by T. L Smith
“Hey, bro,” Ricky greeted as he passed from the kitchen to the living room carrying a bucket of beers. “Just in time,” he said, handing me a bottle.
“Thanks, man,” I replied, albeit distracted. I needed to know if she was here yet.
“Hey, Hawk,” Harry approached, wearing a weirdly serious expression. “Can I talk to you for—”
I put my hand on his shoulder to brush by him, my eyes still searching the house and faces of randomly placed groups of people.
“It won’t take...” I didn’t hear the rest as I pushed through the door and checked outside. Nothing.
I felt somewhat relieved she hadn’t shown yet. Perhaps she wouldn’t. Britta often hit the highway on my organized events because she was an introvert and cherished her quiet time.
“Grab a seat, everyone,” Ricky called from the barbecue. “And grab a plate while you’re at it.”
Placing a tray of assorted meats on the table amidst salad and bread rolls, everyone took a seat while still continuing their conversations.
“You all right, bro?” Ricky asked, handing me a plate. A placed it down on the table in front of me. “You look like shit,” he continued.
I felt like it, too. Worse if Britta were to show.
“Just something unexpected popped up today. All good.”
“Tell me more later, when I get rid of some of these louts.”
I nodded, and he walked off, and across the table, a frazzled Harry tried to gain my attention. “Hawk, do you have a—”
“Have you seen Slate?” I asked. He’d have some advice. Questionable advice... but still.
Harry rose from his seat and looked like he was about to pounce in desperation.
“He’s coming, but I really need—”
“All right!” I replied, more assertive than intended, garnering a few curious onlookers who’d ceased their conversations. “What the hell is wrong with you tonight? Are you on something?”
Harry’s face immediately went pale, and there was a nervousness in his eyes. I was about to apologize if what I’d said offended him until I saw his gaze was directed at something or someone over my shoulder.
Harry ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Jesus,” he mouthed looking to Ricky. Ricky stood wide-eyed, struck dumb at the same thing Harry had been looking at. His eyes slowly flicked to me and to whoever it was.
“Hi, guys,” a soft female voice sounded behind me.
I recognized that voice.
I’d been speaking with her for most of the day.
But it couldn’t be.
She wouldn’t show up here, after everything... would she?
Harry gave a tight smile, and Ricky was still too in shock to say anything.
Biting the bullet, I turned in my chair and see Celeste.
Celeste—my ex.
She was a gorgeous blonde, with bright green eyes and a Californian tan, having moved there immediately after we split eight months ago. Her smile was always generous, and she had a rack on her every woman would envy.
She was also pregnant with my child.
While most women would have waned in confidence walking into a get-together where they were the outsider, Celeste barely batted an eyelid. She was, of course, used to people looking at her. Usually, however, she was dressed in skimpy lingerie. She had been a model and worked for me on many shoots, and judging by sales alone, she was deemed as popular. And she’d caught my eye.
We’d had a fling.
It was quick and ill-timed.
She was about to fly across the other side of the country, and I took advantage that I could bed her and never have to commit.
Oh, how fate likes to bite you in the ass.
It had a fucked sense of humor.
And now I was left to pick up the pieces of my mistake and form a commitment I’d never dreamed of having.
Getting out of my seat, feeling all eyes on me, I approached Celeste whose smile hadn’t wavered. “Celeste,” I tried to lead her by the arm, but she pulled away like I’d death gripped her. When she remained glued to the spot, I lowered my voice. “What are you doing here?”
She smiled sweetly, but it wasn’t sweet, not to me. There was venom in her eyes. Maybe because she too was about to go through a life-altering eighteen years.
She gestured with her eyes over my shoulder. “I saw Harry today at the mall gathering groceries for tonight.”
“I’m sorry,” came Harry’s voice who suddenly appeared at my side. “I tried to warn—”
I turned on him. “You invited her?”
“I—”
“He merely told me about it,” Celeste butted in. “And I took it upon myself.”
“Can we go somewhere private to talk?”
She smiled curtly. “Sure, but we need to be quick.” Celeste eyed the table full of food and rubbed her pregnant belly. “I’m absolutely famished.”
Turning on her heel, she headed for the door and waited in the common hall. “I don’t really want to stay, Hawk, so you don’t need to worry.”
I didn’t know how to respond.
I was worried.
“So why did you come? I’ve been with you all day.”
“Because I wanted to see how you’d react with me in your everyday life, and I have to admit, I’m not overly thrilled by the treatment.”
“I didn’t expect... is all. And forgive me for stating the obvious, but you’ve had eight months of getting used to this idea, I’ve had less than a day.”
“Ahhh... so...” Ricky appeared tentatively at the door, cautious eyes flicking between me, Celeste and her stomach. “I’m gonna take a wild... and I mean... crazy extreme wild stab in the dark here, but...” he pointed to the pregnant belly between us, “... is that—”
“Yes,” both Celeste and I said simultaneously.
“Riiigghhtt... well, this is quite the surprise,” he said, and I think he’d forgotten he was holding a pair of tongs. “Hawk, can I have a word with you for a moment?” He turned to Celeste. “Celeste, help yourself to some dinner.”
