‘Take the time to have a shower too,’ he said softly. She deserved to be as comfortable as she could be given the situation. He predicted that with Holly in her current mood, it’d take them an age to get her back down to sleep.
She glanced down at the front of herself and her cheeks reddened. With a nod she was gone, taking Holly, the dirty bowl and her magnificent breasts with her.
He shook that last thought away and tended his daughter.
Nicola was back wearing a fresh nightie and a terry-towelling robe in less time than he dreamed possible. He frowned. ‘Holly?’
‘Sleeping like a baby.’
He gaped. ‘But how...?’
She shrugged but her eyes danced. ‘What can I say? I’m a hell of a woman.’
Her teasing lightened something inside him. She’d returned smelling all the more strongly of strawberry jam and it eased the sour smell of sickness that pervaded the room. He pulled a deep breath of it into his lungs.
‘Besides, it’s what you pay me for.’
‘You deserve a pay rise.’
‘Too many nights like this and I’ll take you up on that.’
Amid all the vomit and guilt, she’d made him want to smile. He wouldn’t have believed that possible. He watched her assess Ella, who was drooping.
‘She needs to be bathed and her bed needs to be stripped and remade.’ She quickly and deftly removed Ella’s pyjamas as she spoke. ‘I’ve run a bath and as you’re stronger than me...’
He nodded and took Ella through to the bathroom and bathed her. She cried and protested, but was too tired to put up much of a fight.
When he returned to the bedroom, the bed had been made up with fresh sheets and Nicola quickly helped Ella into a cool cotton nightie. He tucked her into bed, the guilt he’d kept at bay starting to prickle and burn.
Nicola knelt down in front of Ella. ‘Sweetie, I need you to take three little sips of water for me.’
‘I don’t want to!’
‘Honey, have I ever lied to you?’
Ella shook her head.
‘I promise you’ll feel better if you have a little drink.’
Ella finally nodded, but she needed coaxing and cajoling every step of the way. Cade couldn’t help but marvel at Nicola’s combination of patience, firmness and gentleness.
‘Sing me a song,’ Ella demanded with a fretful squirm.
Cade wanted to order his daughter to say please, but Nicola forestalled him with a light touch on his arm. ‘First Daddy has to dim the light, and then you have to lie still and close your eyes.’
‘’Kay.’
Cade dimmed the light and then stretched out beside Ella, his back resting against the headboard as he gently wiped her hair back from her forehead. Nicola settled on the end of the bed. She pulled in a breath and then calmly and quietly sang “Silent Night.”
The soft strains of the song soothed Ella and helped ease the beast raging in Cade’s own breast. He closed his eyes too and drank the song in, her voice so true it lifted the hairs on his arms.
When it was finished they sat in the quiet for a bit. Her touch on his arm had his eyes flying open. With a finger to her lips, she led him out of Ella’s bedroom, the child sleeping quietly now.
With a quick smile she swooped down and picked up the soiled bed-linen and walked away with a soft ‘Goodnight, Cade.’
He wouldn’t sleep. Not yet. He followed her into the kitchen, but she moved all the way through to the laundry and set a load going.
He put the kettle on and waited. ‘Tea?’ he offered when she reappeared.
She hesitated, her gaze sweeping across his face. Finally she nodded. ‘Something herbal would be nice.’
He made them mugs of peppermint tea, even though he didn’t like the stuff. Penance, he told himself.
‘I’m sorry about that,’ he murmured once they were both seated. ‘You tried to warn me that too many sweets would make them sick. I didn’t listen.’
She shrugged. ‘We live and learn. Don’t beat yourself up about it.’
Don’t beat himself up? He shot to his feet. ‘I made them sick! I’m supposed to protect them and look after them and...’
Her eyes widened.
‘I want to make Christmas special for them, but...damn it, I’m making a hash of everything! Those poor kids.’ He fell back into his chair. ‘They drew the short straw in the parents stakes, no mistake about it, and...’ He couldn’t go on. His throat had grown too tight.
‘Now where did I put that hair shirt?’ Nicola said with an efficient crispness so utterly devoid of sympathy it made him sit back in shock.
‘Stop being such a martyr.’
Martyr? Him?
‘I’m going to tell you a hard truth.’ She leaned towards him, her voice still crisp, but her eyes incredibly gentle and soft. ‘It doesn’t matter how fabulous you make this Christmas, it doesn’t matter how many fairy lights you put up or how many sweets and chocolates you stock up on or how many presents you buy them, it will never make up to them for not having their mother. Furthermore,’ she added when he opened his mouth, ‘you will never be able to make that up to them. Ever. No matter what you do.’
The truth of her words had the fight whooshing out of him. He ached to make it up to Ella and Holly, wanted to so badly—needed to—but...
He closed his eyes.
‘Cade?’
He opened them again. The softness, tenderness, in her eyes belied the hard truths she’d uttered.
‘Stop fighting a losing game and just focus on ensuring they feel secure in your love. Do what you’ve been doing—be fully involved in their lives, surround them with their extended family at every opportunity, and create a community here at Waminda Downs that they can rely on.’
