by M.A. Stacie
He hugged her and spoke close to her ear. “I doubt the pain will ever go. You wouldn’t want it to anyway. I think you just grow used to living with it. Whatever you’ve been doing isn’t working. I can feel that you’ve lost weight, and you’re not coping.”
Somewhat annoyed by his assessment, Shae tried to pull away. Trace held firm as she protested. “I haven’t lost that much. And I cope. I’ve been on my own since . . . well, since then, and I’m still here, aren’t I?”
“Sort of.”
“Give me a break and leave it. You know Kate’s been around. I’m just better alone.”
“Bullshit. Again,” he spat. “I can see that’s working well for you. Jesus, babe, will you allow yourself to trust me?”
“I do!” She hated that he thought she didn’t.
His deep exhale blew across her cheek. She could tell he was holding back. He’d tried shouting, tried being stern with her, and now he was being gentle. In truth, it was all chipping away at her, though his declaration of his feelings had sent her head into a spin. She’d known for some time how she felt about Trace, though his reluctance to start a new relationship put a wrench in the works. Now he was telling her that they could have a future—that there was something flowing between them. The question of whether it was too late for them looped in her head.
Trace seemed to read her mind. “Do me a favor? Kiss me, then tell me there’s nothing there. Kiss me before you tell me we’re done.”
“Blackmail.”
“Nope. You can walk away and keep ignoring me. Your choice.”
Pulling back, she stared at him. Her heart beat an increasingly rapid tattoo against her chest. Her palms began to grow slick and hot. Deep down she knew she couldn’t watch him walk away, or do it herself. Not again.
“I don’t need to kiss you,” she replied a little breathless.
His blue eyes hardened. “I see.” Pushing away from her, he stood up. “I won’t bother you again. I’ll pay my rent—don’t worry about that—but I’ll keep my distance.”
“Why?” Shae stood up, too, and faced him. Her body shook with nerves.
“I’ve told you how I feel, along with what I want. It would be cruel to tease myself with what I can’t have.”
Shae grasped the front of his shirt, pulling him closer with every ounce of strength she had left. They were nose to nose, both breathing heavily. “Why would you walk away when I feel the same? Why run when I need you more than ever, and more than anyone? Why, Trace?”
His mouth crushed against hers, his lips moving with intensity. Each caress of those lips sent a wave of longing washing over her. Shae couldn’t get enough. Her hand tightened in his shirt, dragging herself as close as she could to him. Her breasts pressed against his chest as he got with the program and palmed her ass. Trace massaged as he cupped, his tongue skimming her lower lip before he thrust it into her mouth.
Arousal pinged into life. An emotion that had been buried now surged deep within her, and no matter how sad she felt about her mom, she knew Trace was who she needed. This wasn’t wrong. This was right in more ways than she could list.
Trace lifted her, his lips still roaming across hers. His ferocity softened, though the devouring didn’t. Tender sighs and wispy exhales punctuated each kiss. The longer they stayed entwined the calmer Shae felt. She was home with him. He was her balance.
“Stop torturing me,” he panted against her lips. “Say the words, babe. Three words that make this real. Three words that make you mine.”
He braced her back against the wall, never once breaking eye contact. They stared at one another, their breathing breaking the silence. Shae took her time, wanting to commit every second of the moment to memory. There was no second chance at a first time.
“Shae,” he growled, his impatience showing through, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, she giggled.
Grasping his face in both hands, she took a deep breath and said the words that had churned within her for so long. “Trace Jacks, you’re an asshole.”
He pressed his forehead against hers and grumbled.
“Okay, okay, I love you.” She let him kiss her. “You’re still an ass, but I love you.”
“I’m an ass because I was willing to try anything to get through to you. Seeing you in here, hurting, twisted in my guts, babe. I want my Shae back. My dancer, my giggler, the love of my fucking life.”
Elation had the weight lifting from her shoulders. Sadness still lingered, and she doubted the pain in her chest would dissipate, but she felt . . . better. She felt whole.
