by Fiona Murphy
I cringe, Holly and Ethan had gone away again after the check-in with the OB/GYN. They hadn’t gone back to France, instead they went to Hawaii. Ethan was glowing when he came in to work yesterday. “Well, consider it tit for tat for keeping everyone in the dark on whether you are having a boy or a girl. I could be doing so much shopping.”
“Whatever, I have no doubt Ethan’s going to slip up before the baby comes he’s so excited. I need to know, I need details. Two weeks you’ve been living at his place. We need to catch up, lunch today?”
She’s right, and I want to, but I don’t want to miss lunch with Chris. “I do really, it’s just Chris and I usually have lunch together.”
“Ah, how adorable. Tough. You also live together and see each other every night, one lunch won’t kill you. And you owe me big time. I expect to see you at Giorgio’s at twelve thirty on the dot.”
“Fine.” She already hung up. I sigh as I call Chris.
“Hey, sugar, what’s up?”
“Holly is commandeering my lunch today. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I do feel like I owe Holly more than just lunch. I’m going to be at the building all day today, keeping an eye on the demolition to ensure they don’t get carried away. I’ll see you tonight at six thirty.”
“Okay, six thirty.” I swallow the words. It wasn’t easy, not telling him a dozen times a day I love him. Maybe it is a good thing I’ll be seeing Holly for lunch, she can tell me how to not screw this up. I shoot Mary an email about my lunch, then go back to the contract I was reading before Holly called.
When I get to Giorgio’s I’m told I’m the first to arrive. They show me to a table in the back, per Holly’s request. She’s so sneaky. I’m just getting settled when she walks in. “Oh my god, you have a baby in your belly.” I’m shocked by how large she is. Holly laughs as she opens her arms for a hug. I hug her tight. “Can I please touch your belly?”
She takes my hand and presses it against her stomach. Even through the thick sweater she’s wearing I feel a kick to my hand. “The baby has been doing this all freaking morning, and I do mean morning, it started around four in the morning. The little bugger is nocturnal or something. Thank you for asking before feeling me up. It’s insane how people think your body is public property and they can just touch you because you’re pregnant.”
“Naomi, one of the lawyers, said the same thing. Then people asked all kinds of personal questions like if she and her husband were still having sex and if she planned on breastfeeding, then got all militant about how breast was best. I cannot imagine.”
“But you want to. I haven’t seen you look this wistful since we saw Daniel Craig at Goldfinches once.”
“Yes, then there are times I get worried about what comes after. I’m worried I’ll be just a mom. The idea of not using my degrees I worked so hard for seems wrong.”
“If you ask me, it’s more wrong do to something without having your whole heart in it. And what’s wrong with being just a mom? It’s kind of an incredibly important thing to do. While I don’t think it’s healthy, for you or the kid, to make your whole life around being a mom, it’s not a part-time job kind of thing.”
“Really? I remembered the way you talked about your mom, like you resented her for doing just the mom thing. You don’t worry you’re doing the same thing though? You did start as the housekeeper, and you’re still the one who cooks and cleans.”
“Fuck no, I don’t worry about it. Ethan doesn’t think like my dad, he never treats me like I’m a maid or his hands are broken and he can’t make his own damn sandwich. As soon as we got engaged he told me to hire a new housekeeper. I didn’t because I wasn’t working and I didn’t want to sit on my ass. But when I was taking classes and things started to pile on, Ethan had people coming in at least once a week.
“And while Ethan isn’t the best cook in the world, he does make breakfast and dinner from time to time. He’s gone grocery shopping, he’ll pick up and take the dry cleaning, and he’s constantly asking if I want him to pick up dinner or do I want to go out. Also when it comes to the baby Ethan already has it planned out.
Since it’s a big deal if he’s half-asleep at work, I take care of the baby at night during the week and he’ll take the weekends. He’s also pushing for us to have a nanny at least half days during the week so I don’t feel overwhelmed and I can keep editing. He’s not assuming I’m going to stop editing. He doesn’t take it for granted I’ll stop being Holly when I also become a mom. He doesn’t take me for granted.”
