“Give Polly an inch, and she takes a jolly mile,” she muttered through clenched teeth before determining to take back control—and quickly!
“OK, Polly dear. You are asking the poor boy far too many questions, and as far as I know, James is not on trial, nor will he be in the foreseeable future!” she said as she tried hard to turn it into something of a joke. “So I think you’ve overstayed your welcome, for as you can certainly see, your younger brother is very tired and needs his rest if he is to have any hope of making a full and speedy recovery. So Polly, be a dear and quickly say your good-byes.”
She therefore reluctantly leaned over the bed to give James one final, prolonged sisterly hug.
“I’m so sorry that I never came to see you, but I had no way of getting to the hospital, and I was forbidden to even write you a letter. Please forgive me, for I promise that not a day has gone by without me missing you so terribly,” he whispered.
“James, I truly understand, and so I forgive you everything. But listen to me: I also promise we will get to the bottom of what’s happened to your models. Trust me when I say I am not going to let this one go without a fight,” she whispered in his ear as she gave his hand one final squeeze.
Aunt Mildred had no time to react to Polly’s dubious warning before Polly then brazenly turned to face her.
“Aunt Mildred, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but when is James going to get anything to eat for tea? I’m sure he must be very hungry by now,” she bravely asked.
Mildred was once more taken back by her outspokenness.
“Well, there are plenty of leftovers from the tea party that can be put on a tray and brought up to James. But don’t worry your pretty little head over it, for I will see to it later when everyone has left to go on their way,” she stuttered.
“Well, I’m really sorry to say this, as I have no wish to offend you, but I do not want to leave here until I know that James has eaten something,” she stated in her very outspoken manner, folding her arms at the same time as if to convey that she really meant business.
“Well, quite frankly, I don’t think you of all people should be speaking to me in that disgracefully high-minded tone of voice,” a very unhappy Mildred sharply rebuked. “Didn’t your stay at the hospital teach you anything?”
“Come, Mildred dear, I thought—”
“Lady Butterkist, ‘I thought’ simply doesn’t work for me, no, not in this castle anyway,” she abruptly stated, smarting at the thought of yet again being forced to bow the knee to this thoroughly obnoxious lady. “It would pay you great dividends to keep all your thoughts—kind or otherwise—exclusively to yourself,” she quickly and harshly rebuked, for she felt angry that the old bat was once again overstepping the mark by interfering where she was neither welcome nor invited.
Sadly for Mildred, her harsh words fell on deaf ears and therefore did not deter Lady Butterkist from continuing on with her helpful suggestions.
“I’m sorry, Mildred, but I still need to point out that Polly was not intentionally meaning to be rude, for surely it is quite understandable that she is most anxious to see her younger brother once more fit and healthy. So, why don’t we give them a further few precious moments alone while you and I go and prepare a little platter of goodies for him. And may I remind you that there is still plenty of my apple pie just crying out to be gobbled up, so what if we were to head down to the kitchen to quickly rustle up a couple of boiled eggs with toasted fingers or a couple of cheese-and-ham toasties. This will only take us a matter of minutes. If we then add a nice cup of warm milk and some of my rather scrumptious apple pie, we will then have a substantial feast fit for any young prince on the mend. So come on, let us leave together and go to the kitchen to get things sorted,” she suggested.
“Very well then,” Mildred rather begrudgingly replied.
“All right then, Mildred dear. You lead the way.”
Mildred could only subserviently nod her head in apparent agreement. But if the truth be known, she was now absolutely seething with rage. However, she knew better than to let the full extent of her anger show, so she was forced to keep all remaining ill feeling safely tucked away from view. She still managed to march way ahead of Lady Butter-kist, smarting with humiliation at the way she perceived Polly had so deliberately and willfully undermined her. In fact, come to think of it, she had been feeling very disturbed and threatened from the outstart. Yes, if she were to be honest and reflect back, things had felt mighty peculiar from the very moment this strange lady had cared to set foot on the property. She also began to seriously wonder just how much more she could take of this outspoken and very dominating battle-axe before she finally exploded and gave her a large piece of her mind.
