by J. Lea
Ava is playing with her dolls when I enter her room. Dolores brought her home from preschool as I was called to Mi Vida to deal with a crisis. “Ava, what do you say about a picnic on a beach?”
“Yaayyy,” she squeals, running into me with such force I pretend to be knocked off my feet, and drop to the floor. Ava howls with laughter. I start a tickle war to retaliate.
“Daddy, stop,” she giggles. “My belly hurts from laughing.”
“Do you surrender?”
“Yes,” she shrieks in between giggles.
“Give me a kiss, and I’ll stop.” She plants a big wet smooch on my cheek, and I sit her in my lap. “So, picnic? We can make PB&J sandwiches, pack some of your favorite juices and—“
“Go for ice cream.” She jumps up.
“Yes, and go for ice cream afterwards,” I ruffle her hair.
“Can Evi come with us?” Evi is what Ava calls Everly because she can’t pronounce her full name yet.
“Everly isn’t here,” I explain. “It’s her afternoon off, and she went out. Some other time, okay?”
“Oh, no. I like playing with her.” I don’t miss the disappointment in her voice.
“I know, pumpkin.” I caress her adorable cheek. “Come on, let’s go. I promise we’ll have fun.”
We pack our picnic basket, grab a blanket, and drive to the small cliff-side where we descend down the rocky path leading to the beach. There’s a bunch of people swimming in the ocean, and some are taking a stroll down the sandy beach. We head to our usual spot and take off our shoes because Ava loves the tickling sensation of sand beneath her feet. I love seeing her happy. I live to make her happy.
We almost arrive to our spot when Ava stops in her tracks, looking in the distance. “Daddy, isn’t that Evi?” She points her chubby finger at a silhouette of a woman, sitting in the sand, staring at the ocean. A gentle breeze is playing with her hair.
“I think you’re right.” I nod. “We don’t want to disturb—” I start, but before I can finish the sentence, Ava has already taken off, charging toward her.
“Evi!” Ava yells, and doesn’t slow down until she reaches her. Everly turns around, surprise written all over her face. I really hope she’s not angry at us for invading her moment of peace. Her eyes dance with happiness when she sees my little girl. A grin spreads her lips, before she hugs her, making my heart jump at her action. It’s so hard to describe how I feel at the moment. It’s like quiet contentment spreads through me. Moments like this remind me of Anabel. She was so gentle and caring. Ava missed so many precious moments with Anabel and that makes me breathless with sadness. I was the one who walked Ava to preschool for the first time, got to see the joy on her face when she used a potty for the first time, taught her how to ride a bike and got to see her how she wrote down her name. All those firsts were for me, not Anabel. She’ll never be able to hug her daughter, hear her laugh or cry. I’d give everything to have her back.
Ava points at me, I assume Everly asked her who brought her here. I slowly approach them, and give her an awkward wave.
“Hi.”
“Hey! It’s nice to see you two.” She smiles.
“I was just telling Ava to leave you alone but she didn’t listen.” She never listens when she sets her mind on something.
“It’s okay. I love her company. We always have so much fun together, don’t we?” she grins at Ava, who nods gingerly.
“Yes, we make fun things. Do you want to build sand castles with me?” Then she places a plastic shovel in Everly’s hand.
“Ava,” my voice is stern, “it’s Everly’s afternoon off. Why don’t we give her some space?”
“It’s okay, Connor, I don’t mind. Really.” Her gaze drops to the basket in my hand. “Oh, you’re having a picnic? How nice.”
“Yes.” Ava jumps in excitement. “You have to join us, Evi.” Her eyes are burning with hope and joy.
“Maybe Everly has other plans, she can’t always do what you ask her.” Ava’s excitement dims, and she drops her gaze to the sand.
Everly leans down and thumbs her chin, tilting her little head up. “I’ll be happy to join you if your Dad doesn’t mind.” She gives me a questioning glance.
“No, of course not. We’d be happy to have you.”
We don’t bother walking to where we usually have our picnics, I just spread the picnic blanket next to Everly.