“Sorry, it’s easy to assume something when you aren’t in it, seeing how it actually works.”
Holly shrugs. “Sorry, I got a little pissy when I shouldn’t have. From the outside it does look like I’m my mom all over again, but I’m not. Ethan doesn’t want me to be, he knows we would both be miserable if I were.
“Anyway, next subject. Even though Ethan isn’t happy with the whole strip club thing and I don’t think he’ll ever stop worrying about you, he does like Chris.” I let go of tension I had no idea I was still holding on to. “It’s funny, you’ve always dated these whiter than pasty white, WASP guys and you fall for a bad boy, Latin lover. Is he as good as they say he is?” I blush so red I get light-headed. “Good answer, no need for words. That’s one of the few good things about a reformed manwhore: with all the knowledge they have, it’s like you don’t ever have to speak. They just work your body like the maestros they are.”
I exhale. “Yes! I’m all, how can he know my body better than I do?”
Holly chuckles. “Let’s be honest, sweetie, you didn’t know it chapter and verse like you should have. It’s not really a surprise he knows it better than you. There are places, spots on every woman’s body that make all of us swoon. They know all the fun stuff good girls don’t know.”
“Even...” Our waitress comes, and I’m almost glad I didn’t get a chance to ask. We place our order, and the minute she’s gone Holly laughs.
“You’re worried about anal. Don’t be. Don’t buy into the hype against it. I have some of my most intense orgasms from it. And I was worried since your brother, well—I was worried. Just trust him the same way you already do.”
“He’s just so thick.” I mutter my fear.
Her laughter is loud in the empty room. “Poor you. I have no doubt Chris will ensure you enjoy it. I’m surprised you two haven’t already tried it. Two weeks, every night, he’s being patient. That’s good, especially considering all the pictures with his hand full of your ass.”
Rolling my eyes, I blush. There have been several pictures of Chris’s hand not just on my ass, but grabbing a large handful. Every time I told him to stop, he just whispered my body was his to do with as he pleased. Every single time he said it, he made me so wet I could barely stand it.
“Well, he’s, um, done other stuff. We don’t have sex every night either. It hasn’t been too often we don’t, I guess, when you factor in the morning. I don’t know. It isn’t only about sex, which is another reason I’m having a hard time not telling him I love him.
The man asks for my opinion and he listens; he doesn’t ask just to pacify me. No other man has treated me the way he does, they always do their best to one up me as if we’re in competition. I had one guy tell me Harvard is completely overrated. Another guy told me he turned down Harvard for Dartmouth because he thought it was a better school. Chris isn’t threatened by my degrees or what I know. He’s happy I’m taking an interest in the building he bought. Then he’s attentive, thoughtful, and patient. I’m trying to learn about baseball. We’ve been watching games, and no question I ask is stupid. When he could be rubbing his knowledge in my face, he doesn’t even do it jokingly. Then he isn’t all about baseball, we talk about art, we’ve been to the Art Institute. And he’s a reader, he reads everything, even Austen and Morrison. I’m in love with his mind.”
“What?”
“I’m having a hard time not telling him I love him. Half a dozen times a day I want
to tell him.”
“I know, deep breath, it’s only been a few weeks. Give him time to get hooked on you which it kind of sounds like he already is. I know I’m not one to talk but be a little more patient, for the both of you.”
Our meals come and while we eat the topic goes to Holly and Ethan’s trip to Hawaii. To whether they’re going to look for somewhere besides the condo to live, and if it will be in the city or the suburbs. Both Holly and Ethan love the condo and don’t really want to move. If they see a house they like in the city they’ll consider it, but they aren’t looking.
As we share a dessert of tiramisu, Holly asks the question I knew was coming, or rather, in Holly fashion, tells me what I knew was coming. “Friday night, our place for dinner, bring Chris. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure Ethan has a scotch before you guys arrive.”
I don’t bother arguing it won’t do any good.
***
Amelia
As we eat dinner we talk about the progress of the building. Then I pull out the sonogram picture Holly gave me. “I’m so happy for them. Holly is going to be such an awesome mom. I hope it’s a girl, Ethan will be on his knees for her.”
