She wanted to refuse the invitation but pain began to run down her cheeks.
“I love Andrew. I told him I love him.” The words were as choked as her soul.
“I see. So why are you so sad?” spoke Lady Dillard, though it was clear she already knew the answer. “He loves you. I have known this from the moment that you both arrived at the manor. He looks at you as if you absolutely complete him. Everyone can see it.”
“I know that he loves me. I know he always has. And I have loved him always… though he did not know… though I did not know…”
The old woman nodded her head with an understanding way beyond Angela’s own. “And you have told him now.”
She responded ‘yes’ without a sound.
“And he did not react favorably?”
Again, there was an absence of sound as her head moved in a pattern of ‘no.’
Lady Dillard radiated strength and Angela found some peace. “Well, fear not my dear. He will return. They always do.” She patted her hands vehemently on Angela’s knees. “Now you need to get some sleep.”
“And you?” Angela looked up suddenly as she said these broken words.
“Granddaughter, (Angela’s heart melted with the word) in this world, it is the young who must rest.”
As Lady Dillard rose and turned to leave the room, a thought crept into Angela’s mind and she could not help but speak.
“But what of Mary? What of our love for her?”
“What of it? You love her do you not?”
“Why yes… but what…” Angela was confused and Lady Dillard just placed a finger to her lips as she answered.
“Life is full of choices… and love usually helps you make the best ones.”
Chapter Twenty-two
There are no rules for what to do when love is revealed. It is something so uncommon in this world that there are no references and no precedents for how to act. Andrew had mulled the idea around in his head for several hours anticipating that the answer would come to him. But after riding his horse long enough for the dark to turn into the light he still had not figured out what to say to his wife. This should have been a rather easy task. After all, in his deepest heart he had loved Angela since the beginning and his one and only desire had always been for her to love him in return. And now she did love. She had pulled her heart from her chest and his along with it, bearing every ounce of feeling in her being.
She loved him. But it was not that easy.
Once maybe it would have been; back when they lived in Beldon, free from worry and structure, and free from the eyes of society… free to love as they chose. But now they were under the microscope and the ever scrutinizing eyes of the masses. Surely society had seen the complex dynamics of their relationship and knew that it was strained or for that fact, exactly like any other marriage among the nobles.
Because, after all, noble men simply did not love their wives! And that was precisely the problem. He had chosen this life, unlike all other men in his position, his role had been voluntary and he had known well enough the role when he took it on. But then again, did that give him license to break the rules? He was himself, an exception to the rules, so perhaps he had the ability to alter the rules to his liking. Perhaps.
Again the thoughts of the confrontation over little Mary came back to his mind in a single flash and he knew that no matter the situation, he had chosen this life and the roles along with it. Whatever his ideas had been before he became the Earl no longer mattered; he was not in control of society’s mores. No, those ideas were rooted more deeply than a mere Earl had the power to change; those ideas were rooted more deeply than anyone had the power to change.
So what to do now?
He laid the facts out in his mind. First, he loved Angela more than anyone had ever loved anyone. Second, little Mary was his heart incarnate and he could not fathom a way that he would ever let her be subjected to the whims of higher society. However, the world they lived in did not account for such deep currents of love. Their world relied on what was best for society and that was the single most ludicrous idea that Andrew had ever heard in his life. After all, society is made up of people, and people change the world, so it only seemed obvious that society would be more considerate of individuals.
But for whatever reason they were not. For whatever reason, society looked out for society, shunned personal growth, and sought to use others for whatever means they felt necessary. Andrew couldn’t take it. He couldn’t stand it. He wanted more than anything to protect little Mary from the world of societal piranhas and to love Angela no matter what people may say.
He did love Angela and for the first time he was really able to understand her wall and her reluctance to love. She had grown up in this society, this society that he had grown to hate so much; and in this world of plundering and conflict she knew all too well what happened to a person who made their feelings vulnerable. They were not accepted and they were looked down upon. They were the outcast and the outsider and their lifestyle was so uncommon that to attempt to live it would do nothing but bring harm and pain. Anyone who chose this path would end up exactly as Andrew was right now… alone, angry, and confused.
There had to be some other way. There had to be another solution about what to do in this situation and in the end Andrew decided to just ride home. The words after all would come to him as they always had.
***
Her mind was made up; she loved Andrew and she loved little Mary and no matter what she was going to make them all a family. She stood still in her room, breathing; in and out; in and out. She could see everything around her as if she were outside of her body circumnavigating the room at a fast pace. She breathed again, deeper, and she could feel the whole world and everything within it. Yes, she had made up her mind to preserve her family but how to do that? How to repair the shattered pieces of a heart that was her own doing? Was it possible to mend such splintered bits without getting pricked?
