by Lilly Holden
He flicked a switch on the wall and the fluorescent light strip in the center of the ceiling blinked to life, bathing the room in its harsh glare. I hadn’t been in the house since Deke left home all those years ago. Nothing had changed in the kitchen with its pine cupboards and a tiled blue counter dating from the ’80s.
Deke laid a wooden chopping board on the counter, and I set the dish in place.
Removing the oven mitts, I shrugged out of my coat, revealing the burgundy knit top I’d paired with my jeans. Deke took my coat from me and headed down the hallway, returning minus his own coat and suit jacket. He was pulling off a dark gray tie, then rolled it up in his hands before placing it on the counter.
The whiteness of his open necked shirt emphasized the tanned skin of his throat and upper chest and the broad span of his shoulders and chest.
As a teenager, Deke had always been big and strong for his age. But as a man, he was thoroughly intimidating.
Would it feel thrilling to be held in his arms, against his hard body? Would I feel protected or vulnerable in the sexiest of ways?
My pulse raced at the idea.
Maybe a bit of both?
“Sophie?”
I started, catching Deke’s quizzical look. God, how long had I stood there staring at him?
Needing to focus on something other than the hunk of masculinity standing so close to me, I glanced around at the cupboards. “Glasses and plates still in the same places?”
Deke’s expression softened for a moment, as if taking comfort in that shared connection from years ago. “Yeah. You serve up the lasagna. I’ll get the cutlery and drinks. There’s bottled water or beer in the fridge. What’s your poison?”
“Water, thanks.” I grabbed a serving spoon and two plates, heaped a large serving on Deke’s plate and a smaller one for me. Pasta always filled me up so quickly, I’d learned to eat my carbs slowly and avoid a bellyache.
Setting the plates on the pine kitchen table, I noted Deke had two bottles of water. “I guessed you’d want a beer after today.”
“Already indulged after the funeral with your brother and Andy. Two was my limit since I was driving.” Deke twisted the top off his bottle and took a healthy swig.
He spent some time with his friends? Gladness filled me with warmth at the sign he’d managed to reconnect, at least on some level, with his childhood buddies. “But now that you’re home?”
“I like to stay sharp.” He lifted his fork and paused, staring at me from across the table. “Good habits keep you alive in my line of work.”
Nodding at that sobering comment, I watched him dig in to the steamy pasta. “How’s military life?”
Deke finished his mouthful. “I got out a few days ago. Was on my way to meet up with some buddies and start a new job when the news came in on Boyd.”
Boyd. Not Dad. His distancing from his father sounded cold. But his stance was honest. That was Deke to a T.
“I was going to come up to you at the funeral, but I saw Rob and Andy headed your way, and I didn’t want to intrude on their moment.”
He looked up from his plate and held my gaze. “I looked for you.”
My breath stayed locked in my chest for several long moments. “You did?”
“Yeah, Soph, I did.”
There it was. His way of shortening my name. I’d missed hearing the nickname said in his voice.
I remained still, my hand holding my fork poised over my lasagna. My need to explain became greater than my desire to protect myself. “I felt it wasn’t the right time. You were closed off at the gravesite, and I didn’t want to have our first words to be when you were in that mood.” Lowering my fork to my plate, I let out a breath. “I didn’t want to be rebuffed.”
Deke was silent for what seemed like ages. “I’d never rebuff you, Soph,” he stated in a voice so low and powerful I felt the promise deep in my bones. Dropping his gaze to his plate, he forked more pasta. “The card in your mom’s last Christmas package said you’d started teaching at the local high school.”
It may have been my mom who wrote the letter, but I knitted the scarf and helped shop for the gifts included in the package. Every year was the same. Somehow, adding a letter from me was just…too intimate with Deke. He hadn’t contacted me personally since he left town. Staying one step removed protected my feelings. Even Rob only received sporadic emails. Mom seemed his major point of contact over the years with the occasional letter.
