by Crymsyn Hart
Christopher got up and took Illiana’s hands. He brought them to his lips and kissed the backs of each of them. He inhaled her musky scent that had a tinge of cinnamon mixed in with it. He would always have that fragrance in his nose. Nothing would ever make him forget her, and no matter what the council said or did, they could never drive her from his mind. Her skin was soft and when he cupped her cheek, his fingers brushed against the black hair falling around her ears. All the love he felt for her welled up inside his heart. She had wanted nothing more than to be with him.
“The council said they would support me as alpha, but there’s a condition.”
“W-what’s the condition?” Her voice lowered to a whisper.
He ran his thumb over her cheek and brushed the back of his hand over the raven feather braided into her hair. Its blue luster caught the light, but all he could think of was her black fur that held the same sheen. How magnificent she was when she ran beside him while they were hunting.
“Christopher?” Belik looked at him.
“What is it that has you so flustered? We can deal with it, whatever it is,” Illiana tried to sound hopeful.
A hot lump formed in his throat, and he could feel the tears welling in his eyes. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” He shook his head and felt a drop of wetness slide down his cheek. “They told me in order to remain alpha and within the pack that I had to give you up.”
“What do you mean give me up?”
“The council will still count you as part of the pack. They want me to take a mate from my own species.”
“You’re going to cast her aside like she’s nothing? We’ve had this discussion. Christopher, how can you be so despicable?” Belik stood up and groaned from the pain.
The wolf faced the other man. His dark eyes burned with fury that Christopher understood because he had felt the same way when the council had set forth their conditions. “I don’t have a choice.”
“There’s always a choice. Don’t you love her? Or has all this been a farce?” Belik stepped closer to Christopher. If it weren’t for the raven’s broken arm, he was sure he would be flat on his back by now.
“You should know this hasn’t been a charade. I love her.” He turned to Illiana.
“I love you. But I can’t lose the pack. It’s my life. And I can’t lose you. You’re my heart.” He fell to his knees before the woman he loved and buried his head in her dress. The tears he held back slipped easily from his eyes. He felt his soul slowly sinking further and further out of reach of the happiness he once cherished. He would never love anyone again. She was all he wanted. Illiana touched his head, but her fingers were shaking. It took him a moment, but he looked up and saw her tears overflowing from her eyes. “Tell me what do. Tell me what choice to make. Whatever you say, I’ll do.”
“The pack is your life. It’s who you are. I would never take that away from you. I wouldn’t force you to live among the flock when you belong on the ground. Your happiness is the most important thing to me. Knowing that you’re below will keep me going.”
“You can’t be saying that, Illiana. You’re telling him to pick the pack over you. When all you wanted was to be with him. You nearly killed yourself doing it and now you’re going to let him go?” Belik stared at him in disbelief.
She touched Christopher’s face. That soft touch sent shivers down his spine. It was something he would never forget. “Of course, I’m going to let him go. It’s not something I want to do, but I’m not going to make him live in exile and hate me for the rest of our lives because he had to give up his livelihood. I know I did everything to get to him, but I don’t regret it. I would do it all over again.” She turned from Belik to Christopher. “You proved to me that you wanted me, and here we are. I know what it’s like to be shunned by those of my kind, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”
“I’d never hate you, Illiana, or blame you for anything.” Christopher stood slowly. He took her hands once more and squeezed them. “You’re all that I want. No matter who they make me take as a mate you will always be the one I think of, always be the one I want. I just don’t know what to do.”
She nodded. “I know. And you’re always on my mind.”
“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Belik scoffed.
Christopher pulled her into his arms and savored the feel of her against him. They would always have the memories they had shared together, but this one particular moment where she was crying and he could see her fractured soul reflected in her eyes, he knew that would never be wiped from his mind. It would always haunt him.
Illiana hugged him tightly as though she were memorizing every part of him. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her lips, savoring their sweetness. If there was another path, he would certainly find it. For now, this was the only route. The one detail he did not reveal was that if he did not forsake her, the council would kill her. It was better to exile himself from the woman he loved than to see her burned upon the pyre the way his mother had been and the way his father would be. Christopher pressed his forehead against hers and then touched the raven feather once more. He brushed her lips with his and wished this moment could last forever. But it would be easier to make it brief and go, so he stepped away. Before he left the room, she grabbed something from the chest of drawers and handed it to him.
“Take this so I’ll be close to you.” Illiana handed him a feather.
“Is this one yours?” Christopher asked.
She nodded, but it seemed all of the words between them had run out. Truly, what more was there to say? He held the feather to his chest knowing that he would always cherish it.
“If you wish to honor what we had, then braid it into your hair.” Belik wound his good arm around Illiana’s waist.
Christopher felt a pang of jealousy and knew he always would because his rightful place was also by her side. “I’ll do that.”
Belik nodded. Illiana tried to smile, but he knew exactly how she felt. Christopher walked down the stairs and came face-to-face with Illiana’s aunt. He saw the same expression in her eyes that he had seen in Illiana’s. “Did you hear?”
“I heard. I had a feeling it’d come to this. I’m just surprised it wasn’t sooner.”
“Why didn’t you warn me? Or us? Or her?”
