by Kara Hart
She shrugs. “Not really, but a little bit.”
“I’m going to have to rebuild the whole garage. It’s a lot to think about right now,” I admit. “And we haven’t exactly had the greatest year so far. I just don’t know if I’ll be able to afford it.”
Emily looks at me with caring and understanding. She has an empathy most people lack, which is exactly why I like her so much. The hard truth is that I don’t know whether or not I can do this for much longer. I love being a carpenter. I love building things, learning, and watching something come from hard work. Yet, building cabinets and chairs isn’t doing it for me. It’s not fulfilling.
“That’s not all that’s wrong,” she says. “Talk to me.”
“I just feel bad putting it on you. It’s not your trouble,” I say.
“We’re together now, right? You have to let me in, Michael.”
“I’m just not sure where this is all going,” I admit. “Do I really want to keep a business with this woman?”
Emily holds silent and still. “What would you do?” she finally asks. “Fire all of us?”
“No, of course not. This isn’t something I have thought through. This is just me talking here,” I say. “I just really need to disconnect from her. I’m realizing it more and more every single day. I can’t keep her in my life like that. Plus, I want to do something meaningful. I want to help people in some way.”
She drags her nails across my chest. I shiver as shockwaves tickle through my body. “You’re so noble,” she says.
“No. Just selfish. I would get more out of that lifestyle choice than remaining where I am today. And I’m thinking that it’s good to jump into the dark every now and then,” I say.
She scrolls through the movies on the screen, without really paying attention to each click. “I’m making you too impulsive,” she says.
I grab the controller from her hands and kiss her. “What? Am I scaring you?” I ask.
“You’re talking about a huge change in your life, Michael. I just went through some pretty major changes. It’s not easy,” she says.
She knows exactly what I’m going to say back. I can feel it. “It’s not easy the other way around, either,” I say. She nods, knowingly.
“I know. Of course, I do,” she mutters back.
“And I think if we want to continue doing this, I’m going to have to really think things through. It’s just not smart for me to be beholden to her in any way. If she wants to try and take Lisa from me, she can.” I groan when I say that last bit because I know there is a real struggle there. “Lisa won’t have it. She just won’t. She likes visiting me. We have fun together. It just sucks that Susan’s dad is a lawyer.”
“Wait,” she stumbles on my words. “Back up for one second. Her dad is a what?”
“He’s a divorce lawyer. He’s one of the best in the state,” I say, groaning even louder. The whole situation is fucked.
“And you weren’t going to tell me this?” she asks, though she’s not too shocked at this point. At this point, she probably thinks I’m the biggest liar in the world. I have held truths back from her, but only to protect her and my family. Even if she does feel good so near to me, it doesn’t feel good to be left out of the loop on these things, and I know that. I just don’t know how to frame all of this shit.
“I didn’t think it was that big of a deal,” I say. She stretches away from me and sits up against back of the couch. She covers those beautiful tits with her hands and looks away. “Oh, come on,” I groan.
“No, it’s kind of fucked up. I want to know the truth about everything, Michael. I want to know what really happened,” she says.
“You know what really happened. We got a fucking divorce. We had a baby way too early. Shit got all fucked up. Now, I’m here and we’re all intertwined in a web of mess. Look, all I want to do is get you and myself out of it. I want to start over,” I say.
“I’m not talking about all of that. I know you’ve been through a lot. We both have here. I can understand how you feel,” she says. “But I’m also going to need to know just how much shit I’m getting into with you.”
“Well,” I sigh and close my eyes tightly. I don’t bother to continue my thought. Instead, I straighten my back and breathe in, thinking deeply to myself. “See, this is why I never found anyone. I never wanted to get them involved.”
“You were going to have to face it eventually.” She shrugs.
“Her father is one of the richest men in the state. Steven Munchowski is a man who bears no sympathy, no empathy even. He will seek to destroy whoever gets in the way of his clients,” I say. “So, when we talk about Lisa being taken from me, it’s not as light as I make it out to be. He’s much worse than Susan.”