“Am I?”
“Took me too long to realize it, but yeah, you are. D said without all that shit before you I wouldn’t have even met you. Guess she has a point.”
“I suppose. Are you going to let me get down?”
Trace smirked, the devilish expression sending her system into a giddy abandon. “Never. No matter what we have to deal with I’m never letting you go again. I’ve fucked up so many times. I refuse to do it again with you.”
Reveling in his speech, she relaxed against him and rested her head on his shoulder. “You have to let me go sometime.”
“No,” he said, his voice vibrating through her. He started to walk, carrying her with him. “Before you ask, I’m taking you up to my apartment. I’m going to make sure you eat and then we’re going to work this through.”
“My grief won’t disappear after a ten minute chat with you, Trace.”
He kissed her cheek. “I know, and I’m not trying to. I just want you feeling better than you did when you arrived.”
Shae smiled, hugging him close. “I do. I already do.”
“Then I’m halfway there.”
“Halfway?”
“Yup, you need food.”
Inhaling his scent and taking it deep into her lungs, Shae emitted a soft sigh. “You,” she said. “I need you.”
“You got me, babe. I’m all in.”
Chapter 28
Trace yawned and blinked himself awake. The time flashing on the bedside clock told him it was still early. The bed seemed warmer than usual, his body in an awkward position. It took him a minute or two, plus a grope of the warm body beside him, to realize why it was all different.
Shae.
She still slept beside him, her ass nestled against his crotch as they spooned. They’d hugged and kissed most of the night, never taking it any further. Neither of them had removed much of their clothes. Even now, she wore one of his T-shirts along with her panties. And the thin cotton of his boxers did little to shield his morning wood. He wanted her so fucking bad, but he refused to push. This was about far more than sex. This was about paving a future.
When he’d brought her up to his apartment, it hadn’t been with the intention of her staying the night. Trace had wanted them to be comfortable so that they could talk. They’d managed to do that, both of them being a lot more honest than they had been about their feelings before. Shae even spoke about her grief and the hole losing her mom had left in her life.
He chastised himself for not being there to help her. Not matter what she’d said or how many walls she’d put up, he should have stayed.
“I can hear you thinking,” Shae said, her voice croaky from sleep.
He gave her waist a quick squeeze, kissing the spot just below her earlobe. “Morning.”
“Hey.” Her arm moved to rest over his. “Is there something wrong?”
“Not at all. In fact, it’s a pretty fucking amazing day.”
Shae laughed. “It’s not even seven o’clock.”
Trace kissed the spot under her ear again. “But I already know it’s going to be awesome, babe. Don’t piss on my rainbow.”
Slapping his hand, Shae turned to face him. “You have such a way with words.”
He stared at her, drinking every bit of her sleep-rumpled appearance in. Her hair was a little longer than he remembered it, the skin underneath her eyes darker than normal. However, after a decent ni
ght’s sleep, she was looking better than yesterday.
“Do I have crusty eyes? Snot across my cheek?”
“Eww, gross. No, babe, you’re fine.”
“So why are you staring?”
Raising his hand, he combed his fingers through her hair before cupping her jaw. Just touching her felt amazing, and every cell in his body sparked into life. “You,” he replied. “I’m enjoying having you here, so I’m staring.” He kissed her. “Kissing.” He moved his hand to her ass, and hooked her leg over his hip. “And touching.” Shae moaned. “Oh, yeah, lots and lots of touching.”
“Please.”
Pausing, Trace told himself to slow down even though his heartbeat had begun to escalate, and his groin had tightened with her breathy whisper. The woman undid him. “I’m being the good guy here, Shae. I’m going slow, but when you look at me like that, when your hips rock against me, I forget I’m supposed to be careful with you.”
“I won’t break.”
“I’m scared you will. I’m not going to be the one to do that. I want you happy, not crying.”
“Then touch me. Kiss me. Fuck me.”
