“What about your family? Do they still live there?” I asked, having to stop myself from reaching out and grabbing him. I needed to limit my physical contact with him until I sorted all of the shit out in my head.
“No.” He reached out and took my hand just like I had had the urge to do to him a few moments ago. “My dad found a smaller house about twenty minutes away from me after I graduated and moved off. Zach, my brother, lives close to him so he can keep an eye on him, which is good.” He ran his thumb in small circles on the top of my hand as he talked. “What about you? You said at dinner that you weren’t born and raised here. Where is here?”
“I’m from a small town in Texas.” I clenched my jaw as I thought about my past. “I moved away the first chance I got and went to college for law. After receiving my bachelor’s degree, I moved to Waco, Texas to attend law school at Baylor University for four more years. One thing led to another and I eventually found myself here in Arkansas.”
“Wait, wait,” Gabriel spoke with a baffled expression. “You lived in a place called Waco? Like Wacko?” He started to giggle and put his hand up to cover his mouth.
I was confused by his reaction. “Yes?” It sounded more like a question rather than an answer. I didn’t know why he found it so funny. “And it’s not pronounced Wacko. It’s Way-co. Long ‘a’ sound.”
He composed his giggles and looked at me, still amused. “Sorry, I think I had too much wine at the restaurant.” He made a serious face and then burst out laughing again.
My lips twitched as I looked at him; he was always reacting in unexpected ways.
“You only had two glasses.” Smirking, I shook my head. Not surprising that he was a lightweight. Especially since he maybe weighed a whopping one-hundred-and-twenty pounds.
He scooted closer to me on the couch and started rubbing my thigh with a seductive look in his blue-gray eyes. “I want you, Michael.”
“I think we need to take things slow.” I stopped his hand from rubbing any higher, trying to sound firm. He was so tempting, but if things were going to work between us, certain rules needed to be followed.
He pouted. And his pout was deadly. I almost caved right then.
“But we’ve already done it before. So, we don’t have to take it slow.” He tried to move his hand again, but I grabbed it and brought it to my lips for a kiss.
“Not tonight, Princess.” An idea struck me. “I want to romance you and do things right. So that means taking things slow.”
I fought down the urge to carry his gorgeous ass to the bedroom and fuck him senseless. Things were different now. It wouldn’t be fair for him to give me any more of himself without me first giving him a piece of me as well. I saw how much it hurt him that he couldn’t touch me when we had sex the other night. The reason for me holding back and staying at a distance was unknown to him.
Because he wouldn’t want me once he saw my scars. I thought to myself.
I knew that I was being selfish by not telling him the truth. The sooner I showed him the beast I really was, the sooner he could decide he didn’t want me and move on with his life. My mind was a screwed up mess as I tried to choose what path to take.
Turning my head to look at Gabriel, I cupped his face in my hands and placed a kiss on his full lips. He pouted as I pulled away too soon.
“It’s late, I should go.” I stood up from the couch and fixed the pillows back the way they were.
“You don’t have to leave.” He stood up as well and chewed on his bottom lip as he peered up at me through his long lashes. My heart fluttered in my chest at his words and I smiled as I had a thought.
“Come on.” I grabbed his hand and led him to the bedroom. Following behind me, I could feel the confusion coming off of him in large waves.
Picking him up as we entered the room, I gently set him down on his bed. Leaning down, I unstrapped his shoes and slid them off his feet.
“What are you doing?” His voice wavered with confusion.
“I’m tucking you in to bed.”
That response caused him to give me an astounded stare. “You’re what?”
“Shh.” I placed a finger to his lips and then slipped his jacket from his shoulders. Picking up his shoes from the floor with one hand, his jacket in my other hand, I walked to his large closet. Setting the shoes down with all of the others, I grabbed a hanger to rehang his jacket and then walked back over to the bed. I leaned over him with a smirk on my face. “Now, for your pants.”
Still staring into his eyes, I unbuckled the jeweled belt he was wearing and slung it across the room.
“I usually sleep naked. Just so you know.” He grinned at me and a spark of delight lit his mischievous eyes.
“Is that so?” I unbuttoned his pants as he bit his lip and nodded, his eyes were hooded and filled with desire. Sliding his pants off, I kissed his hip and nipped at his thigh. Gabriel moaned as he lay back on the bed. After removing his pants, I kissed back up his body and stopped at his stomach. His belly button ring was so fucking sexy, every piece of him was.
I noticed that he didn’t try and touch me. He kept his hands at his sides and was clutching the blanket under him as he stared down at me. I stopped kissing his stomach and stood back up, causing him to frown.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asked.
“Of course not.” I grabbed the bottom of the crop-top he was wearing and slid it off of him, exposing the rest of his sexy, toned upper body. “I’m just getting you ready for bed, remember?” I said with a wink.
“I’d rather you get in the bed with me. It would be much more fun.” Gabriel raised an eyebrow at me and then sighed when I didn’t oblige.
“Now, Princess, stop throwing a temper tantrum.” I tried to hide how aroused I was. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with him and devour that mouthwatering body of his, but I wanted the next time we had sex to be different.
