“I’ll see what I can do.”
Tessa began to turn towards the table behind me, but I held up a hand in a gesture that asked her to wait. “I have something for you.” Her forehead wrinkled. “An apology for making you break your drawing pencil the other night and crashing into you that first day.”
Tessa’s shoulders tensed. “You don’t need to apologize.”
“I do. It’ll make me feel better.” I handed her the tin of drawing charcoal. “For you.”
She stared down at the tin, her eyes blinking rapidly. “This brand is the best,” she whispered, almost to herself. A rapid-fire flash of emotions crossed her face, changing from one to the next faster than I could follow, as if she were at war with herself. She swallowed hard. “Thank you. This was very kind of you.”
“No problem—” Before I could finish my sentence, she’d turned and strode away. I watched as she chatted with the men playing bridge. The longer they talked, the more her muscles seemed to ease. She joked and teased, making the guys’ eyes light up.
Tessa asked one about what the doctor had said about his blood pressure at his last appointment, and another about whether his granddaughter had liked the doll he’d gotten her for the girl’s birthday. There was genuine kindness and caring in Tessa, but I noticed that she artfully dodged all questions directed at her that were any more specific than how she was doing.
What was her story? And what was it about me that put her on edge? I flipped my notebook back open and tried to find the answer there, but it seemed those wisps of music had floated away when Tessa left.
7
Tessa
I slipped my key into the slot on the car door, turning it until the lock popped down. The vehicle was so old that the remote no longer worked, but the relic got me where I needed to go, and that was all I needed.
I took a moment to survey the town around me. Pine Ridge was about the same size as Sutter Lake, maybe a little larger, and about an hour away. It was one of six towns I used to do my research. I didn’t have a computer of my own, and I didn’t want any library staff members wondering what I was doing there so often if I always went to the same one.
I adjusted the brim of my hat so that it mostly concealed my eyes and headed towards the library. I ducked my head as I entered, avoiding the video camera at the front doors. Not being caught on film anywhere was one of my cardinal rules. The good thing about small towns was that security measures like cameras were few and far between.
I moved through stacks of books until I found the computer lab. All that was required was signing in. I scrawled a random name and took the station most removed from the people already seated, and one that still gave me a view of the door.
Placing my bag on the seat next to me, I pulled out a slip of paper with a list of names. It had taken me a year of careful searches to come up with the list. A year of building fake social media profiles and sending messages, pretending to be someone I wasn’t, just hoping I’d find the person I was looking for.
When Garrett and I had been at the beginning of our relationship, he’d talked more openly. He’d spoken of an ex, someone he’d said had almost ruined his life with lies. After going through what I had with him, I had a feeling this ex had nearly taken him down with the truth. I had to find her.
I wasn’t exactly sure what I would do when I did, what the best approach would be. Was an email or call more appropriate when asking if someone’s ex-boyfriend had beaten them, too? I rolled my shoulders back. If I could find this woman, and if she would stand with me, the police would have to believe us.
My stomach pitched. Garrett was such a good manipulator. Would he be able to convince the police that we were both crazy?
I gripped the edge of the computer desk. I had to try. Because what would my life be like if I didn’t? Would I hide forever? Be afraid to let anyone in. The image of Walker gazing down at Taylor with pure adoration flashed in my mind. I rubbed my sternum, trying to relieve the spasm there. Maybe one day I’d have that.
It seemed impossible, like my own personal Everest. I’d have to scale so many things to get there. I took a deep breath. There was only one way to climb a mountain: one step at a time.
I tapped a letter on the keyboard, bringing the screen to life, and signed into one of my many fake social media accounts. There was a message waiting. One with a name. I scrawled Bethany Lewis on my piece of paper. I scanned the list of names. Eight in total. The girl I was looking for had to be one of them. It was time to start researching.
The hours flew by as I searched old yearbooks and public online photo albums. People didn’t realize how much of their lives they left out for the world to see. How much information a complete stranger could gather with just a few keystrokes. The whole thing made me feel like a creeper.
