“You expected this,” Novella said to him, surprised.
Stander glanced around his spartan quarters, then settled his long body in a reclining chair he used for meditation. Immediately the Freen plant beside the chair extended tendrils; he put out his hand for it to entwine with. “I did,” he said aloud.
“Did Vekta tell you about... Barnards?”
He raised his eyebrows, but his lean face bore no other expression. “No, he did not.”
Novella fought off a brief surge of emotion, then was calm again. “Vekta and I are mentally matched, Stander. I'd never heard of such a thing. I still don't know what it means. I only know that when the Andromeda first went into Starlock while he was Linked with Crater, the breakage was severe. I merged3 with him and was able to walk his body out of public view like it was my own.”
Stander nodded, sighing. “He may not have told you this, but while on the Elektra Vekta and I did a merge5 together. While he did not share any memories that included you, it gave me a fair appreciation for the transformation you've now endured in developing the Attitudes of Consciousness.”
She shuddered. “I didn't know you two had merged! Because of this matching thing, I would not have before this. So you know, and you're still willing to go through it?”
He smiled minutely. “Can't wait. But that's not why you're contacting me, to see if I'm ready. You've developed romantic feelings for Vekta Rentclifv.” He was careful — Tryker-careful — to mask his own feelings for Vekta. If this woman was mentally matched to the man he was interested in, how could he stand in the way?
Shocked at his insight, Novella did not reply to him right away. “I'm off,” she said to Thho, who was still emanating amusement. Then, employing the Attitude of Freedom, she autoported across universes and substantial space to the quarters of Major Stander Kvaan aboard the Defender Starship Andromedea.
Stander didn't move a muscle, his eyes closed. “Sit down before you fall down, Novella,” he murmured. “Unless you're projecting your image into my quarters.”
Realizing what she'd just done, Novella sagged down onto the corner of his bed. She checked to make sure the Attitude of Powerlessness voided her presence completely; she was not at all ready to face Vekta or anyone else yet. She'd chosen to trust Stander with this first contact back on board the ship because of his Tryker skills.
“How... how did you know?” she managed to say finally.
He opened his eyes and shifted more to a sitting position. “Oh, you actually are here. Impressive; I cannot sense you at all. You know, the one thing that very few people understand about the Tryker Sect is that we possess unusually powerful intuition. I've observed for a while that something was going on with you regarding Vekta. And your contacting me has confirmed it.”
“Contacting you has?” Novella inquired, blinking. How did he know? Then she jumped as a tendril from Stander's Freen had made its way over to her. Automatically she put a hand to it, and it folded itself around her wrist gently.
Stander nodded, glancing over at her with compassion. “You're not ready to face him. You aren't close to Austine, who isn't a Dracon — and that does make a difference — so that leaves me. And being that I'm a Tryker — I believe you knew that? I'm aware that most of the crew think I am, and they're right, but because of that, you perhaps want some assistance in emotional control... because you do not want Vekta to know yet.”
She sighed. “Actually, the Attitude of Compassion affords me autoemform abilities that may match the Trykers, but you're right that I have no one else to confide in on the ship. And I was hoping you could test me.”
“Oh?” He allowed a note of amusement into his voice. “I don't know that you'd like the test, though. I am a Dycene, still completing my preparations. For me to pass my Adept levels, I will have to be tested rather severely. It is very personal. Like physically personal...” His voice had dropped to something rather seductive at this last, and he leaned his body closer a little.
Novella gaped at the usually severe man, but she was already carefully autoemforming — and felt nothing. “Uh...”
He laughed, and she gaped at him further. “You passed,” he said, then winked at her. “But I was serious. I am given to understand that in the test to become a Tryker Adept, I expect to be rather expertly seduced and have to completely manage my emotional and physical reactions. And... that's all I can say about it.”
She thought about Tesirax's manipulation of her, but that was drug-induced, and she hadn't been prepared for it. Now she knew even a drug would not be allowed to cause that reaction in her. I want to see Tesirax right now and turn tables on him, the bastard...
