Just One Moment (Just One Song #4)

by Stacey Lynn

  "I've always been so afraid," I admit and press the mug to my lips. There's no vanilla, but there is sweetness as the warmed milk slides across my tongue and down my throat.

  "I was afraid for a long time," Nicole says, bumping her shoulder into Zack's. "He can tell you that, tell you that I tried to run and hide from him. But one day, I finally decided I had the opportunity to go for something good. It had been so long since I'd felt that excitement that I decided it was worth the risk."

  I know what she's saying.

  I feel the same way.

  I just haven't taken that step yet.

  But I know I need to.

  Pressing my lips together, I stick out my hand and grin. "So...how about those tickets you promised me."

  Nicole wraps me into a hug.

  Zack hands me a stack of six tickets and backstage passes, and while I head off to go find Lynx and thank him for the milk he gave me, Zack and Nicole head back out to the gymnasium to sign autographs like she'd promised they would before she was done speaking.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  SARAH

  HE GAVE me warm milk.

  He was there.

  The knowledge that Lynx made the trek from downtown Chicago this morning in order to see me, to be with me, fills me with an unexplainable excitement as I make my own drive back to Chicago.

  I know he had to find out from Kennedy. I can't bring myself to be upset with her.

  There's no reason to be.

  I had wanted him there before I began speaking.

  I had felt him there.

  I couldn't get out of there fast enough after Zack gave me my milk.

  It's so cheesy. Corny.

  Completely worthy of an eye roll.

  It's also the sweetest gift anyone's ever given me.

  I pull into the alley behind Rodney's gym and feel slightly deflated when I don't see Lynx's run-down Nissan Pathfinder parked there. He doesn't drive it often, it being easier to cab it or take the train in the city, but I had assumed he'd head straight here when he left Naperville this morning.

  I pull out my phone and send a quick text to Kennedy, asking if she knows where he is, and slide the phone back into my purse without waiting for her answer.

  If he's not inside, I figure she'll have an answer for me when I'm done here.

  Before I can talk myself out of what I'm doing, I get out of my car and make the quick trip through the alley and around the buildings. Pulling my coat tighter against my chest, I huddle into my jacket to hide from the brisk October wind that's beginning to force a chill to the air. It’s the kind of briskness that warns all Midwesterners that our season of hibernation and bulky coats will be arriving shortly.

  It's a stark contrast from the humidity that blasts me in the face coupled with the stench of sweat when I open the door to the gym and step inside.

  I shake out the chill from my arms and look around the large, warehouse-type gym, feeling my confidence and excitement dissipate with every breath.

  "Hey," Landon says, his voice catching me by surprise when he walks around a corner. "What are you doing here?"

  "I was, um, looking for Lynx."

  His brows snap together. "He hasn't been in yet. Said he had shit to do today."

  "Oh." I blow out a breath and run a hand through my hair. "Okay. Will you tell I'm looking for him? I thought...after this morning..."

  My voice trails off and Landon steps in front of me, forcing my eyes to land on his. "What about this morning?"

  "Nothing. He just, he was there when I spoke at a school."

  At Landon's confused expression, I realize he has no clue what I'm talking about or what his brother is up to.

  Being here is pointless.

  "I'm just going to go, then."

  "You okay, Sarah?"

  I turn to look at him over my shoulder.

  "I can call him. If he knows you're here, he'll get his ass here as fast as he can. He's been worried about you."

  Another headshake. "No. That's okay. Just, if you see him, let him know I was here?"

  "Of course."

  "Oh." I turn back around to face him and fish out a couple of the tickets from my pockets. "I have these for you, and a guest if you'd like them."

  I hand him the tickets to the concert for tomorrow night along with the backstage pass lanyards.

  Landon's eyes shoot up to mine. "What the hell? How'd you score these?"

  I can't help but laugh a little bit. "Yeah, I know them—Zack and Nic Walters. I saw them today and they gave these to me for all my friends. Figured we could all go together."

  "I'll fuckin' be there." He holds them in the air. "And then y'all can meet Karly."

  "All right, Landon." I flash him a wave of my hand. "I'll see you later."

  "You know I'm calling Lynx right now, right? Telling him to get his ass to you?"

  "I figured as much."

  "Man's a miserable sack of shit without you around, you know," he shouts as I walk away from him.

  The words aren't kind. Aren't fluffy at all.

  Yet as I walk outside, the chill in the air can do nothing to cool the warmth suffusing my chest.

  ***

  After I go to Lynx's apartment and he's not there, either, I give up my search and head back home.

  It hits me that I don't know his favorite places to be, the places he goes when he needs to chill, or if he even has a favorite spot like I do.

  I have to drive around the block three times and still end up parking a block and a half away from my apartment building before I finally find a spot.

  The joy of having a car in the city.

  I've often considered selling it, but for days like today, it's necessary.

  I hitch my purse over my shoulder and shove my hands into the pockets of my jacket, keeping my eyes straight ahead, paying attention to my surroundings. I'm used to this neighborhood and I'm comfortable, but I'm also still a single woman in the city and the area around Hyde Park isn't always the greatest.

