by Stacey Lynn
I'm happy for them.
Their new relationship seems to be moving as quickly as mine and Lynx’s, with fewer speed bumps to navigate.
"When this song is done," I shout, turning toward Lynx, "we're supposed to head backstage. Nicole told us to get there early."
"Lead the way, honey," he returns.
He pulls me to him, wrapping an arm around my back and settling his hand low on my waist.
I lean into his hold, unable to help myself.
In the last few days, Lynx and I have talked.
We've talked a lot.
He's encouraged me to go find someone I can talk to about my problems, like he's finally been able to find for his.
We haven't spent the night apart. I'm not sure I ever want to sleep alone again—not now that I know what it feels like to wake up, my legs flopped over Lynx's or his chest pressed to my back with his arms holding me tight against him.
I don't even care that I wake up feeling like I've been covered in an electric blanket on hi-heat for way too many hours.
There isn't a single place I want to be more than wrapped in Lynx's arms and surrounded by the weight of his muscled body.
"Hey!" I shout to Kennedy and Grayson, getting their attention. I circle my finger in the air, signaling that it's time to head out. Grayson punches Landon on the shoulder, getting his attention as well.
I lead our group down through the stands and we push through the crowd of fans until we're finally at the backstage barrier surrounded by security guards.
There, we find the room Zack uses for after-show reporters and fans who have either purchased or won backstage passes through radio giveaways.
"How'd you like the show?" I ask Lynx, turning to him once we've both grabbed bottled water from a bucket on one of the tables. In the far corner, there's a bar area set up where Landon and Grayson immediately head.
"Fucking fantastic," Lynx says, twisting the top off his bottle. He shakes his head as if needing to clear it. "It's still crazy to think that I just met the guy earlier this week. I almost shit my pants when I saw him at the high school."
My shoulders shake as I laugh. "Nice."
"I know it's a shitty way that you know them," he says, and my smile vanishes. "But seriously, this shit is way cool. It's a testament to how much Nicole respects you and believes in the work you do that she'd be willing to do all this for you, you know?"
Odd. I'm not sure I've ever thought of that until this moment.
I take a swig of my water to soothe the emotions I feel bubbling just below the surface and look away.
"I didn't mean to make you upset." He places his hand on my shoulder, shaking me gently. "I think this is incredible. With everything she's been through, she's not only forgiven you for the accident, but she's found a way to move on and find a new life, too."
"Yeah." Damn it. I blink rapidly and scrunch my nose to fight back tears. "She's amazing."
He leans forward and presses a quick, soft kiss to the tip of my nose, making me smile despite myself. "She's not the only one. I happen to think you're amazing."
My skin flushes with warmth and he takes my hand, pulling me toward the bar. "Come on. Let's party and forget the heavy bullshit tonight. I want to get you drunk and have my wicked way with you later."
I snort and roll my eyes, but follow his lead.
Because I don't think there's anywhere Lynx would want to take me that I wouldn't want to go with him.
***
I laugh at Karly's glazed expression as Nicole pulls her into a quick but friendly hug. "It's nice to meet you, Karly."
"Uh…um...yeah," she says when Nicole lets her go.
Nicole's eyes shimmer with humor and understanding. "I'm just a woman. Just a friend." She holds up her hands and laughs. "I swear it. I let this craziness go to my head and Zack would never forgive me."
"Right." I snort. "Zack would forgive you for just about anything."
She looks over her shoulder, where Zack is speaking with a group of reporters. Lightbulbs flash and microphones are shoved in front of his face, but he seems laid back and his eyes never once leave his wife.
"Yeah," she sighs. "I'm lucky like that." She bumps me on the shoulder and grins. "I hear you're lucky like that too, these days."
"No kidding," Kennedy chimes in.
I roll my eyes. "Zack told you about Lynx?"
Her eyes widen. "Oh, is that his name? It's as sexy as he is."
"You're crazy," I say, fighting back a laugh, but it's mostly just to change the subject. I'm always uncomfortable talking about good, happy things with Nicole.
"No," she says and her eyes soften. Next to me, I see Kennedy gently rest her hand on Karly’s shoulder and gesture for them to leave.
Traitor. I stick my tongue out at her as Nicole continues.
"I'm someone who's lost a lot, but I've been given way more than I ever imagined. Ever, Sarah. Life is just how it should be right now."
As I always feel when Nicole is so kind to me, my nose begins to sting and I know tears are coming.
"How do you do it?" I ask, shaking my head. I've never asked her this before. I've always been too afraid to know. "How do you move on?"
Her eyes glisten as she considers my question long enough to make me uncomfortable.
"I found someone who promised me they'd always help me remember, but he also promised to make my life worth living again. It's as simple as that, Sarah. You and me, we know how things can change in our lives in the blink of an eye. You carry a different weight than I ever did, and you can't lie because I see it in you. You're still trying to make amends. You're still trying to make things right, but what you don't see," she says and reaches out to grab my hand in hers, "is that everything is already right."
I blink rapidly, but she allows her tears to fill her eyes.
"You think I don't know why you do this, still? You're still trying to earn forgiveness, Sarah, but I gave that to you years ago. Not just for myself, but so that you can move on. You have to let this go."