“You might want to work a little more on your pupillary reactions,” Stander added. “I don't know what you're thinking, but you're remembering something.”
“Damn,” she said, then chuckled weakly. “I might have the power now, but I clearly need a few more skills before I can come up to your level, even as an Attitudinal! The Pelan could not direct me in such matters, of course.”
“I can recommend you to the Dycsen, the Adept that trained me and my family on Draco,” Stander said. “But I think you're going to be fine for now. Vekta is rather focused on the Xandee, you know. However, if you'd like some advice...”
Relationship advice from a Tryker? From the Fish? Novella shoved aside the unfounded notion that a Tryker, even one as cool and collected as Stander Kvaan, might not know much about romantic endeavors. “Please,” she replied.
He looked at her directly, even intently. “Consider telling Vekta that you're in love with him. Or put it more simply, you love him. Without expectations. Be yourself. It may very well be that he is unable to contemplate becoming romantically involved with anyone just yet. But rather than pretend otherwise or hide your feelings, be yourself and be comfortable in the waiting. If you're mentally matched, I suspect even Vekta Rentclifv will come around. If you concentrate on stuffing your feelings, wouldn't that energy be better used for other things, including supporting his work?”
Of course he had a great point. “But he's got enough going on without having to deal with me that way... and I think his emotions have been all over the place anyway with Pricilla and the twins' abduction and everything.”
Stander nodded, but was firm in his response. “You don't think it may actually help him to settle down?”
“I just don't know...” Novella frowned, frustrated. “What about you?”
“Me?” The small smile came back. “I'm well aware Austine Tauscher has feelings for me, Novella. How can I not? But the fact that she is not a Dracon is a factor here, not because we're not the same subspecies, but because in her, it's far more likely that she's strongly drawn to me, not in love with me. Is such an attraction love?” He shrugged. “I don't want a relationship with someone where species-variant biochemistry is involved. And as Tryker, I find her overly-emotional approaches to certain things wearying.” Naturally he chose not to inform Novella Aurand that he did not have feelings for Austine because someone else interested him.
He's really not cold at all, Novella thought. The Tryker just seem that way because of their controls. “You might want to rethink dismissing her so out of hand,” she replied, smirking. “She could very well be just the balance you need.”
Stander opened his mouth, then closed it again. As a Tryker, he liked to think he had perfect balance in his life. “You think I'm not balanced? I’ve practiced Tryker Methodism all my life.”
“Well, it's obvious you actually have had romantic relationships before, am I right? I'm right, of course,” Novella replied, chuckling. “But they were with other Trykers?”
In response, he shook off the clinging Freen, and crossed his arms. “You have better intuition than I thought,” he said, smiling again. “And I have to acknowledge that a relationship with Austine could be educational. But... I don't know. I'll think about it, Novella, all right?”
“That's all I ask
,” she said, grinning. “Meanwhile, I'll consider your advice about telling Vekta. You're right that I need to be myself around him, not pretend. Obviously if I came to a Tryker for advice, I'm worried about exactly that, being myself around him. Especially now that we both have the Attitudes.”
“You are very much like Vekta in one respect,” Stander said.
“What's that?”
“You both overthink everything too much,” he replied and gave her a wink.
*
Novella went to her own quarters from there, then paused to cept Vekta's location. But she hesitated contacting him immediately, hugging her arms to herself as the memories of her Attitudes development returned.
I'm... changed. Not into someone else, but somehow more of myself, or perhaps whom I've always wanted to be. And the lack of limitations is daunting, but talking to Stander... She realized the chat with the Tryker had been immensely helpful to root herself back into her life as a Fleet Officer and a Dracon. I'd been thinking I'd turned into some strange creature, especially since I know Vekta had those exact same thoughts.
Vekta was just leaving his family suite on the Andromedea, having said good night to the twins before bedtime. Then he paused, a hand still on the door jamb, as a presence slowly made herself known to him.