She made one more revolution around the room and then at last settled back within her body, and at this instant she began to run. She picked up her skirts and flew as fast as she could go. She didn’t recall thrusting the door of her room open and bursting forth into the grand hallway of her husband’s estate. She didn’t recall tripping over the rug and nearly falling to the floor. She didn’t recall anything that was going on inside or outside of her.
But then she saw him, and she recalled that very much.
***
The rain poured down on his head, each drop a reminder of the pain it was washing away. He brushed his hair out of his eyes as he urged the horse to run faster. He wasn’t sure if his urgency was a result of the sudden change in weather or his growing need for his wife and his family.
“Hi-yah!” He pushed his horse faster but it didn’t feel fast enough. His goal was in front of him but no matter how hard he tried he didn’t seem to be getting any closer. The drops were getting worse and he winced when hail struck his shoulder. Damn it all. If the weather really mimicked emotions then what was this saying about him? That he was determined he supposed. Yes, he was determined to mend his family. He would do it at all cost. He would mend his bludgeoned heart no matter what it took and he would mend his family and their love.
His heart raced as he saw the manor come into his view and he pushed the horse once again. But this time the horse resisted and Andrew was sent flying through the air and crashing to the ground. The shock of the impact shook his entire body and his breath flew away into the night. He lay there, momentarily dazed, and with his eyes fixed on the stars in the heaven. One twinkled and his heart melted because it reminded him of Angela. He tried to get up but his head was spinning. He looked back at the star again to see that it was fading. The soft glow of its peace began to fall away and grow distant. It was Angela, it truly was, but she was falling out of his vision; a shooting star caught in the winds.
***
The Duke’s face was not one that she would ever forget. It had
been imprinted in her vision like the sun on a cloudless day. Every hard line and crease, the protruding cheekbones, the peppery unkempt hair, and the smell; no, her nose could not forget that either. The last time she saw him he had bathed in red, a show of both his embarrassment and his defeat. That color was still there now but it spoke of different things, of determination and of a man who would no longer take no for an answer. He clutched her firmly and roughly and she knew that his grip would leave a permanent mark inside of her. Before she could call out for help she was snatched from her world and everything around her crumbled.
***
The word of her marriage had reached the Duke rather quickly; he had friends in this place, or at least his money did. The news had in fact reached him so quickly that Lord Cheston had not even had time to draw up a marriage contract. Her father should have done it still, in case the news was faked to buy them time, but he had chosen not to do so and the Duke had cursed him. Marriage contract or not, he would still have her. He had touched her and kissed her and his money could make people say they had seen it; so by all rights and custom he believed her to have been his all along. He had lain in wait long enough waiting for his chance to take her. Her location in the secluded Beldon had been more difficult to determine and by the time she had again emerged into society she was pregnant and so he could not act then. But now the time had finally come and he waited for her patiently as ever before. Then in one instant she rounded the corner and he was on her, claiming what was rightfully his.
***
Andrew had long expected this day to come. For the first few weeks of their marriage and stretching into the first few months, his thoughts and dreams were filled with images of the Duke arriving unexpectedly to try to steal Angela away. Andrew knew that the chances of his success would be slim to none even if a contract had been forged but without fail he spent his days looking over his shoulder for an ambush. But then everything had changed, one year had passed and then another and he had gained position and power the likes of which he could never have imagined, and as all things do, the fear washed from his mind until it was no more.
He should have been more careful though. He should have foreseen the outcome. He had been nobility for only a short time but it was long enough to know that disrespect the likes of which he had shown the Duke was not something that would be forgotten. Andrew should have been more cautious, he should have thought to the future, and he should have prepared. Instead now he was laying in the rain and mud in pain and his wife had been taken by the monster of her nightmares. His heart swelled up in the way it had done the first time he saw her and he knew for the first time that his love for her ran deeper than any feeling he had ever felt. He had to do something to save her and so despite his pain, he pulled himself up from the ground, alerted a servant to the situation, and took off on his horse into the distance.
***
She awoke again with the sensation of being rocked but this time the feeling was not one of comfort and her stomach heaved. Despite having blacked out for some time she knew very well where she was and that she needed to do everything in her power to be free of this man. She shifted slightly on the horse behind him and her wrists flashed with pain. He had bound her tightly with rope on both her wrists and her waist to keep her on the horse. She wanted to scream in frustration, but decided to compose herself instead. She would not give up without a fight this time and she prepared herself as she began to struggle with the ties. Fortune was with her though, as it seemed that decrepit old men did not tie very tight knots and so she carefully slipped her hands from the ties and grabbed for his throat as hooves sounded in the distance.
***
Despite his age he was much larger than her and she was worried that her strength would not be enough to take him. But her sudden movements had been enough to startle him and in one quick instant they were on the ground. Angela took her chance at his surprise and dug her nails deep into the skin of his cheeks. Blood flowed and she pushed harder but the suddenness of the moment had worn off and he was now reacting to her movements. With a force she had not anticipated from such an ancient being, he thrust the weight of his body up and out and Angela was sent flying away and onto her back. Her breath left her and she began to panic as she lay momentarily paralyzed on the ground before him. The Duke thrust himself at her as the rhythmic sound of racing hooves grew closer. Her vision slowed as she forced herself to breathe in and roll out of his path but as it turned out her effort was unnecessary. One horse was there with her now and at a speed that matched her racing heart, the rider threw himself at the Duke and overtook his advances.
