Once I’m up in my room, I can at least be angry, pacing back and forth from my bed to my dresser, trying to straighten things up but really just being pissed. Even with that smile she gave me, Mom still thinks I’m just a replacement for Paige while Clark pretty much said the women of Basin Lake would be willing to cheat on their significant others to get a crack at Garrett.
And even if I think Mom is wrong or believe that Garrett wouldn’t have any interest in all the women who might want to throw themselves at him, just the idea makes me question what I’m doing with him. Maybe I’ve gotten carried away. And what the hell was I thinking in making him promise me he wouldn’t desert me once I told him my truth?
Have I just been deluding myself?
I could just be a distraction while he settles back in town and gets this whole farm thing situated. And when he realizes I’m not whole, that I’m basically a broken piece of merchandise, how long will it take for his eye to wander to one of the many unbroken women who will want him?
Like a bad habit, I sit down on my bed, lift the hem of my dress and grab for some skin on my upper thigh. It doesn’t even hurt at first, my mind still focused on the emotional pain I’d feel if I let Garrett hurt me. But I want my mind off of him, so I wrench harder, so hard that it begins to feel as though my skin could actually rip free from the layers of tissue and muscle beneath it.
I bite my lip, my shoulders arching and a seething sound whistling out through my clenched teeth. Even when the pain is unbearable, I twist harder, so hard that I actually feel lightheaded. Only then do I stop, relaxing my shoulders and breathing out a sigh of relief.
“Stupid girl,” I whisper to myself.
I grab my phone and pop my ear buds in. I still have that vampire romance to finish listening to that is as ridiculous as me thinking I could actually have something with Garrett.
“You realize how foolish it was to come and see me like this, don’t you?” The woman narrating the story says in her most manly voice since she’s doing the voices for both the men and the women.
“I’m here because I love you, Lance, and I’m not afraid. I know… I know you won’t hurt me.” It’s the line of the lovelorn character, Eva, and while the story is cheesy as all hell, it allows me some escape. I get more comfortable on my bed, settle in and close my eyes.
“But I could kill you!”
“You won’t kill me, Lance. You’re not capable of it.”
“Turn away from me, Eva. I can’t have you seeing me—”
My phone rings and mutes the narration.
I grumble, open my eyes and look down at the screen.
It’s Garrett.
As if my body is reminding me that I’m trying to forget him, my inner thigh feels suddenly sore again, and I look at my phone like it’s some kind of alien device, like there’s no way in hell I could possibly answer it. And with the nerves under my fresh injury spasming like a wounded heart, I don’t. I let it ring through and go to voicemail. The narration un-mutes before being briefly interrupted by a ding, which means he’s left a message.
I want to hear it, but like someone going cold turkey saying no to a cigarette, I steel myself against caving and listening. So I go back to my romance, but I don’t end up hearing much at all of it, don’t find out the end and don’t much want to—I’m just not in the mood to hear how a vampire and a human can conquer all odds and end up in some happily ever after when us humans seem to suck so hard at it. What fills my mind instead, even if I don’t want it to, is Garrett and how truly fucked up my life is.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
GARRETT
I feel like I’m being blown off. I called Kate, left a message on Monday night, just to see how her shift went and wanting to make sure she got home safe. In truth, I was also wanting to make sure Shawn hadn’t given her any further trouble. I’d actually been worried when she hadn’t returned the call and was about to call again when a text rolled in from her on Tuesday morning.
Got your message. Was just more tired than I thought. Hope stuff with the farm is going good.
And that was it. It wasn’t the worst text in the world, but it lacked feeling, which I guess wasn’t so out of the ordinary for a text. There was no mention about getting together on Tuesday, which I thought we’d agreed on, but maybe I’d misunderstood something. And damn—if she was busy or tired, I would have been okay with a quick coffee or a drive-by to say hello, just something. And if I hadn’t been so damn busy, I might have let it eat me up. Instead I’d replied to her, said things with the farm were great, that I appreciated her input and hoped for more, hoped to see her again but would leave it to her to let me know when that might be.
There was no reply to that, and it being Wednesday now, I’m starting to wonder things, starting to question if I’d come on too hard and too fast. Maybe that line I’d used at the farm that she said was cheesy was too much, more of a turnoff than she’d led me to believe.
“Garrett… hey, earth to Garrett!” Matt is looking at me with a smirk, his eyebrows lifted high, his face smudged with grease from the repairs he and I have been doing on the thresher.
“Sorry, man. Did I miss something?”
He shakes his head and laughs. “I’m guessing you missed the last fifteen minutes of our one-sided conversation, me going on about the Murphy place while you nodded and said, ‘uh, huh… yeah,’ every minute or so.”
“Guess my mind is just on a lot of stuff right now,” I say with a wince. Considering it’s been on Kate this entire time and perhaps not on the repair work, I take a meticulous look into the thresher to make sure I’d been doing things right.
“You’ve got it bad, man.”
“That obvious, huh?”