"I can't." I shake my head, and when I do I see Lynx at a distance, hanging out with Grayson and Kennedy.
His eyes narrow when he sees me, and he must see that I'm getting ready to lose it because he begins walking toward me.
"I can't get over the fear that I'll ruin something else, hurt someone."
It's the first time I've admitted that to her, and I can't bring myself to look her in the eye.
"That's life," she says, getting my attention with her no-nonsense statement. "You don't think that every time Zack gets in the car with Carter or Elsie that my stomach doesn't lodge into my throat? I don't say that to you to make you feel worse. I always will, and that's a fact of life. Then they come home and everything is fine, and I hope like hell it always will be. But with all I've been through, I continually remember that life is about living. Mark and Andrew always had so much of it to share and they'd be disappointed in me if I didn't share their zeal for life with everyone I meet. You need to do the same. Mark would be honored you've spent so much of your life atoning for his death, Sarah—he really would be. But he'd also be disappointed in you for not putting it behind you and finding a way to live your own life to the fullest."
She reaches out and brushes her fingers down my cheek, wiping my tears just as strong arms wrap around me from behind.
I inhale Lynx's scent immediately and Nicole looks up, smiling at him over my shoulder.
"You have good friends, good people to help you..." She drops her hand and squeezes mine. "Let them. Move on from this, Sarah. It'll kill you if you don't, and I have a feeling you have too many people in your life who would be devastated by that. Live for them. But most importantly, live for you."
My shoulders shake while Lynx pulls me tighter. I continue to fight against falling to my knees and sobbing.
I can't lose it here.
I won't.
I exhale a breath through puffed cheeks and force my shoulders to relax. "Thanks, Nic
ole."
She squeezes my hand again before letting go. "Don't mention it," she says, before turning her eyes to Lynx. "It's nice to meet you."
"Same," Lynx says, reaching out his hand and shaking hers. "Sarah tells me that your friend Mia is usually with you."
"She is. But she and Chase have just added another foster child to their family, so she can't travel much this tour. And Sammy's so pregnant she might pop any moment. Jake's been freaking out so much it was best if Mia stayed back in California to be close to her."
My eyes widen at all the talk of babies. Her life has changed so much, and just like she's said of me, she has a great group of friends.
"That's a lot of kids," Lynx says, mirroring my own thoughts.
Even tonight while we've been hanging out in the back room, Nicole and Zack's oldest son, Carter, has been weaving in and out of people's legs, chasing his little sister. Both of them are decked out in rocker gear and Carter's long blond hair, which looks so much like Zack's, flies behind his shoulders as they both shriek.
Nicole throws her head back and laughs. "Between Garrett and Chloe's three, our two, however many Mia and Chase usually have, and now Jake and Sammy's soon-to-be second child, our gatherings are more like a daycare."
Lynx's arms wrap around my waist and he squeezes me more firmly against him. "Sounds like it's a blast."
"It is." She smiles and nods. "But I want my life to be like that and so do they, so we make it as fun and meaningful as possible." She shoots me a knowing glance, pressing her soft, warm palm against my cheek. "I've got to make sure Carter and Elsie don't destroy anything, but think about what I said, okay?"
It takes me a moment to settle my emotions at her words, and when I nod, she lifts her hand in a wave.
I watch as she walks away, smiling at everyone, and then as she gracefully bends down and scoops Elsie into her arms, blowing a raspberry into Elsie's neck.
"Funny," Lynx says, whispering in my ear. "Never thought I'd have a family, or would be able to. But being around you...seeing those kids, makes me want it all."
I make a choking sound and slowly spin around so we're pressed chest to chest, and look up to find him smiling down at me.
"Lynx," I say, his name more quickened breath than a word.
He grins and runs his hand through his hair, dropping his forehead to mine. "We'll take it one step at a time, okay?"
I feel his shoulders begin to tremble and his lips turn into a smile against my skin. "Sounds good." I pull back slightly so I can let him see everything I feel for him. "I love you. Thanks for pushing me, for sticking with me."
"Ah, Sarah," he whispers. "I have no other choice but to stick with you. I love you too much to ever be willing to let you go."
Damn emotions begin to swirl inside my gut as we look at each other, and I see his desire for me begin to burn deep in his dark eyes. The entire room begins to melt away. It's only us when he leans down and brushes his lips against my ear.
"Now let's go get you drunk. I have a promise to make good on later."
EPILOGUE
SARAH
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU just messed me up like this," I say, half-teasing while I shift my dress around so it's back into its proper position. When Lynx walked up the stairs to his loft, which is also my new home, and saw me sliding on a stack of silver bangle bracelets, he immediately turned me toward the dresser, lifted my dress over my backside, slid down my panties, and gave me not one, but two delicious orgasms. "We're going to miss our reservation."
I take one last look in the mirror to fix my messed-up and wild hair, only to see Lynx shaking his head at me, a smile on his face that he reserves just for me.
"We'll be fine. They'll hold our table."
My eyes roll toward the ceiling. "It's the Signature Room. I don't think they hold tables."
"Trust me."