“You're back,” he menttransed to her, letting her feel his relief.
“Conference Room A,” Novella replied, autoporting there.
Vekta autoported there as well, holding his breath. He saw her standing with her back to him, looking out the viewscreen at the heavily filtered blue ellipsoid of Vega. “Novella?”
Novella turned around, giving him a bright smile, relieved to finally deal with her new reality — and with him. “I'm fine, I survived, it's wonderful and frightening and incredible, but you know that. Whew, we've got our work cut out for us, eh? When are we going back to Gozgazel?”
He waved his hand in negation, eyes fixed on her. “I don't want to talk about that just yet. Are you really all right?” In a few steps, he closed the distance between them, clasping her by the shoulders. “I'm sorry I got you into this.”
“Shhhh!” Novella said loudly, but did not pull away. “Stop that, Vekta Rentclifv. You will never apologize to me again, or I'll leave you to wallow in your guilt and go straight to the Guard, whom I'm sure will appreciate my new skills.” Then her expression eased. “You're supposed to say something like ‘welcome back,’ aren't you?”
“Welcome back, Novella,” Vekta said a bit hoarsely. He gave her shoulders a little squeeze, then dropped his hands. “Of course you can go to the Guard if you wish.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and rocked her weight back on one foot, regarding him with amusement. “Trying to get rid of me? Aren't I at least a little useful here on the Andromedea? And interested in knowing more about your damn cybernism and maybe work with you to build new ones? You can't tell me you aren't itching to use my nanotechnology in further applications. You don't want me around?”
Vekta blinked at her, relieved at Novella's evident confidence and ability to find humor and tease him after the horrific ordeal she'd just undertaken in developing the Attitudes. “Of course I want you around.”
“Good,” she cut in, turning back around to observe the blue star. “I rather like you, too. In fact, I could go for you. Heh, maybe I do already... but you didn't answer my question. Gozgazel? And how's the progress with the Xandee?”
For a bad moment, Vekta couldn't say anything. Then, taking a deep breath, he autoemformed the strange things he was feeling before launching into a description of progress of the Xandee Relocation Project.
That got him, Novella thought with some satisfaction. Oh, Vekta...
Both of them had forgotten they had an observer.
Or three.
*
Neither twin was asleep, though still prone in their beds in their family quarters on board the Andromedea. They had cepted their father autoporting to the conference room, and watched unashamedly as Vekta was reunited with Novella Aurand.
Now they pulled their awareness away. “We have a problem,” Cory muttered, smacking a fist into her palm.
Story shrugged. “How is this development a problem? Do you think she really likes Bapa?” Qe stared up at the ceiling, searching for imaginary star patterns.
Cory screwed up her face into a scowl. “I don't want another mother! We don't need one, and Bapa is fine just with us! We don't need anyone else, ever!”
“Oh, Cor,” the qild murmured with a sigh. “You just don't get it.”
“What don't I get? What, what?” Cory sat up abruptly, throwing her covers onto the floor and swinging her legs to the side. Then she stalked across the suite to her qother's sleeping alcove and yanked aside the drape that hid qer bed from the main part of their suite. She glared down at her qother. “What?” She punctuated with a jut of her chin.
Story sat up and hugged qer knees. “You really don't want Bapa to be happy? I think it would do him a lot of good to get involved with someone new. A new relationship could lift him out of the guilt he still feels toward what happened with—”
“He can be happy with us,” Cory snapped. “We're all he needs. That and the Guard. He belongs there, and we belong with him.”
Qe rubbed at qer hair, frustrated. “Cory, listen to yourself! We can't go on missions with him, you know that. We're only out here because Polly kidnapped us, remember? And one more thing—”
“What now?” Her dark brown eyes were still emitting sparks of anger.
“Bapa deserves to love again, make a new life with someone new. He's still pretty young, you know.”
