"Maybe you only thiiink you have," said Heavy. "Remember, somethiiing of no value to you could be worth a great deal to one of them." With that, he twisted his eggplant body around and waved every one of his faces at the crowd of aliens in the great crystal hall.
"What's that supposed to mean?" said Blakey.
"You tell me," said Heavy. "Iiit iiis up to you to fiiigure iiit out."
*****
That night, Team Earth brainstormed in the cramped galley of their little spaceship, the Diogenes. They had only one day left of the Worlds' Fair, one day in which to make a deal to save humanity.
"Let's go over it again." Strayhorn tipped his chair back and propped the side of his leg against the edge of the round table. "What have we offered so far?"
Mahalia swallowed some coffee and lowered her mug. "Mineral wealth. Natural resources."
"Plant and animal specimens," said Dinah.
"A catalogue of genomes for life on Earth," said Blakey.
"What else?" said Strayhorn.
Dinah nibbled a chocolate chip cookie, then waved it at Strayhorn. "Food stocks. Pharmaceuticals."
Strayhorn nodded. "A database of all human knowledge."
"Strategic military rights," said Mahalia.
"Nuclear and biological weapons," said Blakey.
"Slaves." Dinah was exaggerating, but only a little; in desperation, they'd come up with an indentured servant scheme, offering a human workforce for offworld projects in return for Earth's salvation.
Even that extreme proposal hadn't drawn any interest from the oblivious aliens.
Strayhorn checked a list on a pad of paper in his lap. "That's everything, all right." He chucked the pad on the table and sighed. "So what else do we have to offer?"
Blakey laughed and slapped the table. "Absolutely nothing!"
"Heavy says otherwise," said Strayhorn.
"Right!" Blakey leaped to his feet. "And that asshole would never steer us wrong!"
"One more day." Strayhorn's quiet, steady voice locked in everyone's attention with high intensity. "That's all the time we have to make a deal. So let's think, people."
"We're like amoebas to them." Blakey's face was flushed. "Like dust mites. We've got nothing they want!"
"All right, all right." Mahalia scrubbed her fingers through her short, curly hair. "What haven't we offered so far?"
"Souls!" said Blakey. "We haven't offered them our souls yet!"
Mahalia grinned. "Careful. They might actually want those."
"Then I say let's sell them," said Blakey.
"But we can't prove they exist," said Dinah.
"All the better!" Blakey clapped his hands. "I say let's do whatever it takes to save Earth!"
Dinah looked across the table and caught Strayhorn's gaze. In the long trip out from Earth, she'd become addicted to that gaze. At moments like this, she felt like she would do anything to hold it, to keep it, to please him.
Strayhorn was a strong man, a good man, a leader. He wore a sense of mystery like a dark cloak, binding all his secrets in shadows deep inside. How could she ever hope to get at them?
"Wait." Dinah felt all eyes slide to meet her, but she didn't break Strayhorn's gaze. "Maybe you're onto something, Ben."
"Great!" Blakey rubbed his hands together. "Tell me about it!"
"What about imagination?" said Dinah.
Mahalia frowned. "How can we sell imagination?"
"Not imagination itself," said Dinah. "I mean we offer to sell something imaginary."
"Ah." Strayhorn nodded. "You mean lie."
Dinah shrugged. "More like exaggerate."
Blakey smacked her on the back. "You are such a con artist!"
"Could be dangerous," said Strayhorn. "All these aliens are more technologically advanced than we are. If we piss them off, they could wipe out humanity instead of saving it."
"We'll have to play it just right," said Dinah. "Keep them happy. Make them think they're getting what we promised."
"If we can even get them interested," said Mahalia.
"Right." Dinah searched Strayhorn's eyes for some sign of approval. At first, they were just as flat, gray, and inscrutable as always.
Then, she saw the light.
"Okay," said Strayhorn. "Let's see if we can make this work."
And Dinah's heart danced like a child in her chest.
*****
The next day started out hopefully.
Team Earth set up early in the Worlds' Fair hall and attacked their mission with fresh enthusiasm. Strayhorn and Blakey manned the booth while Dinah and Mahalia traversed the crowd, using big smiles and chocolate from the Diogenes' stores to try to lure visitors.
