Official Intelligent Beings: How Our Devices Became Us, And The World Consumed Itself

by Greenfield, Josh

  After work, Jagz, so consumed by all of these new followers and comments, almost started to head home when he remembered his plans with Shera. He tossed his thoughts of Quacker out of his head and rushed to the park, excited to meet Shera again and see what she had brought this time.

  “Jagz, I want you to close your eyes and open your mouth,” said Shera.

  Jagz, excited to see what food would be hitting his lips, quickly did as she said and laid on his back.

  “Your wish is my command, here I go,” he said playfully.

  Just as he got ready to chow down on some fresh fruit, or perhaps something new, he felt an entirely different sensation. It felt as though what he tasted could be food but he wasn’t entirely sure.

  Assuming it must be edible, he bit down and heard Shera let out a small wince as she pulled back and smacked him on the shoulder.

  “Easy there tiger. I know you are hungry but I need these lips.”

  “Oh my web. I’m sorry. I didn’t… I thought it was food. I was just trying to…”

  She laughed. “It’s okay, I probably should have warned you. Now close your eyes and don’t bite me this time. Just do as I do. Let the motion of the world guide you.

  “Jagz closed his eyes again and let her lips touch his as he followed her movements.”

  He opened his eyes and saw that directly in front of his face were Shera’s perfectly beautiful and shining green eyes. After a brief moment of total peace, a peace that he always felt when he looked into her perfect eyes, he jumped back and let out a little scream, half shocked, half excited.

  “Oh come on, haven’t you ever kissed someone before?”

  “Why no. No. I actually have not. At least not in person. Only in the virtual simulated pleasure experience. I have never actually tasted lips before and lips so sweet, holy heaven, that was amazing!”

  “Aw Jagz, you are too cute. Do you know that? I could just squeeze you and…”

  “And kiss me again?”

  “Why yes I could. But I can tell just that first kiss was enough for one day. Let it soak in. Savor it. Never let that feeling go away.”

  Jagz fell back into the grass, smiling from cheek to cheek, wondering about nothing but his slow and steady breath.

  “In case you are wondering, I read your Quack. I’ve got to say, pretty intense stuff,” said Shera.

  He hadn’t been wondering. Being back with her made all of his wonders go away, like UrDg, but yet completely different.

  “Well life has been pretty intense, if you want to know the truth.”

  “Do tell, do tell, I’m always up for some good truth.”

  “Oh, I don’t know if this is something you would want to hear about. I’m not even really sure if I could express it in a way that it would make sense. In a way that you wouldn’t think I have completely lost my mind.”

  “Well now you have to tell me.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Oh come on, you have to! Share and I’ll share something that I brought for you. It’s fresh like the orange we shared, but even better!”

  “You really know how to get to me in all of the right ways. All right, I’ll tell you. But you need to keep an open mind, and you can’t tell this to anyone.”

  “For you, I’m always open. Your words are safe with me.”

  “So this is going to sound strange, but recently I was called in to meet the President of Unified Webworks, Mr. Herd. Do you know who he is?”

  “President Herd? Of course, I mean who doesn’t? But why did he want to speak with you?”

  “Well, actually it wasn’t really him that wanted to speak with me. You see, oh web, I can’t believe I am actually sharing this with someone, it’s all too much.”

  “Jagz, I know we just recently met, but you can trust me. You know I read all of your previous Quacks last night and I felt this profound connection to you. Why do you think I kissed you?“

  “Yeah. Why did you?”

  “It was as if you pulled all of the thoughts out of my mind and took what I couldn’t share and released it into the world. Each Quack was more beautiful than the next. Your honesty, your passion, your desire for progressive thought, I’m all ears for you. Anything you say, I promise, is safe with me.”

  “Jagz couldn’t deny such a beautiful woman. The first woman to share her fresh fruit and lips with him had to be the first person he shared a secret that, until now, had kept him in a constant state of confusion.

  “Okay,” said Jagz. “This is going to sound strange as all hell and I don’t blame you if you run away but I’ve been dying to tell someone. But not just anyone. I too feel a strong connection to you. I trust you.”

  “Enough of your sweet talk. Hit me with the truth!”

  “All right. Well, the real reason that President Herd called me in was to show me something that can and most likely will shake up human existence, as we know it. He wanted me to meet a living,” He paused and squinted for a moment, “Alien.”

  “A what now? An Alien?”

  “I know it sounds absurd but,”

  “Like hell it does! Heck no. That is incredible! You met an actual Alien? Aliens exist? What? Please tell more, this is amazing!”

  “You mean to say that you believe me? Just like that?” Jagz was confused and utterly shocked.

  “Well yeah, of course I trust you. I can tell that you are not making this up. Besides, what would be the point? The most beautiful gift one can give another is not fruit, it is not even a kiss, it is the space to be honest, to feel heard, to be vulnerable, without any judgment or disbelief. A rare thing to have an honest and unique thought, I know, but it is still possible and it is the least I can do.”

  “Whoa, Shera. You are just so incredible, you know that? I’m beginning to feel things for you that I didn’t even think were possible.”

  “Aren’t you just a doll?”