‘There has to be more that I can do!’ He wanted there to be more that he could do.
‘There is.’
He glanced up.
‘You can stop punishing yourself for what happened between you and Fran. How are you going to help Ella and Holly come to terms with their mother’s desertion if you haven’t come to terms with it yourself?’
He had no answer to that. He wanted to rant and rail and break things, but Nicola didn’t deserve that.
‘But I can tell you that having one parent who is completely invested in your life is far better than two parents who are distant and critical. Ella and Holly at least have that.’
Too right! He was a hundred per cent behind his kids, but his heart burned as he gazed into Nicola’s eyes and the shadows there. She obviously knew what she was talking about. No wonder she’d made a family from her friends. No wonder Diane and Brad’s betrayal had rocked the foundations of her world and all she held dear.
‘Ella and Holly are lucky in lots of ways.’
He forced himself to consider her words seriously, and for the first time in a very long time he recognised their truth. ‘They’re healthy,’ he said slowly, and then grimaced. ‘At least, as a general rule they’re healthy.’ He paused. ‘They have a grandmother, an aunt and cousins who adore them. And...and Waminda is a great place to live.’
‘And they have you,’ she said with a warmth that engulfed him. ‘You should take a lot of heart from the fact that Ella is so well adjusted. Fran’s leaving would have been traumatic for her, but she’s a happy, stable little girl. She’s not too clingy, isn’t waking up in the middle of the night screaming with nightmares, and she doesn’t constantly worry where you are
.’
‘We’ve been through all that,’ he admitted.
‘It seems to me she’s over the worst of it now.’
Nicola was right. He nodded. ‘This single parent gig isn’t easy. Half the time I don’t seem to know what I’m doing. And the rest of the time I simply feel clueless, but...’ He rubbed a hand across his jaw. ‘Maybe I should have more faith in Ella and Holly.’
‘And yourself.’
He met her gaze. ‘Thank you.’ He meant it.
Nicola smiled back, but her gaze had dropped to his lips and he could read the hunger that raced across her face. The same hunger surged through him.
She snapped away, and then rose and rinsed her mug. ‘I’m off to bed.’ She turned in the doorway. ‘Would you tell Jack that I won’t make my riding lesson in the morning?’
‘Sure thing. You deserve a lie-in.’
She shook her head with a low laugh. ‘The children are going to be out of sorts and all over the place tomorrow. I’d like to be close by in case they wake early.’
It struck him then that she’d be paying for his evening’s folly for the next twenty-four hours. He wanted to apologise again, only he had a feeling she’d make another hair shirt quip or call him a drama queen.
‘Goodnight, Cade.’
He settled for a ‘’Night, Nicola. Sleep well,’ instead.
* * *
Cade winced at the dark circles under Nicola’s eyes when he saw her at lunch the next day.
All the children were whingey and whiny, hard to please, and he marvelled anew at her patience and her ability to distract them and keep them semi-amiable.
‘That girl is a saint,’ his mother murmured.
He glanced around. ‘Where’s Dee?’
‘Gone for a lie down. She’s only had a morning of this and she’s exhausted.’
He bit his lip. ‘Were the boys ill too?’
‘Unlike you, Dee wouldn’t let them have any more sweets, so no. They’re just out of routine, that’s all.’
He grimaced, suitably chastened. ‘I’ve learned my lesson,’ he promised and his mother’s face softened. He huffed out a breath. ‘I feel bad that Nicola has to deal with the fallout when the fault was mine.’
He bit his lip and pondered his afternoon’s workload. ‘Will they go down for their usual nap this afternoon?’
Verity nodded. ‘It’ll be a battle to get them there, but once they’re down they’ll be out for the count. They probably won’t surface for a couple of hours.’
Good. ‘Would you and Dee be able to hold the fort for an hour or so, then? Nicola skipped her riding lesson this morning. I thought I might take her out this afternoon to get some fresh air into those cheeks of hers.’
‘I think that’s a lovely idea.’
With a nod, he grabbed a sandwich and made for the cattle yards, intent on getting his afternoon’s work done in good time.
* * *
Nicola collapsed into an easy chair in the living room. ‘They’re down.’ Finally. What a day.
‘Hallelujah,’ Dee murmured.
Nicola opened her eyes when she sensed Cade’s presence in the room. He carried in a jug of iced water and five glasses. Slices of lemon floated in the jug and the ice chinked against its side in a cooling, welcoming symphony. He poured each of them a glass.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, handing the drinks around. ‘It’s my fault you’ve all had such a difficult day.’
‘It happens,’ Harry said philosophically.
‘Are you completely fagged?’
She blinked when she realised the question was directed at her. The short answer was yes, but...
She took one look at his face and tossed her head. ‘How pathetic do you think I am? I’m fighting fit.’ She emphasized the word fit. Then she grinned. ‘I’m a lean, mean fighting machine.’
That hooked up one side of his mouth, enhancing a dimple she found oddly fascinating, enhancing lips she found enthralling. Need mushroomed inside her with a speed that made her hands clench.