I stood for a moment, stretching, trying to relieve some of the tension that had settled between my shoulder blades. I checked my watch. One more hour. I could afford one more hour before I needed to head back to Sutter Lake.
Easing back into the desk chair, I typed a new name into the search engine. Too many of the wrong hits. I typed in the name and a location this time. Virginia. Where Garrett and all the majority of these women had gone to college.
A slew of news articles filled the screen. My heart began to beat erratically as I clicked on one. College Sophomore Missing Since Tuesday the headline read. I double-checked dates and names. This was the right Bethany Lewis. One of the eight girls Garrett had dated before me. A girl he’d never told me had gone missing.
I clicked back to the search page, my eyes scanning the screen to see if she had ever been found. Another headline jumped out. Bethany Lewis Presumed Dead. My stomach roiled as I read each line of the article. Garrett Abrams, Lewis’s ex-boyfriend, has been cleared in her disappearance. Abrams had been a prime suspect after a report of domestic abuse to the campus police came to light. But, just recently, two fraternity brothers came forward to corroborate Abrams’ alibi.
My nails bit into the palms of my hands as I fisted them. Garrett had killed her. I knew it in my bones. He always had his bases covered. He’d grown up in a privileged family and had connections that had bought him protection from the moment he breathed his first breath. That had only grown as he’d gotten older. The right prep schools, colleges, fraternities, social clubs, and finally a job with one of the most prestigious law firms in DC. One that was notorious for fixing seemingly unfixable problems for the rich and powerful.
Tears of frustration pricked at the corners of my eyes. The girlfriend had been my one hope. The person I knew had been brave enough to speak up before. I had thought there would be safety in us coming forward together now. But Garrett had silenced her in the most permanent way. My gaze fell on a photo of Bethany’s parents. They held a sign, begging for any information on their daughter’s disappearance.
The poster had a large photo of Bethany. I shuddered. We looked incredibly similar. Or we used to. She was fair like me, had a white-blonde tone to her hair similar to what mine used to be like, and her eyes were light—not violet like mine, but a light blue. I shivered.
My head pounded as if a vise were encircling it and growing tighter by the second. I needed to get out of here. Needed fresh air. Time to process all of this. I hit print on five of the articles and stood, stuffing my paper and pen back into my bag. I grabbed the printouts as the machine spat them out and tossed the change owed for the printing into the dish next to the machine.
I hurried through the stacks, to the entryway, ducking my head again as I exited the building. Sunlight. Fresh air. I was safe. Garrett couldn’t hurt me here. I sucked in air and tipped my head back, pulling off my hat so I could soak in the rays of the sun, uncaring if the people walking by thought I was weird.
“Tessa?”
My body stiffened, and my head jerked in the direction of the raspy tone. Liam. My mind whirled. “What are you doing here?”
He gestured to a building across the street. “I ha
d some legal paperwork to sign.”
My eyes narrowed as my palms began to sweat. “Why didn’t you have it sent to Sutter Lake?”
Liam rubbed a hand over his stubbled jaw. “I’m trying to keep a low profile, and I don’t really want my label to know where I am. I had to get the paperwork notarized, and I didn’t want them to be able to track me through that.”
I studied his face, searching for a lie. All I saw was the truth. Tears of frustration wanted to surface again. I hated the paranoia that seemed to rule my life. Hated that my mind jumped to the worst possible assumptions of people.
Liam had been nothing but kind to me. I thought of the way-too-expensive drawing charcoal he’d bought for me. No one but he had even picked up on the fact that I drew.
Liam stepped closer. “What about you?” His eyes traveled to the library behind me. “Picking up a book?”
I drew the pile of articles I was holding to my chest, but the movement was too quick. A few sheets of paper fluttered to the ground. I let out a curse and crouched to pick them up.
Liam’s hand shot out to grab one the wind had caught. He studied the paper, his brow furrowing. “A missing person’s case?”