“Can we make sand pies, Evi?” Ava inquires again.
She is persistent, I give her that. “Why don’t you first test out your new bathing suit and go play in the water for a little bit, and Everly will join you later?”
“Okay.” She nods after careful consideration, and strips down to her swimsuit, grabs the plastic molds, shovels, and buckets, and runs to the water.
“She is such a great kid,” Everly says and moves to sit on the blanket. I take two waters out of the basket and offer her one.
“I know,” I grin. “But sometimes I question myself if I’m talking too fast or too quiet, since she does the opposite of what I say.”
“That’s normal, she’s testing her boundaries. Wait until she’s in her teens. Then you’ll really have cause to complain.”
“I don’t even want to think about it.” With one swift move, I peel the shirt off my skin. It’s hot as hell. “She’s growing up so fast. Another birthday is coming soon.” My little girl is turning five.
Her eyes shift to my tattoos. “Yes, in two months, right? It’s all she talks about.” She runs a hand through her hair and swallows hard.
“She’s running your ear off about that, too?” Casually, I lean to my side, on my elbow, my legs too long to stay on the blanket.
“Yeah.” She laughs.
“I’m going to throw her a party, nothing big or fancy, just a few of her friends from preschool with their parents, and Dolores and Carlos. But Ava mentioned some kind of inflatable castle with a slide.” I shake my head. “I have no idea where to find it.” Irritated, I rub my stubble. I looked everywhere, I have no idea where to get that damn thing.
“I happen to know a place that rents them. If you want, I can call them and arrange everything for you,” Everly offers. “It’s not cheap though.”
“Really? That’d be awesome, thanks.”
“Daddy, look!” Ava scampers to our side with two molds overflowing with sand. “I made you and Evi some cakes!” She turns the molds around at our feet, spraying us with sand in the process. She carefully lifts them, and proud of her work, she claps her hands together. “We need candles!” Jumping to her feet, searching the surroundings for a couple of twigs. After she finds them, she sticks each in the middle of their respective cakes. “Now, blow the candles out.” Her head bounces with encouragement.
Everly and I look at each other before we blow out our ‘candles’ like the little chef demanded. Ava shouts out with joy and deciding her work here is done she runs back to the water. God, I love this girl.
The sun is high up in the sky, and it’s getting hotter by the minute. Everly’s sitting next to me, hugging her bare legs, staring into the distance. I’d like to know what’s going through her mind. I barely know anything about her other than she’s amazing at her job and loves kids.
“Do you have any siblings?” She turns her head at my voice.
“No, I’m an only child. You?”
“Me, too. Well, at least I think so.” Everly gives me a questioning look. “I was put in foster care when I was just a baby. I lived with many other children in my years in the foster system, being moved around my whole childhood, but I never had a real family. I was quite a rebellious kid with a knack for troublemaking. That’s why I never stuck around one family for too long. The minute I turned eighteen, I left and never looked back. It wasn’t easy, but it sobered me up; I finally realized I needed to stop fucking around and do something with my life. I finished school, got a job. Only after I’ve met Anabel and her family did I see what it means to be a part of a family,” I explain.
“I’m very lucky to have them in my life. What about you? Are you close with your folks?”
Everly tilts her head to the side, in the direction where Ava is playing with a new friend she made a few minutes ago. A gentle breeze ruffles her hair, a few locks falling onto her face. She pushes them to the side with a finger, but she doesn’t look at me. “Actually, I haven’t spoken with them in years. You could say we’ve fallen out of touch.” She buries her hands in the warm sand, playing with it.
“Oh.” That catches me by surprise. “Sorry to hear that.”
“Me too.” She shrugs. “But that’s life, I suppose.” I have a feeling she doesn’t want to talk about this. She doesn’t want to talk about herself at all. It hasn’t escaped me she always switches topics when our conversations steer into more personal waters.
A high-pitched shriek cuts us off. Suddenly paralyzed with worry, I spin toward the ocean, seeing Ava running to us, crying.
