by Toni Shiloh
“Deep down, I knew He would never leave me. I knew, no matter what I did, He would still love me. But life taught me that others who professed to love me could leave me in a heartbeat. So, instead of being angry with those people, I directed my anger toward God. Instead of punishing me, He loved me. He loved me enough to put people in my life to remind me that He has always been with me and will never leave me. Because of that, I was finally able to let that anger go. Of course, I asked for His forgiveness, because what I did was wrong. And God, being the amazing God He is, forgave me.”
“How can that be?” she whispered.
Evan leaned close, laying a hand on top of hers. “How can what be, Jo?”
“How can He love you so much that He put those people in your life but didn’t put any in mine?”
She heard his sharp inhale but couldn’t focus on him through the tears in her eyes.
“Aw JoJo, God has put people in your life. Maybe you just haven’t realized it. What about Chloe?”
What about her? She’s always preaching at people. Then again, Chloe always told Jo how much God loved her. “She has been asking me to go to church with her since we graduated high school.”
“Is that when you stopped going?”
“Yes, once I turned eighteen my mother couldn’t force me any longer. Chloe, however, continued to go...still goes. She and the church are like peanut butter crackers, they stick together.”
He snorted.
“I know it’s corny, but you’ve never seen how zealous she can be. It’s so frustrating! Sometimes, I feel like she’s shoving religion down my throat,” she paused. “But, I love her anyway.”
“Could it be that God put Chloe in your life to remind you that He still loves you, even though you think you’ve been abandoned?”
Jo gasped. She’d never told anyone how she felt. How was it that Evan could see right into her soul and speak the words of her heart? Tears spilled over, sliding down her cheeks in abandon.
“Aw man, I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He tenderly brushed away the tears.
“You didn’t,” she said with a shake of her head. “I just...I mean...how did you know?!” She got up, pacing back and forth. Her finger quietly found its way to her chain despite the racket of emotion going on in her brain. It felt like it was going to implode.
“I’ve always been the black sheep of the family, but I could handle it because my dad was there to lean on. Then He takes the only person who understood me and left me with her!”
The image of her mother appeared larger than life in her mind’s eye. It was like the billboards on the side of the highway you wanted to ignore. Only she couldn’t escape her mother.
“That woman hates my guts and can’t stand that I was the apple of my father’s eye. Now she wants me to quit ‘my hobby,’” she used air quotes as the memory of one of their spats came forward. “And apparently, I need a real job. Or better yet, just marry the next man with a pedigree and pop out a few grandkids so I won’t embarrass her. I know she can’t stand it that my dad left the business to me.”
She sank back on the couch. Her eyes couldn’t focus, the parlor resembling a Jackson Pollock painting through the haze of tears. Suddenly, all the built-up pain from her father’s death released in a torrent of sobs. Her cries ripped from her chest, one after the other. She felt the couch dip but the reason for it didn’t penetrate the noise of her agony.
Warmth came as Evan wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face into his chest and let the pain of the past year flow out.
THE SOUND OF A KNOCK slowly penetrated Evan’s dream world. Although he wanted to continue dreaming of Jo, the urgency in the knock wouldn’t allow him to.
“Come in.” He pulled himself to a sitting position, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“Good morning, Son. Sorry to wake you, but you’ll never believe who’s here.” His mother beamed at him, her locks framing her face.
“Santa Claus?”
“Oh, you.” She shook a finger at him. “Guy’s here. Are you decent enough for him to come in here?”
“I just saw him the other day.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“It’s been a busy week, Mom.”
“Well, come out and say hello anyway. Maybe he needs something.”
Evan glanced down at his white tee and flannel pajama bottoms. He supposed he was presentable enough. “All right, just have him sit in the kitchen. Is my chair outside the door?”
“It is. But wouldn’t you rather use the crutches?”
“I think I’m a little sore for that. I’ll use them later.”
