by Julie Kagawa
Page 54
It was Todd. But he was human. The furry ears were gone, as were the claws and canines and piercing orange eyes. It was still Todd Wynham, there was no question about that; he still wore the same clothes as when I saw him last, though they were filthy and ragged now. But the change was so drastic it took me a few seconds to accept that this was the same person. I could only stare in disbelief. Except for the grime and the strange, empty look on his face, Todd seemed completely mortal, with no trace of the faery blood that ran through him a week ago.
“Todd?” Kenzie eased forward, holding out her hand. Todd watched her with blank hazel eyes and didn’t move. “It is you! You’re all right! Oh, thank goodness. They didn’t hurt you, did they?”
I clenched my fists. She didn’t know. She couldn’t realize what had happened. Kenzie had only seen Todd as a human before; she didn’t know anything was wrong.
But I knew. And a slow flame of rage began to smolder inside. Well, you wanted to know what happened to half-breeds when their glamour was drained away, Ethan. There’s your answer. All these humans were half-fey once, before the Forgotten took their magic.
Todd blinked slowly. “Who are you?” he asked in a monotone, and I shivered. Even his voice sounded wrong. Flat and hollow, like everything he was had been stripped away, leaving no emotion behind. I remembered the eager, defiant half-breed from before; comparing him to this hopeless stranger made me sick.
“You know me,” Kenzie said, walking toward him. “Kenzie. Mackenzie, from school. Ethan is here, too. We’ve been looking everywhere for you. ”
“I don’t know you,” Todd stated in that same empty, chilling voice. “I don’t remember him, or school or anything. I don’t remember anything but this hole. But…” He looked away, into the darkness, his brow furrowing. “But…it feels like I should remember something. Something important. I think…I think I lost something. ” An agonized expression crossed his face, just for a moment, before it smoothed out again. “Or, maybe not,” he continued with a shrug. “I can’t remember. It must not have been very important. ”
I was shaking with fury, and took a deep breath to calm myself. Bastards, I thought, filled with a sudden, fiery hatred. Killing faeries is one thing. But this? I looked at Todd, at the slack face, the hollow eyes, and resisted the urge to punch the wall. This is worse than killing. You stripped away everything that made him who he was, took something that he can’t ever get back and left him…like this. To keep yourselves alive. I won’t let you get away with that.
“What about your parents?” Kenzie continued, still trying to cajole an answer out of the once half-faery. “Don’t you remember them? Or any of your teachers?”
“No,” was the flat reply, and Todd backed away, his eyes clouding over, into the darkness. “I don’t know you,” he whispered. “Go away. ”
“Todd—” Kenzie tried again, but the human turned away from her, huddling down against the wall, burying his face in his knees.
“Leave me alone. ”
She tried coaxing him to talk again, asking him questions about home, school, how he came to be there, telling him about our own adventures. But she was met with a wall of silence. Todd didn’t even look up from his knees. He seemed determined to pretend we didn’t exist, and after a few minutes of watching this and getting nothing, I walked away, needing to move before I started shaking him. Kenzie’s stubbornly cheerful voice followed me as I stalked into the shadows, and I left her to it; if anyone could persuade him to talk, she could.
Weaving through hunched forms of indifferent humans, I wandered the perimeter, halfheartedly searching for anything we might’ve missed. Anything that might allow us to escape. Nothing. Just steep, smooth walls and sand. We were well and truly stuck down here.
Putting my back against the wall, I slid to the floor, feeling cold sand through my jeans. I wondered what my parents were doing right now. I wondered how long the Forgotten would keep us down here. Weeks? Months? If they finally let us go, would we return to the mortal realm to find we’d been missing for twenty years, and everyone had given us up for dead?
Or, would they simply kill us and leave our bones to rot in this hole, gnawed on by a bunch of former half-breeds?
Kenzie joined me, looking tired and pale. Purple marks streaked her arms from where the Forgotten had grabbed her, and her eyes were dull with exhaustion. Anger flared, but it was damped by the feeling of hopelessness that clung to everything in this place. She gave me a brave smile as she came up, but I could see her mask crumbling, falling to pieces around her.
“Anything?” I asked, and she shook her head.
“No. I’ll try again in a little while, when he’s had a chance to think about it. I think poking him further will just make him retreat more. ” She slid down next to me, gazing out into the darkness. I felt the heat of her small body against mine, and an almost painful urge to reach out for her, to draw her close. But my own fear held me back. I had failed. Again. Not only Kenzie, but Todd, Keirran, Annwyl, everyone. I wished I had been stronger. That I could’ve kept everyone around me safe.