The four teammates attacked the day as if it were their first at the Fair. Every one of them dug in with new energy and intensity, casting aside the pessimism of the previous day. Even Blakey gave it his all.
And they tried everything. Every line of bullshit they could imagine.
"Come one, come all!" said Dinah as she worked the crowd--wondering as she did so if any of the aliens understood a word she said. "Come see the vacation paradise of Earth!" Naturally, she left out the part about Earth being a global warming hellhole. (Though it could be a paradise to some of the aliens, for all she knew.)
"Follow me!" Mahalia said from the other side of the room. "Spiritual enlightenment awaits you on the holiest planet in the galaxy--Earth!"
"Visit the ancient world where all life began!" said Dinah. "Meet the seers whose visions foretell your future!
"Come to the miracle planet!" said Mahalia. "Heals all wounds, cures all diseases, and grants eternal life!"
"Your fantasies will come to life on Earth!" said Dinah.
"The gambling capital of the galaxy!" said Mahalia.
"Where golf is a way of life!"
"Be king of the world for a day!"
"Find lost treasure!"
"The streets are paved with gold!"
"Whatever you want!" said Dinah. "That's what you'll find on Earth!"
But it was all for nothing.
Throughout the day, only a handful of aliens came close enough to the booth to see the phony presentation whipped up by Strayhorn and Blakey--computer-generated images of a paradise that was nothing at all like the modern, dying Earth. The rest of the crowd was too busy gawking at other displays to take a look. Even the booth next-door, which featured a gray blob oozing green liquid in a silver bowl, attracted more attention.
*****
By the time the Fair closed for the day, alien hordes rushing the doors like school kids on the way to summer vacation, Team Earth hadn't made a single deal. They hadn't fibbed up the slightest nibble of interest.
The four teammates slouched around the booth, shaking their heads and sighing. Aliens paraded past on their way to the exits, but none of them paused or even glanced over.
"No one can say we didn't try our best," said Mahalia, pushing alien freebies from other booths into a box. "It wasn't meant to be."
Blakey slumped on a folding chair with his lumpy bald head in his hands. "One good thing about the end of the world," he said. "When we go down in history as incompetent moron failures, at least there won't be much history left."
Strayhorn sat bolt upright, staring at the alien masses as they trooped past. "We'd better be on our way." His voice was cold and flat. "We're done here."
Dinah sat beside him and watched his face. He looked stern and impassive, unmoved...but she had a feeling that a lot more was going on inside.
He had failed to save the human race. How could that not tear him apart? How could that not destroy him?
"Well," said Mahalia. "How about a little clean-up music?" With a flick of her wrist, she popped a digital music player from the hip pocket of her red jumpsuit and laid it on the table. She pressed the surface of the thin, silver device, which was about the size of a playing card, and it started giving off music.
Jazz music, which was what Mahalia listened to the most
.
"Come on." Mahalia tapped Blakey's shoulder. "Let's find a cart to haul this stuff back to the ship."
Blakey sighed. "Might as well," he said, and then he got up and went with her.
That left Dinah and Strayhorn sitting together in the booth. A trumpet ballad filtered from Mahalia's player, its slow, sweet notes adding to the melancholy mood.
Strayhorn rubbed his eyes, then placed his palms flat on the table. "I failed," he said. "It was up to me to save the world, and I couldn't do it."
Dinah laid her hand on top of his. It was the first time she'd ever touched him outside the line of duty. "Please don't give up," she said. "There must be something we can do."
Strayhorn didn't pull his hand away. His gaze remained fixed on the aliens parading past. "We can beg, maybe," he said. "But these people out here don't seem too inclined to charity."
"Then we'll change their inclination." Impulsively, Dinah cupped his chin and turned his face toward her. "Trust me, Alec. We'll do it together."
Then, Dinah surprised herself. Before she could think better of it, she leaned up and kissed Strayhorn on the mouth.
He didn't resist. In fact, after the first moment, he actively kissed her back, pressing his lips against hers.
