by Sophia Smith
“You know, she’ll never realize it until you tell her,” Jenny said.
“What do you mean?” Angela said.
“Come on, does it look like I’m stupid Angela. I know that you care a lot about her, and I understand that you’re nervous about ruining things with her, but I understand that, and I also know that if you don’t take a chance, and tell her how you feel, you’re going to regret it,” she said.
“Maybe you’re right, but I also don’t…I don’t want to ruin what we have right now. plus, I feel like talking to her about that currently would only be awkward for both of us. So, I think I’ll just…keep it to myself for now. until it’s time,” Angela said.
“There will never be a perfect time Angela. I’ll tell you right now. You’ll never have that perfect moment where you can tell her exactly how you feel,” she said.
“Right, well, I don’t want to intrude or anything currently either,” she said.
“That’s true. I guess taking it easy won’t be too much for you,” she said.
“Right, well thank you Jenny. I’ll send you the address, and maybe we can all go together,” she said.
“Sure, I just want to make sure everything is fine too,” she said.
After they hung up, Angela felt her heart race. She had a lot of feelings for Linda, but she didn’t know how to say them without things getting weird. Well, for now, the best thing for her to do was to ignore it, and figure it out as she went along.
When Angela got there, she saw that Jenny and Vanessa were already there. They saw her there, and they nodded.
“Ready?” Jenny said.
“Yeah, as ready as I’ll ever be, but I know that I’m going to piss her off bringing everyone here,” she said.
“I know Angela, but come on. She needs to understand that there is a time and a place for all of this, and she needs to realize that she isn’t alone. Plus, maybe it’ll give you incentive to tell her the truth too,” Jenny said.
“I think so,” Angela said.
They went to the door and knocked, waiting just a moment for Linda to come over. Angela hoped that she wouldn’t upset Linda by doing this, but she already had a nagging feeling that this might be the last thing she should’ve done. When she saw Linda at the door, her eyes red and little crumbs of cake on her shirt, Angela knew she had to comfort her friend, even if she refused her the entire time.
Chapter 3
“What are you doing here?” Linda asked, looking at Jenny and Vanessa.
“Angela told us about what’s going on. We’ve all been worried about you Linda. It’s obvious you need to talk about this with someone, and we want to help,” Jenny said.
“Well I don’t need it,” Linda said.
“Come on Linda don’t be like this. I’m not here to bother you,” Jenny said.
Yeah you are. I know why you’re here Jenny. You’re here to give me shit as usual about my choices, and about everything that I do. Well I’m tired of it Jenny. Just…leave me be. I’m ugly and fat, and I’m better off alone right now,” she said.
“Come on Linda, seriously quit being a drama queen. You’ll never get better if you keep acting like this,” Jenny said.
Jenny started to march inside, looking at Linda with a glance.
“Come on Jenny, give her space,” Vanessa said.
“No, she needs to understand that if things continue like this, she’s never going to be happy. Linda, you’ve got to grow some confidence, and quit thinking everyone’s going to hate you just because you’re fat. Seriously, you need to realize that you have a lot more support than you think,” she said.
“That’s what you want me to believe Jenny. I doubt that I have that much support,” Linda said.
“You do. Seriously,” she said.
“No, you don’t understand. People don’t want anything to do with a fat, stupid cunt like me,” Linda said.
“You’re damn wrong about that,” Jenny said.
“What do you mean?”
“There are a lot of people who care, people who care a damn whole lot more than I do. but fine, if you’re going to continue to act like this, then I’m not dealing with this. I know you’re just being stubborn cause you don’t know what you have. Seriously, I wish you realized for once in your damn life what you’ve got, instead of being a stupid child about things,” Jenny said.
“You’re no help either Jenny. Seriously,” Linda said. Her eyes were red with tears.
Jenny was getting frustrated, and Angela could see the struggle. She knew immediately why Jenny was so mad, but she knew the answer to this wasn’t to get mad at Linda for her actions. She knew why Linda acted the way that she did. In a strange way, she understood perfectly.
“Hey uh, I’ll take it from here Jenny,” Angela said.
“No you won’t! I don’t want anyone right now. and I’m pretty mad that you actually brought them along too,” Linda said.
“Come on Linda. You and I both know that if you continue to fight like this, you’ll never be happy,” Angela said.
“Yeah, but it’s better to be alone. Besides, I can figure out what kind of life I have by being alone. It’s so…so much easier this way,” she said.
“I know you say that Linda, but the truth is, you’re going to continue to suffer if you continue to fight this. I mean, I understand if you don’t want Jenny around right now, but please, let me sit here and talk with you. I know it’s hard, I get the feeling, the pain of being hurt, but seriously, we’ll get through this. Together,” Angela said.
She looked over at Jenny, and then back at Angela.
“I don’t…I don’t really want to see anyone right now. I’m sorry Jenny, but I need space,” she said.
“Alright. I guess…just let me know when you’re ready to talk again,” Jenny said.