“Yep, teaching AP English.” Reaching for my bottle of water, I continued. “I love it.”
Deke’s mouth tipped up in a grin, and I marveled at the difference it made, relaxing what now seemed to be his normally serious expression. Deke had never been what I’d consider carefree in his nature, but he was closed off even more now as a man who’d spent years in the military.
“Makes sense. You always had your head in a book when you weren’t tagging along behind Rob, Andy, and me.”
“You mean when you guys would let me hang out with you.” I grinned as I forked some lasagna. “I look back now and marvel at how patient you were with me. Rob and Andy must have paid you to put up with me on your team for basketball and helping me learn to ride my bike.”
Deke leaned back in his chair. “Don’t sell yourself short. You were a scrappy player at basketball. Being smaller was an advantage over Andy who was all gangly limbs. You were my secret weapon.”
“Oh, my God, I remember when Andy had that growth spurt at fourteen.” My giggle had Deke’s grin widening. “He nearly tripped over himself he was so uncoordinated.”
“Must have developed some coordination now that he’s a cop.”
I nodded as a swallowed down my pasta. “Seems so. From what Rob says, he loves being on the force.” Studying Deke, I ventured a more personal question. “What about you? How did you find the SEALs?”
“Tough. Challenging. But I felt at home there. Made some good friends.” Deke finished off his last mouthful of pasta.
I pressed ahead, wanting to know more. “And this new job, what’s that about?”
“Private security company run by my former SEAL team leader.”
“Not a nine-to-five job then.” And probably not local.
I tried to ignore the heavy feeling growing in my stomach.
“That’s not my style, Soph.” Deke’s tone was almost apologetic, as if he was letting me know the barrier he’d placed between himself and everyone this afternoon was still in place. “Job’s based in Denver.”
Not exactly a short drive from Rushville, Ohio. “So you don’t plan on hanging around here.”
“This house has never been a happy place for me, Soph,” he said in a quiet way that spoke volumes.
I swallowed against that awful truth. I knew as much. Dammit, of course I knew that. But home was more than a house. “There are people here who care about you. My family included.” I needed him to know that. Needed him to know he mattered. All those years as a kid of being told by his father he was worthless must have left a scar. The closed-off way he held himself this afternoon led me to believe that scar ran deep.
Deke went still in a way I’d never seen anyone do before. Not just his body unmoving, but as if every bit of his concentration was now focused on me as he stared back.
I shifted in my chair, a flutter of nerves skating over my skin under his unrelenting scrutiny. At the same time, I couldn’t look away from him. Not from the man I shared so many memories with and, unknown to him, so many hopes and dreams I knew would never be fulfilled.
“Why are you here, Soph?”
My pulse raced. “What do you mean?”
“You bring me lasagna. We catch up over food in a way that you don’t feel so vulnerable to my giving you a cold shoulder. I get that. But the end is going to be the same. I’m leaving in a day or two, and nothing will change that fact.” He tilted his head to the side. “What is it you want?”
“I want you to understand you’re better than your father.”
“Do you? Knowing and believing are two different things, Deke.”
He rose from his seat in one fluid movement, his expression blank. “Time to go home, Sophie.”
Sophie. Not Soph.
Yeah, I wasn’t taking that bullshit.
I stood, the top of my head only level with the third button of his shirt, but I didn’t back down. “Eleven years ago, you left without a goodbye. I get you needed to make something of yourself, Deke. But that didn’t mean everyone you left behind didn’t give a damn about you.”
Years of feeling anger toward the father and frustration toward the son boiled over, firing up my temper. Stepping forward, I jabbed a finger into, it had to be said, an extremely hard male chest. “But you didn’t write or call. Hell, you didn’t even send me one freaking email.” I blinked against the sudden burning in my eyes. “Not one.”
Christ, I hated the way my voice broke on those last words.