Again, she smiled sweetly, but it looked more victorious to me. “Thanks, Ricky. It’s hard to tell who the sweetest brother is, you or Harry.” And with that, she disappeared back into the apartment.
Ricky turned to me, his eyes still as wide as saucers and waited for me to instigate conversation. When I failed to gather my thoughts, he stated. “What the hell, dude?”
I walked to the railing, exhaling slowly. “I went to bed last night the happiest man and woke this morning still the happiest man in the world, and now... shit just turned sour within moments of walking into work.”
“Is it yours?”
“She says it is.”
“Well, how do you know for sure?”
Leaning on the balustrade, I turned to him, folding my arms. “The timing makes sense. The last night she was here we were out at the salsa club. Things got hot and heavy. She said she wanted it rough. When we were finished, I saw the condom had broken. She was leaving the next day, so I didn’t give a shit or a second thought.”
“And now she’s here.”
“Claiming the baby’s mine. And I believe her. I’m going to be a father...”
A noise further down the flight of steps caused me to turn around.
I wish I hadn’t.
But it was too late... it was all too late.
Chapter 19
Britta
Hawk’s going to be a father...
The words played over and over, and each time I heard them in my head, it was like taking a blow from a sledgehammer.
Surely, I heard wrong. Surely...
The look on his face, however, told me I hadn’t misheard. Every single word was the truth.
Hawk’s knuckles turned white on the balustrade, his expression one of a distraught, conflicted, angry and remorseful man. He looked like he’d taken a blow to the gut and I felt it, too.
“Is that true?” The words stumbled out. “Is what I just
heard true?”
He didn’t answer me. Not because he had chosen not to. It was because he couldn’t. He simply couldn’t find the words.
“Hawk,” I said more forcefully this time. “Are you going to be a father?”
Gravely, he merely nodded his head.
A sob caught in my throat and I gripped the railing to balance myself. I felt weak like my muscles had all been removed. Ricky stepped forward so he could see me, a curious expression passing between Hawk and me.
My emotions threatened to make a scene, and my body took control. It started to retreat, landing heavily on each step back down the three flights of stairs. I could hear the boys bickering but couldn’t hear a word they were saying. Walking onto the street, my legs created their own path, and soon I was somewhere in Central Park even though it wasn’t the direction home.
“Britta!” came a voice behind me. “Britta... wait!”
A rough hand gripped my arm, and I was swung around until I came face to face with Hawk. He was panting, the worry in his eyes still there.
“I didn’t know...” he started. “Not until today.”
“Who... who’s the mother?”
Hawk looked down at the ground, his hands jammed into his pockets.
“Hawk? Who’s the mother of your child?”
“Celeste.”
I was gobsmacked at his announcement. “Celeste? Celeste... the model?”
He nodded. I could see from his expression that he too was miffed that it was her.
Celeste had worked for Carnage Industries as a lingerie model for only a few months. It had turned out she actually knew Ricky years back when she started dating a mutual friend. When things turned sour, and the relationship ended, she moved onto Ricky who’d shut her down. He wasn’t into betraying his friends. When she started working at Carnage, I recognized her face from some group photos on Ricky’s Facebook page.
Now I wish I’d burned her modeling portfolio before she’d set foot in the building.
“I didn’t even know you two were a... what even were you?”
“That’s what makes this shit so unbelievable. We weren’t even anything. It was just a fling which lasted a few nights.”
I took a step back, reeling from the news. News that had turned everything belly up, over something that meant absolutely nothing at the time. A nothing event now created a divide between us.
“So that’s where you were all day today?”
He nodded. “I had a message waiting from Celeste. When I met her at the café and saw the size of her belly, I... I... just had this sinking feeling I was going to walk out of there with my life turned upside down. And that’s exactly what happened.”
I turned away from him, allowing the stray tear to fall unseen. An uneasy silence settled between us, and I gently kicked at the small rocks on the path. “What are you going to do?” I finally choked out.
I knew the answer. I didn’t need to ask. Hawk was raised by a man who above everything else, instilled in him a moral backbone. It was family first, in any situation. He’d always enforced that Hawk grow up and take care of what was his. Now would be no different.
“I have to be in the child’s life,” he said, and I believed his words. Hawk wasn’t the sort of man to run from his responsibilities. He’s step up to the plate. “He... or she... needs a father and that’s me.”
Next tough question. “Are you... and Celeste...” I let the words trail off.
We stared at each other for a long while. With just the soft glow of the park’s lamps, the emotion between us was evident. The hurt between us showed on our faces, his dark eyes filled with a heart-breaking regret.
“I’m sorry, Britta.”
Three words.
In three words, Hawk Carnage broke my heart.
He’d chosen Celeste.
Not out of love, but responsibility.
Biting my bottom lip, I couldn’t stop the tears. They prickled my eyes, my cheeks heating. Slowly I nodded, accepting his choice.
I wanted to say, ‘What about us?’
I wanted to yell, ‘Didn’t we mean anything?’