When Evan entered the kitchen, he couldn’t hide his grin.
Guy was trying to convince Rebekah to stop singing “Let it Go” with food in her mouth. Or was it Rachel? He couldn’t remember who wore purple and who wore pink. He wheeled closer to Guy, who looked up and saw him. Guy still had the worn-out look, but not as bad as the other day. Hopefully, he was getting more sleep.
“Daddy! Rebekah is still singing with food in her mouth.”
Guy rolled his eyes. “Rachel, stop tattling. Rebekah, stop singing with food in your mouth.”
“Yes, Daddy.” The girls said in unison.
Evan suppressed a chuckle. “What brings you by, man?”
Guy rubbed the back of his neck. “Do you know anyone who can watch the girls during the day? I have no idea what I’m going to do with them while I’m working.”
Shouldn’t he have thought about that before moving back to Freedom Lake? The look of desperation on his friend’s face kept his mouth shut. Do I know anyone?
“I don’t mean to eavesdrop,” his mother said. “But I do know someone who could help you with the girls.”
“Who?”
“Mrs. Baker, you know, Jo’s grandmother.”
“Jo’s grandmother?” Although Guy and Evan said it in unison, Guy’s words were tinged with relief while Evan’s were full of skepticism.
“Yes, Rosemary Baker is wonderful with children. She works in the church nursery.”
“Considering her age, don’t you think twin girls will be a bit much for her?” Evan asked cautiously.
At his question, Guy seemed to deflate. His friend sat down on the breakfast bench as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders.
“Rosemary Baker is an older woman, but you would never guess it by looking at her.” His mother threw him a look that made him want to slink down in his chair.
Jeez, it’s not like I called her old.
His mother continued talking, ignoring him. “She goes to the senior gym at least three times a week. I think she would enjoy watching them and do a fine job. I wouldn’t recommend someone I wasn’t sure of.”
Guy looked up, hope shining in his eyes again.
“I’ll give you her number. She’s an honest, forthright woman. If she thinks the girls will be too much, she’ll let you know. If she can’t do it, I’m sure she’ll recommend someone else for you.”
“Thank you so much, Mrs. Carter.”
“Why don’t you give her a call now?”
At his mother’s prodding, Guy called Jo’s grandmother. Evan prayed she would be able to watch the girls. He knew how much Guy needed the help. His boy hadn’t been the same since Charlene passed. There was a cloud of sadness that seemed to constantly follow him.
Gradually, a smile began to form on Guy’s face. Relief cloaked him like a garment. He hung up the phone and pumped a fist. “She can watch them. Wants me to bring them by tomorrow so she can meet them.”
“That’s great, man.”
“Sure is. One less thing to worry about.”
“Guy, honey,” his mom said. “You don’t have to worry. God’s got this.”
At the mention of God, a closed look stole across Guy’s face. Evan could visibly see the brick wall going up, letting them know God was not welcome in his life. His heart broke for the pain his friend was going through.
Lord,
please don’t give up on him. Please help unharden his heart. Evan wasn’t sure how Guy could get through life without God, but he prayed God would use him to show his friend the pathway back.
Chapter Nineteen
Yes!
Jo grinned, sliding her truck into a parking spot right in front of The Space. Though Freedom Lake was a smaller town than most, it still had enough people to warrant downtown traffic...or at least what she considered traffic. As she got out of the car, Jo glanced inside the storefront to make sure Chloe didn’t have any customers. She didn’t want to intrude on her friend’s business.
Michelle was there.
She walked inside, hoping to hone in on the conversation. “Morning, ladies. What are you two up to?”
“Hey JoJo,” Chloe said. “Michelle wants me to decorate Thomas Attorney-at-Law.”
“You decided on a name?” Jo asked.
“Yes.” Michelle answered, a beam lighting up her eyes.
“I like that name a lot better. When did you decide on it?”
“Last night, actually,” Michelle said with a laugh. “I couldn’t sleep, so I was brainstorming. As soon as it came to me, I was out.”