  The homes can change from Old-World-style mansions to run-down Section Eight housing block by block.

  I'm focused on where I'm going, but my mind is on this morning.

  This morning was harder than other mornings—possibly because I went into it during a difficult week. That's the fault of my own making. It's also always harder when Nicole is with me, although I know it makes the moment more impactful for the audience. Yet it's virtually impossible for me to stand in front of the photos of ruined cars and then Mark and Andrew's happy, smiling faces, with Nicole by my side and not lose it.

  The first couple of years I spoke, Nicole came and watched. It was after that that she decided to take a more vocal role when she could. It's such a huge favor to me, but I know she does it mostly to keep the memory of her husband and son alive.

  This morning she was calmer, more at peace.

  She's found that in the last several years, since marrying Zack and starting her own family. This morning she shared that while she'll always love Mark and Andrew, it's the strength she receives from Zack that helps her continue forward, every day, as well as being a mom to their two children Carter and Elsie. Her message is always coupled with moments about moving on after grief, which I feel like anyone at any age should hear because you never know when life is going to throw you a curveball.

  Until this morning, her words have never hit me like that ball, though, ripping the breath from my gut while I focus on her words and her meaning.

  And I know that with her quick and softened side-eyed glances in my direction, she means them for me as well.

  Today might be the first day I've truly been able to accept the forgiveness she's so freely given toward me.

  It's the first time I've left a high school and not felt like finding the nearest male body to take away my thoughts and memories.

  It's the first time I've left not feeling depressed.

  The warm milk might have something to do with it.

  It als
o might be because everything that Kennedy and my parents and finally Nicole have said to me over the years is finally sinking into my hard head.

  It’s time to put the guilt away, and it's time to move on.

  I blink, noticing that my vision has gone blurry when my feet come to an abrupt stop on the sidewalk.

  I'm still a building away from my own apartment building when I realize that on the road, right next to where I'm standing, is the exact same Nissan Pathfinder, rust spot above the passenger side wheel well, that I've been looking for all morning.

  He's here.

  I laugh out loud and quicken my steps, clinging my purse strap to my chest to prevent my heavy bag from smacking against my hip as I hurry down the sidewalk.

  When I get there, I stop again at the bottom of the steps that lead to my building and I laugh again.

  "You look like you're waiting for handouts," I say, humor in my voice as I see Lynx sitting on the top step, off to the side and out of the wind. He has the hood from his sweatshirt pulled down far over his forehead, his shoulders slouched and his hands shoved into the front pocket.

  His head lifts and his full lips stretch into a full grin. "It's fuckin' freezing out and I've been waiting for you for hours."

  I ignore the skip in my pulse at that piece of information.

  I shake my head and head up the stairs, digging my keys out of my purse while I move. "You could have waited in your car."

  He uncurls from his spot and stands up when I reach the door. His large frame always seems to tower over my small size. I love it.

  In a way that no one else ever has, Lynx makes me feel safe.

  I slide my key into the lock and his hand covers mine.

  "How are you doing?" he asks, his voice that deep rumble that always does funny things to my belly.

  I bite the tip of my tongue before twisting my neck so I can see his eyes. "Better after that nice warm drink. Thank you."

  His shoulders fall. I hadn't realized he was tense until I see it disappear from his stance.

  He nods once. "Good. Now can we go inside?"

  I twist the key and open the door, but he pushes it away from me, allowing me to enter first.

  I turn around to watch him come in, exhaling a calming breath.

  It's time for pure honesty.

  "I'm really glad you were there, Lynx."

  He steps toward me and brushes strands of my hair off my cheek, sliding them behind my ear. His hand cups the side of my head, pressing his fingers in with a little bit of firm pressure.

  "I'm glad I could be there for you."

  A moment passes between us, a few heartbeats, where I finally realize what this feeling that’s always simmering between us is.

  Peace.

  Trust.

  Love.

  "Come on upstairs," I say through a choked voice. "I think we have some things to talk about."

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  LYNX

  SHE'S NOT pissed at me.

  I could have handled it if she had been, but this visit is going to be much easier if she isn't.

  The way she smiled at me, laughed at me, when she first saw me sitting on the steps to her apartment eased all the stress and the shit that's been weighing me down ever since I saw her step onto the stage earlier.

  I've been fucking worried about her, especially when it took her so long to get here.

  Getting a text from Landon that Sarah that was looking for me at the gym quenched the worry somewhat, but I didn't want to leave and head to my apartment and miss her, so I've now been sitting outside for the last two hours.

  Waiting.

  And like always, every glimpse I get of Sarah is well worth the wait.

  I follow her into the apartment, keeping my hands clasped together in the front pocket of my sweatshirt.

  Partly because I'm dying to reach out and pull her into my arms and hold her, comfort her after what had to be a difficult thing to do.

  Partly because my fingers are so fucking cold they feel like they might break off, and I need to warm them up.

  "Want anything to drink?" Sarah asks as she lets us in, tossing her keys onto a small table and locking the door behind us.