“You haven’t done anything wrong,” she says. “They can’t just take your daughter from you.”
“Yeah, well, there’s more to the story,” I admit.
“Michael…” She drops her head onto my chest and just listens. She’s too tired to fight, too tired to even react anymore. I am too. I just want this to work, somehow, but I’m not sure it’s even possible. It’s been tainted from the beginning. It’s all my fault, of course.
“I got crazy at the beginning of this thing. Well, maybe towards the middle I did too,” I say.
“What did you do, Michael? Did you hurt her?” I feel the knife twist in my stomach. My air becomes shallow. She tries to hold onto me, but I feel her letting go.
“No, I never touched her,” I say. It comes out quick and truthful, and I hope she has no doubts that I’m being sincere. “Everything I did, I did to myself. I’m not a violent person. I straightened up at the end, but I guess it was already too late…”
“I know you aren’t,” she whispers. “I’m just trying to figure everything out here.”
“I was a drunk,” I tell her.
My stomach returns to normal. It’s not a fun thing to admit, but it’s not the end of the world. “You were an alcoholic?” she asks.
“An insane alcoholic. I would drink constantly. During the pregnancy. After, even. Eventually, I stopped. It’s one of the reasons she called for the divorce,” I say. It’s a big weight that falls off my shoulders.
“I never knew. You drink now, though,” she says.
“The thing is, it wasn’t ever really how you’d imagine. Sometimes, when you’re going through so much pain and no one is willing to listen, you take to medicating yourself. Some people eat. Other people pop pills. I drank and Susan became tolerable again.”
“I mean, I can’t say that I don’t understand it. I just wish you told me. On paper, this is a big thing. It can look really bad for you, Michael,” she says.
“I know. Trust me. I do.” I say. “I knew it was going to drive us apart. I knew Susan would leave eventually because deep down, I wanted her to. I wanted her out of my life and I was a fucking coward. I couldn’t even tell my own wife that I wanted her gone. But how could I? I had a beautiful daughter. We were a family. I didn’t want to be a statistic. I wanted her to grow up happy and normal.”
“She is happy and normal,” she tells me. “Right now, I think she just needs her dad to be happy and normal. She knows Susan is a bit off.”
I raise my brow in confusion. “What do you mean? Did she say something?”
She turns tense, but she’s honest. “Yeah, she essentially said that she’s stressed out all of the time. She said she doesn’t like fun.” She almost laughs saying it, but she bites her tongue. Of course, I don’t. I burst out laughing.
“Well, there you go,” I say.
“Lisa takes after you, I guess,” she laughs.
But the laughter dies down and we’re both left looking at a blank TV screen. “I can’t stop wondering about Lisa. I wonder if she’s done her homework. I wonder if she’s watching TV right now, smiling to herself. I don’t know why I care about your kid, but I do. She’s so sweet, but most of all, she’s a part of you. She’s a part of your struggle, but she�
��s also the cure to any pain you’ve felt. It’s amazing, Michael,” she whispers.
I nod and feel my chest tighten. “Yeah. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, next to you,” I say. “I’ll come up with something. I can get my own lawyer. I’ll figure it out.”
“You’re going to have to do more than that,” she says. “I don’t know Susan that well, but if I know anything about her, it’s that she’s a fighter. She’s someone who is willing to go down with the ship if she has to.”
“Yeah.” I nod. “So I’m going to have to find a way to make this beneficial for her. I just can’t figure it out just yet.”
“When do you have to start on the building codes?” she asks me.
“Two weeks,” I mutter.
“Then we have two weeks.” She smiles.
“You aren’t done with me? You’re not judging the shit out of me right now?” I ask.
“You made a mistake. You didn’t have any bad intent. You were just being stupid. If it did anything good for you, I think getting married has at least helped you become a stronger person. And if you ever have any doubts with me, I just hope you’d tell me,” she says.