In no time at all a tray with comforting food was on its merry way up to James. As they climbed the stairs together, Lady Butterkist broke the uncomfortably awkward silence, and so she gave Mildred a warm and friendly tap on her arm.
“There, Mildred, between the two of us I do believe we have put together such a splendid tea that James will be back on his feet before we can say, ‘Jack Robinson.’”
“Yes, I’m sure you’re absolutely right,” Mildred wearily agreed. “Also, Lady Butterkist, as soon as we have dispensed with this tray of food, I think it would be right and proper if we insist Polly says a quick good-bye, and then we must quickly head back to the sitting room, for your guests have been holed up now for some considerable time, and Boritz does get more than a little carried away with all his stories and rhetoric.”
“Is that so?”
“Oh, very much so, for please understand, what with dear Boritz being a lawyer, he naturally has a real gift of the gab. I would imagine that by now your guests might well be chomping at the bit as they implore someone, if not anyone, to release them before they go away feeling most depleted, if not utterly drained.”
“Oh, dear.”
“Yes, he is an eminent lawyer who spends his life championing the causes of the underprivileged and victimized. I have to say his beating around the bush is quite clearly an asset in court, for by the time he has expounded the case on behalf of his client, I have it on good authority that many a judge is ready to put a gun to his head. Such is their sheer desperation for a speedy end to the trial.”
“Oh, deary me!”
“Sad to say, he has no idea whatsoever as to when to take a break or end a conversation for that matter,” she adamantly stated, for it was now very much in her vested interest to confide such things, the underlying reason being that she sorely wanted them off her property, and sooner rather than later.
“Oh, yes. Of course, Mildred. If this surely is the case, then we would do well to hurry along and rescue the rest of our party, who not only must be bored to tears by now but praying desperately for the Fifth Cavalry to arrive.”
“Yes, dear lady. It would be most advisable to hurry along.”
“James, sadly I have to leave, but promise me you’ll stay in bed until you feel a whole heap better,” Polly said as she reached over to give him a final sisterly kiss on the forehead.
“Yes, but only if you promise to write, and soon,” he quickly retorted as he gave her hand a tight squeeze. “Please hurry back. I miss you so very much,” he quickly added as he watched her walk across the room, heading for the door.
Mildred then, quite forgetting herself, marched down the long corridor well ahead of Polly and Lady Butterkist in a manner more befitting a military general being summoned to his war cabinet for a crisis meeting. As she approached the closed sitting room door, she faltered just long enough to take a long, deep breath. This done, she abruptly opened the door and loudly announced that they were back.
“Boritz, it is high time we released these good people and let them be on their way,” Mildred cheerfully stated.
“Absolutely, Mildred dearest. We were just about to round things up here anyway, so as usual, your timing is impeccable.”
“Giles, please, will you go ahead of us
all and take Tiddles out to the car, for she must be allowed to spend a penny before we leave,” Lady Butterkist asked.
“Very well, madam.”
“Oh, and Mildred, I cannot thank you enough for your gracious hospitality. I do believe that I am forever indebted to you,” Lady Butterkist sweetly stated. “If I had more time, I would like to stay and discuss giving your orphanage my utmost support, in financial terms, that is. Sad to say, the hour is desperately late, and we must depart as soon as possible. I would therefore like to suggest that on our return I will allow enough time to address your ongoing needs before I take out my checkbook in order to make a handsome donation.”
Boritz’s heart leapt for joy within his breast as he gloried in her kind and very charitable offer. He then sat motionless for a moment as he went on to envision her writing many naughts after the comma. Will it be fifty thousand pounds? Will it be one hundred and fifty thousand pounds? Perhaps even more besides, he happily pondered. He waited a moment until his churning bowels had the decency to calm down, and then he arose from the comfort of his chair and walked toward her to gently shake or maybe even kiss her gloved hand in his obsequious but gentlemanly manner.