I knew that he and I had just met and it was impractical to feel so strongly for him already, but when it came to matters of the heart, I heard that the unexpected and impossible was capable of happening.
He was my unforeseen chance for redemption.
I knew I was a damn fool for thinking that he was meant for a beast like me, but a glimmer of hope had sparked inside me for the first time in my life when I found him and I didn’t want it to diminish. A part of me held onto the impossible belief that Gabriel may still want me, even when he found out the truth of my past.
Lifting his body with one arm, I then shifted the blanket down with the other and set him down again on the mattress.
“Do I get a goodnight kiss too?” Gabriel smiled up at me, thoroughly amused at the situation.
I covered him up and leaned over him, my mouth softly brushing against his. “Only if Your Majesty desires it.”
Tilting his head up, he swirled his tongue lightly along my bottom lip. I parted my lips and welcomed his tongue inside, adding my own to the mix. His intoxicating scent consumed me as I kissed his perfect lips. Mine.
I pulled away and kissed his forehead before standing up.
“I’ll lock the door behind me. Get some sleep, Angel.” I gave him one last look before flipping off the light and exiting his apartment.
Making sure that his door was secured, I walked down the stairs and found my car. I had a lot of thinking to do. Gabriel needed to know the truth about me and what he was dealing with before he could make a decision of whether or not to give me a chance. He couldn’t make that decision without knowing all the facts first. A brief moment of panic seized me as I thought of how I would tell him. And show him.
No one had ever seen my scars except for the psycho bitch who had given them to me in the first place. The only person who knew about them was my psychiatrist, but that was only out of necessity.
What the fuck was I going to do?
Chapter Fourteen
Michael
“Mama, no! Please!” I put my arms up in front of my face to shield the blows
that my mother was inflicting.
“You little bastard!” The belt came down and smacked across the back of my head. “You’re worthless just like your father!” Pain spread through my skull as the belt came down on me again, this time at the back of my neck.
“I’m sorry, Mama!” I screamed between large gasps, my eight-year-old body quivered as the pain deepened. “I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry!”
The blows stopped and my mother bent down and grabbed my face roughly. “You exist. That’s what you did.” She spat at me and then her eyes clouded with a sense of calm. The calm before the storm. “Go to the basement.”
My eyes widened with fear. “No! I don’t wanna go down there, please.” Sobs overtook me as I stared up into the cruel eyes of the woman who was supposed to protect me. Why didn’t she love me? I always tried to be a good boy.
“Are you disobeying me, boy?” She clutched the belt in her hands again and reared back her arm.
I scrambled to my feet and took off toward the basement. Opening the basement door, I slowly made my way down the creaky, wooden steps. As I descended the stairs, my eyes gradually began to adjust to the darkness. The air was musky and I heard the faint sound of water dripping. My stomach went through spasms as I reached the bottom step and approached the area that had become my worst nightmare.
Along the wall, there was a hanging chain that was connected to a pair of hand restraints, and I solemnly walked toward it.
Any moment now, my mother would be down here.
I sat down with my back against the wall and put my head in my hands, taking deep breaths. Thinking of the impending pain I was about to suffer, my stomach lurched and I threw up the little food I had eaten for lunch. Fear gripped my chest as I saw the mess I had made, it would only make my punishment worse. My breaths quickened and gasps began to fall from my lips as panic filled every cell in my body. Tears pooled in my eyes and I bowed my head and said a silent prayer. Please just let me die this time. Take me away from here. Please send me an angel to take me to the light.
The sound of the door creaking open caused my heart to stop and my breath to hitch in my throat. As the footsteps drew closer, I tried to brace myself for what was about to happen. My mother came into view… and she was holding a whip.
I flung out of bed as sweat drenched my quaking body. Fuck, that was a bad one. The red numbers on my alarm clock flashed that it was five in the morning. Damn. Rubbing my hand down the side of my face, I took a deep breath. Would I ever be free of these damn nightmares?
They were more than just nightmares, though; they were memories. Memories that would forever haunt me.
Images from my dream were still present in my mind as I tried to grasp reality. I didn’t even know what day it was as I tried to rub the sleep from my eyes and clear my hazy vision. Grabbing my phone, I squinted as the bright light illuminated the dark and I glanced at the date. Wednesday, October twenty-ninth.
Reality slowly began to creep back up on me the longer I was awake. Knowing that going back to sleep was futile, I got out of bed and started a pot of coffee. Memories from the night before with Gabriel came back to me and replaced the horrible images from my nightmare.
I had spent most of yesterday with my angel.
He was still in a pouty mood from Monday night when I picked him up from work yesterday, but I soon changed that. I took him to a nice meal on our lunch break, and then picked him back up after work.
We still hadn’t had sex again, but our tongues were now perfectly acquainted with each other. I grinned at that thought.
Today was going to be a rough day for Gabriel. It was the morbid anniversary of his mother’s death. I really wanted to be there for him, but I didn’t want to impose on time with him and his family. Also, it was still too early in our relationship for me to meet his family, if relationship is even the right word for what we were.