“Doubts? Are you insane? You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I say, curling my hand around her waist. “Right now, I’m feeling pretty fucking lucky.”
“Me too.” She kisses my chest and breathes in my cologne. She makes a light sighing noise and smiles to herself.
But I can’t help but feel that there will be doubts someday. All relationships start in a hazy fuzz of love, but very rarely does that feeling last. She clutches onto me, sucking in every last ounce of warmth and comfort. She tucks her head into the nook of my shoulder and closes her eyes.
I’ll do whatever it takes. I just want this to last.
Emily
It all comes back in the morning. The feeling of being someone else’s. The understanding that everything will work out if we just try hard enough at it. That’s how I feel when I open my eyes and feel his arms around my chest.
“Good morning, baby,” he whispers. I get goose bumps, up and down my body. The sun shines through the window, across my face, and I stretch my body against its light.
“Morning,” I whisper, batting open my eyes. “What time is it?”
“It’s eleven,” he laughs.
My heart skips a beat. “It’s what?! Eleven? Shit, we slept in. We have to go to the shop,” I say, jumping up from the couch.
“No, it’s fine. Hanson is holding down the shop right now. I told him I’d pay him overtime,” he says.
I stop and stand in front of him. “And you can afford that?”
“Not really.” He shrugs. “But I thought we could come up with a plan.”
“Last night. I forgot.” I yawn. “Listen, you’re the boss, but I’m not sure it’s a great idea to sell the company. I mean, what the hell are you going to do if you don’t have this job?”
He just climbs on top of my and pins me down. “Stay in bed with you,” he says.
I groan, but of course, I’m wet when he reaches down and touches me. I close my eyes and bit my lower lip slightly. “Ugh, you know I’d love that, but—”
“But what? It would be too much fun for you?” He kisses me. I taste him and reach up to kiss him one more time.
I pull away slowly and open my eyes again. Reality flushes back into my mind. “No. Well, yes, but you need income and I definitely need some too. So, I don’t know.”
“I’ll sell the house,” he says.
“Come on, Michael. The house? And live where? Here?” I ask him. When he just shrugs, I roll out of bed.
“No,” I laugh. “You’re not living here of all places.”
“Why not? It’s cozy here,” he says.
“Because we’re not at that level yet,” I protest. Hell no. I’m not ready to live with another man, yet.
He looks offended. So be it. Sometimes, you have to make it clear what the boundaries are. “Well, at least I know where you stand,” he says.
“It’s not that. I just want you to succeed. Trust me, I want Susan out of your life more than anybody else,” I say. “But I don’t know about this. This is your business. You made it right? You built it up?”
“I did.” He nods.
“Then don’t sell it. If you don’t want to make cabinets anymore, start building other things. I’m on board with whatever, but this is your namesake. Vanderbilt Carpentry. That’s you, not Susan,” I say.
I’m out of breath and exhausted from thinking about all of this, and I think he can tell. When he grabs my hand and pulls me toward the bathroom, I reluctantly follow. He turns on the shower and looks at me. “You’re right. And I’ll figure this out. Right now, I just want to enjoy you,” he says.
The room heats up with steam. I drop my panties onto the floor and walk inside the shower. I turn and watch as he walks in behind me. “It’s us,” he says. “Just us.”
I nod my head and lower my body into the warm water. I feel the rush from the heat as I exhale. I feel his warm, strong hands grab around the thick of my ass. I push back and feel his face behind me. His tongue comes, smooth and undeniably just right. My mouth falls open and a rushed moan comes out, high pitched and piercing.
I reach around and grab the back of his head. I push him in deeper. His moves up and down, devouring me. He groans loudly and sucks on each lip. I grind my hip back and let myself fall into him once more. He pushes away and pins me against the wall. My palms fall flat against the tile. “Fuck,” I groan.
“Shh,” he whispers. He puts his palm over my mouth. I bite down against his skin. He holds me harder, closer, and is not letting go. I feel him slip inside of me, as the water rushes down across our bodies. He pushes in as deep as he can go. His abs are firm against my back. I’m filled with an instant rush of pleasure.