“To me, it is.” His laughter dies down into a chuckle. “I know Skyler was pretty excited about the possibilities for you and her friend, Melody. But she says you spending time with Kate has pretty much shot that to hell. I’m guessing that’s what’s distracting you, huh?”
I sigh. Mom used to say I wore my heart on my sleeve, and maybe I’m back to being that guy. “She’s been giving me the cold shoulder for a couple of days, and I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what the hell I did wrong exactly.”
“And nothing coming to mind?”
“Actually, there’s plenty that comes to mind, but I won’t know unless I ask her, but that would require calling her, and I’m not sure she wants to hear from me.”
Matt steps out from around the thresher and sets his tools down on our work bench. “I didn’t have a clue what Skyler actually thought about me when we were first dating. We’d go out, have a great time, and then she’d get all aloof for a few days. And then I’d start to go through my head and see if I could figure out if there’d been something I did wrong. Whatever it was, I didn’t want to do it again, so I started walking on eggshells around her, practically afraid to breathe. Then after a couple of weeks of that, she asks me what the hell was wrong with me!” He shakes his head and smirks.
“And what did you tell her?”
“Told her that her ignoring me between our dates was doing a number on me, was pretty much turning me into another person, a person she apparently didn’t like all that much.”
“So what did she have to say to that?”
“Told me she’d read somewhere that you were supposed to play hard to get, that you should make the guy sweat a little bit and ignore him, make it seem like you were uninterested. The thrill is in the chase and all.”
I practically snort out a laugh at that. Not a total shock my sister would put Matt through his paces, but I’m surprised that’s the way she chose to handle it. “And you didn’t enjoy the chase?”
He slides a hand through his hair. “The chase is great, but I thought I’d caught her after our first couple dates. And like a dog with a bone, I’d rather spend my time gnawing on the damn thing instead of running in circles trying to get it.”
“You realize Skyler would be pretty pissed if s
he heard you compare her to a bone.”
“That’s why I’m counting on you not telling her, brother-in-law.”
My amusement with his story fades with its ending, fades when my mind shoots right back to the fact that Kate has been distant with me.
“You think Kate is playing games with me? Hard to get?” I dismiss it as soon as I say it. I just don’t think she’s the type to do that.
“Could be. Or she might just need to take a breather. She had some problems in high school, right? Not sure on the specifics, just things you hear… but maybe whatever it was is showing its ugly head again.”
I shrug. “I wouldn’t really know. Wasn’t able to keep tabs on anyone in that family after Paige and I broke up, at least nothing more than the stuff you all mentioned.”
But I had known something. I’d seen Kate at Forester’s some years back, must have been around Thanksgiving. I hadn’t recognized her at first when she and Mrs. Kessel said a quick hello to me, her hair being dyed jet black. It didn’t seem like her, but I didn’t put a whole lot of thought into it, just figured she was going through one of those dark emo phases or something.
“Well, you won’t know what’s going on if you don’t ask, right? I can finish up with this if you want to track her down.”
I’m hit with a short burst of optimism at the idea of finding Kate and having her tell me just what Matt had said about Skyler, that her ignoring me was to make her seem more elusive. But like Matt, that doesn’t interest me. I don’t want to play games, not after seven years of games with women I didn’t love or hadn’t shown my true self to. What I want now… what I need… is something real, something genuine.
“No, man, I’m not going to leave you with this. We’ll get it done, and then I’ll try to figure out what the hell I’m doing with Kate Kessel.”
* * *
After finishing up with Matt, I push off even calling Kate and head on over to the Murphy farm. I figure at some point I’m going to be able to call it my farm, but until all the I’s are dotted and all of the T’s crossed, the place still technically belongs to Murphy and his family. But considering how much I’d be on the property before the loan is set to close, going over the land and trying to decide what I’d be submitting to the bank about my plans to turn a profit, the Murphy family agent had given me a key and said to make myself at home.
And making myself at home is pretty much just being able to use the bathroom and not much else. There’s still a refrigerator, an old one, but one that still works, so I get the idea I might as well grab a few groceries in case I get hungry out here, not much, just a few premade sandwiches and some sports drinks to tide me over. I could of course just run by Mom and Dad’s place to grab some food if I really needed anything considering the close proximity. But then I wouldn’t have an excuse to buy groceries, wouldn’t have an excuse to head into town, go into Forester’s and maybe see Kate.
Yep. That’s what grabbing food I probably don’t need is about… Kate.
Before I can think better of things, I get into my truck and make the drive into town, window down and some country music playing. All of that should relax me, but there’s still a rolling feeling in my belly at the idea of seeing Kate, if I see her at all. I’m not even sure she’s working, and if she is, I’ve got to hope she won’t think I’m stalking her. She’s had enough of that with Shawn I think. Then again, Forester’s is the only grocery store in town, so I don’t have much of a choice.
My heart is beating with anticipation when I head into the store, but I don’t bother looking toward the registers. If she’s here, I’ll see her on the way out, and no sense in me looking like a freak trying to catch sight of her. I grab a basket and make a beeline to the deli toward the back.