Chris takes the picture and studies it for a minute. “Nope, not a girl. It’s a boy.”
“How do you know?” I study the grainy picture. Holly said they also did the 3D sonogram, but those wouldn’t be shown until the baby came. I’m proud to be an aunt, but the picture makes it hard to see it’s even a baby, let alone the sex.
“Guys bring in sonogram pictures all the time, boasting about their kids. I’ve seen enough to know the difference between a girl or a boy, even in a shot where they aren’t trying to show the sex.”
“Ah, Holly wanted a boy. Ethan wanted a girl. Huh, weird, guys wanting girls. I thought all men wanted boys. Why do you want a girl?”
“Girls, plural, sugar. On account of I like the original so damn much I want a couple of copies running around. Men who want boys either feel like they failed and want to relive the life they should have had through their kid, that’s the way my dad was. Or their relationship with their father was lollipops and unicorns and they want to be able to have the same thing with their kid. Women want boys for the same reason of wanting a copy of their man, and they’re afraid to have girls for the fear of making the same mistakes their mother made.”
My eyes narrow. “You think you’re so smart.”
“Carl Jung, there’s a whole section of him on the third shelf.”
I roll my eyes, making a mental note to check out the third shelf when he isn’t home. “Are you okay with us going to dinner on Friday?”
He shrugs. “Sure, I’m looking forward to meeting Holly. It’s been a few weeks, so Ethan is probably more reconciled to our relationship. Aside from the pictures of my hand on your ass, we rarely make the front page of the gossip section anymore.”
Done with dinner, I clean up after us. I told Chris I needed to do something, so he gave in to me cleaning up after us after we ate, although there’s a service that comes in twice a week to clean the house and do laundry.
Crossing the kitchen, his hands go down to my ass then slip inside the loose silky pants I’m wearing. I moan at the way his large hands cover, mold, and caress my ass. “Speaking of, I love this ass, this ass makes my cock ache just thinking of it. Hmm...I think it’s time for more training of this beautiful ass for my cock. Are you ready?”
I moan into his mouth, “Yes, please.”
“I think we’ll start in the bath to loosen up all your tension, and your inhibitions. Go get started, I’ll be right there.”
It’s hard not to run upstairs. I turn on the bath, put my hair up into a bun to keep it wet and am naked in minutes. Blue eyes glow with approval when he walks into the bathroom. He’s already naked. As I do almost every time I see him naked I shiver at how large he is, how beautiful his body is, then I get very wet knowing he’s mine. “Can I suck your cock? Please?”
Blue eyes glow down at me, and he nods. Reaching for him, I sit on the wide ledge of the bathtub. As Chris has taught me, I suck strongly on the tip of him. Three inches is all I can manage, as I stroke him up and down with both hands. When I stroke down I cup his sac then gently squeeze a few times before going back to stroking him. On the third handling of him, he groans. Now I suck one side of him, licking as I suck. His hands go into my hair, and I let him go, taking the tip of him back into my mouth. Only seconds later he floods my mouth as he moans my name. I shiver to hear it, to know I can make him happy, and weak with what I do to him.
He grabs the jasmine oil, putting a few drops into the swirling water. He picks me up and we settle into the bathtub. His hands roam over my body, before cupping my breasts as he toys with my nipples. “Are you excited or scared about Friday being your last day at work?”
“Hmm...it changes on an almost hourly basis. Ask me again on Thursday.”
“I’m surprised it happened as fast as it did.”
“Me too, but I shouldn’t be. Karen runs a tight ship, she has backup plans that have backup plans. I’m relieved we only lost four clients in total. I was worried it would be more.”
“Any ideas on life after?”
I shrug. “Nope, I assured the legal clinic I’d be happy to continue volunteering on an every other week basis for two days a week. While I enjoy helping the women there, I don’t want to make it my life, it’s hard to deal with the custody issues. I prefer helping the women who have small businesses and need help. It helps me know what I don’t want to do.”
“Well then, it will give you time to start making plans on the kitchen remodel. We wouldn’t want you twiddling your thumbs.”
