He snorted in the exact same fashion. She couldn’t help noticing that he didn’t sound like a pig. ‘Not pulling your weight? You keep everything running like clockwork. It’d all be a shambles if you weren’t here.’ He sobered. ‘It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Ella and Holly so carefree and excited. I’m glad you came to stay.’
At his words, her chin lifted and her shoulders went back. She had to blink hard a couple of times. ‘I’m glad I came to stay too.’
‘Does that mean you’re willing to risk life and limb to try out a new form of exercise?’
She gave in. The siren call of the rowing machine just wasn’t loud enough. It couldn’t compete with Cade’s grin...or her own curiosity.
Without another word, she nodded and followed him.
A few moments later they stood in a cleared space in the barn. When Cade held out a pair of boxing gloves to her, she frowned, blinked and then put her hands behind her back. ‘No way.’
‘These are boxing gloves, Nicola,’ he started patiently.
‘I know what they are. And I repeat, no way.’
He stared at her with pursed lips.
‘I’ve seen Rocky.’ She hitched up her chin. ‘I saw what happened to some of those guys in the ring, and they were fit! There’s no way on God’s green I’m going to let you hit me, regardless of what tripe you give me about how soft those gloves are. So I repeat, no way.’
He grinned so suddenly the impact was nearly physical. She planted her feet in an effort to counter it.
‘I won’t be hitting you, Nicola. You’ll be hitting me.’ He smirked. ‘Or at least trying to.’
Her eyes narrowed at that. She hauled her hands from behind her back and took the gloves. He smirked again, insufferably superior, as she pulled them on. ‘It’s just possible that I may grow to enjoy this as much as riding Scarlett,’ she warned him.
‘I’m counting on it,’ he said, sliding his hands into thick square mitts that had even more padding than her gloves.
‘Ah, so you won’t be wholly unprotected, then?’
‘Nope, which is just as well when the woman I’m about to face has such a martial light in her eye.’
That made her laugh. When he squared up to her and ordered her to show him what she had, though, she found it curiously difficult to do as he asked.
He lowered his protective mitts. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘It just seems wrong to hit you. Terribly impolite and...well, violent.’
‘Pretend I’m that rowing machine.’ He squared up again. ‘Hit me in the middle of my left mitt.’
She did.
He lowered his hands and glared. ‘Put some oomph into it!’
‘I don’t want to hurt you.’
‘Honey, that’ll be the day.’
That patronising ‘honey’ set her teeth on edge.
‘Boxing, when it’s done right, is an excellent cardiovascular workout. And it’s a good way of getting rid of pent-up tension.’
‘I don’t have any pent-up tension,’ she managed between gritted teeth.
‘Really?’ His eyes narrowed. ‘What did your mother say when you told her you were coming out here for Christmas?’
Run away, Nicola Ann, with your tail between your legs, but the mess will still be here when you come back.
She let fly with a punch that thwacked satisfyingly into Cade’s left mitt.
He raised an eyebrow. ‘And I’ve been wanting to know...’
‘Yes?’ she ground out.
‘If you’ve come up with a strategy for the cruel remarks that’ll be headed your way at the wedding?’
Thwack! Thwack! ‘What comments?’
He assumed a mocking high-pitched voice. ‘You’re putting on a very brave face, dear, but I can imagine how you’re really feeling.’
Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!
‘Put some feeling into it,’ he ordered. ‘Put your whole body behind it.’
Her whole body, huh?
He lifted his chin and assumed that voice again. ‘This wedding must be a nightmare for you, I know, but even you have to admit that the bride is glowing. They look so happy together, don’t you think?’
Thwack!
‘I bet you fifty bucks that Diane throws the bouquet to you.’
She paled at that one. Thwack!
‘Don’t worry,’ he simpered in that high-pitched voice again, ‘I expect Brad will two-time her too.’
‘Stop it!’ she croaked. ‘Stop saying such cruel things.’
‘It’s what people will say.’ He lowered his mitts.
‘And you think I’m so pathetic that I won’t be able to cope with it or defend myself?’
‘I think you ought to be prepared, that’s all.’ His eyes suddenly flashed and his hands came back up. ‘But while we’re on the subject, I think your ex is a two-timing, cheating scumbag and your best friend a back-stabbing witch!’
Nicola wasn’t even aware that she’d thrown the punch until it connected with Cade’s jaw and sent him sprawling to the ground.
CHAPTER SIX
NICOLA stared at Cade, sprawled at her feet and with a little cry she shook off her boxing gloves and knelt in the dirt beside him, wrung her hands before touching his face. ‘Oh, my God! Did I hurt you? Cade?’
Those blue eyes, normally so piercing, stared up at her, slightly dazed.
She’d meant to throw that punch, but she’d thought... Well, she’d thought he’d block it!
She swallowed. Who’d have thought she had such lightning reflexes? That punch had been fast...and...um...hard. Put your whole body behind it. Oh, she’d done that.
Nausea swirled through her. She’d thought he’d block her punch, but that didn’t change the fact that she’d lashed out in anger.
