I turned on my heel and plunged down the hallway blindly, feeling tears threatening. I thought I heard my name being called, but I didn’t look back, and I didn’t think he’d follow me. Not after I’d said all those horrible things to him. There was my name again, and this time it was louder. I ran faster, and then suddenly, slammed into someone who immediately grabbed my hands.
“Let me go, Raj!” I blurted, but when I opened my eyes, Viv was the one holding onto me.
“Raj?” she repeated softly, confused. “I was on my way to say hi to him.” She leaned closer. “Hey, are you … about to cry? What’s going on?”
I sucked in a ragged breath. “We had a huge blowup over a stupid article! I just … lost it!”
Viv folded her arms. “So you took it out on him. I get it.” She frowned. “You’ve been like that with me, too, biting my head off all week.”
“I have not!” I blurted, even though I knew it was true.
“This is about the dance, isn’t it?” Viv said. “You’ve been out of sorts ever since Raj asked me to go with him. You barely said two words about the dresses I tried on the other night.”
I wanted to cover my ears, to deny everything. But I couldn’t. Not anymore. “Fine! Yes, it’s about the dance!” I hollered. “I don’t want you to go with Raj!”
“What?” Viv gasped.
“I told you I was okay with it, but I’m not! I … I still like him, even after everything. Even though you do, too. I know it’s not fair, but … I can’t help it.”
I watched as Viv’s face transformed, from hurt into fury. “I can’t believe you’re telling me this now! The dance is tomorrow night!” she cried. “You should’ve been honest with me from the start.”
“I know,” I muttered. “I—”
“What do you expect me to do? Give him up?” She shook her head. “You can’t change your mind about him on some whim.”
“Oh, come on, Viv! Don’t talk to me about whims!” I cried. “You have more crushes than celebrities do! It’s like a game to you. Your crush on Raj isn’t real.”
“That’s not true,” she started, her face paling. “I’m just trying to find my perfect guy. He could be Raj.”
“He’s not.” I rolled my eyes. “You never needed to find the perfect guy. He’s been there for you this whole time, only you don’t see it! And Raj is not him.”
Viv sniffed. “I don’t know who you’re talking about, and you don’t know the first thing about how I feel about Raj,” she snapped. “I’m going to the dance with him.”
“Then you’re going with the wrong guy,” I said as my lip quivered. “And I’m not going at all.”
I rushed past her and slammed through the school doors as the tears I’d been holding back finally began to fall.
I’ve never been so thankful for winter in my life as I was when it started to snow in fluffy, cascading sheets. I passed crowds of kids leaving school, but their heads were bent under their hats. So, no one noticed my tears.
When I got home, I headed straight upstairs and threw myself on my bed, getting ready to give my pillow a thorough soaking. I didn’t get far, though, because soon there was a knock on the door.
“Please … go away,” I mumbled into my pillow.
The door swung open and Destry’s voice said, “No can do. It’s my room, too, remember?” The bed dipped to one side as she sat down beside me, but I didn’t lift my head. “I know what happened,” she said softly. “I brought some reinforcements.”
I sniffled and wiped my eyes, reluctantly raising them to see Kyan standing at the foot of the bed. “What’s this I hear about you backing out on me?”
“How did you find out?” I said as Destry handed me a tissue. I glanced at her. “And how did you?”
“I went to Becca’s house after ballet,” Destry explained. “I was there when Viv called Kyan.”
“Great,” I muttered, looking at Kyan. “So she told you about my meltdown. What did she say, that I was trying to steal Raj away from her?”
“No,” Kyan said. “She was upset, but she didn’t sound that angry. She asked if I’d still come to the dance if you didn’t. She said she was nervous and wanted me to be there.”
“She wants you there, and Raj, too?” I rolled my eyes. “Why should she get everything she wants? And how can you stand being around her when you know she’ll never like you?”
He shrugged. “I guess I don’t think in nevers. More in maybes. Besides, I don’t want to lose her as a friend.” He sat down next to me. “But it’s not easy for me, and the deal was we were supposed to do this together, remember?”