Trace hissed, her words going straight to his cock. She knew just what to say to arouse him, and she’d hit the fucking bull’s-eye.
“Goddamn you, woman,” he snarled and rolled her underneath him. Her thighs encompassed his hips right away, her ankles linking over his ass. Her scent surrounded him, her heat encompassing him. “I can’t take advantage of you.”
“You’re not. Do I have to beg you?” When he didn’t respond she said, “Last night you told me you loved me, so show me that now. You’re the one good thing that has come out of this. Don’t take that away.”
Shae rolled her hips, the contact making him grit his teeth. He wasn’t quite ready to give in yet, though.
“Did you come to me?”
Her brows drew together. “What?”
“Did you come here yesterday hoping to see me?”
She averted her eyes to his shoulder and shrugged. “Maybe. It wasn’t something I consciously decided to do. But I guess it was what I knew I needed.”
“You should have called me, babe. I would have been there in ten minutes. No matter what I was doing. I told you that every time I called. I told you I wanted to be there for you.”
“And now I’m letting you. If you still want to.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “I thought I had to do it alone.”
“Now you know you don’t, right?”
Shae nodded and raised her head to nuzzle his jaw. “I have you, and I’m going to be just fine.”
“We’re going to be fine.” Trace turned his head, pressing his lips against hers. He kept the kiss gentle, even though Shae writhed underneath him. She was making it difficult to be the good guy.
“Trace. Trace, please.”
He snapped, her begging, along with her grinding hips, sending him over the edge. Cursing, he tore his mouth away and pulled the T-shirt over her head. She grinned, knowing she’d won.
“You’re my undoing, babe.”
“Give me what I need, Trace.”
His gaze locked with hers, his hand skimming down her naked torso. Shae sighed. Touching her ignited the fire within him. His intention had been to go slow, to soothe her, but as he watched her nipples pebble, he lost control. His hips began to move with the rhythm Shae’s set. A bubbling started in his blood, and their kisses that were once soft and tender were now hot and heavy.
Trace tried to take control, though Shae had other ideas. She rolled them over, straddling his hips and staring down at him with emotion shining in her eyes. Love. What he saw was love.
Desire pulsed with the beat of his heart, intensifying when she hooked her thumbs into the waist of his underwear. She didn’t peel them down very far, just enough to release his erection and take it in her fist. They both watched her pump his cock, and Trace held his breath when she lowered her head and licked her lips.
“You don’t need to—”
He wasn’t able to finish. Her mouth closed over the head of his erection and all thoughts fled. All his focus centered on the warm, wet suction she was creating, along with the lust heating his insides. He thrust his fingers into her hair, guiding her. She sucked, licked, and pumped him into a frenzy, his stomach tightening as it started to spasm. “Jesus, babe.”
Shae’s answer was a grin, one that made him harder. If that was even possible.
“Tell me you have condoms,” she said, climbing off him and reaching for the bedside table.
“Drawer. Quick,” Trace replied between clenched teeth.
The foil packet got torn open, the wrapper discarded on the floor. She rolled the latex onto his erection, his eyes crossing at her tender touch. He remembered this feeling, the freefall of being with Shae. He couldn’t get enough.
Anticipation built when she pulled her panties down her legs and straddled his hips again. He took a minute, allowing his gaze to drift over her nakedness. “I love you, Shae.”
“Ditto. You’ve rocked my world from day one, Trace Jacks.”
He held up a finger, halting any further talk from her. “Hold that thought. Remind me later, I’ve got something awesome to tell you. However . . .” He grasped her hips and rolled them over until she was under him again. “It can wait. No more talking.”
Trace entered her in one quick thrust. Her neck arched, a low curse coming from her lips. A flush illuminated her skin, and her chest rose and fell quicker than before. Pulling him deeper into her body, she wrapped her legs around his hips and rocked. Trace cursed, gripping her hips harshly and pulling her further onto his erection. He took charge of their pace, slowing her hips down when she moved too fast.