Coret sighed. “It wasn’t my place. Besides, this is only the beginning.”
“What does that mean?”
The priestess flashed him a knowing smile. It did not seem to matter what species the shamans came from, they all had that same look when it came to destiny and the future. Why had she not warned them? Would she divulge more information? What exactly did her statement mean? Would he ever be able to find a way to again be with the woman he loved?
“It means that even though your paths might diverge, they may yet come together once more. She’s not done learning who she is, and you’re not done learning who you are. Think of this experience as one of growth.”
“Thanks. That doesn’t really help me much. Whether this is destiny or whatever bullshit you priests spin, it doesn’t stop the hurt that she’s experiencing.”
“True, but this injury will send her in the right direction. It will strengthen you to become one of the greatest alphas the wolf pack has ever seen. It’s best to go now.”
Christopher nodded. If he stayed, it would prolong his agony—and he had a pack to lead. He glanced around the aerie one last time, trying to envision the life he would have had with the woman he loved and the other man with whom she shared her bed. Descending the ladder for the last time to his village below, he knew that Belik was the better man. He would take care of their mate and make her happy. Christopher wished he could say the same because over all the years he realized now all he had brought the woman he loved was sorrow and heartache.
Chapter Two
Belik gritted his teeth against the pain in his left arm. Coret had set it good and wrapped it in birch bark and stiff bindings. It would mend.
; However, he was not sure if his mate’s heart would heal. Illiana barely seemed there. She performed her duties to take care of him, made meals, and talked to him when he asked her a direct question. Although she might occasionally smile, the troubled look in her eyes disturbed him. It had been three days since Christopher had given up being their mate and returned to the pack below. Nothing could snap her out of it. She had given everything to be with the wolf.
At first Belik did not want to share the woman he loved, but knowing how much she cared for Christopher, he stood by her. She had always been different: her darker skin, her curves, her sharp cheekbones, and her full breasts always turned him on. Belik never assumed she would say yes to him. When he discovered she was a wolf, it merely made her more desirable. He never understood why the flock shunned her so when all he wanted was to tell her what a gorgeous, amazing woman she was. He never had the courage to until they had their initiation into the flock. Belik brushed his free hand over the brand. It reminded him what he was and how ashamed he was of the other ravens.
He rose from his bed and went across the hall. Illiana sat on Christopher’s bed staring out the window. It was so quiet in the room not even the air stirred when outside the breeze was raging through the branches. The air seemed to be mourning with her. Belik did not understand how she could control the two elements. It made her unique. In the dying light, she was so beautiful. The sun played off her copper skin and highlighted the red and gold in her hair. He coughed, and she turned around. Illiana wiped a tear from her cheek and forced a smile. A howl split the night. She stiffened.
Belik took her into his arms. “It’s going to be okay.” He pressed his lips to her forehead.
“No, it’s not.” She buried her head in his shoulder. Belik stroked her soft hair.
“Yes. It will. Your heart will heal.” He prayed that it would because he did not know what else to do to make her happy. It seemed a piece of her was lost, and he did not know how to recover that slice of the woman he loved.
A chorus of howls filled the night, and she shook against him. “I have to get out of here.”
“Okay, we’ll go whenever you want. The celebration will be over soon.”
“No. I mean I have to get away from the flock. From the pack. From my mother.”
“Does that mean you want to get away from me, too?” he asked, feeling the lump of emotion catch in his throat. Belik did not know what he would do if she rejected him. They may not have been formally mated, but in his heart, she was already his chosen for the rest of his life. Ravens lived two hundred years or more, and he did not want to exist alone.
“No.” Illiana touched his cheek. “That’s not what I meant. I’d never give you up. We’re mates. I need to get away from here. I’ve been thinking, I need to discover more about where I come from.”
“I think that’s a good idea.”
“Will you come with me? I know it means leaving your father behind, but I don’t know if I can do it alone.”
Belik pulled her closer. “I told you before, I’ll never leave you. Wherever you wish to go, I’m right by your side. When do you want to leave?”
“You mean it?” Illiana asked and smiled the brightest he had seen her in days.
“Of course I do. I’ll start packing.” He held out his arm. “We’ll have to walk, though. I won’t be able to fly for a while.”
“Walking is fine. It might be better anyway. We don’t know if we’ll encounter other shifters or regular people. Don’t want to spook them.”
“An adventure. It’ll be fun.”
She nodded. “First, I need to talk to my mother.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
Illiana shook her head. “No. It’s about time we talked.”
* * * *
Illiana listened to the howls and felt her wolf shift under her skin. It wanted to join the others below and celebrate with Christopher, her mate. No matter how much she tried to let him go, he remained in her heart. Belik was wonderful to her, but that part of her that wanted Christopher would never let go the longer she stayed. It was best she left, but first she needed to know where she was going. After taking a deep breath, she knocked on her mother’s door. It took her a minute, but the leader of the Corvus flock opened the door. Lelana was dressed for the night in a silver robe adorned with dark blue beads. Growing up, Illiana had always favored it.
“What is it?” her mother asked. The woman’s hair had more gray in it, and the circles under her eyes were more pronounced.