In between loading up some sandwiches and sport drinks, I run into a few people I know, including my old coach from high school who’s got a stack of power bars in his basket, and then a girl who used to be one of our cheerleaders. She’s hardly a girl anymore though. She’s got two small children with her and a cart filled to the top, several boxes of those pull up diapers about ready to topple out. I’ve been running into people like this a lot lately, and generally I really enjoy it—it’s part of why I love being back home. But today I’m eager to get to the front of the store, and the small talk is kind of killing me.
After I say bye to the former cheerleader and ask her to say hi to her husband who was honestly kind of a dick in school, I make my way toward the checkout lines and hope I won’t run into anyone else. I’m excitedly nervous about the prospect of seeing Kate, then just plain nervous when she’s actually there, manning one of the registers.
There are two checkout lines open, though Kate’s is the only one that has any customers in it. The girl in the other line looks like she’s probably still in high school. She’s buried in her phone, but lifts her head, looks at me, and then waves me over. Kate still hasn’t seen me, and it’s entirely possible that I could get through this other girl’s line without Kate even noticing. Trying not to hurt the other girl’s feelings, I kind of shrug and point at Kate, as if that’s supposed to mean something to her. She just shrugs in return, smiles and looks plenty happy to go back to her phone.
The elderly woman Kate is helping at the front of the line takes her time, but Kate is plenty patient with her, even as she goes to write out a check that has the guy in front of me turning to me and rolling his eyes. I silently point my thumb to the empty checkout line next to us, but the guy who I faintly recognize from town points at Kate the way I’d just done. He has no intention of leaving this line, and it’s because of her.
I clench my teeth, and my chest burns, because damn if I’m not jealous. The feeling only amplifies when he moves to the front of the line and calls Kate by her name. I don’t think she’s noticed me yet, which is good because I’m not sure what my face must look like seeing this guy start talking to her and grinning like an idiot.
“Sure is nice seeing you here as a regular fixture now,” the guy tells her as she scans and bags his food items, mostly consisting of TV dinners, beer and potato chips.
“It’s nice being here,” she answers pleasantly enough, lifting a six-pack of his beer, then looking up so that her eyes flash over me.
I’m not sure what to make of the look on her face. There’s definitely surprise, but I can’t decide if it’s of the good or bad variety. She does at least smile, pleasant, just like the kind she offered the guy in front of me.
She bags the last of his groceries, then hands him his receipt.
“I’ll be seeing you tomorrow, Kate,” he says, still eyeing her and nearly tripping over a stack of grocery baskets as he makes his way out of the store.
“Hi,” she very easily says when I unload my basket of sandwiches and sports drinks on the conveyor belt.
“Hey.” I swallow hard, stepping up to the payment pad and wondering if she’s going to get through scanning and bagging my things without saying more than that one word to me.
“How are things with the farm?” she asks without making eye contact.
Her asking is something at least, but the fact that she won’t even look at me doesn’t bode well.
“Uh, not bad. Still working some things out. Got that inspection report back, and it’s full of stuff that needs to be fixed. I still think it’s a solid deal, though.”
“That’s great. I’m glad it’s all working out,” she says, gliding my stuff over her scanner.
“I could use more of your input, you know?” Damn, I wish she’d just look at me and maybe see the kind of pain she’s putting me through.
Her eyes finally find their way back to mine, but that smile of hers dissipates. “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, Garrett.” Then she nods to the payment pad. “You can put your card in now.”
Put my card in now? That’s all she has to say to me?
“Oh, yeah… sure.” Her turning me down feels like a major loss, worse than any NFL game I’d ever come up shor
t in. Hastily, I pull my wallet out, then struggle to get to the card stuffed inside.
Eventually I manage to get hold of it, shove it into the payment pad until the screen prompts me to sign and then starts beeping at me to take it back out. Such a simple thing shouldn’t be frustrating, but it is, especially when Kate is watching me… or maybe she’s just staring off into space, which is worse. It makes me mad, makes me fume a little to myself.
“Have a good one.” She says it like we don’t even know one another, like we hadn’t grown up in the same town, like we’d never kissed, like we hadn’t started to tell one another things that were personal and kind of painful. Then she hands me my receipt and pushes my now filled bag toward the end of the checkout line.
“Yeah… you too.” I barely get it out because now I’m pissed.
I grab the bag and storm through the store, wondering how I could have been so fucking stupid. Sure, Kate had reminded me of Paige at first, but I’d seen her as a completely separate person. And it was probably good that she was so different from Paige now because her older sister didn’t have it in her to treat me like that, like she didn’t even know me. Paige had feigned interest in me for a while, telling herself it was the right thing to do in order not to hurt me when all along she’d been interested in my best friend. Water under the bridge, but it sure as hell hurt… sure as hell pissed me off at the time and got drawn out a hell of a lot longer than it needed to be.
But Kate doesn’t bother with that—she just rips the Band-Aid right off, and I guess I should be thankful. It’s clear that she’s not interested, that I’d read her wrong, that I’d made that promise to her with full faith of following through on it while she’s apparently decided to put an end to things before that word could be tested.
Unbroken by Love (The Basin Lake Series Book 4) Page 10