by Rachel Lee
He closed his eyes, still thinking, and felt Desi lean into him even more. He tightened his arm around her instinctively. “Desi?”
“Hmm?”
“You know it’s wasting the meat that’s giving them away.”
“I thought so. They want something much smaller coming out with them, something they could hide. Hiding an entire large game animal...well that’s whole lot harder. We do spot checks all the time to make sure the harvested animal was taken with a permit. But something you could hide in a big box or under a tarp with machinery? Like a head? Yeah, that’s why they don’t take the meat.”
“That’s what I was thinking.”
“And that gets us nowhere,” she sighed. “Kel, I’ve been over this again and again for the last couple of years. Every time I stumble on one of these. Well, stumbling is the right word. There’s so much wilderness out there, so many places we can’t really keep an eye on. We have to look for things we can’t see.”
“I was just thinking that. Looking for holes.”
“Exactly. It’s almost as if we have to see what’s not there. I thought it would be so great if they approached you. Then we’d have an idea where to start...as long as their approach wasn’t to kill you.”
He felt her shudder a little. He was touched that it bothered her that much. “I knew what to expect when I agreed to do this. But I don’t know the relationships among the players.”
“Which players?”
“Let’s start with Game and Fish. I’ve only been at this for a couple of years. I don’t know what the network is, who owes whom what, if you know what I mean. Could someone up the chain in Game and Fish be in someone’s pocket? I never even thought about it until your police chief mentioned that he’d checked me out and found out I’d applied for a license. At first I thought of it as good cover with the local authorities, then it jarred me seriously. That’s why I called and told them to yank the app.”
He turned a little and felt her breast press against him. Uh-oh. But despite the sizzle that ran through him, he didn’t want to make her aware of the contact. Didn’t want to make her uncomfortable by pulling back. He drew a steadying breath and tried to continue his thoughts.
“That made me wonder, too,” she said. Did she sound a little breathless? He wasn’t sure, but he was headed that way himself. “You applying for a license could be a big stay away flag to the illegal outfitters. But why?”
“My question exactly.”
She sighed again and moved a little closer. He thought it was unconscious on her part, but he stiffened a bit as he resisted the urge to respond in a sexual way. His whole body was coming alive to her.
“Am I making you uncomfortable?” she asked quietly.
“I wouldn’t say uncomfortable.”
“Then what?”
He felt her head move and he twisted so he could look down at his shoulder. She stared up at him with a steady questioning gaze. In an instant, he was undone.
“Hot as hell,” he said bluntly. As soon as the words slipped past his lips, he waited for her retreat. He was no expert on the kind of suffering she’d endured, but he knew something about post-traumatic stress and he was certain she would fly away. He felt her tense, but she didn’t move.
“Me, too,” she whispered. “But I’m afraid.”
This was so very dangerous, he thought. Dangerous because of what had happened to her. Dangerous because he might cause more wounds without intending to. But she needed something right now, and it wasn’t rejection.
He raised his hand, running his fingers through her dark nimbus of curls. “I like your hair.”
“It’s convenient.”
“Also cute. Desi, there’s no need to jump into anything. I understand your fears. You do make me hot. I feel like a volcano ready to erupt right now. But I think we should take this slowly.”
She bit her lip, looking disappointed and almost relieved at the same time. Ah, hell, maybe she was feeling rejected. Not knowing how else to clear that particular notion, he twisted some more and found her mouth with his.
Nothing demanding, just a light brush of lips over and over, designed to help her relax if she could. Designed to nurture the fire just a bit but not douse it or turn it into a conflagration. Although he wasn’t far from one himself. But he judged she needed gentleness as much as anything. Care, patience, wooing. She had to be ready and he somehow didn’t think she really was. What she was feeling might be an awakening, or it might vanish to be buried again.
She laid her hand on his chest and gripped the dark flannel of his shirt. The sensation caused a shower of sparks behind his eyes. Ah, sweet, sweet woman. His groin, which had been aching, began to throb. Danger. He was too close to following his natural urges.
Slowly he lifted his head, brushing a last kiss on her lips. “So sweet,” he whispered.
Her eyelids fluttered. “I didn’t know,” she murmured, her voice breathy.
“Didn’t know what?”
“That a kiss could be so nice.”
At once he found his self-control. It snapped into place like the jaws of a crocodile. She didn’t know a kiss could be so nice? Her words speared him until his chest ached for her. My God, what had this woman been through? Had her rapist been her first and only?
Forget his attraction to her, he had a strong urge to rend something, smash something, hunt down the SOB...
“Did I do it right?”
He closed his eyes, battling fury, battling pain for her. “You did it right,” he said. “Very right.” That she should have to wonder about the smallest touching of lips? That guy must have assaulted her in ways that weren’t physical. She might say he wasn’t able to walk for a week, but that wouldn’t remove the experience or stinging words. Only fresh experience would, and she apparently hadn’t allowed herself any.