I knew that I wanted him and no one else. So for me, I was already exclusive with him. However, he was still waiting for me to tell him the truth about myself, and you can’t have a relationship without trust and honesty.
Drinking a cup of coffee, I stood in my kitchen and looked out the window. The sun was slowly starting to rise, bringing the world to life as its light touched even the darkest of places. I knew that Gabriel was the sun in my life. The changes that he had already made within me were astounding. I no longer looked at the world as a large pit of despair; I saw beauty now, and hope.
My heart had finally found a reason to beat again. What would I do if Gabriel turned away from me? When I was submerged in darkness, nothing could hurt me. I didn’t care about anything, so nothing had the power to break me. But now that Gabriel was gradually awakening me, he now possessed that power.
Looking back at the clock, I was shocked that so much time had passed while I was deep in thought. I had to be at work soon. Finding Gabriel’s name in my phone, I sent him a good morning text and then went to take a shower and get dressed for work.
***
I sat at my desk and shuffled through the paperwork for the case I was currently working on. My case load was always stacked sky high, but that was just the business of being an attorney. The case I was focusing on now really ate at me.
It was a child abuse case.
With my past, this case hit a little too close to home. The man I was prosecuting was accused of physically abusing his son and sexually abusing his daughter. The children were twins and were only seven years old. It was fucking repulsive. The mother of the children had filed the charges against her husband, stating that she had noticed odd behavior from the twins, unexplainable bruises and markings, and how the daughter had complained about her private parts hurting. All tale-tell signs of abuse. The case built against the man so far was weak. More evidence would be needed for a solid conviction.
Time would only tell.
Thinking of time, I looked at the clock and grabbed my phone. The flower shop should be open by now. When the lady answered, I ordered a bouquet of lilies to be delivered to Gabriel’s mother’s grave. If I couldn’t physically be there with him today, I wanted him to know that he was in my thoughts. And I remembered him telling me that his mother’s favorite flower was the lily.
After the flowers were ordered, I turned my attention back to the case before me and tried to block everything else out.
Chapter Fifteen
Gabriel
Time supposedly heals all wounds, but I didn’t agree with that. Time, to me, acted like a drug and only made the pain of the wound lessen as the years passed, but never healed it completely. The hole in my heart from losing my mother would never heal.
Zach picked me up that morning from my apartment and my dad was with him. My manager, Kaylee, had given me the day off from work to spend time with my family and I was incredibly thankful for the favor. We were all quiet in the car ride over to the graveyard, like we usually were on this day. I sat in the back seat, which gave me a good view of my brother and my dad. Zach stared at the road with a furrowed brow and my father gazed out of the passenger side window with a solemn expression.
When we arrived, we all got out of Zach’s 2005 Chevrolet Blazer and walked toward the gravesite. It was overcast that day, which I thought was fitting. When I woke up that morning, it had been sunny, but as the morning progressed, the sky became gloomier. The clouds above were now dark and painted the sky in various shades of gray. Heaviness weighed in my chest and tears stung the corners of my eyes as I saw my mother’s grave ahead.
Feeling someone grab onto my hand, I looked to see that it was Zach. His hazel eyes were concerned as he looked down at me. He knew that I had guilt about our mother’s death. Zach was the only person I had ever told that to. Our mother had gotten into the car accident after dropping me off at school, so as irrational as it might be, I felt like it was my fault. If I wouldn’t have overslept and missed the school bus that morning, she wouldn’t have driven me to school and wouldn’t have gotten into an accident.
Guilt had consumed me for years whenever I thought about the accident, but after talking to Zach, he slowly made me feel better and start to realize that it wasn’t my fault.
I nodded my head reassuringly at him to let him know that I was okay, and then we both glanced at our dad. He was bent down next to Mom’s grave with his head bowed and I knew that he was talking to her.
“Let’s just stay back for a minute and give him some space,” Zach whispered and squeezed my hand as I nodded in agreement.
Flowers on my mom’s grave caught my eye. Where did they come from? It was a beautiful bouquet of lilies that were placed in a black vase. Zach must have seen them at the same time I did because he walked closer and examined them. Walking back toward me, he shook his head and whispered, “I don’t know who sent them. Kind of weird. Lilies were Mom’s favorite.”
There was no note attached to them, but I had a feeling as to who had done it.
Michael.
The tears that were stuck in the corners of my eyes fell freely at the revelation. Within the few days I had known him, Michael found a way into my heart. Even though less than a week passed since we met, I felt like I had known him forever. We had talked for hours upon hours the past two days and I could feel myself falling for him already.
It may have been too soon to feel like that, but I didn’t care. Clearly, he still had issues he needed to work through within himself before he could fully open up to me, but I was going to be patient and wait for him.
As long as it took.
***
Later that day, I curled up on my couch and was watching Sex and the City as the rain plummeted against the window. Zach and Dad dropped me off at home after we left the graveyard and had lunch together. It was a great visit with them, but I was emotionally drained and just wanted to be lazy for the rest of the day.
Michael's Awakening Page 9