‘Cade?’
He didn’t speak. Guilt, regret and remorse pounded through her and, before she could think better of it, she pressed her lips to his in an effort to take away the pain, to communicate her remorse and apologise.
He smelled of dust and sweat and horses, which should have turned her off, only it didn’t. His lips were an intriguing combination of firmness and softness and they parted slightly as if he meant to deepen the kiss. Then he froze and his hands came up, gripped her arms and pushed her back as he sat up. ‘What do you think you’re doing? Kissing me better?’
His scorn almost scorched the flesh from her bones. ‘I...’
‘I’m not a child, Nicola.’
It was too much. His anger... Her guilt and remorse. That final punch had torn the lid off the emotions she’d bottled up for the last three months. She tugged herself out of his grip and stumbled blindly across to a wooden crate and collapsed on top of it, her back to Cade as she tried to tamp down on the pain and numbing sense of loss that cut deep inside her, but now that it was freed it seemed to grow in both volume and intensity.
She’d punched Cade in anger!
And then she’d kissed him. What on earth had she been thinking? The expression on his face...
I think your ex is a two-timing cheating scumbag and your best friend is a back-stabbing witch.
The words ripped off the poorly formed scab she’d tried to place over her heart and, try as she might, she couldn’t control the sudden shaking of her shoulders or the silent sobs that clawed free from her chest or the tears that scorched her cheeks as her body tried to find a way to lance the poison that tangled her in knotted torment. Dropping her head to her hands,
she could do nothing but give into it.
Somewhere, in a dim place of her consciousness, she was aware of embarrassment and her mother’s scornful voice. Nicola Ann, pull yourself together! You’re not a child any more. What a display! You’re making a spectacle of yourself. But none of it had any effect. It didn’t stop the shaking and the sobs. It didn’t help the pain.
An arm went about her. Her face was pressed against the thick scratchy cotton of a work shirt encasing a warm chest that smelt of dirt and sweat and horse. A hand rubbed her back and a rich voice murmured words that didn’t make sense except for their rhythm and depth, and very slowly the pressure in her chest abated. The shaking of her shoulders slowed. The sobs eased and the tears dried.
She remained where she was, drawing as much comfort and strength as she could until the internal voices grew too loud to ignore and she finally drew back, scrubbing her hands across her face in an effort to erase the traces of her tears. She didn’t dare glance at Cade. Instinct told her his expression would score her too-vulnerable-at-the-moment heart, and she refused to cry again today. She’d need more deep breaths before she could face that.
‘I went too far.’ His voice broke the afternoon silence. ‘The thing is...’ he drew in a shaky breath ‘...I wanted to insult Brad and Diane. I don’t know them and I have no right to say anything, but I am so dirty with them for what they’ve done to you. Nobody deserves what they did. Especially not someone like you, Nicola.’
She had to look at him and he gave her a rueful half smile and it didn’t make her flinch or cringe. It helped her lift her chin and push her shoulders back a fraction.
‘I think,’ he continued, ‘you would be a great friend to have. And I think you were probably a lovely fiancé, and you sure as hell didn’t deserve what Brad and Diane did.’
His words put strength back into her spine. ‘No more than you deserved what Fran dished out to you.’ She moistened her lips and glanced down at her hands. ‘I’m sorry I hit you. Did I hurt you?’
He shook his head. ‘I wasn’t expecting it, that’s all. But I deserved it. I was deliberately trying to rile you. You thought I was going to block it.’
‘I wasn’t thinking at all, that’s the problem. I just lashed out.’
They were both silent for a moment. She moistened her lips again. ‘Why were you trying to make me angry?’
One of his shoulders lifted. ‘I sensed you might need to vent some of your anger. I remember how angry I was in the months after Fran left and...’ He shrugged again. ‘I thought boxing would be more constructive than a treadmill.’ He eyed her for a moment. ‘It seems to me you’ve been bottling a lot of stuff up. It’s not healthy.’
‘I didn’t mean to. I...’ She rested her elbows on her knees and dragged her hands back through her hair. ‘It’s just that my two closest confidants were Diane and Brad, and they weren’t exactly available. And there was no way I was going to confide in my mother.’
‘What about your other friends?’
‘I didn’t want to cause a big rift among our set. I didn’t want people feeling they had to take sides.’ She straightened. ‘And the honest truth is, I don’t want to lose Diane and Brad as friends. I really don’t.’
Behind the blue of his eyes she could see his mind race, but he said nothing.
‘Diane and I go all the way back to our first day of school. Her family have been there for me all my life. They were a haven for me when my father died, and whenever my mother became too much, and...and just everything! I can’t turn my back on all that history just because she fell in love with Brad.’
‘That doesn’t mean you can’t acknowledge your pain or your anger. If she values your friendship as much as you do, then it will survive that.’
‘And if she doesn’t?’ She spoke her real fear out loud for the first time.