I sighed. “I can’t go. I don’t want to see them together.”
Kyan glared at me. “And you think I do?”
“Um …” I plucked at the bedspread. I knew he was right.
“Lise,” Destry said. “The best way to get over Raj is to go and have a great time. Prove that you can be around him without falling apart.”
I flopped back on the bed. “I don’t know. I never even bought a dress, and I don’t have anything to wear.”
Destry jumped up. “I can fix that!” she said, hurrying to the closet. She held up a shimmering teal strapless sheath, and I caught my breath. It was the dress I’d wanted to wear to the Valentine’s party, but she hadn’t let me. I took it as a promising sign of how much our relationship had grown.
“It’s beautiful,” I said, carefully taking the dress from her hands. “Thank you.”
Kyan smiled hopefully. “Does this mean you’re going to the dance?”
I hesitated, but then took one more look at Kyan’s pleading eyes and caved. “Okay. I’ll go.”
After all, it was only one night. I could survive one night. Right?
“I’m not going to survive,” I said, pulling my coat tighter around me. A dozen kids brushed past, disappearing into the purplish glow and pumping music that flowed out through the open gym doors.
“Yes, you will,” Kyan said. “Look at me. I’m fine.”
I gave him a “yeah right” glance. “You tried on ten different neckties before we came, and you dropped your mom’s camera into the kitchen sink.”
We’d gone to Kyan’s house before the dance for pictures, and Mrs. Slade had promised to take some for my dad and Gail, who’d had to stay home because Gail’s back was killing her. Dad had told me he was sorry he couldn’t bring us to the dance himself, but he was on “baby watch,” as he called it. According to Gail’s doctor, the baby could come any time now, and Dad wanted to stay close by.
“Well, I’m fine now,” Kyan said huffily. “All I needed was my lucky scarab tie, and I’m dauntless. Bring it on, I can take it.” As far as bug ties go, the burgundy-and-gold scarab tie was actually very cool. I was sure he was making the Science Club proud.
I grinned at him. “Hmmm, maybe we should just stick to the snack table?”
He shrugged, laughing. “Ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.” I straightened my shoulders, took a deep breath, and walked into the dance hall. The gym had been transformed into a winter wonderland, complete with glittering white and purple lights, and silver snowflakes and tinsel streaming from the ceiling. A crowd of couples were already on the dance floor, and my eyes automatically swept over them, looking for Raj and Viv. I didn’t see them anywhere.
“I don’t see them, either,” Kyan said, reading my thoughts as he took my coat. “I’ll go check your coat and be right back.”
I nodded and made a beeline for the snack table (aka the shy people’s safety zone). As I grabbed a cup of punch, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I whirled, expecting Kyan, but my heart stopped at the sight of Raj in a sleek navy suit, his curly locks combed back from his forehead. He looked dashing and brooding and … dreamy.
“I thought it was you,” he said, running a hand through his hair self-consciously. “Viv said you weren’t coming tonight. But I’m glad you did. You look … incredible.” As he said that word, he blushed and I could feel my o
wn face turn hot. Why would he say that? Did he mean it? Destry had helped me with makeup before the dance, and I did have to admit that when I’d glanced into the bathroom mirror, I looked pretty nice.
“Thanks,” I finally said, trying to sound calm. I glanced around, dreading the awkwardness that was sure to follow the second Viv arrived. “Where is Viv?”
“Oh, she’s in the bathroom with Mona and some of the other girls.” He shrugged. “I guess they’re doing touch-ups for photos.”
A slow love song came on, and the lights dimmed as couples took the floor. I felt Raj’s eyes on my face, and my heart drummed louder than the bass from the speakers.
“Would you like to dance?” he asked softly.
A disbelieving laugh popped out of me. “You’re kidding,” I said. “Aren’t you mad at me? I quit the paper yesterday.”
“You didn’t,” Raj said firmly. “Because I refuse to accept your resignation.”
I eyed him doubtfully. “Is that so?”
He nodded. “See, I have this theory about you.” He leaned toward me, his lips nearly brushing my ear. “You don’t really want to quit,” he whispered.