For an instant, something a kin to regret flashed in his eyes. “Sophie, I didn’t think—”
“No, you didn’t.” I slapped my hand on his chest and pushed. Deke didn’t move, even a tiny amount. I may as well have hit a stone wall, which only added fuel to my frustration. “You left here, let go of everyone and everything except the occasional letter to my mom.” I rolled my eyes at that point. “Did you know I snooped on my brother’s email account one day when he’d left it open on his computer so I could get your email address?” At his raised brows, I nodded. “Yeah, a high point in my development as an adult. Of course, when I’d finally composed my cheery email to you I had to throw it in my trash folder. You’d never emailed me, and I didn’t want to look pathetic, reaching out to you when it was clear you had no interest in having contact with me.”
Deke sighed, his expression resigned. “I owed you an email saying goodbye.”
Jesus, he still didn’t get it.
“Listen, you idiot!” I shoved at his chest with both hands, this time managing to force him back a step. “I didn’t want you to owe me an email, Deke. I wanted you to know you never needed to shut yourself off from all of us in the first place.” I went to shove his chest again.
But Deke was ready, wrapping his arms around me and holding me prisoner against him. “Settle down, Soph.”
“Don’t you dare tell me to settle down, you jerk!” I struggled against his hold, but all it had succeeded in doing was making me breathe more loudly. Awesome. “For a smart guy you’re really obtuse at times.”
“Leaving here was my chance to make something of myself. Letting go of you wasn’t easy.” As I looked away, he gripped the hair at the back of my head and forced me to meet his gaze, those gray eyes of his now bright with anger. “But I considered it my only option, and I’d do the same if I had to repeat the past.”
What the hell?
“Why? What is it you’re so afraid of, Deke?” I searched his face for some clue. “Was I that much of a detriment to you succeeding in life?”
A muscle ticked in his jaw. “No, but I was to you.”
I froze. Seconds passed as all that had happened years ago fell into place. “You abandoned our friendship—not because you didn’t care, but because you thought I was better off without you.” My words were spoken in a soft voice, but I felt their impact like a blow to my body.
“Still do, Soph.” The anger went out of his gaze, replaced by a dark tenderness. “I know you hero-worshipped me.” I felt heat stain my cheeks, but I didn’t look away. The moment was too important, years overdue. “You have no idea how much that meant to me. Every day as a kid I’d been told I was unwanted. But your family welcomed me as one of their own. And you…” He released my hair to run the back of his finger over my cheek. “Every time I was with you, I felt ten feet tall.” His arm around me tightened, nearly crushing me against him, but I stayed silent, not wanting to end this moment. “You had a faith in me I’d never experienced with anyone until I became a SEAL. Rob was your big brother and I never intruded on his turf. But what we had was different.”
I held my breath as his finger moved from my cheek to trace over my lips and then down to the length of my neck.
“We were friends, but there was something extra. A bond. I wanted to be the very best I could around you, Soph. To be worthy of the faith you had in me. It was all pretty simple when we were younger, but then we turned into teenagers and my hormones kicked in. I wanted you in ways that were anything but purely friendship. By the time I left at eighteen you were featuring in my nighttime dreams.”
Thank God I wasn’t the only one who had been thinking along those lines.
“There’s no shame in having those kind of dreams.”
“There was when I wasn’t the guy for you. Sure as fuck not when you were sixteen.”
I relaxed in his arms, and his hold lessened, allowing me to lift my hand to his neck. “I’m not sixteen any more, Deke. I’m twenty-seven.”
His gaze narrowed. “Don’t play games, Soph.”
“I’m not.” Firming my grip on his neck, I tried to pull his head closer to mine, but he resisted. “I’m all grown up. You don’t have to feel guilty.”
He moved his hand to the back of my neck and gripped me firmly, as if in warning. “If you push what you’re offering, I won’t stop at one kiss.”
“Jesus, I hope not.” I allowed myself a smile at his wicked promise.
He had an unreadable expression in his eyes as he studied me. “And in the morning, when I’m still making plans to leave in a day or two?”