I snatched the article from his hand. “It’s nothing. I really need to be going.” I met his eyes briefly, forcing myself not to immediately bolt for the parking lot like I wanted to. That would only be more suspicious. “Good luck with your paperwork.”
“Thanks—”
Liam sounded like he was going to continue, but I cut him off with a wave. “See you around,” I mumbled and turned towards where my car was parked, making myself walk at a normal rate.
The last thing in the world I needed was for Liam to try and figure out why I was looking into Bethany Lewis’s disappearance. Hopefully, he would just think I was weird. Socially awkward. My shoulders sagged. I was exhausted from being on alert all the time, from always worrying that someone would discover my past.
One day. It was a promise to myself. One day, I wouldn’t be forced to have my defenses up at all times. One day, I could let people in. One day, I would know what it was like to be truly free. Not just free of Garrett’s abuse, but free of the burden of constantly looking over my shoulder. One day couldn’t get here fast enough.
8
Liam
“Who would’ve thought? Hollywood here knows how to ride.” Laughter tinged Tuck’s voice. Tuck was Walker’s best friend, and I guess, now a friend of mine. One who currently gave me a whole lot of shit.
I turned to Walker, inclining my head towards Tuck. “Who would’ve thought? A small-town Forest Service cop who knows how to string two sentences together.”
Walker burst out laughing. Luckily, none of our horses were skittish, or the loud sound might’ve sent them running. Tuck stuck out his bottom lip, giving it an exaggerated tremble. “Now that’s not very nice.”
I snickered but gave no apology. Tuck grinned. Walker kept right on laughing. “You know, he has a point. I wouldn’t have thought you actually knew how to handle a horse.”
Sitting in the saddle with the land stretched out all around me felt as natural as breathing. It felt like coming home. “I grew up in a small town in Georgia. My grandfather used to take me out on his ranch all the time. Taught me to ride, fish, shoot. All the things a little boy loves.”
Surprise shone in both Walker’s and Tuck’s eyes. I fought my own laughter then. Instead, opting for a smirk and a shake of my head. Just because I’d lived in LA for more than a decade didn’t mean I wasn’t a country boy at heart.
Walker nudged his mount up so that he was riding next to me. “Well, you’re welcome to use the horses anytime you’d like.”
I knew that was his official nod of approval. We’d gotten off to a bit of a rocky start when he thought I’d hooked up with Taylor, but we’d found our way. He had my utmost respect, but it was nice to know that I had his in return. “Thanks. I might just take you up on that.”
Tuck came up on Walker’s other side so that we were now riding three astride across one of the Cole family’s many fields. Tuck’s face had taken on a more somber look. “How’s Little J doing?”
I knew the nickname belonged to Walker’s sister, Jensen. I also knew that she’d been through the wringer lately. Walker’s jaw hardened. “I’m not really sure. She refuses to talk about it. She goes through all the motions of normal life and is the best mom there could be for Noah, but I know she’s hurting.”
Tuck’s hands tightened on his own reins. “I wish I could resurrect that fucker just so I could kill him personally.”
“He’d deserve it.” Walker stared out at the horizon. He hesitated before beginning to speak again. “I’m worried she won’t let anyone in after this.”
I’d picked up bits and pieces of conversations that I’d been on the periphery of like this one, and things Taylor had told me. Jensen had gotten pregnant in college. Her boyfriend at the time had ended things with her and run for the hills. Between that and this latest episode with her psycho ex, it was no wonder the girl had trust issues.
“I’ll go by the guest house, see if she and Noah need anything. Or, if I can take the little man off her hands for an afternoon, maybe she can do something for herself for once.” Tuck’s voice was strung tight.
Walker swatted a fly away from his horse. “That’d be great. Between working at the Kettle and taking care of Noah, she hasn’t had much time for herself.”
Tuck grunted in agreement.