Angela could tell Jenny was pretty pissed that she didn’t want anything to do with her. Linda had her own reasoning for this though. In a way, she understood why. Angela felt the same feelings in a way that Linda did. That feeling of inadequacy, the feeling that you really don’t matter. Those were all…very real feelings for Angela in a sense. She didn’t really know what else to do at this point besides stay here with Linda and work things out.
Jenny looked over at Angela with an apologetic look, and for a moment, she stayed.
“I hope that Angela has better luck with getting through to you than I did,” she said.
“I’ll do my best,” Angela said.
Linda looked at Jenny, and then, when the door closed, Linda slumped against the wall.
“I’m sorry for…for making a scene Angela. I’m going to be honest; I never really feel comfortable telling my sister any of this, I always feel like she’s judging me in her own way. I mean, Jenny is small, skinny and perfect. She has a loving partner, and they have the perfect life. Meanwhile I’m a fat son of a bitch who can’t even talk to the guy that I liked,” she said.
“So, were you two a thing?” she asked.
“I’m…not totally sure honestly. I thought he liked me. He kept flirting with me, and I just…I always thought he liked me. I mean, he asked me out on a date, and he would go out of his way to talk to me, but then, when I went to where we were supposed to go on a date he just…never showed up and then told me he didn’t really see me as his type. I asked if it was because of my weight and he said he didn’t want to say. So I know he didn’t like me because I was fat. Even though he seemed to enjoy flirting with me up to this point,” Linda muttered.
“Yeah, I know how that feels. It hurts,” Angela said.
She knew so much more than Linda even dreamed of. In fact, right now she felt a little bit like she was being rejected because of her looks, because she wasn’t some small, attractive person, and instead fat as well.
“Yeah. Now…I don’t know what to do. I really liked him. I mean, he seemed to want to take this pretty far. I mean, he was always discussing things with me, and always talking about building a future together, so I feel l
ike…I feel like I am a nothing. I almost just wish there was a way for me to disappear, to let me escape all of this for a bit,” she said.
“Come on Linda, that’s no way to approach this,” Angela said.
“Like you’d know Angela,” she muttered.
“In fact, I do know. I know what you’re going through Linda. I’m serious, and I get that you’re scared to open up, but I’m your best friend. We’ve been through so much together, and I’ve been there for you, and you’ve been there for me. So naturally, it makes sense to talk about this like adults and all,” she said.
“Right, I guess so,” Linda said.
“Come on. can I please stay here with you tonight? Just as friends? We can get drunk and talk about how dumb boys are together, if that’s what makes you happy,” she said.
“Yeah. I guess you can stay. I mean, you’re not going to shit on me like Jenny does. She’s always telling me I’m overreacting, but I don’t feel like I am. I feel like my feelings are valid,” she said.
“They totally are. Don’t feel like they aren’t at all. But please, I know it’s hard, but I’m here with you, and I’m not going to run away. I’m always here for you, no matter what,” Angela said.
She smiled at Linda, and Linda then smiled back.
“You treat me so much nicer than any guy has,” she said.
“That’s because I care about you Linda. And I could say the same thing,” Angela admitted.
That’s what made feelings so hard for her. The truth was, Angela felt the same way as Linda. Dealing with unrequited love from her was always hard.
The truth was, Angela was gay. She only tried to date men because she felt like there was always a chance that maybe things would change for once. But, every single date that she went on always felt hollow, and she always felt like, whenever she tried to go out with someone, it felt boring and lifeless. But, the thing was, she always felt like she had to do this because she could never have Linda. Linda was someone she cared about way too deeply, and the last thing that she wanted to do was to harm the relationship that they already had. She spent way too many nights holding Linda as she cried to her like that.
Which was why, she kept her feelings at bay for the most part. But, Linda then started to cry.
“Thank you for being here Angela. I know I’m bad with this, but I do appreciate your presence,” she said.
“No problem. I do care a lot about you, you know,” Angela said.
She wasn’t the prettiest person either, and she knew that Linda deserved better. Plus, Linda never expressed interest in girls, so she never told her. Plus, the last thing she wanted to do was to ruin everything she had with Linda. Right now, as long as she could be friends and help her, that was more than enough for her.
“Well, I guess you can stay tonight. Let’s just…drink and talk about this. I trust you with my secrets, as you do with me. I know that you won’t run off. Just…keep this between us. Don’t tell Jenny,” she said.
“My lips are sealed,” Angela said with a smile.
Linda then sighed, and Angela touched her shoulder in a reassuring manner.
“Anyways, I’m pretty torn on this. I thought that...that he liked me and everything. Gosh, I wish this was easier. To you know, tell people how you feel and all, she said.
“Well, have you thought about how to win him back?” Angela said.
As much as she would like to tell Linda to forget about it and go with her, and maybe work out their relationship so it could be something more, it definitely wasn’t going to work out if that happened.
“No, I don’t want to just go over and beg for him to come back. I want to…to make an impact in his life, to get him to look at me and go “Wow, she got super hot. I regret doing what I did.’ That’s the type of energy I want from him Angela,” Linda insisted.