The rest of the universe faded away. Heart pounding, Dinah reveled in the feel of Strayhorn's lips, the smell of his skin, the long-delayed contact between them.
The kiss went on and on, and Dinah wished it would never end. Nothing else mattered--not the crowd of alien lifeforms in the hall, not the impending doom of humanity, not Team Earth's failure. Not what would or wouldn't happen next.
For Dinah, it was a perfect kiss, a heavenly moment. She might never have broken the spell if not for the overwhelming new feeling that came upon her--the feeling that she was being watched.
Guessing that Blakey and Mahalia had returned to the booth, Dinah opened her eyes...and jumped. The kiss broke, and the perfect moment ended.
Dinah had been right about being watched, but not by Blakey and Mahalia. Instead of two pairs of human eyes, dozens of alien ones were trained on her and Strayhorn--eyes of all shapes and colors and sizes, eyes on stalks, eyes of crystal, eyes with wings.
For the first time all week, a crowd had gathered around Team Earth's booth at the Worlds' Fair.
"What the hell?" said Strayhorn. "What's going on?"
Dinah thought for a moment, then grinned. She thought she understood the situation. "Congratulations," she said. "We've finally found something they want to see."
And then she kissed Strayhorn again.
*****
"Come one, come all!" Blakey stood on the table of the Team Earth booth and used his best carnival barker voice. "Experience the wonders of Earth's greatest treasure--love!"
Dinah and Strayhorn still sat behind the table, kissing...and the crowd of aliens watching them had grown into a mob. The aliens fanned out in all directions, hooting and babbling and jostling for a better view of the action.
Mahalia, meanwhile, acted as security, backing off any onlookers who got too close or made a grab for a body part. "The natives are restless," she said as she batted away an encroaching tentacle. "We'd better make a deal soon, or they're liable to rush the booth."
Strayhorn broke the kiss. "How do we market this? Earth as an interplanetary brothel?" His voice was heavy with sarcasm.
"If it saves humanity, I'll turn tricks!" Blakey said from above.
"Maybe they just like to watch," said Mahalia. "Performances, that is."
"Earth. Porno capital of the galaxy," said Blakey.
Mahalia shooed away a trio of flying yellow eyeballs. "Maybe we won't have to go that far. Maybe kissing's exciting enough for them."
Dinah kept pecking Strayhorn on the lips so they wouldn't lose the crowd. (Also because she was making the most of the situation.) "What about a kind of singles resort?" she said between kisses. "Humans could teach aliens about the concept of love and then match them up to experience it."
"I like it better than the brothel idea," said Mahalia.
"I say stick with the porno," said Blakey.
Strayhorn finished another kiss and nodded. "Try any and all of the above," he said. "Whatever it takes to trade for reverse global warming services--but start low and make the best deal you can."
"Roger that." Blakey winked at Mahalia. "Play something romantic, wouldja?"
"Will do." While wrestling with an alien's twitching feelers, Mahalia switched the fast bebop coming out of her music player to a slow number with a lot of sultry sax.
Ben raised his arms and beamed at the alien mob. "Are you lonely, my friends? Do you want to be like them?" He gestured at Dinah and Strayhorn, who were locked in another kiss. "Would you give anything to discover the wonders of love?
"Then step right up!" Ben pumped his fists in the air. "This is your lucky day--if you have the technology to reduce carbon dioxide emissions in a planetary atmosphere, that is!"
*****
"Hey," whispered Strayhorn. "Easy on the tongue."
Dinah leaned back and stared at him. They'd been kissing for at least two hours straight, mouth to mouth in front of an audience of gaping aliens.
So why was Strayhorn sounding shy all of a sudden?
Maybe, thought Dinah, he felt self-conscious with all the aliens watching him. Maybe he was getting tired. Maybe he was just stressed out about this being his last chance for a deal to save humanity.
Whatever the reason, Strayhorn didn't elaborate.
"Okay," said Dinah.
"Thanks," said Strayhorn, and then he licked his lips and leaned back in to resume kissing.