Jo leaned forward to look at the color samples Michelle held. “Have you decided what color scheme you’re going for?”
“I’m thinking of colors from the purple family.”
“That would be pretty. But do you think that would be too feminine for any possible male clients you may have?”
“Why should she have to hide the fact that she’s a female?” Chloe said, a hint of steel in her tone.
“Whoa, no one said she had to hide that she’s a female. I’m just suggesting the colors be appealing to anyone who may walk in. Just look at this place,” Jo threw her arms wide. “Your color scheme draws everyone in.” She looked at Chloe, wondering if something was bothering her.
“Hmm, you have a point,” Chloe admitted. “What about orange?”
“Orange?!” Michelle and Jo exclaimed.
“That’s a bit much, isn’t it?” Michelle looked skeptical.
“Not at all,” Chloe stated. “Simply pick muted colors to go along with it, so it won’t be overpowering. You can go with white and tan accent colors.”
“I’m not so sure. I want people to believe I’m the best choice for the job, that I care about their interest, and that I’m not settling or could be doing something better. Does that make sense?” Michelle looked back and forth between Chloe and Jo.
“Totally.”
“Perfect.”
Jo laughed at how quick she and Chloe were to soothe Michelle’s fears. It almost felt like old times.
“Give me a day and I’ll pull up some ideas for you, Michelle.”
“Thanks, Chloe.”
Chloe turned to Jo. “Now, I know you didn’t come here to watch me and Michelle pick out colors for her new business.”
“Well, no. I originally came to ask if I could go to church with you one Sunday.”
“Really?”
“What?”
Chloe squealed while Michelle scowled.
“Of course, you can come to church with me Sunday.” Chloe gave Jo a hug. “You’ll love it. It’s not like it was when we were kids. Bishop Brown is down to earth. He doesn’t look down on anybody and I don’t know...he’s just real. I know you’ll appreciate that.”
She put her hands in her pockets and took a deep breath. “I can’t promise I’ll go more than one time, Chlo.”
“That’s okay, you know I’ll keep inviting you until you show up every week.”
What would she do without Chloe’s friendship and patience? Gratitude flooded her being.
“What brought this on?” Michelle asked, neck craned with irritation.
“Um, I had an interesting conversation with Evan.” She shrugged. “It made me curious.”
Michelle gazed at her shrewdly. “What kind of conversation?”
She sat down in the yellow chair across from the desk. This would be a difficult conversation. She and Michelle had always agreed that Christianity was ridiculous.
Michelle sat down next to her, peering at her intently. Chloe went and sat at the only vacant spot, the chair behind her desk. Somehow it seemed like an inquisition and not a chat with her two best girlfriends.
“Well, it started out with Evan telling me about his recent decision to recommit to God. Something he said made me think of God and abandonment. Evan pointed out that He hadn’t left after all, and that God put people in my life to point me to Him. He brought up Chloe and it all clicked. After that, I may have fallen apart.”
“What do you mean?” asked Chloe.
“I cried.”
“You trust him,” Chloe said softly.
Jo gazed at Chloe, realizing she saw more deeply than Jo would care to admit. She averted her gaze, not sure she wanted to admit something so personal.
“Girl, you must if you’re thinking of going to church because of one conversation.” Michelle said with an arch of her perfectly drawn eyebrow.
“But that’s just it,” Jo said, turning toward Michelle. “It hasn’t been just one conversation. I grew up going to church so I heard what they said. Even though I stopped attending, Chloe continued going and speaking to me about God. Even Nana and Evan’s mom have been quiet witnesses for the Lord. It just so happened Evan was the catalyst.” Amazing how she saw it so clearly now.
Michelle sat back as if appraising the situation. Jo knew Michelle had her issues that would make this tough for her to swallow, but she wouldn’t drive in the point. Everyone had their own journey and time table.