Those two little words and I'm a goner. I turn around and walk toward him, my smile growing larger with every step I take until I'm almost pressed against him. My hand rests against his cheek. "I do trust you. I just think my birthday at the top of the John Hancock building is a little excessive."
He presses his lips against my forehead and mutters, "You're worth every overpriced penny, I promise."
Stepping back, I put my hand in his and let him lead me down the stairs and then into the waiting elevator.
My dress tonight is small and clingy in all the right places with a back that's cut out almost down to my rear end. I think it was that view that made Lynx go a bit caveman earlier. Not that I mind.
I've learned in the last six months that when Lynx considers something—or someone, as the case may be—his, he'll do anything he can to protect it and claim it.
I wouldn't have been surprised at all if he had come all over my back, just so his scent lingered on my skin for all other men who might look at me. Not that they do it for long. One slow, knee-shaking glare from Lynx usually has men quickly glancing in the other direction when I'm with him.
It's spring in Chicago, and while the snow has melted early, there's still a lingering chill in the air. I shiver as we step outside and wrap my leather jacket tighter around my body.
"Have I told you yet that you look beautiful?" he asks as he guides me into a cab.
I flash him a smile as he holds the door open for me. "I think you made that clear earlier."
He shoots me a pleased look and slides onto the seat next to me. Taking my hand, he pulls me toward him so he can wrap his arm around me and hold me close. "Good. Then I accomplished my mission."
"To make us late for my own birthday dinner?"
"No," he drawls, giving me a sarcastic look. "To remind you every day how much I love you, and how perfect I think you are for me."
Heart.
Beat.
Too fast.
"Well," I huff and turn to look out at the window as the cab flies through the city at death-defying speeds. "Yes, I think you do that well."
As we take the ride toward downtown, we talk about our day and our upcoming weeks. After Grayson was injured during his last fight, Rodney slowly started putting his own retirement in place. This means that Grayson, Lynx, and Landon have to work harder to train and market and find new fighters as well as promote them. It's everything they've wanted to be doing for several years now. I'm so thankful I get to be along for the ride as I watch my man fulfill his dreams.
As for me, I've quit the hotel where I worked and now run my nonprofit full time. While I began meeting with a therapist shortly after I spoke in Naperville, and as I've begun to heal from my experience and my guilt, I no longer think it could be a waste of time to do what I was doing before.
Now I just do it with a healthier heart and mind.
Besides, if I ever have the knowledge that I've saved just one life, a lifetime of working will be worth it.
That's not to say I don't have my bad days, or my bad dreams. I do.
Lynx does as well.
But now, instead of being afraid to be together in the dark where our demons can chase us, we curl into the other, hold each other close, and know that as long as we're fighting together, we can conquer anything.
I take a deep breath as the cab finally pulls up to the front of John Hancock and wait for the valet to open our door. After Lynx slides out, I take his offered hand and allow him to help me out of the car.
"This place is always so beautiful," I murmur, looking up at the top of the building that is so tall, on cloudy days it seems to disappear into the sky. "If I forget to tell you later, thank you for bringing me here."
"Anytime, honey."
We wait for the elevator with a small group of other dining guests, and as we step inside, my pulse immediately begins to beat a bit faster, a bit warmer on the inside of my wrist.
I take Lynx's hand, which is resting on my lower back, and hold it in mine, squeezing him tightly.
In my life, I can never remember a time that I've been so happy, so content and at peace.
Lynx hasn't healed me, but he's helped guide me toward the way to see that life happens, both good and bad. And in moments like this, there's no way to express exactly how much I love him.
As the elevator door dings open, I swallow my joy that's bubbling beneath the surface and follow Lynx to the hostess.
"Anders party," he says and I watch the woman's face turn to a grin.
"Of course, let me show you to your room."
I tug on Lynx's hand. "Party? Room?"
His lips twitch, but he shushes me and tugs me forward. "Come on, birthday girl."
My eyes widen with every step as we're led through the restaurant with breathtaking views of the entire city until the hostess takes us to a private room.
"What party?" I ask again. "What did you do?"
"I hope," he says as the woman opens the door and my jaw drops open, "that I'm still doing a good job of showing you how much you're loved."
My jaw hits the floor as I step inside the room.
"Happy Birthday, Sarah!"
I'm frozen in shock as my eyes scan the room while everyone shouts. I feel Lynx come up next to me and slide my palm against his, entwining our fingers together, but I can't stop staring.
Everyone is here.
My parents.
Kennedy and Grayson.
Landon and Karly.
Candace and Jax.
My old co-worker Jamie is here with her new man of the week.
All my family and friends are gathered in one room and I feel tears begin to stream down my cheeks.
"You can't cry yet," Lynx says, stepping in front of me.
I blink rapidly. "Why not?"
He grins and his free hand slides into his pocket.
My fingertips cover my still-open mouth.
"Because then you won't have more happy tears to shed when I do this."
"What?" I ask. My heart stutters and stalls inside my chest.
Lynx slowly drops to one knee in front of me.
"Oh my God," I whisper, my fingers beginning to tremble. "You're not..."
"Oh, I am." He winks and snaps open the small black box in his hand.