  “Shera, you make me feel…”

  “Alright, enough of the sappy stuff. Now tell me everything you know and be sure to not leave out any details!”

  And so Jagz told her the whole story. He told her everything except for his encounter with the Official Intelligent Beings in his dreams. Those encounters, as far as he knew, were only his own supraconscious imagination.

  “That is, without question, the craziest most awesome and epic story that I have ever heard. Scary as all noneweb, of course, what with the plan for the Aliens to attack and all, but absolutely thrilling and breathtaking!”

  “You mean to say you aren’t concerned about their attack?”

  “Well, like I said, scary as all noneweb but it also kind of turns me on.”

  “The world may very well be coming to an end and you are turned on? I think I am in love.”

  “Well, if it’s like you said and there is no hope for our future, we might as well enjoy the present moment.” Said Shera. She started to edge closer, slowly pulling him toward her as she began to kiss him. She slid her hand down his back, slowly but forcefully rubbing his spine. Her hand began to creep towards his pants and she undid his belt with one hand while taking off her dress with the other.

  “I want you inside me,” she gently whispered, passionately into his ear.

  Jagz, without the slightest notion that he had never made love to a woman, that he didn’t even know how to, let her voice guide his inner instinct as they united their beings into a haven of passion.

  They made passionate love in the park, surrounded by all of its infinite beauty, as if no one else existed but the two of them. Jagz didn’t even stop to consider what was going on, to stop and wonder if anyone was watching. He found his heaven on earth, even if it only lasted a whole three minutes.

  “Wow, that was kind of crazy,” said Jagz with the biggest smile as he rolled over on his back. “That felt kind of like taking UrDg, but more intense. I’ve never done anything like that before.”

  “Me neither,” replied Shera. “That was certainly a first, but hopefully not a last,” she gra
bbed his arm, straddled him with her legs and yanked him closer for another kiss. “I don’t know what came over me but that story was so exciting and exhilarating. Like nothing I have ever heard before, nothing I could have imagined. You are in possession of the greatest information that this world has ever known and it just makes me want to be so close with you.”

  “That may be true, but, in this moment, nothing else seems to matter.”

  “I know, but you have to spread the word. You can’t keep this in! Your following needs to know. It could change everything!”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of. I have no idea what to do, what sharing this information might do. I’m lost. I can’t help but think that people aren’t ready for this. That this information will just cause panic and fear amongst my followers. At best, I might lose most of them for thinking that I am completely out of my damned mind.”

  “Jagz, ten minutes ago you were prepared to keep this secret inside and let it eat you alive. Then you told me, and it felt great. In fact, it felt so good that I’m kind of hoping you will tell me again, if you know what I mean. Think about what this information could mean to everyone out there. I am not the only one eager to hear the truth. You simply must share it. I can’t imagine how you could keep this in for much longer. After all, by not sharing the whole truth, you are not sharing the one and only truth that matters. Everything else, any half truth you attempt to express, will only create minimal impact, and you’ll be left with a hole. I know because I’ve been there before. It’s not worth it. No matter how big the secret.”

  “Yeah, well, I suppose I have never thought about it that way. You are very convincing, you know that? You have a way of making all of these wrongs right. I never thought I would find anyone like you. I never thought that this was possible. Something is changing inside of me, and it’s not just the fact that the world may be wiped out by Aliens. None of that seems to matter right now. I’m as clear as I have ever felt. I feel light. I feel alive.”

  Chapter 10.

  When Jagz returned home, his high from spending the afternoon with Shera began to fade and fear crept back in. He pondered his decision as to whether he should share the information with his followers, who, in numbers have jumped to 200,000. He walked over to his cabinet, found his pills, and downed a small dose of UrDg, hoping to get back to the place he was with Shera a few hours earlier.

  He began to anticipate the effects as the pill went down, but as UrDg kicked in, he was only reminded that he had not eaten, having assumed that Shera would have brought him something. He was starting to get hungry.

  Jagz walked into his eating area and sat down at the Chook 32,000—the old, but still highly functional model, the in-home chef and cook creator that would use all of one’s senses, mixed with a drinkable mixture that housed all of one’s nutritional needs.

  By sitting down at the Chook and selecting the meal that he desired, he would be guided through an eating experience that visually stimulated his eyes with highly defined food porn images, tantalized his smell by releasing fragrant aromas and satisfied his taste buds by creating flavors and textures of food with the insert that fit into his mouth. The mouthpiece also released the nutri-tional mixture that nourished the body, specific to his needs.

  Normally, Jagz would scan through the list of possible meal creations and come up with something new and exciting. He was a flavor seeker, a hardcover food lover, and his followers were able to see the food combinations that he created and try them out for themselves.

  Just like an original thought, most people did not hold the capacity to think up their own food combinations. Jagz, being a flavor seeker, always had a fun new creation—Hickory Smoked Ginger Soy Beef Ribs with a Mashed Wasabi Pea Coconut Slaw, Spicy Lemongrass Maple Shrimp and an Avocado Polenta Ice Cream, Slow Braised Lamb Neck with an Apple Jellyfish Compote and Crispy Rosemary Cardamom Fries, or a Juicy Bison Burger with Deep Fried Asparagus Rings and an Orange Wheatgrass BBQ sauce with a side of Bacon Roasted Sous Vide Brussels Sprouts. The sky and an open mind were the limit to the types of creations one could input and taste on demand.