“You’re mine,” he whispers. He slightly unclasps his hand from around my mouth. I hold onto his wrist and feel all of his weight press against me.
“Yes,” I tell him. “I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”
“You’re such a sweet girl.” He smiles, thrusting harder.
There are no more words. There’s only action. Hands against the tiles, gripping at the grout, slipping downwards, amongst the dripping water and wetness all around us. He forces his hand over mine. Our fingers interlock, as if they were made for each other.
Muffled moans and the hollow air from the glass puncture our eardrums. I am so afraid of living. That much is true and it’s what I hate to admit. I’m afraid. I’m scared of getting hurt, of feeling broken, or worst of all, empty. To fill is to be empty, and I never want to feel that way again.
His legs tie around me. He holds me up. He fucks me, over and over again, teeth lightly dragging across my neck and shoulder. “Michael,” I moan. I don’t know what else there is besides this. Right here, within the plumes of steam, within his impenetrable strength. I lie against the wall, crushed by my emotions.
“Cum,” I whisper.
As if it was on command, he tightens his grip. The water rushes down on us, never letting up. His moaning grows deeper, stronger, and more tempting. Then I feel it. The pulsating waves shoot into my body. He nearly collapses, yet holds onto gravity somehow. I clutch against his waist and feel all his power slam into me one last time.
He falls back and comes to his senses. He stands behind me, just staring. “I love you,” he says. Then, out of nowhere, he falls to the floor.
Michael
There’s nothing like a good nap to settle the difference of your day. Except I’m not sure I even took a nap. When I wake up, I’m surrounded, not only by my ex-wife, but also by Lisa and Susan. “Wait,” I mutter, trying to jump up from the bed.
“Sit down, dammit,” Susan angrily replies. My chest feels numb. Shit, my whole body feels that way.
“What the fuck happened?” I ask.
Emily. I look up at her and she’s fucking gorgeous. “You slipp
ed in the…” She turns her head toward Susan and cuts herself off.
Susan interjects, naturally. “You fell in her shower. Why you were over at a coworker’s home is beyond me,” she says.
I start to rectify the situation as best I can, but in my head, I know that the truth is what is needed. I can’t run away from how I feel about this woman. “We had—”
“We had just picked up some materials and he hadn’t showered all day. I said he could use mine if he wanted to, while I was at the store. When I came back, I found him on the ground,” Emily says.
“It’s weird.” Susan sighs. “But I’m too tired and emotional to deal with this right now. You had us worried sick.”
“Well, shoot,” I whisper. I glance at Susan angrily for cussing in front of the kid, but it’s not like she hasn’t heard it come out of her mouth all her life. I mean, I guess I did it too. “Am I okay?”
“You slipped,” Susan repeats.
“Yeah, but he didn’t hit his head,” Emily says.
“So what the hell happened?” I ask everyone. “Can someone explain anything to me?”
Blank stares. A few shrugs. “You’re okay, Daddy,” Lisa whispers. She runs over and throws her arms around me.
“I know, baby. Daddy’s okay,” I tell her.
In fact, I do feel pretty fine. The only thing is that I don’t know how this could have happened. I’ve never blacked out before like that. After minutes of trying to come back to reality, the pieces start to connect. The shower. Her beautiful, gorgeous ass. Her soft, hourglass figure. All of those things come back into my vision and I can’t help but smile.
“Don’t smile,” Susan scoffs.
“I’m just really confused,” I mutter. “Seriously.”
“You should probably see a doctor,” Emily says. “But I think you’re just stressed out. There’s a lot coming up that you have to deal with.”
“Great. Why don’t you take him to the doctor’s then?” Susan says.
“I can if you want to…” Emily mutters back. I close my eyes, waiting for Susan to fire back with enough animosity to blow up a small country, but she doesn’t. Instead, she turns her head and takes a deep breath. She gathers her thoughts and picks up Lisa.