The mention of the tea shop had violet eyes flashing in my mind for what felt like the millionth time. I shifted in my saddle. Silence filled the air. Nothing but the sound of hooves on soft ground could be heard. My curiosity proved too much. “There’s a girl that works in your sister’s shop. What’s her story?” I tried to sound casual, but the look Walker threw me told me that I hadn’t quite pulled it off.
He rubbed a hand over his stubbled jaw. “I’m not real sure, to be honest.” He sent me a sidelong glance. “But she’s one you want to be careful with.”
It didn’t take a genius to catch the warning in his tone. I sat up just a little straighter. “I’m just curious.”
Tuck let out a snort of disbelief. “Curious about how gorgeous she is.”
There was a burning in my gut at his words. It felt a whole lot like jealousy. “I had a little run-in with her at the shop and then again when they were closed. She just…” My words trailed off, unsure of what it was I was trying to express.
Walker nodded as if he understood exactly. “She’s jumpy. Don’t take offense. It took a year for her to not leave the room anytime I came in.”
Thoughts flew through my mind as to what might have made her that way. None of the options were good. I tightened my grip on the saddle horn.
Walker pushed on. “My guess is she’s been hurt, or she’s running from something. Maybe both.”
I thought of our encounter in front of the library, the article about that missing woman. Sharing that with Walker felt like it would be a betrayal somehow. “Jensen hasn’t gotten the story? Tessa’s worked there a long time, hasn’t she?” The women I knew wouldn’t rest until they’d unearthed every story their friend had to tell, especially if they thought something might be hurting their friend.
Walker shook his head. “You start asking her questions about her life before she got to Sutter Lake, Tessa will lock down tight. You won’t get a thing out of her, and she’ll start avoiding you like the plague.”
I let out a quiet groan. She was already avoiding me. Normally, if a woman didn’t seem interested, I moved the hell on—plenty of fish in the sea and all that. But there was something about Tessa, a fragile strength that made me want to know more about her.
A low chuckle sounded to my right. I turned to see Tuck wearing a shit-eating grin. “I love this. Hollywood comes to Sutter Lake and can’t get the girl he’s interested in to give him the time of day.”
If Tuck had been within arm’s reach, I would’ve elbowe
d him in the gut. Walker acted for me, smacking him upside the head. “You know, Tuck, some people want quality over quantity.”
Tuck snickered. “You’re just jealous because Taylor’s got you locked down tight. Might as well be a married man. Me, I’ve got all the freedom in the world. And let me tell you, boys, variety is the spice of life.”
I’d had variety. Plenty of it. When I was young and dumb, and my music was just taking off, I’d indulged in that scene—the groupies and the random women at bars. The models and actresses. But what no one tells you is that it gets lonely really quick. Women want in your bed for two reasons: to have a story to tell their friends, or in hopes of snagging their meal ticket.
I’d grown out of that phase before I hit twenty-two. I didn’t date often, but when I did, it was someone I trusted. Trusted not to take a selfie with my naked ass while I was passed out, asleep.
Walker’s voice interrupted my thoughts. “One day, Tuck, someone is going to come along and knock you on your ass. You’re going to be so taken by her, and she’s not gonna put up with any of your shit.” He let out a chuckle. “And I can’t wait to watch.”
Tuck’s face lost the easy grin he usually sported, and his jaw tightened. “Don’t hold your breath.”
“Whatever you say.” Walker turned to me. “We’re having a big family dinner tonight at the ranch house. Why don’t you come? My parents would love to have you.”
Walker’s whole family lived on the ranch, including his parents and his spitfire of a grandmother. They were a tight-knit clan that reminded me of my own family back in Georgia. I could use a dose of that. “I never turn down the offer of a free meal.”
“Smart man. Come on over around six.”
I adjusted my ballcap. “I’ll be there.”
Tuck urged his mount forward from where he had fallen behind. “And what about me? Aren’t I an honorary member of the Cole clan?”
Beautifully Broken Life Page 5