  But today was different. Jagz wanted to try something far simpler than usual. Without considering the confusion that his followers might undergo upon seeing his selection, Jagz turned on the Chook and began browsing for his selection.

  He selected an orange.

  The machine began to work its magic. But as Jagz ate, he couldn’t help but feel like something was missing. What happened to the touch when the orange hit my lips, or the aroma as Shera peeled back its skin. Or what about the feeling of peeling the orange and smelling my fingers as I place a fresh slice into my mouth? No, this isn’t right. This isn’t an orange at all. This is a computer simulated version of what a machine thinks an orange must taste like. It’s all wrong. I need real food!

  He got up from the Chook, disappointed, and picked up his device, ready for his latest Quack. He was not ready to share everything just yet, but he promised himself that he would when he woke up the next morning.

  The act of eating, does it seem natural to you? Being hooked up into a machine, chewing on a piece of material, choosing what we want to eat, having access to anything we want, yet not anything at all. The other day I had my first real peace of fruit in as long as I can remember. It was an orange and it was the best thing that I have ever eaten. Since then, I have struggled to enjoy the “food” coming out of my Chook. Has anyone out there eaten any actual food lately? If so have you had a similar experience?

  Jagz released his Quack and fell fast asleep.

  When his eyes opened, he looked around and pieced together that he was in a familiar place, in the middle of a field he recognized. He had a sudden burst of excitement, thinking that he must be back with Shera before realizing that this was not the same field he shared a passionate love-making experience. No, this was a much thicker sort of grass. All he could see for miles was greenery, plants, and trees like he had never seen before. All swaying to the natural rhythms of the world. The trees and plants were slowly moving, as though in slow motion, in the cool but gentle breeze. The smells were sweet and fresh and the sun felt warm on his skin. This must be the place I’ve been searching for, thought Jagz.

  Jagz got up from the grass and started walking through the field, following the sound of what seemed to be running water. He traveled through the grass, swatting what appeared to be insects and looking at some small winged creatures above his head that reminded him of feathered versions of a roasted pigeon dinner that he had. He began to hear voices and squinted his eyes to try and see in the distance.

  The voices, which turned out to be the noise of insects and birds chirping, led him to a large pond surrounded by tall grass and plants covered with every vegetable and fruit one could imagine. Lettuce, tomatoes, mangoes, corn, eggplant, oranges, apples, zucchini, watermelon, lettuce, green beans, watermelon, peppers, all there, all together in one place. Breathtaking, he thought.

  Jagz noticed a figure near one of the mango trees, picking the fruit gently. Eager to have a taste for himself, Jagz walked closer and, as soon as he was close enough, the figure turned and revealed his true identity.

  “Welcome to Mother Nature. I am Redemet, the Official Intelligent Being of Food. Would you like some fresh mango?”

  “Are you kidding me? I would love nothing more,” Jagz eagerly stretched his hand forward.

  “But ah, you see, you can’t have this mango. No, this mango is not for you. In fact, it is not for anyone anymore.”

  “Like noneweb, it’s not! What kind of intercrap is this?”

  “You must understand, there was a time when anyone that had the desire could get their hands on such a tantalizing and succulent treat, but that time has long since passed. Now, as you know, just about all of the humans on Earth get their sustenance by way of machine.”

  “I know, but recently I had some real fruit and now I can’t get enough. I need more. I can’t go back to the chook. I can’t!”
r />   “Not so fast, Jagz. If you start developing a taste for real food, there is no telling what will happen.”

  “What do you mean? It was the most delicious thing I have ever tasted. How can you take that away from me, or anyone, that makes no sense.

  “Relax. Let me take you back to an earlier time and show you how things once were and why they came to be the way that they are now. Many years ago, long before you were born, humans traveled around the world for both business and pleasure, going from place to place, developing a taste for exotic things. This craving turned into a quickly growing need to eat what was not native to their tongue. It became fashionable to eat foreign delic-acies no matter the cost.”

  “Everyone ate whatever they wanted?”

  “Well, what started with only a few in power quickly became a widespread phenomenon. Within a short span of time, eating exotic foods from all over the world became commonplace in homes. Farmers adapted their practices and figured out how to grow just about anything in any climate through the use of genetically modified crops. The world found a way to have whatever it wanted, when it wanted. All of this was going quite well for some time, but the more people craved what was new to them, the faster their urges came for exotic and unknown foods and Mother Nature just couldn’t keep up with the demand for new modified fruits and vegetables. So the native plants in each part of the world started fighting back, changing and adapting in their own way to survive amongst the foreign species. The harder they fought, the harder the humans worked to keep growing exotic food. They kept modifying the foods, creating chemicals, pesticides, and herb-icides, anything that they could to keep their food growing to supply those who craved them. But eventually the plants couldn’t fight back and so they did the only thing that their inner spirit could think of—they stopped growing, they ceased to exist.