of Providence in the matter. Ayesha locked up in her livingtomb waiting from age to age for the coming of her lover worked but asmall change in the order of the World. But Ayesha strong and happy inher love, clothed in immortal youth and goddess beauty, and the wisdomof the centuries, would have revolutionised society, and even perchancehave changed the destiny of Mankind. Thus she opposed herself againstthe eternal law, and, strong though she was, by it was swept back tonothingness--swept back with shame and hideous mockery!
For some minutes I lay faintly turning these terrors over in my mind,while my physical strength came back to me, which it quickly did in thatbuoyant atmosphere. Then I bethought me of the others, and staggeredto my feet, to see if I could arouse them. But first I took up Ayesha'skirtle and the gauzy scarf with which she had been wont to hide herdazzling loveliness from the eyes of men, and, averting my head so thatI might not look upon it, covered up that dreadful relic of the gloriousdead, that shocking epitome of human beauty and human life. I did thishurriedly, fearing lest Leo should recover, and see it again.
Then, stepping over the perfumed masses of dark hair that lay upon thesand, I stooped down by Job, who was lying upon his face, and turned himover. As I did so his arm fell back in a way that I did not like, andwhich sent a chill through me, and I glanced sharply at him. One lookwas enough. Our old and faithful servant was dead. His nerves, alreadyshattered by all he had seen and undergone, had utterly broken downbeneath this last dire sight, and he had died of terror, or in a fitbrought on by terror. I had only to look at his face to see it.
It was another blow; but perhaps it may help people to understand howoverwhelmingly awful was the experience through which we had passed--wedid not feel it much at the time. It seemed quite natural that the poorfellow should be dead. When Leo came to himself, which he did with agroan and trembling of the limbs about ten minutes afterwards, and Itold him that Job was dead, he merely said, "_Oh!_" And, mind you, thiswas from no heartlessness, for he and Job were much attached to eachother; and he often talks of him now with the deepest regret andaffection. It was only that his nerves would bear no more. A harp cangive out but a certain quantity of sound, however heavily it is smitten.
Well, I set myself to recovering Leo, who, to my infinite relief, Ifound was not dead, but only fainting, and in the end I succeeded, as Ihave said, and he sat up; and then I saw another dreadful thing. When weentered that awful place his curling hair had been of the ruddiest gold,now it was turning grey, and by the time we reached the outer air it wassnow white. Besides, he looked twenty years older.
"What is to be done, old fellow?" he said in a hollow, dead sort ofvoice, when his mind had cleared a little, and a recollection of whathad happened forced itself upon it.
"Try and get out, I suppose," I answered; "that is, unless you wouldlike to go in there," and I pointed to the column of fire that was oncemore rolling by.
"I would go in if I were sure that it would kill me," he said with alittle laugh. "It was my cursed hesitation that did this. If I had notbeen doubtful she might never have tried to show me the road. But I amnot sure. The fire might have the opposite effect upon me. It might makeme immortal; and, old fellow, I have not the patience to wait a coupleof thousand years for her to come back again as she did for me. I hadrather die when my hour comes--and I should fancy that it isn't far offeither--and go my ways to look for her. Do you go in if you like."
But I merely shook my head, my excitement was as dead as ditch-water,and my distaste for the prolongation of my mortal span had come backupon me more strongly than ever. Besides, we neither of us knew what theeffects of the fire might be. The result upon _She_ had not been of anencouraging nature, and of the exact causes that produced that result wewere, of course, ignorant.
"Well, my boy," I said, "we cannot stop here till we go the way of thosetwo," and I pointed to the little heap under the white garment and tothe stiffing corpse of poor Job. "If we are going we had better go. But,by the way, I expect that the lamps have burnt out," and I took one upand looked at it, and sure enough it had.
"There is some more oil in the vase," said Leo indifferently--"if it isnot broken, at least."
I examined the vessel in question--it was intact. With a tremblinghand I filled the lamps--luckily there was still some of the linen wickunburnt. Then I lit them with one of our wax matches. While I did sowe heard the pillar of fire approaching once more as it went on itsnever-ending journey, if, indeed, it was the same pillar that passed andrepassed in a circle.
"Let's see it come once more," said Leo; "we shall never look upon itslike again in this world."