Dinah gladly rejoined him, though the moment had sapped a little of her fun. Even as she savored the warmth and pressure of Strayhorn's mouth, she couldn't help worrying in the back of her mind about why he'd nixed her French kiss.
*****
"Thiiis being wants love," said Heavy, inflating his bald human face to speak to Team Earth. "He wants all the love he can get."
Heavy twisted his eggplant body and wriggled his cilia at the alien who had just pushed out of the crowd behind him. The new alien, who was seven feet tall, looked like an inside-out centaur covered in rough, blood-red crust and black bristles.
"His name iiis Ogog Lugofarloff," said Heavy. "Ogog wiiill buy the riights to all human love."
"Let's talk price then," said Blakey. "Can Ogog reverse global warming on our homeworld?"
Heavy rattled off a chain of rapid clacks and dings that sounded like an old manual typewriter in action. Ogog made the same kind of sounds back at him, mixed with the clomping of one black hoof on the floor.
"No," Heavy said when it was over. "But he could reengiiineer your species to surviive the new cliimate."
Ogog clattered and clomped again, ending with a decisive belch.
"Here iiis an example of hiiis work." Heavy fluttered his head-capped cilia in Ogog's direction. "Ogog has reengiiineered hiiimself multiiiiple tiimes."
Strayhorn broke the latest kiss and shot Blakey a glare that said it all.
Blakey nodded and winked, then turned back to Heavy and Ogog. "Give us your contact information, Ogog buddy. We'll have to get back to you on that."
*****
After another hour of kissing while Blakey wheeled and dealed, Strayhorn pulled his lips back just enough to talk to Dinah. "I wonder what would happen if we switched with the others?"
Dinah looked out at the crowd of gaping aliens. "Do you want to take the chance?"
"No," said Strayhorn. "Not yet, anyway."
Dinah smiled and touched his cheek. "Just relax, Alec. Relax and enjoy."
Strayhorn scanned the babbling alien mob, then met Dinah's gaze and held it. He stared deep into her eyes, searching for something...and then his frown darkened.
"Why did you kiss me the first time?" he said.
Dinah shrugged. "To make you feel better."
"That's it?" said Strayhorn. "That's the only reason?"
Dinah hesitated, then decided to show her cards. "I wanted to," she said. "I've wanted to kiss you for a while now."
"I see." Strayhorn's frown smoothed out into his standard unreadable stare.
"Aren't you glad I did?" Dinah chuckled and rubbed noses with him. "Nobody came to our booth until I kissed you."
"Sure," said Strayhorn.
"In fact," said Dinah, "it might turn out to be the kiss that saves humanity, right?"
"Right," said Strayhorn.
"I'll bet they'll even make a movie about it someday." Dinah leaned close, brushing her lips against his. "A real love story."
And then she kissed him again, heart soaring with heat and delight like a butterfly or a dream.
*****
"III have another customer for you," said Heavy. "She assures me she has the technical capabiiiliiitiies to reverse your homeworld's global warmiiing."
Dinah looked up in mid-kiss to see the gray blob from the silver bowl in the booth next-door bobbing in midair beside Heavy.
"Her name iiis Melliiicloriiis Myopa Quozahnna Non Zadacta." Heavy flicked his cilia in the blob's direction and made his human face smile. "She iiis empress of the Zlatyr Realm. The green fluiiid she iiis secreting means she iiis about to giiive biiirth."
"Tell her highness congratulations," Blakey told Heavy. "Ask her how we can be of service."
"Ask her yourself," said Heavy. "She iiis quiite capable of understandiiing your language."
Blakey smiled at the gray blob as it hovered and dripped green fluid. "That's great. So how can we help you?"
"Melliiicloriiis wiiishes to buy all love," said Heavy, "and destroy iiit."
"Destroy it?" said Blakey.
"So she can market a cheaper, inferior substiiitute," said Heavy.
"Of course." Blakey glanced at Strayhorn but didn't seem to feel the need to wait for his advice. "Contact information, please. We'll have to get back to you on that."
*****
After another hour of kissing, Strayhorn pulled away from Dinah and rubbed his jaw. "I can't keep this up," he said. "We need to switch personnel."
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