Opening his eyes, hanging on to his temper, he gave her another soft kiss. “I want to do it again. But like I said, let’s take it slow.”
“Because of me?”
Double damn. Was he messing this up? “Because I want it to be perfect and right for both of us. Okay?”
She nodded, then let her head fall against his shoulder. Relieved, he snuggled her in, astonished that this self-assured woman had exposed so much vulnerability to him. Vulnerability he had never imagined could be part of a woman who presented such a confident face to the world.
He felt a little shiver run through her, then she softened completely. Staring at nothing, he held her and wondered what he was walking into. What he might be dragging her into. Because something was rotten, and it was easier to think about that than to think about the ache in his groin and how much he wanted Desi.
Chapter 8
Desi spent a restless night. She kept waking, remembering their kiss and feeling scalded with embarrassment that she had asked him if she had done it right. What was the matter with her? The only good thing about it was that she already had Kel pegged as a trustworthy man who wouldn’t use her vulnerability and uncertainty against her.
But that didn’t leave her any less embarrassed by that damn question.
Worse, she didn’t like being weak, and she’d been weak enough last night to ask that awkward, revealing question. Weakness was something she’d determinedly expunged after Joe, swearing she would never again let anyone use her that way. Well, that had blown up last night. She supposed she ought to be grateful that Kel didn’t seem inclined to push, and she didn’t much care whether it was because he was a gentleman or because he didn’t want her. She had to raise her barriers again, fast.
Then there was the other stuff. When her cheeks stopped burning, she couldn’t help but feel a burst of adrenaline and anxiety about what was going on here. She’d never dealt with anything like this before. She knew her job, knew her rules and the law, and never
before had she wondered about the possibility of politics and lies creeping into the department. The wardens she knew and had actually worked with didn’t strike her as the sorts who would get involved in anything illicit. A bunch of good, honest people. Like Kel.
But the questions he had raised...she stared into the darkness and wondered. He was definitely right: something was very, very wrong.
But what?
He’d been frank from the outset that they wanted him to cozy up with her. That bothered her more now than ever. Did someone suspect her of breaking the law? Had they never imagined that Kel would be so forthright in his approach? Or was someone afraid of her and trying to shut her down? Or shut them both down?
It sure wouldn’t stop the poaching if both of them were hamstrung in some way and didn’t even know it. Maybe her whole involvement was to make sure that no one poached here for a while. Not this group, anyway.
Ah, it wasn’t making any sense. She was glad when her digital clock sounded its alarm at three o’clock. A quick breakfast and she’d hit the road to be on patrol before dawn. The time she was likeliest to catch someone stretching the rules.
She dressed swiftly in her red flannel shirt, jeans and hiking boots. Just as she started the coffeepot, Kel emerged from the bunkhouse. He didn’t look as if he had slept well either.
“Morning,” he said.
“Morning,” she replied, smothering a yawn. “Sleep well?”
“Not likely. You?”
“Me neither.”
They shared a look of understanding that somehow eased her embarrassment. Although she doubted he’d spent any time thinking about that tentative kiss, and certainly not as much time as she had.
On impulse she asked, “Want to ride shotgun today?”
“Sure. I’m not getting much done around town yet.”
“When do your hunters arrive? A couple of weeks you said?”
“That’s the plan, although at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if that changed. Nothing’s going according to what I thought was the plan.”
“No kidding.”
He came around the counter. “Move over and make toast. I’ll do the eggs.”
Oddly, she didn’t mind being nudged aside in her own kitchen. What she did notice, however, was just how small it was. Finally she moved the toaster and sat on the far side of the counter, making a stack of buttered toast.
Not that she minded bumping into him. At this point she was feeling crazy enough to want to keep bumping into him.
But business first. Part of her was surprised she’d offered to let him ride shotgun, and part of her was surprised he’d agreed. She guessed they had more talking to do, although without information it was all probably pointless.
A kind of sour mirth filled her as she buttered yet another piece of toast. Should she be making an enemies list? In all her years with the department, she’d never even remotely felt the need for that. Sure, some guys resented her, but she suspected they weren’t a majority, and even if they were, so what?
No, if someone were trying to mess her up in some way, it had to do with the poaching. Heaven knew she’d been making enough noise about it. Her area had an awful lot of poaching, more than most. It was bad for the game animals. Maybe it was bad for her, too. Maybe they were wondering what the hell was going on out here. Maybe Kel was watching her.
She stiffened, her hands stilling, toast and butter forgotten.
“Desi? Something wrong?”
“No. No.” Quickly she spread butter on the last piece of toast as Kel reached for two plates and placed fried eggs on them. She loved dipping toast in egg yolk but she suspected she wasn’t going to taste a thing this morning.
Once he’d filled the mugs, he slid onto the stool beside her and began eating.