He inserted a disc into the CD player and the strains of something soft and classical filled the room. Verity, Dee and Harry all puffed out blissful sighs and closed their eyes. He beckoned to her and she rose and followed him out of the room.
He took her now-empty glass and set it on the sink. ‘I thought if you wanted...if you’d like it...we could go for a ride.’
All her tiredness fled. ‘I’d love that!’
‘Good. Go change and then meet me down at the stables.’
She changed into jeans and pulled on the riding boots Jack had dug out for her use, and was down at the stables in double-quick time. Cade already had Scarlett and his steed—a beautiful big bay called Ben Hur—saddled.
‘Need a leg up?’
She stuck her nose in the air. ‘Most certainly not.’ It had taken her a while to master the skill of mounting, but in the two and a bit weeks she’d been here her legs had strengthened and grown more flexible.
When she mounted, not only without mishap but with credible grace, she could only grin down at Cade and thank the powers that be. Falling flat on her face would not have instilled in him much confidence in her riding ability and she didn’t want to give him any reason whatsoever to cancel their ride. She gathered the reins in the way Jack had taught her and watched as Cade leapt up into the saddle.
Ooh, nice! She wanted to make it look that smooth and effortless. Of course, he had the advantage of long legs.
And a nice tight butt that—
Scarlett danced as Nicola’s hands unconsciously tightened on the reins and she immediately relaxed them and forced her gaze from Cade’s drool-inducing physique to stroke her steed’s neck and murmur soothing nonsense.
Cade surveyed her and nodded in evident satisfaction. It made her warm all over. Not that she should dwell on that for too long either. ‘Where are we going?’ She blamed her breathlessness on the exertion of mounting and controlling her steed. Which, she admitted to herself, was too pathetic to believe, but she held tight to it all the same.
‘Has Jack taken you to the canyon yet?’
Canyon? She shook her head, intrigued.
‘Then that sounds as good a destination as any. C’mon.’ With a jerk of his head, he headed towards the gate that led out of the home paddock.
‘Let me,’ she said. ‘I’ve been practising this.’
Manoeuvring Scarlett into position as Jack had shown her, she opened the latch and swung the gate open without needing to dismount.
‘Nice,’ Cade remarked, closing it again once they’d passed though. He stared at her. ‘Jack’s right, you look as if you were born to the saddle.’
‘Would you laugh at me if I told you that’s how I feel too?’
‘No, I’d ask you why it’s taken so long for you to learn to ride when it’s obviously such a passion and something you’ve always wanted to do.’
She pursed her lips, shrugged. ‘My mother always refused to keep a horse.’
‘Why?’
‘She said that if I was that clumsy in ballet shoes I’d be an absolute nightmare on a horse.’
His mouth tightened. ‘I get the distinct impression I wouldn’t like your mother.’
Nicola gave a short laugh. ‘She’d love you. You tick all the right boxes—broad shoulders, good-looking...own your own cattle station.’
‘Hmph!’
They rode in silence for a while and Nicola revelled in the swayi
ng motion of her horse and the stark beauty of the landscape and the dry dusty air.
‘Why didn’t you learn to ride later? Once you became an adult?’
‘I...’ She frowned. ‘It didn’t seem very practical in the city. I just kept putting it off.’
As soon as the words left her mouth she realised they were a lie. She recalled all the resolutions she’d come out here with and hitched up her chin. ‘Actually, that’s not true.’ She thought about it. ‘I didn’t bother to learn because none of my friends were interested in learning with me.’ Horses made Diane shudder. ‘I was too spineless to learn on my own.’
He didn’t say anything for a long moment. He shifted in his saddle. ‘And now?’
‘Oh, now I’m hooked. And now that I know what an idiot I’ve been...’ She frowned. ‘People do keep horses in the city, don’t they?’
‘Sure they do.’
‘I’m going to join a riding club.’ There’d be one in Melbourne somewhere. ‘I’m going to get my own horse.’ Excitement surged through her. ‘It’s going to be fabulous!’
He grinned at her enthusiasm and life seemed suddenly so full of possibility she wanted to fly. ‘Can we canter?’ she breathed.
In answer he tossed her a grin that made her heart thud against her ribs, before he urged Ben Hur into a canter. At the touch of Nicola’s heels, Scarlett surged after him, and Nicola gave herself up to the feel of the wind in her face and the exhilaration of the ride. Riding like this quietened all the voices in her head that told her she wasn’t good enough, that she’d never be good enough. It allowed her to concentrate instead on feeling at one with her horse. It flooded her with strength and peace and harmony.
When Cade brought his horse to a halt, she pulled Scarlett to a halt beside him. ‘Magic,’ she breathed.
And then her jaw dropped.
Cade’s mouth kicked up at the corners. ‘This is the canyon.’ He shrugged. ‘In all honesty, it’s more a gorge, but we have delusions of grandeur so we call it the canyon.’
‘Wow!’
The Nanny Who Saved Christmas Page 11