“Daddy, it hurts,” she sobs, falling to her knees in front of me. He eyes are glassy, her lips trembling.
“What happened?” My voice is laced with concern.
“I cut my finger in the sand. It really hurts, Daddy.” There’s a small cut on the tip of her finger. It doesn’t look that bad.
“Can I take a look?” Everly asks.
Ava shakes her head vehemently. “No.”
“I’ll be really gentle, I promise.” She finally gives in and climbs in my lap, extending her finger. Everly reaches for her water bottle.
“I’m just going to wash the sand off your finger, okay?”
“No. It’s going to sting,” Ava cries, her cheeks red from crying.
“I need to clean the cut, sweetie, it’s just water,” Everly gently coos. Ava doesn’t budge and clutches her finger tightly to her chest, so I take her small hand into my own and turn it palm up. Everly gives Ava a reassuring smile and leans down to blow soothingly on the finger. She unscrews the bottle and pours water onto the cut, while I watch her work her magic. Her face looks soothing and her eyes appear to be smiling, just to calm Ava down. I’m fascinated by her. She’s so attentive and genuine. I’ve crossed path with many women in the past, but she is different.
“You’re such a good girl,” Everly praises Ava, who’s still crying, her head buried in my neck.
“Oww,” Ava hisses when Everly carefully pats the finger with a tissue and pulls a band-aid out of her bag. She wraps it around Ava’s finger.
“All patched up, brave girl!” Everly grins.
Ava finally opens her eyes, regarding the band aid with wonder; it’s covered in cartoon characters. She sniffles, tears long forgotten. “Wow, where did you get this? I have to show it to my friend.” Everly doesn’t even get the chance to respond, Ava is already running to her new friend as fast as her small feet can carry her.
“Kids.” I shake my head in disbelief. “Who could understand them?”
“Right? One moment, the world is ending, and the next, it’s all rainbows and unicorns.” Everly laughs, drawing my eyes to her face; her upper lip is slightly bigger than her lower one, and there’s a tiny birthmark above it, emphasizing her beauty. Her eyes are the color of the arctic ocean, and even though I haven’t touched her hair yet, I know it’d feel like silk in my hands. Whenever she’s feeling shy, she drops her gaze to the ground and tucks her hair behind her ear, exactly like she’s doing right this moment. “What?” she asks when she notices me staring. I wince in embarrassment, having been caught gawking her like a horny teenager.
“Nothing.” I shake my head, partly to clear my thoughts, but mostly because I can’t stop thinking about that birthmark above her lip, and I how I’d love to stroke it with my fingertip. “I was just thinking about how good you are with kids.”
Everly shrugs. “Years of experience, that’s all.”
“Not just that. You’re so dedicated to everything you set your mind to. That’s not the trait you see in many people. And it’s not easy dealing with children, I should know.” I chuckle.
“Maybe it’s because I used to work with children. I was a pediatric nurse.”
“Really?” I straighten my spine. This is a nice surprise.
“But that was years ago.” She crosses her ankles in front of her and waves her hand like it’s nothing.
“How come you’re not a nurse anymore?” I’m sure she excelled at her job.
I watch Everly bite the inside of her lip as she runs her hand through her hair and swipes it back away from her face. “I needed some personal time, and then things changed. I changed. That’s all.”
“Do you miss being a nurse?”
Her hand starts playing with the sand again, she looks like she’s thinking over my question. “Yes and no. I mean, I miss the children, their openness, and the way they carry their hearts on their sleeves. But I don’t miss the responsibility that comes with the job. I was constantly worried, didn’t know if I was doing enough for the kids, trying hard enough to help them.”
Nodding, I add, “I can relate to that. Raising a child means hard work and requires nerves of steel. I’m not saying it’s not rewarding, it’s the opposite. But for me, being a parent is the most important job in the world. Before Ava, I wasn’t afraid of anything, I laughed at danger, but since I have that little bundle of joy in my life, I’m constantly terrified. Worried I’m not raising her right, that something’s going to happen to her. I’m just trying to keep my head above the water, hoping she’s going to grow up to be a strong, caring, independent girl.”