“I don’t?” I said breathlessly.
“No,” he said decisively. “And when you’re ready to tell me what’s going on, you’ll turn in your reviews.” He shrugged. “I can wait, and in the meantime, we can dance.”
“I … I …” I wanted to. So much. I couldn’t even be mad at him anymore. I couldn’t be anything, except completely and hopelessly in like. “Thanks, but … I don’t think I should. I’m waiting for Kyan, and Viv will be back any minute.” I looked around anxiously, hoping to spot Kyan coming to my rescue.
“Viv won’t mind if I share a dance with a friend,” Raj said. “Come on.” Before I could protest again, he took my hand, gently pulling me toward the dance floor. When he slipped a hand around my waist, I thought I would melt into a puddle.
“Why are you being so nice to me anyway?” I asked. “You should hate me after losing it with you yesterday—”
“No!” he interrupted. “No. What you said about my dad and … everything else. You gave me a lot to think about.” His eyes met mine with an earnestness I hadn’t been expecting. “Yesterday after you left, I talked to Mr. Diaz, the art teacher. I showed him some of my paintings, and he wants to showcase them in the art show in a few weeks.”
“Oh my god,” I said. “That’s great!”
Raj nodded, a hesitant smile crossing his face. “It will be … if I tell my dad.” He frowned. “I haven’t decided what to do yet.”
“If you’d let him see your art, I’m sure your dad would come around.”
“I wish I had your confidence.”
I snorted. “I’m not always confident, trust me. Especially when it comes to admitting mistakes.” I smiled. “You were right about my review. I was just too stubborn to admit it.”
He nodded, then stepped closer. “You are stubborn, but so am I. I’m sorry we fought.” He laughed softly, shaking his head. “Something about you brings it out in me.”
I smiled. “I know the feeling.”
Raj studied me with his bright green eyes and I felt my temperature rise. “Lise,” he whispered, “this is going to sound crazy, but sometimes I wonder if—”
If what? I thought, my mind spinning with hopeful possibilities. But I didn’t get the chance to find out, because a second later Viv was at his side, giving me an aloof, slight smile.
“Here you are,” she said to him, then to me, added an emotionless, “Hey.”
“Hey,” I said softly. Viv looked even better in the red dress tonight than she had at the mall. Raj couldn’t seem to take his eyes off her.
Viv laughed tensely. “I didn’t expect to see you two on the dance floor.”
Raj dropped his eyes. “Lise was, um, keeping me company while I waited for you.”
“Sure, no biggie.” Viv nodded, but there was a tightness on her face, like she was trying too hard to look happy. “Kyan’s looking for you,” she said to me. “He’s at the snack table.”
“Okay,” I said, wondering what kind of shape Kyan would be in after seeing Viv. I doubted even the scarab tie could conquer a knockout red dress.
Viv straightened the collar of Raj’s jacket. “It’s picture time!” she said cheerfully.
Raj lifted his hand to me in a stilted wave. “See you later?”
I nodded as they walked away. Then, with sinking heart, I went in search of Kyan. He wasn’t at the snack table, though, and finally I spotted him motioning frantically from the exit, my coat in his arms.
“Oh, Kyan, I’m sorry,” I said when I reached him. “It was Viv’s dress, wasn’t it? If you want to call it a night, that’s fine.”
“Forget Viv’s dress,” he said. “It’s the baby! My mom called my cell. She’s outside with Destry. She’s going to drive you to the hospital. Gail’s in labor.”
“Omigod!” I shrieked, grabbing my coat from him, my adrenaline surging as I raced for the door. It took me a second to realize Kyan wasn’t beside me. I turned back to him. “Aren’t you coming?”
Kyan shook his head. “Mom’ll come back for me later.” He smiled. “I promised myself I’d dance with Viv tonight. Just once, no matter what. I know she’s spoken for, but … I’m doing this for me. I’ll regret it if I don’t, because after tonight, I’m letting her go.”
I grinned at him, then ran back to give him a hug. “She’ll never know what she missed out on,” I said.
“Thanks,” he said as I turned to go. “Call me as soon as you can with news!”