“Most magnanimously kind lady, what more can I say? It has been nothing short of a real pleasure to make your acquaintance, and I assure you, hand on heart, that nothing you care to give to such a needy cause as ours will, in any way, be squandered. Let me assure you now that every single penny will be put to good use in making these poor and desperate children’s lives just that little bit more bearable. And let me—”
“Thank you, Boritz, for your heart-wrenching words cannot fail but bring tears to my eyes,” Lady Butterkist interrupted.
“But please, dear lady, you must leave now. Otherwise, it will be dark before you arrive at your destination,” he keenly stated. “So allow me the great privilege of escorting you all to your car.”
“How very noble of you, Boritz,” Mildred muttered through clenched teeth.
“Why, thank you again, Boritz, for I am deeply touched by your concern, although I have to say that dear Blenkinsopp was a bit of a rally driver in his time, and therefore he knows these roads like the back of his hand.”
“Oh, Lady Butterkist, I have no doubt that he is the best money can buy! But all the same, the tight curves make these roads quite dangerous, and rather absurdly many youths who have barely abandoned their school ties and geometry sets are disposed to challenge the universe as well as their own mortality as they race each other down them at nothing but top speeds. In all sincerity I am left with no other alternative but to advise that you and your party take even greater measures than normal to stay safe.”
“Sir, we will indeed take great heed of your kind and thoughtful warning,” Giles interrupted.
“Well, in view of all this, it would seem most unreasonable to keep you here a moment longer. Yes, it would be most inconsiderate and ungentlemanly of me, to say the least,” he fawned.
“You are quite right, Boritz, so without further adieu we will say our pleasant good-byes and then be on our way. I will keep in constant touch regarding Polly’s progress, and on my return I will do as promised by giving you a most generous donation to help with the running of this home.”
“Lady Butterkist, what can I say? You are indeed a wonderful and most charitable woman,” he stated, beaming from ear to ear. “So come on, Polly dear. Hurry up and finish your milk, and then you and your young friend must prepare to leave by putting on your coats and scarves before you go on your way.”
As Boritz and Mildred stood at the front porch to see the party off on their way, Boritz then followed them to the car and attempted to give Polly one final hug.
“Well, Polly, we expect you to be on your very best behavior. And don’t forget to write, as we will all be eagerly longing to hear news of you,” he brightly chirped as he anxiously waited for Polly and Lucinda to climb into the backseat of the car before slamming the door shut.
“Au revoir and safe journey,” he loudly cried as their car revved up and then proceeded to leave the driveway. Pitstop dutifully stood alongside his master, his long, miserable tongue despairingly hanging from his mean and droopy face.
“What an intolerable old trollop she turned out to be,” Mildred snorted. “Yes, ‘good-bye and good riddance to the lot of them’ is all I can bring myself to say,” Mildred meanly muttered under her breath as, forcing herself, she continued to apply herself to the task by outwardly waving them off with plentiful, overly generous kisses into the air.
“Mildred, if I may say so, you seem a bit down in the doldrums, dear.”
“Well, trust me when I say that it’s not been that easy,” she admitted.
“Well, now that the day has finally drawn to a close, let us waste no time in heading back inside to reap the full benefits of the warmth before I go to my desk to do a final count of all today has brought us,” Boritz suggested as, feeling all nice and fuzzy inside, he placed a loving arm around Mildred’s miniscule waist.
“Yes, let’s. And if you would care to see to it that Pitstop gets his belated dinner, I for my part will go and check on the children before we retire early.”
Boritz was in the middle of feeding Pitstop his long-overdue dinner when Mildred anxiously rushed back into the room.
“Oh, dearest one, never in a month of Sundays are you going to believe this one!”
“Well, just try me, for after all we’ve been put through this day I am sorely inclined to believe just about anything and everything, dearest.”
“Well, I went to check on the children, and what I saw beggars all belief. Yes, it has shocked me rigid to the very core of my being.”
“Tell me truthfully, holding nothing back: what precisely is going on?”
“Well, as I turned on the light, I was shocked to discover that the room was literally littered with hundreds of small white feathers. I asked the children to explain themselves, and, in a nutshell, they couldn’t. But as I stood, hand on hip, refusing to budge until I had an answer that suitably satisfied me, I suddenly realized that this was by no means the only strange thing that had gone on in my absence.”