“What is it? That’s all you can say to me?” Illiana brushed past Lelana and went into the house. Being there felt wrong somehow because it was no longer her home. And even when she was there, her mother never really paid any attention to her. Her mother closed the door and turned to her. A wolf howl broke out near them. It hit Illiana’s heart because she recognized it for Christopher’s. She gritted her teeth and focused on getting the information she needed.
“So what was it you wanted? You’ve already made enough of a mess with the wolf pack.”
“Mess? All because I fell in love?”
“We’ve talked about this before. Just because you have the ability to change into a wolf doesn’t mean that it made things easier. I had to repair the relationship with the wolf council and make them assurances that you would leave Christopher alone. Love isn’t worth all the problems.”
“Right, did you figure that out with my father? You loved him, and he broke your heart. Don’t worry about me being with Christopher. I let him go. I’ll never stop loving him. However, I’m not going to lock my heart away like you did and stop loving the one thing that reminds you of him.” Before she knew it, a sharp sting went across her cheek. She let loose a growl and felt the fire spark in her veins. There was much more she wanted to say to her mother, but seeing the tears in her eyes, Illiana knew she had pressed a button.
“How dare you! We might have our differences, but I’ve always loved you. Yes, I put the flock before you, but that was because it was so much easier. Every time I look at you, I see him. Sorry about you and Christopher. But it wasn’t meant to be. Two different species aren’t supposed to mix.”
“But I’m not two different species. I’m raven and wolf. I’m two-natured. I’m not a freak. I’m my father’s daughter.” Illiana held her head up high.
“Yes, you are. More so than I could ever imagine.”
“Well, you won’t have to worry about me anymore. I’m leaving.”
Her mother stopped at the hearth and turned. “Leaving? Where would you go?”
Illiana was not sure, but she thought she saw surprise on her mother’s face. “Easy. I’m going to look for my father. I was hoping you’d be able to give me more information on where he came from.”
Lelana sank into a chair and was silent for a long time. Illiana waited while she listened to more celebration happening below. She paced uncomfortably and went over to the window. The wind caressed Illiana’s cheek, sharing her grief. It sang in a soothing tune she did not quite understand. Belik tried to appease her heart, but he could only do so much. She felt that half of her soul had been ripped out. She caressed the necklace at her throat. The silver rectangle had once belonged to her father. Fused to the metal was a turquoise square and below that was a circle of amber with strange writing on it. Whenever she touched it, Illiana remembered that she was something other than part of the flock. She controlled the air and had survived walking through fire only to have it burn inside her.
“Why do you want to go? What about Belik?”
“Belik’s coming with me. I can’t stay here knowing Christopher is below and I can’t go to him. Whatever reparations you made with the wolf council doesn’t mean that I have to suffer through them. While you were talking, I was crying my heart out for the man I love. I needed you, and you never came. Coret was the one. She told me about my father. Where have you been when I needed you?” Sadness and despair spilled over into her heart as her tears laced her che
eks. This was the time she really needed her mother, but Lelana remained on the other side of the room.
“I’m sorry, Illiana. I know how much you loved Christopher. I think it’s a good idea you are going to find your father.” She stood and removed a brick from the fireplace. She reached inside the hole, removed a small box, and handed it to Illiana. “This is all I have of your father. Before he left, he gave me what’s in there. He never knew about you. He told me his home was to the west, where the mountains met the desert. He described the lakes as twilight blue. The sunsets were golden mixed with a little bit of silver. He said he had crossed a great body of water to be here. His people were more in touch with the elements.”
Illiana opened the box and discovered an eagle feather and a piece of folded animal skin. When she unfolded the skin, there was a map drawn upon it. She trailed her fingers over the lines that resembled a mountain range and felt her throat close. This is what she needed. She ran the feather across her palm, feeling the softness and knowing it had belonged to her father. Her mother took the feather.
“I used to wear this in my hair. I had thoughts of taking the map and finding him. I stared at it so much that I memorized it. Then my parents died. I was given a flock to watch over. I figured one day you would learn the truth and want to find him. He never really fit in here. Maybe you can locate him and learn what I could never teach you.”
She nodded. “I hope, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be back.”
Her mother set the feather down and took Illiana into a quick hug. “I hope you do return. I would miss you if you didn’t.”
Illiana was shocked to hear that from her mother, but she pulled away and kept the diagram. “I’m leaving in the morning. Thank you.”
As she left the aerie, another howl filled the forest. It stopped her on the bridge that connected the house to the main pavilion. Illiana took a deep breath and walked to the edge of the rail. The air whipped around her, waiting for her to make a decision. He has to know. I can’t just leave. I don’t care what they said. Her thoughts flashed to Belik, but she was sure he would understand. The wind picked up, and she began to weave through the branches until she landed in the center of the celebrating wolves. Before her was a large bonfire. Staring into the center of the flames, she saw the larger fire spirits eating away at the small ones trying to dominate one another. When they noticed her, the flames became subdued and waited to see what she would do. Before her was Christopher with Jalisa by his side and the council next to him. All the celebrating ceased. She would not challenge anyone tonight. It was all about talking to her mate and bidding him farewell.