Cory bit her tongue, feeling her eyes growing hot. “But...”
“You don't want him to go through all that again,” Story continued, watching her with sympathy. “Neither do I. But I think Mom was always a bit... off. I like Novella.”
“I don't want another mother!” Cory snapped again.
“She doesn't have to be our mother,” Story said quickly, then patted qer bed. “Sit, sit. I've got more to say.”
Brushing at unwanted tears, Cory sat on the edge of her qother's bed with a thump. “What... what do you mean?”
Story patted her arm. “No one is saying we have to accept her as our mother. I'm not and I don't think Bapa will either. But I think we have to let Bapa love again, and I think Novella Aurand could be good for him. She's also a Level 8 and in the same field as Bapa. If they got married, they could still work together and maybe she would go work in the Guard when he goes back.”
“You think she'd join the Guard?”Cory sniffed and took a deep breath. “But can't he just take Crater with him? He's got Crater!”
“Are you really this dense?” Story retorted, frowning. “Cor, you know full well that until there are more Crater-class cybernisms developed — and that's probably at least a year away — Crater has to remain in the Fleet on a Defender with the Starlock. Only after there are more cybernisms could Bapa transfer to a Nebulae-class Guard starcraft.”
“I know,” Cory murmured miserably. “I just... I just...”
“Cory, Bapa's a man. He's only thirty-one years old! No matter his age, he should be able to fall in love again. I think he needs to.”
Cory saw how serious qe was. “She doesn't have to be our mother?”
“Of course not,” Story replied quickly, smiling now. “She'll be Bapa's wife and a good friend to us if we let her. I just think she's becoming someone important to him and we shouldn't stand in their way.”
“Their way...” Cory echoed, then heaved a deep sigh. “But... but Bapa's not ready, is he?”
Now Story sighed. “That's clear, isn't it? But I think he could be soon. Major Aurand likes him already. I don't think she'll push him... pretty sure not. Maybe we can somehow led Bapa know we're okay with it all. He doesn't have to worry about our disapproval.”
“O-kay...” Cory relented finally. “But
I think we need to have a talk with her first. Though there's an awful lot going on right now. So, someday for sure!”
“Of course,” Story said, smirking.
*
Austine Tauscher had been debating for days with herself on how to talk to Stander Kvaan about a certain subject, but courage had been slow in coming. But to her shock, he came to her first. “Austine... meet me in Lounge D for a few minutes, could you?” came his menttrans.
On ship's time, it was approaching midnight, but Austine was always up until nearly two. Of course she knew Dracons needed less sleep than nonDracon Humans, so they mostly slept between two and six anyway. “Sure, be right there.”
She found him seated in one of the comfortable chairs in a semicircular cluster in the small lounge, a glass of freiascha beside him on a side table. “I'll get something, too,” she murmured before making eye contact with him, and went to the autochef in the wall. “A glass of Pinot Noir,” she said aloud. A moment later, she picked up the glass of wine and went to sit at the chair cluster, but not beside him, leaving a chair between.
“Novella is back,” Stander said calmly.
Now she looked at him sharply. “She is? She's okay? You talked to her?”
He nodded. “Yes to all three. You know what that means; one of us will be next to go to Pel to have the Attitudes developed.”
Austine hugged her arms to herself, feeling a sudden chill. “You go,” she said quickly. “I... not yet. I can do it later.” She unfurled and took a large gulp of wine.
Stander gazed at her, evincing his usual calmness, but internally feeling a deep twinge of compassion for this woman. Does she want to do this for me? To keep up with Vekta? She's afraid, though, and she's a Level 7, not an 8. Will it even work? “You don't have to do this, Austine,” he said gently.
She glared at him for a moment. “I do have to. I can't expect you to understand.” She tore her gaze away from him.
She wants to be equal to me so she can stand beside me as my partner, Stander considered soberly. “Austine, I...” He paused, then plunged on. “I'm aware you have feelings for me.”
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