“Quite what do you mean by that, Mildred?”
“Well, earlier on this afternoon the older ones had begged to be allowed to watch a most unsuitably violent film they were all very eager to see. I, of course, quickly caved in to their request, mainly due to the fact that they all did their bit today in helping bring in the funds.”
“Go on,” he urged.
“Well, as I stood in the center of the room I quickly realized they had changed channels from the violent movie, and now they were all watching a sickeningly schmaltzy family film, yes, one far more suited to the younger children’s needs.”
“Hmm. And what of the older children? Surely they weren’t the least bit happy with this state of affairs?”
“Well, that’s what one would imagine…”
“Yes, one would, so do be a dear and get on with the story,” he urged, giving her a most disconsolate frown.
“Oh, all right, dear. Well, the strange thing is this: not only were they all happier than I’ve ever before witnessed, but the younger children were settled comfortably on the older children’s laps, with the older ones feeding the younger ones large spoonfuls of that overbearing lady’s apple pie! I’ve never seen anything like it, no, never in a month of Sundays!” she said, scratching her head as she felt she had need of reemphasizing her considerable disbelief.
“Oh, pull the other one; it’s got bells on it!” he scornfully remarked as he continued to empty the tin of dog meat into Pitstop’s empty bowl.
“You don’t believe me, do you?” she furiously challenged. “But if I’d come in here to tell you I’d just swallowed a whole camel along with its entrails, you’d probably find that much easier to believe.”
“That’s probably true, dearest,” he apathetically responded.
“Well, so much for your great ability to
judge!” she sneered.
“Forgive me, Mildred dearest, but this is truly one of your wildest stories to date. It certainly beggars all belief,” he quickly retaliated.
“Well, if you truly believe this to be just some fanciful, made-up story, then please feel free to come see for yourself,” she chided before turning on her heels to quickly leave the room.
“Oh, trust me, as soon as I’m done feeding Pitstop, we most surely will come down to their playroom to see for ourselves,” he needlessly replied, for the now very disgruntled Mildred was long gone!
Chapter Thirty-Eight
THE LAND OF THE TIDDY OGGY
Meanwhile, back in Piadora the noise of great laughter was heard resounding throughout the entire kingdom as all in the land continued to enjoy Ralph’s, or rather Lady Butterkist’s, effortlessly eloquent yet absolutely riveting performance.
“Hodgekiss, Ralph really is superb at playing Lady Butterkist. He really has found his niche,” one person cried out.
“Yes, and he is getting better by the minute,” another member of the crowd shouted out.
“His antics are little short of hysterical,” another voice joined in.
“Yes, you are all absolutely correct, for he has certainly become something of an all-around entertainer,” Hodgekiss beamed. “But come, gather ’round and listen, for it is almost time for the next round of auditions to take place. Remember, we are still looking for someone to play the part of a very wise man. He will be required to speak with a believable cockney, yes, a real East End accent. He should be short and dumpy, and I think he should almost be bald. He also needs to be quick thinking, witty, yes, good with words, and given to cracking endless, very irritating jokes at the drop of a hat—yes, a bit of a wisecrack, really. And so, I think at the end of the day he should bear the title ‘Mr. Wiseman.’”
The crowd was in uproar as they listened to the credentials that were necessary if they were to have any hope of getting the part.
“According to Mrs. O’ Brien, who is standing right next to me, we have well over five thousand persons of interest who have put their name down for a chance to star in this interesting role. She also tells me that some of you are feeling a trifle despondent, as this character will surely take many months to fully master. So let me encourage you by saying that you still have plenty time, as the final auditions are still many months away. Let me also just add that if you fail to get chosen for this part, there are still many other absorbing characters that have yet to be disclosed, characters such as the very Rev. Mumbo-Jumbo. Now, if after reading up on this character you believe yourself to be worthy of a tryout, then kindly put your name down, along with the briefest of comments as to why you think you are the perfect applicant for this special role. So, everybody, please keep up the rehearsals, for remember, practice makes perfect.”
The Trouble with Polly Brown Page 61