“Christ, Shae, having you underneath me is so damn sexy.”
She hummed in response.
“I missed you so much. Missed how we are together.”
“Stop talking and fuck me.”
Trace snickered and began kissing a path along the top of her breasts. “I missed your tits.”
“Just my tits?” She smiled and rolled her hips, setting a tantalizing pace.
“All of you, your tits included.”
He didn’t wait for a response. Instead, he swirled his tongue around her erect nipple before he sucked it into his mouth. She bucked against him, his dick pushing farther into her, and it took every ounce of willpower he had not to pump wildly into her. Missing her was causing his lust to skyrocket.
Raising his head, he cupped her breasts and met her green gaze. His hands trembled as he absorbed the love shining from them. “I love you, too, babe. You’re it for me.” His eyes closed and short gasps of pleasure exited his mouth when she swirled her hips and met him thrust for thrust.
“I’d better be,” Shae replied, grasping his hair and crushing her mouth to his. Trace grunted and gave two sharp thrusts. Shae raised her hips, tearing her mouth away as she gasped. His balls tightened at the sight of her underneath him. He couldn’t get enough.
Shae grabbed his ass, clawing at the skin as he thrust into her with abandon. Their gasps filled his bedroom, the creak of the bedsprings punctuating each breath.
“Oh, Trace, yes.”
Her cries had his abdomen tightening, and a pressure began to build in his groin. Blood surged inside him, every cell now fixed on one thing. Pleasure. He pumped into her, Shae’s legs tightening around his hips, and he felt her orgasm the moment it started. She constricted around his cock, drawing his own release from him at the same time as hers.
They groaned and grunted, both lost in the throes of lust. She took his breath away.
Slowing their movements, Trace framed her face with his hands. He placed a kiss on her forehead, nose, lips, and chin before moving back to her lips. “It’s so fucking good to be back with you.”
Shae laughed. “Fucking good is so right.”
“Do we have to call it making love now that we’re serious?” he asked, smirking.
“We call it what
we want. Personally, I like fucking.”
Trace nuzzled her throat. “I love fucking.”
Growing serious, Shae softened her voice. “We’re going to be okay, aren’t we? We’re right to do this now?”
“We want to be together—we’re better that way—so why wait? I admit I’m worried about rushing you. It wasn’t my intention to get you into my bed, but I can’t regret it. You and I were always meant to get to this moment. I’m sure of that.”
“Life got in the way, huh?”
“And it still will.” He rolled them onto their sides. “We will just have to remember how far we’ve come, and how much we fought for each other.”
Her response was little more than a whisper. “I gave in.”
Shaking his head, Trace stroked his knuckles along the side of her face. “You gave up because of your loss. It was never about us. Whereas, I refused to acknowledge that there was an us. I was so reluctant.”
Shae grabbed his hand. “We’re going to be amazing, Trace.”
“You set the pace between us now,” he said, entwining their fingers between them.
“I thought I just did,” she teased.
“You did. It was perfect, but you know that’s not what I meant, babe.” He kissed her. “I’m not going to push. I love you—I can’t tell you that enough. This between us, though, is at the speed you need it to be.”
“Trace, it’s not just me hurting here. You—”
“Shush, I’m dealing way better than before. I’ve told you that. What happened to me is something that time, and your trust, can heal. I’m opening my heart to you and hoping like hell that you don’t lacerate it. So set aside my issues and let’s talk about us. Not what got in the way of us.”
Shae grinned. “I like that far better.”
“Are you sure you can do this? Us, I mean. It’s a huge decision.”
“And one I made a long time ago. I just didn’t have the balls to tell you. And then everything went to shit.”
“It’s still not perfect,” he pointed out, needing to make sure they were being realistic about their situation.
Shae brought their joined hands to her lips and kissed his knuckles one at a time. “No relationship is. Even your sister and her husband have their problems. We just got dealt our shit a little too soon. Think of it as a test. Do you suppose we passed?”