But most of all, I wished Kenzie didn’t have to be here. That I’d never shown her my world. I’d give anything to get her out of this.
“How long do you think they’ll keep us here?” Kenzie whispered after a few beats of silence.
“I don’t know,” I murmured, feeling the weight in my chest get bigger. Kenzie rubbed her arms, running her fingers over the bruises on her skin, making my stomach churn.
“We…we’re gonna make it home, right?”
“Yeah. ” I half turned, forcing a smile. “Yeah, don’t worry, we’ll get out of here, and you’ll be home before you know it. Your sister will be waiting for you, and your Dad will probably yell that you’ve been gone so long, but they’ll both be relieved that you’re back. And you can call my house and keep me updated on everything that happens at school, because my parents will probably ground me until I’m forty. ”
It was a kind lie, and we both knew it, but I couldn’t tell her the truth. That I didn’t know if we would make it home, that no one knew where we were, that right above our heads waited a legion of savage, desperate fey and their mysterious lady. Keirran was gone, Annwyl was missing, and the person we’d come to find was a hollow shell of himself. I’d hit rock bottom and had dragged her down with me, but I couldn’t tell her that all hope was gone. Even though I had none of it myself.
So I lied. I told her we would make it home, and Kenzie returned the small smile, as if she really believed it. But then she shivered, and the mask crumpled. Bringing both knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them and closed her eyes.
“I’m scared,” she admitted in a whisper. And I couldn’t hold myself back any longer.
Reaching out, I pulled her into my lap and wrapped her in my arms. She clung to me, fists clenched in my shirt, and I folded her against my chest, feeling our hearts race together.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered into her hair. “I wanted to protect you from all of this. ”
“I know,” she whispered back. “And I know you’re thinking this is your fault somehow, but it isn’t. ” Her hand slipped up to my face, pressing softly against my cheek, and I closed my eyes. “Ethan, you’re a sweet, infuriating, incredible guy, and I think I…might be falling for you. But there are things in my life you just can’t protect me from. ”
My breath caught. I felt my heartbeat stutter, then pick up, a little faster than before. Kenzie hunched her shoulders, burying her face in my shirt, suddenly embarrassed. I wanted to tell her she had nothing to be afraid of; that I couldn’t stay away from her if I tried, that she had somehow gotten past all my bullshit—the walls, the anger, the constant fear, guilt and self-loathing—and despite everything I’d done to drive her away and make her hate me, I couldn’t imagine my life without her.
I wished I knew how to tell her as much. Instead, I held her and
smoothed her hair, listening to our breaths mingle together. She was quiet for a long time, one hand around my neck, the other tracing patterns in my shirt.
“Ethan,” she murmured, still not looking at me. “If—when—we get home, what will happen, to us?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I guess…that will mostly depend on you. ”
“Me?”
I nodded. “You’ve seen my life. You’ve seen how screwed up it is. How dangerous it can be. I wouldn’t force that on anyone, but…” I trailed off, closing my eyes, pressing my forehead to hers. “But I can’t stay away from you anymore. I’m not even going to try. If you want me around, I’ll be there. ”
“For how long?” Her words were the faintest whisper. If we hadn’t been so close, I wouldn’t have caught them. Hurt, I stared at her, and she peered up at me, her eyes going wide at the look on my face.
“Oh, no! I’m sorry, Ethan. That wasn’t for you. I just…” She sighed, hanging her head again, clenching a fist in my shirt. “All right,” she whispered. “Enough of this, Kenzie. Before this goes any further. ” She nodded to herself and looked up, facing me fully. “I guess it’s time you knew. ”
I waited, holding my breath. Whatever secrets you have, I wanted to say, whatever you’ve been hiding, it doesn’t matter. Not to me. My whole life was one big lie, and I had more secrets than one person should have in a lifetime. Nothing she said could scare or shock me away from her.
But there was still that tiny sense of unease, that dark, ominous thing Kenzie had been keeping from me since we’d met. I knew some secrets weren’t meant to be shared, that knowing them could change your perspective of a person forever. I suspected this might be one of those times. So I waited, as the silence stretched between us, as Kenzie gathered her thoughts. Finally, she pushed her hair back, still not looking at me, and took a deep breath.