They were rolling around now and the images were fuzzy to Angela’s panicked mind. The rider pulled his arm back and pummeled his fist into the Duke’s already bleeding face, but the Duke, despite his age was not as weak as he looked and this time he refused to give up. He grasped for his assailants shirt and using the weight of his body, thrust him against a tree. He returned the punch that he had just received at which point Angela was able to clearly identify her rescuer as Andrew. Her soul overflowed as she realized what his actions meant but her elation was short lived as she watched the Duke’s next move. Instead of continuing to hit him, the Duke thrust his hand into his pocket and a glint of metal reached Angela’s vision.
She gasped and her heart fell from her body as she struggled to her feet desperate to help. But what could she do when she was out matched in both strength and weapons? The Duke’s horse neighed in the background and she decided that she must ride for help in the direction of the other approaching hooves. But the horse was more spooked by the current happenings than she was and so when she tried to take mount he took off at full speed towards the men. Andrew was facing Angela and could see what had happened so in one momentous thrust he freed himself from the Duke’s grasp just in time to avoid the crushing weight of the horse’s body.
A blood curdling scream escaped the Duke’s lips as Andrew threw his body over his wife to shield her from the sight. But she wanted to see, she had to see, and as the night watchmen arrived on their horses she never took her eyes off of him. The men went to him then and gained control of the horse in an effort to save the Duke, but Angela knew her nightmare was over forever. She turned her eyes to her husband now, to the place where they always should have been, and fell into his love.
***
He flicked his eye lids against the rain and forced them to stay wide. How much time had passed? He had dreamed of his entire life in the time he was asleep and to him it felt as if it had actually happened. His body was growing sore, an indicator of passing time, but as he mentally moved through every part of his body he could tell that he had no serious injuries and had most likely passed out from the shock. He flicked his eyelids against the rain again. How much time had passed? Well, it was still raining so it couldn’t have been too long. Long enough for his body to begin to ache and remind him that he was alive, but it had also been long enough for the ache within his heart to intensify. In fact, his heart hurt so much that he was losing feeling in his body.
Angela! Where was she? It was at this time that he realized the touch of something comforting on his forehead. He would know that sensation anywhere and he immediately leaned into it.
“Andrew, Andrew! Look at me!” He heard her voice call to him as another rain drop fell on his face. But when he looked up at her he realized that the drop that had just fallen on him was not rain at all but a tear from the depths of his love’s heart.
“My love.” He reached his hand up to her cheek and gently caressed the soft skin. “Oh how I missed you.”
“And I you.”
“And love? What of that?”
“Yes.”
“How much?”
“Mind, body, and soul.” A pause. “And you? Do you love?”
“Yes.”
“How much?”
He smiled; and then, despite the mud and the rain and the pain, he picked up his wife and took her home where he
showed her exactly how much he loved her.
Epilogue
Sometime the next morning after the lovers had finally risen from their bed, they stood in the room of their daughter, arm in arm as they looked down at little Mary sleeping peacefully in her bassinet.
“What…” But Andrew pulled her in closer to him as he murmured sweet nothings into her ear.
“She will be safe. I will see to it.”
Angela turned to face him and was moved by what she saw. He was strong and steadfast, eyes fixed on a goal.
“How?” Her voice broke.
He pulled her back to his side, eyes still focused as he held her tight. “We will all be safe… and free. But first I must talk to Lord Abbott.”
***
From the highest balcony of the manor Lady Dillard watched the sun rise with a smile on her face. The sky was painted in reds, and blues, and golds and it reminded her of a beautiful watercolor that Angela had once painted for her. The wind whipped at her robe as the sun rose higher signaling the beginning of a new day and truth be told, a new world.
Soon servants would be opening doors to empty rooms and be confused by what they found. The messenger would be arriving soon and everything would be made clear then, that is if Lord Abbott did not arrive first. The servants would talk, Lady Dillard knew, but they always did when the head of household changed. A new Earl meant many changes but soon enough those changes would become custom and the story of the run away Earl and his wife and daughter would become that of legend. No one would understand of course, especially not the servants for who would choose to walk away from this life of privilege?
But Lady Dillard understood all too well. A soft smile crossed her lips as a tear rolled down to them. “Love helps you make the best decisions…”
And somewhere in the distance Andrew heard his grandmother’s praise as he held his wife and daughter tighter than ever before. Perhaps they would go back to Beldon but for the first time ever the world was open to them and anything and everything they wanted might be theirs. But they wanted for nothing.
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