“So, you’re saying this change isn’t as swift as it appears, but has been working in your life this whole time.”
“Essentially.”
“Hmm. Who gave you that idea? Evan?” Michelle slowly twisted the silver ring around her right ring finger.
“It’s time, Chelle. It’s time to stop running from your hurt and anger and talk to Him again.” Chloe looked pointedly at Michelle, who in turn glared at Chloe.
Oh no, please don’t let them get into a huge fight again. They just started talking to each other again, God! Jo sucked in a breath at the realization that she’d actually acknowledged Him.
“I just can’t let years of hurt go, Chloe, no matter how much He wants to work it out for good.” Michelle said snidely.
Jo cringed inwardly, bracing for a blowup.
“Then don’t let it go. But don’t use that as an excuse not to show up either. He can handle your anger.”
“Oh, my goodness,” Jo said. “That’s exactly what Evan said to me. He said he could be mad at God, because he knew that God would never leave him. So he directed all his anger at Him.”
Michelle’s face drained of color, almost appearing yellow. “I need to go.”
“Chelle, don’t leave.”
Michelle turned and gave her a look of such consternation that Jo immediately sat back down in defeat. She watched her friend walk out of the building, praying that the hurt wouldn’t swallow her whole.
EVAN WALKED DOWN MAIN Street at a leisurely stroll, letting the crutch take his excess weight. Today, he would get the keys to his new place. It was ironic that freedom was literally a few steps away. Soon his prosthetic would be in, and then he could really be independent.
A movement out of his peripheral caught his eye. He came to a stop, looking up in time to see Michelle Thomas leave The Space.
She still looks the same.
“Hey, Michelle,” he called out. She was just about to get into her vehicle but looked up when he called out to her. He waved.
She slammed her car door and stalked toward him. “What in the world did you say to Jo to make her even consider going to church?”
“Whoa.” He lost his footing, trying to step backward. Evan gripped the crutch as he righted himself. What set her off? “This is the first I’ve ever heard of Jo going to church, so forgive me for being a little lost.”
&nb
sp; “She informed me about your little talk yesterday. If you want to be brainwashed and think God can solve all your problems, then fine. But don’t go around manipulating my friends to believe that hogwash. Jo was just fine without you trying to psychoanalyze her.”
“Was she really, Michelle?”
She stared at him, seething with anger.
“I don’t think she was,” he continued. “She opened up and shared some of her concerns after I shared with her the healing I’ve received from the Lord. I wasn’t attempting to influence her. I was just sharing a little of my life with her.” He cocked his head to the side. “If she wanted to go shopping with you and buy a similar outfit, could I accuse you of brainwashing her?”
“Of course not!” she snapped. “Girls bond over shopping, and I wouldn’t make her buy anything she didn’t like.”
“Then why can’t I bond with her over God? Why can’t I share what He’s done for me without forcing her to believe it?”
“Every Christian has an agenda. You people won’t be satisfied unless we’re all bowing down and letting others walk all over us. I refuse to believe in a God who would let destruction, unnecessary death, hunger, et cetera, go on.”
“Yet you do the same thing.”
“What!” She stared at him in shock.
“Have you made any effort to stop world hunger? Have you dedicated your life to medicine to help eradicate disease? What are you doing to stop the issues that plague you so much and make you believe God doesn’t exist?”
Her mouth dropped open. Evan would have laughed at her guppy look if the topic weren’t so important. He didn’t know what life experiences made her so bitter, but he recognized it. If he could help her let it go, all the better.
Lord, please let my words penetrate the bitter wall encasing her mind and heart. Let her see Your truth and what You have to offer.
She glared at him then whirled around, stomping all the way to her car. He watched her go, saddened by the pain she was in. He knew what it was like to harbor such hurt and resentment. To think that God tossed you aside while your life went in a downward spiral. If she didn’t let the pain go, Michelle would head down the same destructive, bitter path that he had been on.