But there was no us. We were friends with benefits. There was no obligation to someone you were ‘just fucking.’
But it was more than that. Hawk Carnage had always been more than ‘just that.’
He reached out to touch my cheek, but I moved the other way.
“I never meant for it to be like this...” he said with remorse. “I never wanted to...”
I could no longer hear his words as I backed away. I couldn’t even swallow, a hard, painful lump caught in my throat.
There was no future between us.
There was no... us.
Everything before me, including his sad, handsome face blurred and flight mode took control.
I turned my back on his pleading words.
I turned my back on the pain in his eyes.
I turned my back on the man I loved.
Chapter 20
Britta
My cell beeped.
It was a message, but my eyes were too swollen to look at anything. The night had seen many tears. I cried for Hawk, knowing how stressed and overwhelmed he would be.
I cried for myself, gutted I’d lost the man I loved.
And I cried for us. Because we could no longer be something to pursue.
Despite the rule being ‘we were just friends,’ we both knew that had it not been for the interruption, we would have had a future together.
I curled up on my pillow and dragged the sheet over my head. Daylight was creeping in, and I simply wasn’t prepared for work. I wasn’t prepared to see Hawk. I wasn’t prepared to see a pregnant Celeste waltzing through Carnage Industries to claim her man.
I wondered if I should look for another job.
I wondered if I could ever look at Hawk the same.
I wondered if he felt the same as me.
Broken.
My cell rang.
This was the fourth time.
Disgruntled, I flipped the sheets off and reached for the offending noise.
Sara.
While I was staring at all the missed calls and unanswered messages, she called again.
“It’s 4:45 in the morning, Sara,” I answered in the way of a greeting.
“Well, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you since last night.” There was no mistaking the urgency in her voice.
I rubbed my sore eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Your flight leaves at seven?”
Had she lost her mind? “What flight?”
“Hawk was supposed to meet with the Renshaw’s in San Antonio today, but he’s had to cancel last minute and instructed I rebook the flight under your name.”
My heart sank.
Was he sending me off down the country so he’d have uninterrupted time with Celeste?
“I don’t even know the purpose of the meeting. How does he expect me to—”
“He said you’d say that. The Renshaw’s are the ones instigating contact. They’ll lead.”
He couldn’t tell me this himself?
He couldn’t pick up the phone from one professional to another and explain the situation?
Farewelling Sara, I kicked the sheets off me in anger until they fell to the floor. I had two and half hours to get ready, pack and get my ass to the airport.
THE FLIGHT WAS UNEVENTFUL.
Sara sent through the itinerary, which I read while my driver took me to my San Antonio hotel. Still, I had no idea as to the tone of the meeting and all prior interactions had been done in New York.
Dialing Hawk’s number, I waited until it rang out. Calling again, I saw the same result.
“Pick up,” I mouthed angrily. He had no right to ignore me, especially within a business situation. This was his doing. Not mine.
I went to compose a text instead.
Please call regarding the Renshaw meeting. Unsure as to what I’m supposed to achieve.
I wai
ted, tapping my cell against my palm while staring out the window. The volume was set to loud, so there was no reason why I had to check it every second for his response, but I did.
I entertained the thought of texting him that despite everything I still loved him. But his priorities were elsewhere. He could still be a father to the child and not be with Celeste. He could still build a life with me. But Hawk had come to a decision almost immediately. It was like, whatever we had, or whatever we pretended it just to be, was simply... less than I ever thought.
It was nothing to him.
I was merely his employee which he managed to bed.
And now that was over.
I wasn’t going to be ‘that girl’ who sent a barrage of emotional dribble hoping something I said out of desperation would trigger the response I wanted.
No... I wasn’t that girl.
Hawk had moved on, and so should I.
After a quick ride, we arrived at the hotel, and I walked inside to check in.
“Your key, ma’am.” The young worker slid the credit card-sized key across the marble counter. “You’ll be in the penthouse suite. Mr. Carnage has advised all hotel services including the beauty spa are paid for on his behalf.”
“Thank you,” I said, taking the key and ready to lock myself away. But then I was struck with a thought. I was on my own, in a town I had yet to explore. I had no nagging brothers in my ear and no Hawk watching my every move. I was free to let my hair down and let my hair down I would.
“Excuse me,” I said, turning on my heel to address the man behind the counter. “Where’s the trendiest place in town for a single woman to go... you know... for a dance?”
He smiled cheekily before unhooking his pen from his pocket and writing his suggestion on a Post-It note.
“Here,” he said, handing me the note. “You’re in town on the right night. It goes off around ten.”
“Thank you,” I said, holding the paper tight. I walked away with a smile, determined to do whatever it took to erase Hawk Carnage from my thoughts.
MY HEELS CLICKED ALONG the path leading to Demure. I could already hear the music, some smooth R&B filtering onto the street. Stopping by the entrance where there was a line-up of thirty patrons waiting to get in. The bouncer took a long, languid look at my red dress and heels and ushered me forward. He lifted the rope so I could pass, and the groans from the disgruntled line quickly faded when the door opened for me.