Angela then sighed, looking at Linda and then speaking.
“Well, there are a few ways we could do this. I mean, we could work together to change things. I wouldn’t mind working with you,” she said.
“I don’t know. I don’t want you to think you have to lose weight cause I do,” she told Angela.
“I want to support you Linda. Besides, are you really going to stay with it if you don’t feel inspired to do so,” Angela said.
She did think maybe losing weight could do her some good, and in truth, if this was what would get Linda to notice her, then so be it. She did think every now and then about losing weight, and she wanted to herself, even if she didn’t have anyone by her side.
“You think we can do this together?” she said
“I think so. Besides, it’s easier if we do this on our own. I think if we push one another, we’ll stay on track. The truth is Linda, I tried to lose weight once, and I couldn’t do it. I always felt like I was alone, but if we did this together, we could really make a difference. I want to lose weight. Not sure if you do, but I do like the idea of this. Especially since well…it’ll be easier for both of us if there is another person pushing us,” Angela insisted.
Linda then paused, trying to figure out if this is the best answer, but then, she nodded.
“You know, you have a point. I think maybe we could do this together. But, where the heck do we begin? I don’t know the first thing about dieting. And I can’t really do the personal training route. I think that’ll just make things harder for us,” she said.
“I think we could do it together if we just look online to see what we can change about ourselves. Maybe we’ll figure it out once we have a good idea of what it is we must do,” Angela pointed out.
“True. Thanks Angela,” Linda said.
“No problem. I’ve done a little bit of research on losing weight, but nothing concrete. But, we do this together, we’ll probably get somewhere with this,” Angela pointed out.
Linda smiled, and Angela felt her heart race in response. She wanted to keep this energy, and maybe, just maybe once they worked this out together, everything would be okay. She had a good feeling about this, once they figured out how to approach this together.
Besides, there was strength in numbers, and she wanted to be Linda’s motivation. While she wished more than anything she could tell Linda how she really felt, she was definitely happy about being supportive towards her has well. She cared for her, and she supported Linda in her own way.
But, deep down she wondered what would happen once they made these changes. How would they approach this? What would happen next? She definitely felt like this was definitely going to get better with time, and she had a feeling that, with this, things would change between them.
Chapter 4
That night, Angela and Linda worked together to formulate a plan. The first thing they did, was they looked online for some of the tips in order to lose weight.
“I’m already pretty good at eating veggies, but, I love sugary foods,” she muttered.
“Same here. I guess that’s why we always go out and get ice cream together,” Angela replied with a laugh.
They sat close to one another, their thighs brushing one another, and while Angela liked the closeness, she hoped maybe, just maybe things would change between them.
“I did read somewhere that the simplest way to do this would be to cut down on portion sizes,” Linda stated.
“I think that might work. I mean, we can possibly go together to places and split meals and such. That way, we’re not eating nearly as much as we did before. And like…I live near here, so if we want to stay at one another’s house to be accountable for one another, that could work out swimmingly for us,” Angela pointed out.
She wasn’t just using this as an excuse to spend time with Linda, but the idea of it was always something that she enjoyed. Linda then laughed.
“I wouldn’t mind this either. I think we can give ourselves…six months to lose all the unnecessary weight. After all, that seems pretty realistic, right?” she asked.
“I think so. A lot can change in six months. We could be sup
er skinny. I think a pound or two a week is feasible, which is eight pounds a month, and potentially 40 pounds by then. but, we might be able to lose a bit more. I wouldn’t mind dropping 50 pounds, you know,” Linda said.
“I think that would work,” Angela said to her.
She needed to lose about the same amount of weight. While she didn’t think losing weight was everything, it certainly would make actual interactions with others a bit easier for them. Plus, she wouldn’t have to deal with stares from other people when she was out and about.
Linda seemed on board with that idea.
“So where do we begin? Besides cutting down the portion sizes?” she said.
“I think we should also cut sugar too. We both eat a ton of sugar,” Angela said. She was so guilty of this.
“True. And I like to snack on unhealthy things,” Linda said.
“I like to overcook my veggies, and well, eat larger cuts of meat. I think it’s just going to be both of us looking at our diets and realizing we both…kind of suck at eating right. I think once we sit down and figure this out together though, we’ll have a good idea of how to approach this,” Angela said.
In truth, she felt more inspired than ever to take this on. Linda seemed on board to do this with her, and there was something about this which made Angela feel inspired and ready for adventure.
After a little bit, Angela and Linda started to figure out the plan. It would go into effect tomorrow, and they would sign up to work out at the gym nearby. That morning, when they got up, they both had smiles on their faces as they made their way over to the gym nearby.
When they got there though, Linda immediately hesitated. She looked around, seeing both the burly men, and the skinny women there working out.
“I’m a bit nervous,” she said.
“Relax. I’m here with you,” Angela said. She said that to both her, and to herself. It was a bit nerve-wracking, that’s for sure, and suddenly, as they made their way inside, one of the employees looked at them with a smile on their face.