She bit into a slice of toast, absently dipped in yolk, and wondered if she should just come out and ask him. But he wouldn’t tell her if it were true, and if he were as good a liar as he’d had to have been to get this far with her, then how would she know if he was telling her the truth? Cripes, hadn’t she just decided he was a truthful man? What was going on inside her head?
Maybe she was just feeling paranoid, not a usual state of mind for her, not since the year after her rape, but if she was, she certainly didn’t want to advertise it.
Of course, all the questions he’d raised last night about what was going on had definitely created a paranoid atmosphere. Now she was wondering about everything. Great.
She stared down at her plate until Kel said, “What’s wrong? Didn’t I make the eggs right?”
“They’re fine,” she answered, her mouth feeling dry. She quickly sipped coffee. “Just thinking.”
“There’s a lot to think about,” he agreed and resumed eating.
Oh, yeah, she thought, cutting up egg and wiping the whites around her plate to coat them with yolk. Using another piece of toast, she began mopping it all, shoving bits with her fork onto the bread.
Well, if he’d been sent to watch her, he wasn’t exactly doing a great job of it. How many days had he spent wandering around town, finally renting a storefront, and leaving her to do her job unhindered? If he were watching her, wouldn’t he want to spend more time doing it while she was on the job?
He could have come up with a lot of reasonable excuses, like getting the lay of the land, learning the roads... But he hadn’t. He’d said he did that last summer.
So maybe it was paranoia. And maybe not surprising on her part. She maintained enough self-awareness to know how little she trusted men, and last night had busted right through one of her strongest barriers. Nobody had touched her since Joe. Not sexually. But last night she’d let it happen. So maybe she was throwing up a fresh set of barriers, among them suspecting Kel of lies when as far as she could tell he hadn’t lied once to her.
Because she hated lies. Loathed them. Her contact with Kel last night had shaken a lot of things loose, things that frightened her.
“Kel,” she said quietly.
“Yeah?”
“I think I got triggered last night.” Hard to say, but clearly true. If nothing else it might cover for any odd behavior on her part today.
He didn’t answer immediately. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Won’t do that again.”
Astonishingly, that hurt. She’d practically asked for it, but it hurt when she got what she wanted. Man, she was turning into a mess, and she didn’t like it. Whether he wanted to or not, Kel was throwing her off-balance.
She took over the chore of washing the dishes just to have something to do. Kel apparently sensed he wasn’t wanted because he disappeared into the bunkhouse for about twenty minutes, then returned ready for the outdoors.
She quickly pulled on her own insulated vest, her heavier jacket and made sure her gloves were in her pocket. Ready for the day, physically if not emotionally.
Everything she needed was in her truck, but Kel paused to get his pistol as well as an orange vest and cap out of his. Safety first.
Then they were speeding toward the mountains, a starry sky overhead, a heavy moon sagging into the jagged peaks.
“Hunter’s moon next week,” he remarked. “I like that name even though it doesn’t mean a thing anymore. I wonder where it came from?”
“Native Americans,” she answered. Here she was on firm ground. “It was a traditional time to hunt deer that had fattened over the summer, or smaller prey that only came out at night, like foxes or coyotes. The last big hunt before winter.”
“Thanks for explaining. I’d always wondered but never thought to look it up,” he remarked. “And I bet some people still try to use it that way.”
“Count on it. If it’s bright enough, they won’t need to reveal themselves with artificial lights.”
“So how do you handle it?”
He fell silent, leaving her chained in the misery of her own thoughts while they finally bumped off pavement and started up the access roads into the mountains.
A couple of miles passed before he spoke again. “Do you get a lot of tips?”
“Sure. People who’ve entered the drawings every year and never gotten a big game permit can become awfully talkative when someone they know took game without one. Or when they hear about it. No one likes people who wantonly kill the game, or wantonly waste the meat. What’s been bugging me is that I haven’t gotten a single ping on these trophy hunters. Not one.”
“Which means they’re not local?”
“That would be my guess.”
She heard him drum his fingers. Right now the trees crowded in, making it feel like they were driving through a dark tunnel, blocking out the sky and moon.
“You’ve been asking for help,” he said.
She was sure he knew the answer but she gave it anyway. “You bet. I probably annoyed the hell out of a few people.”
“Is it unusual not to get it?”
Suddenly she understood where he was coming from. “Maybe,” she said cautiously. “Usually a few wardens can be freed up to come help, but while the poachings have been on the increase, the numbers were hardly big enough to cause a major flap. Besides, it’s not like it isn’t happening elsewhere, too.”
“How much would a few more wardens have helped?”
“Truthfully? In a case like this I don’t know. More ears to the wind, more boots on the ground. This is a large area we’re patrolling here. Ordinarily I’d say five wardens were enough to be a deterrent and to take care of the cases we actually could track down. But this has been so...” She shrugged a shoulder and steered them around a bumpy curve. “I don’t know,” she said finally. “It’s been egregious but it hardly amounts to an epidemic. Whoever these guys are, they’re apparently careful not to take so much that wardens are crawling all over these mountains.”