  I take my hands out of my pockets and blow on them. "Coffee. Anything hot."

  She presses her lips together like she's trying to keep from laughing at me.

  I want to hear that laugh break through.

  "Sarah?" I ask when she heads toward the kitchen and starts filling her Keurig with hot water. She doesn't drink coffee, but I've seen cups of hot cocoa, apple cider, and tea. I'll take any of it right now.

  "Yeah?"

  I rest my hip against her counter, still blowing on my hands and rubbing them together. "I was really proud of you this morning. What you said, what you do, that takes more fucking guts than anything I've ever seen before."

  Her chin trembles a bit and she sniffs as she pops a cup into the holder and presses the brew button.

  The only sound in the room is the brewing mug of whatever she's making me, and yet the silence speaks volumes.

  I am proud of her.

  So fucking proud. No way in hell could I ever stand in front of thousands and so boldly share the shit that's always messed my head up so much.

  She does that shit willingly, just hoping to make a difference.

  "Thank you," she mumbles.

  I stop giving her space. She hasn't kicked my ass out yet, or told me to go to hell.

  Even if she does, I won't listen.

  She's mine.

  I step toward her in the small kitchen and squeeze her hip with my hand. Before she can object, I yank her toward me until she slams against my chest, bracing herself with her hands.

  "Lynx," she breathes out from the shock of my sudden move. Her eyes are wet, filled with tears, but she also has a soft expression that makes me want to be gentle with her. And fast and hard and rough.

  All at once.

  She makes me want to take my time.

  She makes me want to take her urgently.

  And it's all with the way she breathes my fucking name.

  I'm gone for this girl.

  My hand slides up her side until I cup both of her cheeks with both of my hands. I tilt her head back and dip my chin. "Me and you, Sarah. This is it. I want you more than I've ever fucking wanted anything or anyone. We're both messed up, but everyone is damaged in some way. Some scars just run deeper. I want the broken pieces of you to blend with mine, until we're just one beautiful kaleidoscope of jagged pieces fitting together perfectly.”

  Her breath hitches and she breathes out my name again.

  I must be the biggest pussy in the world for spewing that shit. I don't even know where it came from.

  I don't much care, either.

  Before she can protest, I press my lips against hers, quieting her objections, silencing her agreements with a kiss that I never want to end.

  She tastes like berries. She tastes like sex.

  She tastes like home.

  I tilt her head, giving me deeper access to her mouth as I show her with my lips and my tongue and my taste how much I desperately want her.

  Need her.

  Love her.

  "Sarah," I gasp, pulling back so she can look me in the eyes. Before I lose my nerve, I brush my thumbs against her cheeks and smile into her glazed and unfocused eyes. "I love you. It's you for me, always."

  She blinks once before the edges of her lips curve into a smile. "I think I realized on the walk here that I love you, too. That's what had me so scared—I'm terrified at the idea of losing you." Her fingers dig into my shirt at my waist and she pulls me forward, even though our bodies are already melded together. "I can't lose you, Lynx."

  "You won't have to. Ever." I grin and press my lips against hers. "I'm too big of an asshole to go anywhere. You're stuck with me. And now, I'm going to take you to your room and make love to you."

  Her breath does that cute little hitch-hiccup thing ag
ain at my words and I don't waste time.

  I drop my hands to her waist, pick her up, and wrap her ankles around my back.

  I carry her to her room, pressing my lips to her cheek, her jaw, her throat... Anywhere I can touch, I taste.

  It's only been days since we've been together.

  It feels like years.

  I have the strongest desire to memorize her tiny, sexy-as-fuck body all over again.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  SARAH

  "ISN'T THIS so much fun?" Kennedy exclaims from our incredible seats.

  Front row, just beyond the standing-only area.

  Like they've done for the last decade, Zack Walters and his band put on an incredible show. Their music is fast—a mixture of rock and a little more pop, a tune that's changed in the last few years.

  But like I know they've all done personally, grown and matured, their latest album is, I think, their best one yet.

  We've been dancing around, bopping to the beat, and Kennedy and I have screamed so loud that I'm certain I will lose my voice by the end of the night.

  I don't really care.

  Next to us are Grayson and Lynx, standing stoically because they're men and they don't dance, but I can tell by the smiles they flash in our direction that they're still having fun.

  They're at least enjoying watching Kennedy and I make fools out of ourselves.

  At the far end of our line are Karly and Landon.

  I fell in love with her almost as much as Landon seems to like her as soon as we sat down to dinner earlier tonight. Over pizza and beers, we got to know Karly a little bit, and I can't think of a single thing about the woman—whom Landon can't take his eyes off of for more than a moment—that I don't like.

  She's beautiful with waist-long, red hair. She has curves for days and the friendliest, kindest voice and laugh. The way she continues to shoot a sweet grin in his direction makes it obvious she’s completely taken with Landon. Her sweeter and prettier green eyes seem to shine like stars whenever she looks at him.

  The fact that he hasn't stopped touching her in some way since they first walked into the restaurant speaks volumes.