I waved, then hurried out, jogging down the sidewalk in a rush of excitement.
But as I rounded the corner to the parking lot, I caught sight of the outdoor gazebo on the school lawn and stopped dead. Standing under the gazebo’s garlanded dome were two figures, heads bent together, silhouetted against the starlight. One of them was wearing an unmistakable red dress.
It was Viv and Raj. I sucked in a breath as I watched their heads tilt together, lips moving closer … I clenched my eyes shut, my heart aching, not wanting to see the kiss. Then I double-timed it to Mrs. Slade’s minivan, without looking back. I climbed into the back beside Destry, sinking down into the seat with a heavy sigh.
“Can you believe Mom’s having the baby?” Destry cried. “How was the dance? Did everyone love your dress?” Then she took one look at my face and gasped. “What’s wrong?”
“I saw them kissing,” I said quietly. “It’s over.”
“Are you sure they were kissing?” Destry asked me over her cup of hot cocoa.
I sighed, flipping through the only magazine in the hospital waiting room. “Yes, I’m sure.”
We’d been in the waiting room for two hours. Dad and Gail had been at the hospital for several hours before that. Who knew when the baby was going to come? At first, Destry and I had been pacing nervously. Then we decided to sit. And rehash my horrible night.
“You saw their lips physically touch,” Destry said.
“Argh!” I tossed the magazine on a side table. “No! I didn’t want to watch it happen, okay? But I know they did.” I slumped in the chair. “By Monday, they’ll be an official couple.”
Destry shook her head. “It doesn’t make any sense, especially after the way you told me he danced with you.”
“Since when does love make any sense?” I said, frowning.
“Love is the only thing that does make sense, anjinho,” I heard Dad say. I jumped up and saw him standing there in his hospital scrubs, beaming a tired but glowing smile. Destry and I rushed toward him and he wrapped us both in a hug. “So … who wants to meet Sabina, your new baby sister?”
I felt a rush of excitement and joy. Destry and I shrieked wildly, jumping up and down until a nurse came over from the reception desk to shush us.
“Sorry,” I said. “It’s just … we have a sister!”
“We heard,” she said, smiling as Dad led us down the hallway toward
Gail’s room. “We get that a lot around here.”
Gail was sitting up in bed when we tiptoed in, looking even more tired than Dad but just as teary with joy. In her arms, she cradled a sleeping baby, all bundled up, her little pink mouth puckered.
Sabina.
“She’s so tiny!” Destry cried.
“And amazing,” I said, marveling at her delicate features.
Gail shifted over in the bed and motioned for me to sit. “Come say hello, big sis,” she whispered, and gently laid the baby in my arms.
I stared down at Sabina’s face with its ebony eyelashes and bow-shaped lips, not quite believing she was real. My heart felt full.
“Hi, sis,” I said softly, stroking her nose. I rocked her for a few minutes, then planted a kiss on top of her beanie-clad head. “Wait till you see your bedroom. We got it all ready for you.”
“Is it my turn now?” Destry said, tapping her foot impatiently.
“That’s your other big sis.” I stood up so Destry could sit, then passed Sabina carefully to Destry. “She’s the bossy one.”
“Hey there,” Destry said, but she was grinning, already ogling over Sabina like I had.
Dad came over and slid his arm around my shoulder.
“Hi, honey.” He kissed the top of my head. “I haven’t told you yet how beautiful you look tonight,” he said.
“That’s okay.” I laughed. “I think there’s a good reason for you to be preoccupied.”
Dad smiled but his eyes turned teary, and he pulled me into a hug. “I’m so glad you’re here with us for this,” he said. “There’ve been so many other times I wish I could’ve shared with you.” He looked at me thoughtfully. “I know you would’ve probably rather gone with your mom to Switzerland, but—”
“No,” I interrupted him, shaking my head. “I don’t feel that way. Not anymore.” I took a deep breath. “I’ve actually been thinking that, if it’s okay with you, maybe I could stay with you until the end of summer. I could help with Sabina, and maybe we could still catch a few Red Sox games. I mean, if it’s not any trouble.”
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