It seemed a bit of idle curiosity, but somehow I shared it, and so wewaited till, turning slowly round upon its own axis, it had flamed andthundered by; and I remember wondering for how many thousands of yearsthis same phenomenon had been taking place in the bowels of the earth,and for how many more thousands it would continue to take place. Iwondered also if any mortal eyes would ever again mark its passage, orany mortal ears be thrilled and fascinated by the swelling volume of itsmajestic sound. I do not think that they will. I believe that we are thelast human beings who will ever see that unearthly sight. Presently ithad gone, and we too turned to go.
But before we did so we each took Job's cold hand in ours and shook it.It was a rather ghastly ceremony, but it was the only means in ourpower of showing our respect to the faithful dead and of celebrating hisobsequies. The heap beneath the white garment we did not uncover. We hadno wish to look upon that terrible sight again. But we went to the pileof rippling hair that had fallen from her in the agony of that hideouschange which was worse than a thousand natural deaths, and each of usdrew from it a shining lock, and these locks we still have, the solememento that is left to us of Ayesha as we knew her in the fulness ofher grace and glory. Leo pressed the perfumed hair to his lips.
"She called to me not to forget her," he said hoarsely; "and swore thatwe should meet again. By Heaven! I never will forget her. Here I swearthat if we live to get out of this, I will not for all my days haveanything to say to another living woman, and that wherever I go I willwait for her as faithfully as she waited for me."
"Yes," I thought to myself, "if she comes back as beautiful as we knewher. But supposing she came back _like that!_"[*]
[*] What a terrifying reflection it is, by the way, that nearly all our deep love for women who are not our kindred depends--at any rate, in the first instance--upon their personal appearance. If we lost them, and found them again dreadful to look on, though otherwise they were the very same, should we still love them? --L. H. H.
Well, and then we went. We went, and left those two in the presence ofthe very well and spring of Life, but gathered to the cold company ofDeath. How lonely they looked as they lay there, and how ill assorted!That little heap had been for two thousand years the wisest, loveliest,proudest creature--I can hardly call her woman--in the whole universe.She had been wicked, too, in her way; but, alas! such is the frailtyof the human heart, her wickedness had not detracted from her charm.Indeed, I am by no means certain that it did not add to it. It was afterall of a grand order, there was nothing mean or small about Ayesha.
And poor Job too! His presentiment had come true, and there was an endof him. Well, he has a strange burial-place--no Norfolk hind ever had astranger, or ever will; and it is something to lie in the same sepulchreas the poor remains of the imperial _She_.
We looked our last upon them and the indescribable rosy glow in whichthey lay, and then with hearts far too heavy for words we left them, andcrept thence broken-down men--so broken down that we even renounced thechance of practically immortal life, because all that made life valuablehad gone from us, and we knew even then that to prolong our daysindefinitely would only be to prolong our sufferings. For we felt--yes,both of us--that having once looked Ayesha in the eyes, we could notforget her for ever
and ever while memory and identity remained. Weboth loved her now and for all time, she was stamped and carven on ourhearts, and no other woman or interest could ever raze that splendiddie. And I--there lies the sting--I had and have no right to think thusof her. As she told me, I was naught to her, and never shall be throughthe unfathomed depths of Time, unless, indeed, conditions alter, anda day comes at last when two men may love one woman, and all three behappy in the fact. It is the only hope of my broken-heartedness, and arather faint one. Beyond it I have nothing. I have paid down this heavyprice, all that I am worth here and hereafter, and that is my solereward. With Leo it is different, and often and often I bitterly envyhim his happy lot, for if _She_ was right, and her wisdom and knowledgedid not fail her at the last, which, arguing from the precedent of herown case, I think most unlikely, he has some future to look forward to.But I have none, and yet--mark the folly and the weakness of the humanheart, and let him who is wise learn wisdom from it--yet I would nothave it otherwise. I mean that I am content to give what I have givenand must always give, and take in payment those crumbs that fall frommy mistress's table, the memory of a few kind words, the hope one dayin the far undreamed future of a sweet smile or two of recognition, alittle gentle friendship, and a little show of thanks for my devotion toher--and Leo.
If that does not constitute true love, I do not know what does, and allI have to say is that it is a very bad state of affairs for a man on thewrong side of middle age to fall into.
She Page 27