Cade didn’t say anything, but she could read the answer in his eyes—if their friendship couldn’t survive her honesty, then it wasn’t worth saving.
She leapt up and started to pace. Gripping her hands together, she swung back to Cade. ‘You know, I could’ve dealt with all of this so much better if they’d just been honest with me from the get-go. Instead, they kept meeting up behind my back for months before Diane eventually confessed what had happened. Brad didn’t even have the courage to show his face that evening.’ She flung an arm out and then started to pace again. ‘I know they didn’t want to hurt me, I truly believe that, but to let it all go on for so long without telling me...’
She folded her arms and paced harder, faster. ‘That made me angry. That made me feel like a fool, like an idiot they didn’t have any respect for. I...’ She gripped her upper arms. ‘I kept wondering what on earth I’d done wrong, how had I managed to so spectacularly alienate them. Had I neglected them? Had I not picked up on key signals? I mean, Diane told me that I had always been too needy and that she felt pressured, but...’ She swallowed and lifted her chin. ‘I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?’
Cade shot to his feet. ‘Hell, no!’ He cupped her face in his hands. ‘You didn’t do one damn thing wrong.’
His eyes blazed with a ferocity, an intensity that did her soul and her confidence no end of good. ‘Oh, hell, Cade.’
His eyes narrowed. ‘What?’
‘I said I’d be her bridesmaid,’ she whispered.
Just for a moment his entire face went slack in shock. Very gently she disengaged herself from his hands. It seemed wiser not to get too close. Or needy. Because there had been a thread of truth in Diane’s accusation, and Nicola had no intention of transferring her neediness to Cade.
‘And I’m starting to think that maybe that was a crazy thing to agree to.’
He rolled his eyes. ‘You think?’
She collapsed back down to the crate, her shoulders sagging. ‘The thing is, we always said we’d be each other’s bridesmaids—best friends forever and all that jazz, but...’ She glanced across at Cade as he sat back down beside her. ‘But now I don’t think I can do it.’ She swallowed. ‘I don’t want to do it.’
‘Why did you say you would?’
‘Because I do wish Diane and Brad well. I know I sound contradictory and conflicted, and that I’m angry and hurt.’ She stared at her hands. ‘But I really do hope they’ll be happy. I agreed to be her bridesmaid because I wanted to prove that we could still be friends. And I thought that a show of solidarity like that would help prevent a falling-out among all our other friends.’
‘And what’s changed?’
She thought long and hard about that. ‘I still want them to be happy, but it doesn’t seem fair that I should be the one to tie myself into knots to make that happen. Their happiness is up to them, not me.’
She blinked and a weight lifted from her as she said the words—a load of guilt and pressure she hadn’t even been aware that she carried.
‘Anything else?’
‘I can’t make our friendship go back to the way it was before all this happened. No matter what I do. No matter how much I want it to.’
She pressed a hand to her chest to ease the sudden burning there, drew in a deep breath and blinked hard. When she was sure her voice was steady, she said, ‘Those are the cold, hard facts, I’m afraid, and they need to be faced.’ She couldn’t hide from the truth any longer.
He reached out and squeezed her hand. ‘I’m sorry, Nicola.’
‘Me too.’
They sat like that for a moment. The shade that settled
throughout the barn soothed her, as did the whickering of the horses in the nearby stable and the stamping of their feet. It reminded her that she had a ride to look forward to in the morning. A ride she could look forward to for every single day that she remained at Waminda. She might be down, but she wasn’t out.
‘What are you going to do?’ Cade eventually asked.
‘I have to let Diane know—tell her as soon as I can that I can’t be her bridesmaid so she can make other arrangements.’ And she couldn’t do it by email from her laptop. She would have to speak to her friend. If not face to face, then at least ear to ear. ‘Do you mind if I use the satellite phone this evening?’
‘You’re welcome to use it whenever you want.’
‘Thank you.’ She rose. ‘I...um...I really ought to see to Ella and Holly now. But...Cade, thank you. All of this helped and I want you to know that I appreciate it.’
‘You’re welcome.’
She started to walk away and then stopped and turned back. ‘About that kiss...’
He leaned back on his crate and a slow smile hitched up one side of his mouth. ‘I lied. It sure as heck made me feel a whole lot better.’ His body angled towards her in open invitation. Her eyes widened. Her mouth went dry. ‘Any time you want to repeat it, you can bet that I’ll be willing and able.’
She picked up the boxing gloves and hurled them at him. His laughter followed her all the way outside. She found herself grinning as she strode towards the house.
* * *
Later that evening, Cade waited for Nicola to emerge from his study. The rest of the family had decided on an early night and the house was quiet and still. Nicola pulled up short when she saw him.
He raked his gaze across her face and his heart clenched. She looked pale and worn out. ‘How did it go?’
He spoke softly, using the same tone he used when handling a spirited horse that had been spooked. Nicola’s shattered confidence, her self-belief, didn’t need another battering, and he’d had no intention of retiring before finding out how her phone call with Diane had gone.
The Nanny Who Saved Christmas Page 9