I steadied my breathing even as the muscles in my belly knotted. Tomorrow I’d deal with my grief at the loss of him leaving. “We have this one night, Deke. And you more than anyone understands that life is short and we should seize the moment.”
“Then tonight you’re mine.” Deke lowered his head and I prepared for a hard, demanding kiss, but instead, his lips were soft, tempting me, drawing me closer until my head was bent back and both my arms were around his neck. He raised his head and read my confusion with a slight smile. “I’ve wanted this for so long, Soph. I’m going to take my time with you.” Lifting me up in his arms, he headed down the hallway toward his old bedroom.
A thrill of arousal swept through me, heating my blood. “Never let it be said I told a SEAL how to go about his mission.”
Deke’s grin lit up his face, and I smiled back as he entered his bedroom and flicked on the light switch. I stared at the surroundings. Gone was any trace of Deke’s childhood. The room had been made into what looked like a permanent spare room with a queen sized bed and one nightstand and a wardrobe. “Found the room this way last night. It’s a good thing, Soph. This way I don’t have any ghosts from the past.”
I nodded, but in the back of my head I cursed the father who would go to such lengths to eradicate all traces of his son’s existence.
“Sophie.” Deke’s commanding voice broke through my thoughts. “Eyes on me.”
I’d never been happier to follow an instruction in my life.
He lowered me to my feet beside the bed and made short work of getting me naked. Only then did he pause to study me in a way that had my face heating as well as other parts of my body.
“You’re more gorgeous than I could have imagined, baby.” He ran his hands from my shoulders down my arms and then one on my hip, anchoring me in place while his other hand cupped my breast. Gently, he squeezed, plumping the mound until I felt it swell with blood. “Every part of you is made for a man’s touch.” He strummed my nipple with his thumb, then pinched the bud; it pebbled and throbbed from his delicious torment.
I bit my lip, wanting more. We might have all night, but I was impatient to see all that was hidden under his clothing and get my hands on his rock hard body.
“Let’s take some of your clothes off, too.” I started unbuttoning his shirt, and he didn’t argue, pulling his shirt from his pants and unbuckling his belt.
“I aim to please the lady.” While he toed off his shoes and kicked free of his pants, he kept his knowing gaze fixed on mine, as if giving me permission to help him undress but reminding me he was in command.
I had no problems with him taking charge as long as that ended up with him taking me.
Deke hooked his thumbs under his boxers and pulled them down his legs, revealing his long, thick, and wonderfully erect, cock.
Undoing the last button of his shirt, I pushed the material aside and gazed at the impossibly broad shoulders and smooth sun-bronzed expanse of muscle and sinew tapering down to a taut, flat abdomen. He was a real life American version of an ancient Greek statue.
And for this one night, he was all mine.
I launched myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him with a sense of desperation stemming from years of waiting for this very moment. His hunger matched mine as he folded his arms around me, lifting me high so I could wrap my legs around his waist.
He kissed me back. No. No, it was more than that, more carnal. He ravished my mouth with demanding pressure. Kissing, nipping at my lips, plunging his tongue inside my mouth. Deke took what he wanted, claiming my body, demanding my capitulation.
Yet the bunching of his muscles under my hands and the way he held me, firmly enough I was made aware of the underlying strength but never hurting me, was further proof this man was in total control of every moment we shared.
The next moment, I felt myself pressed into the mattress with his weight on top of me. Grabbing my hands, he held them above my head. “Now you’re going to behave and let me explore.” He kept one hand on my wrists and lowered himself down my body, his lips on my breasts, kissing, licking my nipples, making tiny bites over my ribs and my side.
“But I don’t want to behave.” Far from it, in fact. I tugged against his grip, but he held me easily.
All the while, he pinched my other nipple, then stroked his fingers down my side and hip, further down over my thigh, before gliding his fingertips over the sensitive flesh at the top of my inner thigh. Stroking, drawing circles. Each caress ever closer to my pussy.