“She’s already all that and more. You’re a good father, and you’re doing a great job with her.” Gratitude swells inside me, the sudden feeling of happiness surprises me. No one ever told me that beside my family. Her compliment hits me straight in the heart. It means a lot hearing that. I’ve never cared for other people’s opinions other than my family’s, but strangely enough her words count a lot. And the realization is confusing.
Dark clouds start to gather above us, but it doesn’t look like it’s going to rain any time soon so we continue with our picnic. Ava is still playing in the water with her new friend, and I’m lounging on the blanket, leaning on one elbow, watching Ava with one eye, and snacking on strawberries we brought along with our sandwiches. Everly seems more relaxed, too, I feel her walls are slowly dropping the more I share with her.
My cell starts to ring, disrupting our little bubble of piece. I fish it out of my pocket, Dana’s name is illuminating the screen. “Hi, what’s up?” Everly’s eyes fly up to meet mine.
“Are we still on for tonight?” Dana asks sweetly.
“Yes, of course. I’ll be there at nine, half past nine at the latest.”
“Great. I can’t wait to see you.”
“Bye.” I put the phone back in my pocket and look at Everly. “Sorry. That was Dana.”
“She’s a very beautiful woman. Have you known each other long?” A small piece of strawberry lingers in the corner of her mouth.
“A few years. She helps me a lot with Mi Vida.” I don’t know why, but I reach for her lip and brush the piece with my thumb. Blinking, she holds her breath. “Strawberry,” I explain, showing her my thumb.
“Oh. Thank you.” She blushes and wipes her mouth in case I missed something. But I don’t miss how her finger lingers over the spot I touched.
“No problem,” I reply with a smile. A flash of lightning splits the sky, immediately followed by a clap of thunder. “We should get going,” I suggest. “Now.”
“Do you think it’s going to rain?” She looks up at the dark sky.
“Definitely.” I’m used to this kind of weather this time of the year. Grabbing my shirt, I put it on.
“Let’s go then.” She raises to her feet and start collecting things.
I hate that we have to leave right when Everly started to get more comfortable with me. I can’t remember the last time I h
ad so much fun, and it was only a casual picnic at the beach. “Ava, say goodbye to your friend, we’re leaving,” I call, shouting so she can hear me.
“Not yet, Daddy,” she yells back and continues making sand pies. Another flash of lightning lights up the sky.
“Yes, now.” Everly helps me put everything back in the basket, and we fold the blanket. I can already smell the rain. “Ava, let’s go!” I repeat more sternly this time.
The sky opens up, and the rain starts pouring down on us, pooling on the sand. I grab Everly’s hand, and she picks up the basket. Ava has finally decided to join us. I lift her up, but don’t let go of Everly’s hand. When I start to walk, Everly doesn’t budge, so I look back at her. “What?” Raindrops are hitting my face, I can taste them on my mouth. Everly’s lips split into a wide grin, letting go of my hand. Eyes closed, she tilts her head back. Even though the rain is coming down in torrents, and our clothes are already soaked through, she’s dancing in the rain with her eyes shut. Ava wriggles until I put her down, running to Everly.
“Ava!” I call, but to no avail. She tugs at Everly’s already wet shirt to get her attention. They start jumping around the shallow water.
“Come on, girls, we’re already soaked.” I grumble, but they ignore my pleas.
“Daddy, it’s fun.” Ava bounces on her feet, the joyful, brilliant sound of her laughter rings down the now entirely abandoned beach. They spin around in circles, giggling and splashing water around. The rain is warm, so I have no fear Ava’s going to catch a cold. My gaze wanders to Everly, our eyes meet briefly, but mine drop lower, to her white shirt, plastered on her body like second skin. I can see her white lacy bra through the soaked material, making my thoughts wander. “Jeez,” I groan inwardly, running my hand through my matted hair. The sight of her laughing, wearing a wet shirt, her long hair clinging to her body, is incredibly erotic. Closing my eyes, I shake my head.