“Seriously? You trust me to handle the kitchen remodel?” The idea of the permanency it means has me smiling ear to ear.
“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t. We’ll need to have all the plans, and everything picked out before you start so we don’t go months without a kitchen but with it as the only thing for you to focus on, it shouldn’t be long.”
The way he uses the word months has me pulling his mouth down to mine. Unable to say the words, I show him the only way I can. All too soon he takes over the kiss then turns me in his arms so that I’m lying on his chest on my side. He’s always careful of my knee, never allowing me to kneel. He likes bending me over the bed or pulling me on him from behind. The oil in the water makes our bodies slick without being overwhelming.
As he has often over the past few weeks, he works two fingers steadily into my ass, then a third. Sucking on the soft part of my ear, he whispers for me to play with my clit. He loves watching me masturbate, I went red when I saw he packed the vibrators along with almost the entire contents of my closet to bring here. Twice he’s demanded I use the vibrators while he watched. When I was done he practically attacked me. It was amazing.
Once I climax, he kisses me then stands with me in his arms. I grab a towel as he takes me into the bedroom. Slowly, I slide down his slick body. Taking the towel, he dries me then hands it to me. I dry him, enjoying every second.
The bed is one of those huge things that comes up to my chest. He turns me around to face it, and picking me up, he settles my torso on the bed. I love this position—he’s fucked me in it several times and every time I swear I saw stars it was so amazing. I spot the vibrator as he reaches for it. I’m confused as I hear him open the lubricant. The vibrator surprised me the moment I saw it when I opened the box. It’s not very large, only eight inches long total, but the part that goes inside your body is only four and a half inches long and maybe two inches thick.
“Hands flat, down on the bed, sugar.” I love it when he gets commanding. My hands are barely down when I feel it; oh, he’s pressing the vibrator inside my ass. A hand goes up my spine then wraps around the back of my neck. “Easy, my three fingers are thicker than this, you can take it.”
It slides in easier than I thought it would, between the bath preparation and the lubricant. Except, it’s longer, ow
, oh my god. I moan. “Chris.”
“Yes, it is hitting your G-spot. Feels good, doesn’t it, sugar? This is why you love this position so much when I fuck you, it’s easier to hit the G-spot more firmly. The separation between your ass and your pussy is thin, which is why when my cock is deep inside your ass you’ll come long and hard.”
He’s playing with me, working the vibrator in and out slowly then faster until I’m close, then slower again. It feels like hours, it can’t be, he wouldn’t be this cruel. “I don’t want the toy. I want you please, please, fuck me. Please.” I know I’m incoherent, but I don’t care. I just need him, not silicone. I need Chris.
The vibrator is gone and I sob at the loss until I feel the heat of Chris pushing inside me and I sob for a new reason. Too big, no, he’s too big, only my body is weak from the repeated edge toward an orgasm so it doesn’t fight him. Instead it welcomes him, clinging to him as he moves in slowly, then out with every new inch he pushes inside me. Again and again he works his way in until he’s deep inside me. When he stops I moan at how good he feels, my body clutching him from deep inside. Chris growls at the sensation, then he starts to move. Deep, powerful thrusts inside and out again, more, harder, faster, so close, please. I slide hard into my orgasm as it breaks me apart, into a million pieces. I’m floating freely as I feel Chris continue to move inside me, then he thrusts in hard with a groan of my name. His come, hot, wet and electric, slides up my spine. It’s too much, and the world goes black.
19
Amelia
It’s my last day. Seven years. It doesn’t sound like a long time, but it felt like it. I’m supposed to go to a conference that is very clearly a going-away party in less than twenty minutes. I don’t want to. I feel like a fraud, as if I’m judging everyone else. Now I’m supposed to go in and smile and eat cake, and how many times can I say I have no plans?
At least when women left to have a family they were doing something. Everyone seemed to think that was my plan, that any day I’ll be announcing I’m pregnant. I wish. I’m dreaming on a nightly basis of babies, and once I wake up it feels so real the sense of loss tugs hard at me, until Chris kisses me. The promise in his kiss tells me soon.